Chapter 95
Kate finally went back to sleep after Sawyer convinced her he was fine, it was just a very lifelike nightmare. Her body was soft and warm against him, and her skin was like silk and he rubbed her, gently, reveling in the way his hand slid smoothly over her until she was snoring, softly, then his hand stopped and slid to her belly, where he held it, feeling the force, the life he and Kate had created. A vision appeared before his eyes, a little him; a thatch of blonde hair and deep, devilish dimples but his eyes, his eyes were Kate's, deep jungle green and almost almond shaped, framed by long, dark lashes and as he watched the little him smiled up at Kate and she was radiant, glowing, but sad, too and his heart broke as she gazed at little James with all of the love and...every other emotion that she gave him now. She was happy, but she wasn't; Ed hadn't told him the entire truth. But little James was healthy and happy; he snuck up behind Kate, who pretended not to see him, and he jumped out at her with a sly little grin; she jumped, pretending to be scared, then lunged at him as he ran screaming with delight away from her reaching fingers.
The vision faded and Sawyer was glad; his heart was so broken that he didn't think he could ever piece it back together again. He didn't have to, he wouldn't need it. He leaned his forehead against Kate's sleeping shoulder, his hand still splayed across her stomach. He could feel him, little James, though he knew it was too early for that, but still, he could feel him, and for some reason he felt such a surge of protectiveness, more than he had ever felt for Kate alone, that he knew he would do whatever it took for them to be safe and for his son to be whole; there was no hope for Kate, if he was gone she would never be whole, and it pained him to know it.
She rolled over onto her back, her eyes flickering open as he slid his head down to her stomach and pressed his ear to her navel; Kate just watched him, wondering. He hadn't said anything to her after his nightmare other than to try to convince her that that was all it was, but she knew better; he was hiding something and she would get it out of him eventually. She had just done her best to soothe and comfort him, until the tables gradually turned and he was the one soothing her as she fell asleep in his arms. Now he was whispering against her belly, softly, and she smiled as his breath tickled her a litle, but she didn't speak; she didn't want to break whatever spell he was under, whatever was making him shine so brightly.
He looked up and saw her eyes open, shining in the starlight and she whispered, "What are you doing?"
He lowered his head back to her belly and kissed it, gently; should he tell her? Why not? Didn't they deserve to share this little bit of happiness? She didn't have to know the rest, not yet; he could bear that burden for a while in exchange for a few moments of joy, because it was fleeting and he wanted to hold it in his hands, just for a lttle while longer. He looked back up, meeting her eyes with a sweet smile as he said, "I'm talking to our son."
Her eyes widened and she stared at him for a long moment before a smile slowly spread across her face."Our son?" Her eyes were gleaming and she said, "How do you know?"
He smiled up at her, his lips still hovering over her navel. "I know, Kate."
There was a happy, excited silence between them for a minute as they gazed breathlessly at each other. Kate had never dared to hope that she would be able to have this; the night she had been at Tom's house, the night he died, she had seen the pictures of his son, Connor, hanging on the fridge, and as she looked at them she knew she would never have a child; a son or a daughter to run to her open arms, to hold and to love and she wanted it so desperately, that she hated Tom in that moment, that he had gotten it all while she had nothing but herself and cold stone underpasses and dirty, reeking truckers and empty, sad loneliness. She often wondered if that hatred had lingered enough to make her put her foot on the gas and run the roadblock with him in the front seat.
She was going to have it; she was going to have a son, a little boy who loved her and wanted her, and she had a man who wanted her and loved her; she had never felt so complete, so whole as she did in that moment. Her eyes crinkled up as she cried, "Oh, James!" and he pulled himself hungrily up to her mouth and they laughed together as they kissed and hugged. "Oh..." her eyes wandered to his and he smiled at her. "A little you." She brushed a strand of hair from his face and kissed him.
He leaned on his elbow, propping his head on his hand as she stroked his cheek, feeling the stubble scraping gently against her knuckles. "He'll have your eyes, Kate. Those beautiful, terrible, green eyes."
"And your dimples," she whispered, "and your shaggy hair." She ran her fingers through it, tangling her fingers around it and pulling his lips to hers. "I love you."
He slid back down, wrapping his arms around her waist and laying his head on her stomach; he squeezed her, tight, and he smiled against her as he said, "I love you." He turned his lips to her belly and whispered softly, "I love you, too." She giggled and he smiled up at her. She gave him an expectant look and he said, "What?"
"Where's my proposal, Romeo? You knocked me up- it's a shotgun wedding for sure now. Ain't that how ya'll do it in Tennessee?"" He threw her a disgusted and somewhat frightened look; the question of marriage hadn't occurred to him and he started to panic before he realized she was kidding. He felt a little disappointed at that, though, and suddenly he climbed to his knees and said, "Katherine Aus-"
"Don't!" Kate laughed, waving him away, "I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't how I pictured it." She paused and cocked her head as he opened his mouth. "NOT that I'm saying I ever imagined it. Not from you, anyway."
He dropped back down beside her, his chin resting on her shoulder and his hand protectively over her stomach; he whispered, "So, how did you picture it, Freckles?"
"Well, first of all you'd have clothes on." She felt him smile against her shoulder and she said, "What?"
He laughed softly. "When I think about you, you never have clothes on."
She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't surprise me." She sighed. "I don't know, James. I mean, I never really gave it much thought, you know? I never had a reason to."
His hand clenched her stomach and he said, "What about with Tom?"
She stiffened just a little and he was sorry he'd mentioned him, but she said, "That was just a little girl fantasy. Real life doesn't work that way."
He raised up on one elbow and looked down at her; he loved her with every fiber of his being, and now she had part of him growing inside her, she was carrying a little them; he gazed at her with love and awe, and said, "It's a good thing this ain't reality, baby." He pressed lightly on her stomach and said, "This is real. He is real." He searched her eyes for something and he didn't find it; he looked down at his hand and said, "Marry me, Kate?"
She looked down at his hand, resting so protectively on her stomach and she smiled. "Yes, James." He raised his head and she was rewarded with the biggest smile she could imagine; he was beaming and pulsing with joyful light as he kissed her, burying his hands in her hair and pulling her close. "Of course I will."
There was a tapping noise and they both looked around as Kate quickly drew the blanket up over them; Sawyer reached for his pack and pulled out his gun; Vincent came padding in and woofed at them, looking up at the glass ceiling, where Kotori was banging into the glass repeatedly, trying to get their attention.
Sawyer gave Vincent a disgusted look and snapped, "Well, go let him in, he's gonna dent his feathers." Vincent gave him a nasty growl and trotted off, obviously in no particular hurry. "Vincent!"
He turned back and woofed, then ran up the stairs to the exit. Sawyer looked at Kate with wide eyes. "Do you believe that dog? Can't even follow a simple request without giving me lip." He stopped as he saw Kate's face; she was trying to keep from laughing. "What?"
She chuckled a little, she couldn't help it. "We already are a family, James, you, me and Vincent. He's your first kid. Hell," she said, grinning, "I always said that dog was just like you."
He laughed and hugged her, then sighed, rising from the mattress. "I guess I'd better go dry our clothes. I got a feeling this ain't good. Wait here, I'll be back in a minute." He bent down to her and kissed her, quickly, then sprinted to the stairs and out of sight.
Kate lay back against the pillow she had grabbed from upstairs and sighed, her hand wandering to her stomach, holding it with joy and fulfillment. She had everything she ever wanted and suddenly that thought terrified her; what if it was all too good to be true? What price was going to be exacted from her for the happiness she didn't really deserve?
Kotori came fluttering in, wearily; he clanked down heavily onto Kate's hand and whirred tiredly, his eyes spinning; he was obviously a little disoriented from banging himself into the window and she smoothed his little feathers gently while he hooted sweetly in her ear. Vincent came in, sulking, and he sat next to the mattress, eyeing the little owl with jealousy.
Sawyer came bounding back down the stairs, dressed, with Kate's clothes draped over his arm and he tossed them to her; she looked askance at Vincent and said, "Do you mind?"
He woofed wearily and turned his back on her, lying down and putting his head on his paws; Kotori jumped onto Sawyer's fingers and started hooting urgently as Kate slipped her clothes on quickly. They were still a little damp and had a faint scorched smell, but they were clean and that in itself was a blessing.
Sawyer glanced at Kate as the little owl chittered away, shaking his head. "Sara's in trouble; Locke suspects her of being a spy. He went ballistic tonight, almost killed her, but Jack stepped in. I think it would be best if we get her out of there."
Kate nodded. "We don't really need her to be there, do we? Kotori's little crew can keep tabs?"
Sawyer shrugged. "She can ask questions. But if he suspects her then that's useless; he won't tell her anything." He sighed, looking over at her, she was glowing and it wasn't from the starlight. "You ready for a rescue mission, Mrs. McGyver?"
She rolled her eyes. "McGyver? You're nothing like him." He took her hand and they started walking to the exit. "He fixed stuff with tinfoil and toothpicks and you, well, I don't know what you can do because you never actually do anything. I think you're more like Jim Rockford, you know, the Rockford Files? Because he liked to gamble and chase women, and that is definitely you. His name is even James, so that can't be a coincidence..." her voice trailed off as they climbed the stairs and Sawyer savored every single word.
