Chapter 94
Sara stammered, trying to regain herself; Locke's question had thrown her for a loop. "M-my what?"

He stood and stared down at her, his eyes gleaming in the firelight; Jack and Ana were tense as they watched Locke. "I was watching you with them; you obviously prefer their company to ours. So that leads me to ask myself, if Sara is happier with Kate and Sawyer, then why is she here with us? Do you know what I answer myself, Sara?"

She was scared but she stood up too, pulling herself together; this was life or death, no games; the past few hours had made that perfectly clear, and she had to be convincing. "I can't say I do, John."

Ana and Jack scrambled to their feet, too, staying close together; Ana grunted a little from the pain in her chest and Jack helped her up, smiling gently at her. "You okay?" She nodded, her eyes glued to Sara.

"Well, I think they want you to be here. Somehow they have convinced you that this place is evil, and they want you to HELP THEM DESTROY IT!" His voice had gotten louder as he spoke and by the end he was shouting; Sara tried not to flinch but he was like a demon, his eyes blazing as he glared at her crazily. She didn't know how to react in a way that wouldn't automatically make her appear guilty so she remained in a daze, staring at him in terror.

Jack sepped forward, and he grabbed Locke's arm, spinning him around to face him. "Locke, no, you're wrong. She's my ex-wife, that's why she's with us. She's not a spy." Sara nearly fainted with relief as understanding dawned in Locke's eyes and he gave her an apologetic look as he said to Jack, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Jack shrugged. "It just never came up."

"It never came up. Right. Your ex-wife crashes on the island at this stage of the game and you didn't tell me?" He shook his head and stared at Jack with disgust. "Did it ever occur to you that he could have called her here to use against you? How do you think Cassidy got here? It was an accident, a coincidence? Walt called her boat in because he needed her to fck Sawyer, only it didn't really work out that way, did it? Use your damn head, Jack, and look at what's in front of you." He gestured to Sara, who was horrified and absolutely clueless as to what she should do. She wasn't sure if Locke still believed she was spying or not, but she gathered herself, preparing to run back towards the hatch if necessary. Locke was glaring at Ana. "Did you know too?" She averted her eyes and he shook his head. "Of course. Did you think of the danger this woman could pose to our mission? No, I didn't think so." He shook his head, disturbed at their lack of attention to detail. "I should be pissed that you left me out of the loop, but frankly, your lack of judgement worries me more."

Jack flared. "My lack of judgement? Aren't you the one who killed Eko? Who tortured Kate?" He stepped close to Locke, his eyes glaring just as crazily as his. "You killed Kate, Locke, whether she's alive or not. I saw you cut her throat before Sawyer...did whatever the hell it was he did." He got into Locke's space, pushing; only Sara gasped at Jack's revelation, Ana had seen it too. "You use people, John, just like Cassidy, and when you're done you throw them away. Just like Boone. So excuse me if I thought it might be a bad idea to clue you in to the fact that she was a weapon you might use against me." He grinned insanely as Old Jack popped to the surface, cocking his head he said, "Discretion, John."

They stared each other down for a minute, then Locke backed down, shrugging. "I just don't think it's a good idea for us to keep things like that from each other, Jack. We're on the same side."

Ana snorted. "I'm finding that a little hard to swallow, John. You're preaching at us about keeping secrets?" She clutched her chest as she stepped closer; it hurt to talk and her voice was weak and reedy. "Where exactly is it we're headed?"

Locke rubbed his head, feeling a little cornered. He hadn't expected this little mini-rebellion. Maybe Jack and Ana together wasn't such a good idea; they were more likely to bond against him. "The Red Site on the map, Ana."

She smirked, and said, "Yes, John, but what is it?"

He was getting a little nervous; what did she know? "I don't know, I told you."

"Well, that's funny, because Jason seemed to think you did. He said you'd been there. In a 'virtual tour'."

"You believe him? Him?"He shook his head at her but his eyes betrayed the truth; he knew.

Ana nodded slowly, a sly smile spreading across her face. "Yeah. I do. So where are we going, John?"

He was trapped; Jack was glaring at him coldly and Ana stood in his path and he couldn't fight them both. He still needed them, and he guessed that the fact they were still standing there meant they needed him, too. He squinted, looking up as a shooting star streaked across the heavens, then looked Jack in the eyes. "The Foundation."

-----

They didn't want to sleep in the bedroom; after so many nights beneath the stars the bunk room seemed close and stuffy so Sawyer dragged one of the mattresses down the stairs and they cuddled naked beneath a cheap thin blanket, staring up at the universe spinning above them. Sawyer took her hand and she could see the same as he; the planets were within her grasp and the she could reach out and touch the stars. Infinte space spun out before her and she stared in wonder as galaxies whirled away and supernovas lit up the black emptiness with beautiful, bursting, rolling colors; they reminded her of the chapel garden with its riot of bright blooms and she snuggled against Sawyer, the scent of flowers and rainbow colors and warm, drizzling rain haunting her dreams as she finally slept, curled up in his arms.

He didn't sleep; he didn't need to, the Island energized him, the magnetic forces and electricity whispered in his ears. He gazed at Kate, sleeping peacefully, her mouth open just a tiny bit as she snored softly; he wanted to lean over and kiss her parted lips but he didn't, she needed to sleep and a kiss could only lead to one thing. Instead he brushed away a tendril of her still damp hair from her face; after showering they had rinsed their clothes out with a bar of soap, wringing them out and hanging them over the feet of the beds to dry; though Sawyer figured he could just zap them dry, but Kate declined.

"I get it, Freckles. You just want an excuse to be naked around me." He grinned mischieviously at her, his eyes lingering in certain areas.

She snorted, rolling her eyes. "Like I need a reason when I'm around you, Bunny." she pulled a thin blanket from one of the beds and wrapped it around her.

He grimaced at her nickname. "Please don't call me that around anyone else."

She snickered. "I thought you'd take it as a compliment."

He shook his head. "It makes me think of fuzzy, cute little balls of fluff. Does that sound like me? Don't answer that!"He kissed her to cut off her answer and growled, "That's only for you, darlin'. I don't want it gettin' around."

She considered for a second, chewing on her lip. "I could call you Jackrabbit."

She couldn't help but laugh at the look he gave her; it was something like a grin and a frown, like he couldn't decide exactly what she meant by it. "I hope you mean as in my middle name."

She nodded, barely suppressing a snort. "Yeah, of course, your middle name. What else would I mean?" She couldn't hold it in, she laughed and he looked hurt for a second before chuckling a little too. "I love you, James." Her heart was pounding as he smiled, flashing those beautiful dimples at her.

"I suppose you think that anytime you're in trouble you can just say 'I love you, James' and it'll all be okay?" He was smiling but there was something else beneath it, something she couldn't define, like a soft sadness, or doubt.

Her smiled had faded, replaced by a breathless stare as she said, "Yeah."

The strange look was gone; maybe I imagined it, she thought. He was grinning, and he grabbed the edge of one of the mattresses and flipped it up on its side, lifting it up against him as he motioned to the door. "Well...you're right. You can." he winked at her, and she smiled slyly. "But don't make a habit of it."

Now they lay entwined, her soft breath tickling the hair on his arm, making him tingle. He knew why Ed hadn't wanted him to see the vision, and as he ran it through his mind for the millionth time he noticed something. He wasn't in it. It had never struck him before, since all he was worried about was Kate, but now, as his concern turned to himself too, it was as plain as day. He wasn't there.

Ed, he thought, his hand sliding over Kate's stomach, I know now. I can't do it. I want to be there.

Vincent padded up to him, snuffling softly; he whimpered, quietly, and Sawyer glared at him. "No, I don't have to do it. I can't." His whisper was harsh and ragged; Kate shifted beside him, murmuring a little about flowers and rain and he smiled, reading her feelings. "You see why? I love her, Ed, I can't let her go. Not after...I know what is ahead and I want to be there. It's all I've ever wanted." And he knew it was true, even as he said it; his quest for Frank Sawyer and his self loathing had all stemmed from one desire. He wanted to have a family, a group where he could belong; to have what he lost, but he was afraid, he didn't know how to do it, and that fear turned to hatred for Sawyer and he spiralled down from there but always, always in the back of his mind was the family, the love. He'd been afraid, though, to try to find it; the memory of his mother, it was her cheating that had led to the whole mess and he couldn't bring himself to trust any woman enough to risk his heart that way, but now he had found her, the one woman in the world, the one person in the world he could trust and he was going to have to give it up.

Eko's voice echoed in his ear. I know you don't want to, James, but you have to.

Growling in a whisper Sawyer replied, "No, I don't."

Eko gave a ghostly sigh. You see why I did not want you to see that vision? Your judgment is clouded by desire and you must push it aside. This is your sarifice, James, to get what you want.

"How can it be what I want? I won't be there for it." He was angry and his eyes shot sparks at Vincent, who was sitting close by, watching.

Kate will be happy, James, and your son will be healthy. That is all that any father should want.

A tear rolled from his cheek and dripped onto Kate's cheek, waking her; she sat up with a start and her eyes went to Sawyer, his eyes glistening in the dark. "What is it? James, What's wrong?"

Her hand went to his wet cheek and he pressed his face to it, feeling her warm hands scraping against his stubble; he grabbed her in a huge hug and shook his head. "Nothin', Freckles. Just a nightmare."

He wasn't telling the truth and Kate tensed, gripping him with all of her strength as he clutched at her, trembling violently against her. "Must have been some nightmare."

His voice was shaky as he said, panting,"It was. And I'm still in it, Kate." He sobbed once and she gripped his hair, holding him against her shoulder, looking up at the sky in fear. "I'm still in it."