"Caius says you self-sabotage."

Jane found me an hour later in front of a blank wall, my hands and knees covered in chalk.

She didn't ask.

"How kind," I drawled, thoroughly out of patience for such a topic. "Shall I add it to his list of insults?"

"It was not an insult."

As far as I was concerned, if Caius said it, it was intended to bruise the subject's ego.

Jane cooed, seeing my mood had fallen even lower in her absence. Her mood was considerably better, and I thought it best not to question her about the incident earlier. She held out her hand and pulled me from the carpet, keeping hold of my pinky finger as she proceeded to walk us out of my room, past my guards, and guide me through the halls.

Percy and Talib gave us an appropriate distance, enough to offer the impression that they were unable to hear every word we said. Even so, I doubted they were listening. The two did not seem as keen to gossip as their colleagues.

It occurred to me then that Alec likely addressed the twins' privacy when he 'hired' the two guards. It was the sort of detail Alec would have considered with extensive scrutiny. Even behind closed doors, my guards would be privy to the siblings' existences in a way no one else ever had. If Jane resented the arrangement, she expressed the exact opposite.

Jane's hand slipped from mine as we reached the courtyard. It was simple—a garden path for walking, green grass surrounding the stone like a lawn. Stone benches were spaced equitably throughout, and a single tree stood elegantly, with branches perfect for climbing. That was one thing I would certainly never be moronic enough to do here, even if I loved it in my previous world. I had hardly been to this part of the castle, and it slipped my mind that the outside even existed most of the time.

My friend watched my face as the gloominess lifted and contentment settled in its absence. She nodded, smugly proud of her idea. I laughed, pulling her to sit with me on the grass in the center of the courtyard.

She joined me in a showy and false reluctance, glancing to see the other two waiting casually in the doorway. Her hand went to her hair as if she wanted to undo her tight ballerina bun. But doing so would influence the way my guards saw her, so she refrained and chose to make me her doll. Not that I minded. The air was cool, and the sun was hidden, but it was fresh. Light and new.

Still, it was warm, so I removed my adopted jumper for safety's sake. Jane watched me curiously, before giving a gentle tug on my hair when I was done. She still acted as if nothing had changed, and as upset as Alec was with me, I now understood my actions would have an impact on the others as well. But Jane never hinted at any disdain or consideration for the event. I nibbled at my bottom lip before asking, "why aren't you mad at me?"

"Not mad," she agreed patiently as if she had been expecting the question. "Frustrated by the circumstances, yes."

"What circumstances, exactly?"

A soft sigh left her from behind me, the breath she took when she was contemplating something that mattered to her. "You are very thoughtful and well-versed for your age, but easily influenced. It has been a long time since any of us have been around, well, someone like you."

"Like me, how?"

"Uninhibited."

I rolled my eyes, glancing up at the sky. "Self-sabotaging, uninhibited – talk about an ego boost." Jane snorted, her favourite response of the day, before tapping my forehead. I obeyed, sitting back up so she could continue to play with my hair. "Are you going to tell me why Caius thinks–"

She cut me off, "I did not hear."

My shoulders fell, a faint "oh" passing through my lips.

My hair was tugged and then released, falling back into my face. Jane must have decided to restart because her nimble fingers began to part my hair once more. "I assume he believes we have been expecting too much of you."

"You're joking," I deadpanned. If anyone were to suggest giving me any leeway, the pale blond ruler would be the last. "Caius?"

My sass was ignored. "You share a similar biological age to Alec and me, but you are still young. We have been expecting you to be what you have not yet had the time to become."

"How enlightening of a revelation." I collapsed back on the grass, and this time, she let me. I avoided her eyes, and whatever emotion rolling off of her was too complex for me to pick up on. Not that I could ignore my own enough in the moment to do so. She hesitated, before continuing.

"In response, you have been regressing – unintentionally, in addition to the heightened emotions of finding your mate as a human, Marcus agreed."

I rolled my eyes, well-aware that it was the exact childish behaviour of topic.

"Alec and I were like you. We misbehaved, overreacted, and pushed boundaries. Maybe not in the same way that you do," she admitted. "Even if we were newborns." She gave me a small push on my shoulder, correcting my posture so she could return to my hair. "Alec was angry as a newborn. We both were. It was a heat we carried over from our human lives. I believe he is projecting something similar in you and is concerned you will suffer the same experience."

"Will I?" I swallowed, carelessly tugging at the grass. "Will I really be as bad as everyone says?" The question held its own baggage for us.

Nevertheless, she encouraged, "it'll be fun."

"Have there been other...newborns in the castle since you and Alec." Jane nodded. "And?"

Jane puffed and answered, "and they were easier to subdue."

I thought about it, before realizing exactly why the vampires after their time were 'easier'. "Which of your gifts works better on a newborn?"

"Mine is more fun." I didn't need to turn around to know she had that devilish smirk on her face. "We will need to think of alternative methods for you, of course."

"What if I'm not like you guys? What if I don't even have a gift – if I even survive the –" I cut off, but she knew what I meant. The limited privacy of our current location hardly gave us the opportunity to discuss the secret we'd been ordered to keep. My inevitable demise was as predictable as a coin flip ever since Jane and I discovered her gift did not affect me as we had anticipated. Once the vampire venom entered my veins, I could quite literally die of pain before the transformation was complete. But putting this reality into words was a feat neither of us had been able to confront since I'd returned from the Cullens.

Jane did not sugarcoat her answer, a characteristic I usually admired. "If you were to be ungifted, you would not be joining the lower guard." This surprised me, as it was the only logical choice if I weren't as irreplaceable as the elite guard members. "As Alec's mate, you would be too important to risk on lesser missions...and I suspect you would become well-acquainted with the wives." Her speech slowed as she went on, introducing the concept to me with undeniable clarity.

"In the castle," I confirmed. She nodded. "Forever?" She tilted her head, assessing how dramatic my reaction could be, but I kept my expression the same. "I'd rather die." I doubt she expected any other opinion, but her face fell.

She twisted my braids and pinned them up. I turned to face her fully, not expecting to see a despondent Jane staring past me. "That is the other option, yes."

We stayed silent for a while, and neither of us had brought a book, but between the sunlight and the fresh air, my mind was content. We never needed much more than each other, even when you added Alec into the mix. We could just be.

I was doing my best not to pull the grass out of the earth as it tickled the skin between my middle and ring fingers when Jane spoke again.

"Alec was ill, often, when we were young."

My fingertips froze first, continuing like a tingle up my arm and across my shoulders to fill my body with cement. I didn't want to make a single move to deter her from feeling comfortable enough to share. Admittedly, my curiosity had been growing daily about my friends' past and the secrecy surrounding it.

She didn't look at me but clarified what I'd already assumed. "I think it made me too protective. Another part of me resented him for it. Especially after..." her eyes flickered in the opposite direction and she trailed off before trying again.

"A few months before Aro changed us, Alec kept sneaking off in the mornings and he would not return until I finished with our chores. I thought he was doing it on purpose." A small laugh did nothing to convince me this story was easy for her to tell. "One morning, I saw him hiding his breakfast in his shirt and so, I followed him. We told each other everything, so I planned to confront him." She went quiet for a second time as if something confusing occurred to her.

The pause was long enough that I risked looking up at her. "I lost him in the woods behind our village...

"Branches tore at my skirts and it was mid morning but it had never been darker. I called out for my brother, but it was eerily quiet. No morningbirds chirping, not even the wind made a note. There was a creak of a branch. A crack, then a growl. The only warning before I came eye to eye with bared teeth and yellow eyes."

Her hand went to her shoulder, but she pulled it away just as quick. "I no longer remember the teeth, but the pain was like lightning. And when I saw my twin covered in blood, I assumed it was mine." She was staring straight ahead as if lost in the memory.

I hesitated to interrupt but feared she might get lost in it. "He saved you."

A simple nod. "He had earned the trust of an injured wolf pup. That trust did not extend to other humans." She reached for my pinkie finger, the only comfort she would allow herself. "It was the only friend he ever had," she said it like a sister, petulantly, but the words lacked the sweat of a lie.

Her dark eyes lightened as she pulled herself from the muck of her previous life's memories. I wondered if this was something that haunted Alec as much as it did his twin. If they were the people they were now, I doubt it would do their minds any harm. Perhaps amuse or empower them. But they had not been the same powerful, terrifyingly unmatched twins back then. They had been only children - more so than they were now. Jane had been careful, purposefully or by chance, not to divulge much about their time as humans. Only a twisted version of the little girl with the red hood.

"Alec does not remember any of it," she warned, squeezing my pinkie finger in her hand. "But, it is one of the few memories I still have of our human life." Of all the memories to keep.

"You don't remember being human?"

She sent me a sideways half-smile, grateful for the natural transition. "After the change, your human memories will become hazy. Then, time passes, and it matters less and less."

"What about your," I caught myself and continued, "family, friends?"

She shrugged, and I could sense the sourness towards her past worming its way back in. "You'll forget them all, eventually. Thankfully."

I wanted to deny the potential, and say that I would be different. But even now, I struggled to remember the details in the faces of those who had raised me. The photograph of my father was certainly better than my recall from the last time I saw him. And it hadn't even been a year, but Misha's face was already slipping from my memory.

Jane's head snapped to the side, so suddenly I would've thought it was broken. But she was staring harshly towards the entrance, where Talib was approaching us.

"He's ready for her."

She nodded, and Talib went ahead of us to rejoin Percy. I was guided to my feet by Jane, returned to her status and impatient as ever.

"Who's ready for me?" She brushed the grass from my bodice and eyed me up and down before realizing what was missing.

She ducked down for my jumper, tossing it at me rather unceremoniously. I frowned at the action but naturally pulled it over my head without a thought. She intertwined our fingers once I was situated and smirked with a bit more devil than mischief.

"I don't know what he'll be happier to see - you, or that old thing."