Thin rays of sunlight dragged Akira's eyelids open, pulling him from the sea of unconsciousness and back into his attic home. The first thing he noticed as he woke up was that he had a killer headache, like he'd spent the evening at Crossroads. The second thing he noticed was that the rest of him wasn't faring too much better. Each movement he attempted drew a hiss of pain from him and hypertension from his muscles. He'd overexerted everything and then some. Only his very brief stint in prison compared to what he was going through right now, and at least then he'd been on drugs. Akira sucked in a breath of air, trying to center himself, move away from his darkening thoughts on the distant past as he struggled to recall what had happened. He had challenged the Reaper by himself. That was a stupid move. He had won. That wasn't a stupid move, but his body was definitely punishing him for succeeding now. It had been so long since he'd been defeated that he'd forgotten just how much retribution a hangover using skills that brought you back from the dead exacted on the user. If he was to describe it in words, it was something like getting your brain tossed in a blender then getting it spoon-fed back to you while you tried not to vomit. As Akira's world slowly came back into focus, aided by the return of his glasses to his face, he became aware that someone was watching him. "Hey you. You're finally awake I see."
Morgana's wide eyes regarded his owner with impunity. Akira couldn't help but feel like Morgana was laughing at a private joke only he understood sometimes. There were numerous occasions where he'd had the urge to go out and socialize or work on improving himself only to be told by the cat that now wasn't the time for that. Why he was always compelled to listen was a mystery he'd yet to solve, though not for a lack of trying. Unfortunately for Morgana, it seemed as though the only thing he was unable to get Akira to listen to on was the most important matters of all. "How long was I out?" Akira asked, rubbing his head as he tried and failed to stand up.
"Don't rush it. With injuries like that it's a wonder you're still alive. You were gone for most of a day. Leblanc opened and closed after we dragged you back here. Boss couldn't focus at all. Now it's just the team downstairs though," Morgana explained, pacing back and forth like he was upset that he had to take the time to clarify everything. "They're waiting for an explanation."
"I'll bet they are," Akira scoffed. "Is Kasumi down there too? Hasn't everything been revealed already?"
Morgana sighed. "If you go down there with that attitude, you're going to find out exactly why they needed to hear it again from your mouth. You're the leader, Akira."
It was Akira's turn to sigh. "If you believe that, then how hard is it for you to understand that this is my choice? If I want to put everything on the line, then that's what I have the right to do with my powers. They were made for the moment we bring Shido down."
"Like Akechi's powers were made to have him betray us?" Morgana countered. "Listen to yourself, Akira. This isn't like you."
For a moment Akira was preparing to argue with the cat again until he finally found his footing and managed to stand up. This action caused his glasses to tumble from his face and to the ground. The moment of fumbling it took for him to put them on again granted him a moment to think that he wouldn't have taken otherwise. He had accepted a suicide mission because he didn't want to go back to being who Akira was. Mementos and its walls closed in on him as the thief collapsed backwards against his bed. He had led the team here and now he was trying to abandon them when the idea of consequences finally reared their ugly head. "Akira!" Morgana cried out, rushing to what he presumed to be his injured friend's side.
Akira winced in pain but managed to stave off his cat's assistance with a wave. "It'll pass. Probably has something to do with passing out in the Metaverse. Or my injuries. Hard to tell." The poor attempt at humor fell flat at easing the tension in Akira's joints or the room overall. "Listen, Morgana, I'm sorry."
Morgana shook his head. "Don't apologize to me. You should apologize to them, but not to me. I get what you're dealing with, remember? Being a Phantom Thief is more important to me than anything. I don't need to remember who I am if I have you guys. I built what I am from the ground up with you. So when you say that this going to be the end one way or another… I get it, Akira. But that doesn't give me or you the right to take the easy way out. We need to see this through to the end, if not for us than for everyone who supported us. It's not about getting back at Shido, it's about doing what's right by everyone who cares about us. That's how I look at it now anyways."
The speech left Akira dumbfounded for a moment. Clearly Morgana had been rehearsing these lines ever since he'd taken his vigil over his master. It was hard to explain exactly why he believed Morgana was right, rather deep down within himself he could sense the truth to the cat's words. It lifted some of the burden on his heart and mind, just for a moment. "I should go talk to the others then," Akira decided, forcing himself to rise to his feet. Hopefully getting his thoughts out would give him the time to come to a reasonable conclusion.
"I've got your back, partner," Morgana assured his friend, hopping onto Akira's back.
It couldn't have been a comfortable ride without his bag, but Morgana didn't complain as Akira made his way unsteadily downstairs to meet his team. The pain in his joints and muscles was already dissipating as if it hadn't been there in the first place. Compared to physical injuries, the exhaustion associated with using the Metaverse was much more forgiving with its time limit. Akira had expected everyone to be relatively somber given what was going on, but when he entered the café there was a charged air of tension in the room. Rather than being worried, it seemed more like everyone was nervously anticipating something, or rather someone. When that someone came down the stairs, Ryuji was the first to react, popping out of his seat and marching right up to Akira. The rest of the team and Kasumi looked on in slight concern as Ryuji stared down his friend, specifically the bruise that remained on his cheek. "Are you you yet?" the former track star asked in the most confusing way possible.
"I can only be me," Akira responded equally vaguely.
It wasn't the answer that Ryuji was looking for and the clenching of his fists demonstrated that. Before things could escalate back to the levels they reached in Mementos, however, Makoto cleared her throat. "Remember what I said, Ryuji. We're dealing with this as a team whether you like it or not. Everyone has a say in what happens next."
"And what's that?" Akira asked, already suspecting what was coming.
"We're to decide if you should be the leader for the rest of this operation," Yusuke informed Akira in his traditional blunt manner. "In truth, we bear significant concerns about your behavior of late."
This wasn't a total shock to Akira, though it did give new meaning to Morgana's words. "I see," Akira responded quietly.
"That's all you have to say?" Ann challenged from her seat next to Haru. "Don't you want to defend yourself?"
Akira shook his head. "There's nothing I can say to defend what I did. It was reckless and nearly got me and you all killed. I can only say that right here right now because I got lucky. To be honest, I thought I was much stronger than I actually was and I nearly paid the price for it. So I'm sorry. If you don't think I'm fit to be leader I understand."
Morgana jumped up on the counter next to where Futaba was seated, reminding Akira that he wasn't quite as healed as he thought he was when he used the thief as a springboard. "I think Akira should still be our leader for this operation," Morgana announced. "Despite what's been going on, he still values our safety over everything else. His tactical mind for this surpasses all of ours. Switching leaders now will only make the operation all the more dangerous. The enemy knows that too, which is why they targeted Akira in the first place. Even if you don't like it, I firmly believe Akira is our best bet."
The way Morgana had phrased his pitch made it seem more like Akira was a tool to be used rather than a companion, but any argument Akira could think of died in his throat before he could make it. That very idea was all he had seen most of his teammates as since he'd nearly died. If he wasn't careful, they'd start showing him their true colors too. It was a nasty way of thinking, evidence that Akechi's true nature had poisoned him more than he'd care to admit. "I agree," Makoto seconded. "While I don't approve of his actions, Akira is still the only one fit to take control here. That being said, I would encourage him to remember that we are a team, and we should be behaving like one. We're not going to lay down anyone's life in exchange for another, and that includes our team leader especially."
Makoto's words were as authoritarian as ever, cowing resistance where it festered within the minds of her comrades. For a moment Akira wondered if a discussion was actually going to take place before Ryuji cleared his throat. Akira's friend was limping as he stepped away from the booth he'd been standing at, leaning against a chair for support. "I could do it," the delinquent suggested. "Not saying I'd be the best or anything, but man, if you really don't think you can do this, you should know that I'd make damn sure the job gets done. That's all I'm gonna say. The rest of you can fight it out and shit." Instead of sitting back down, Ryuji stalked off towards the entrance, clearly irritated about something other than the current conversation.
Haru was the next to speak, raising her hand gingerly before being given permission to go ahead by a wave from Akira. "I don't think Akira should have to be the leader if it's going to jeopardize his judgement. Rather, I think that would be foolish of us. I understand his desire for revenge against the people that took everything from him. My father won't be able to rest until I've seen those who got him killed ground into the dust with him. Because I feel that way, I'd like to respect Akira's wishes to step down if he wants."
"I second Haru's opinion," Ann spoke up before anyone else could. "Akira, you've been there for us for this long. We need to be able to be there for you now. I'm not saying you don't get the first shot at that bastard when we see him, but if you feel like someone else should be the one to lead us there, then just say the word."
The group's eyes locked on to Yusuke, who was once again absorbed in staring at the painting Sayuri. When he failed to notice that he was being prompted to speak, Futaba kicked his leg three times rapidly to get his attention. The painter shot Futaba a dirty look. "How rude. Do you always do this when you want something or are you specifically interested in tormenting me?"
"Dude, we just want your vote," Futaba snarked, her head still buried in her laptop so she didn't have to look at the hypocrisy in her statement.
Yusuke blinked, the mind catching up to the world around it all at once. "I see. Allow me a question then, Akira. Do you trust us?"
There was a single breath, a moment of hesitation that preceded Akira's answer. In that moment, the sharp gaze from Yusuke softened considerably as his expectations for Akira's answer shifted in perspective. "Yes, I do," the leader affirmed firmly. "I don't trust anyone more than the people in this room right now."
"I believe you," Yusuke answered instantly, making sure the difference in their response times was clear. "So I will respect your desire to step down if you so choose." The eccentric boy was back to staring at his mother's work before anyone could even think about questioning his reasoning.
Two people remained stoic in their votes. Futaba knew this very well, yet she chose to remain tacit. Perhaps back during the summer she'd have been able to blame her shut-in ways on this failure to notice a social cue, but time with the Phantom Thieves had erased that small advantage her previous self had granted her on top of a mountain of hinderances. "Akira is the leader," Futaba announced without looking at anyone. "If he decides to make someone else the leader, that's his problem so long as it's not me. Stop looking at me already, Inari." Nobody besides Akira had noticed that Yusuke was subtly staring at Futaba using a mirror near Sayuri.
Yusuke raised an eyebrow, somehow offended at this remark. He said nothing, however, returning his gaze to his coffee. "Sounds like it's up to you," Ryuji pointed out, refocusing the group's attention on him. "Your call to make, just like always."
Something in Akira snapped when he heard it phrased like that. It was always his decision. Wasn't that what most people wanted, to be in charge, to have complete control of their lives, autonomy? Wasn't that what spurred his desire to rebel in the first place? If all that was true, he shouldn't be doubting himself or his actions. Nothing he'd done was wrong if he did it in the name of freeing himself. Yet that power came at the cost of friendship. "I became a Phantom Thief because I wanted to be free," Akira thought aloud. "Free of the adults who treated us like garbage. Free to make my own choices and to have an impact. The further it went, however, the more I realized that what I really wanted was to be free to fit in. If I didn't have a persona, and if I could have had a normal school life like everyone else, I think I would have been happier." Akira allowed this information to sink in for a moment.
For all intents and purposes, this declaration was equivalent to him giving up. The Phantom Thieves were meant to disrupt society, and only now was Akira realizing that it was because that society had rejected who he and they were in the first place. "I won't let the Thieves go because I truly do care about all of you. However, the part of me that enjoys being a Phantom Thief isn't the same part of me that has to do all the work to enable it. If doing it requires me to constantly be worried about losing my friends and family, then it's not worth it. I wouldn't care if I was the only person who could save this world, I'd let it go if it gave you all a chance to keep going without me. And as long as we still exist, even if we succeed, there will always be another Shido, another Akechi. That's what I learned in that interrogation room with Sae Nijima. So one way or another, things have to end, and I refuse to let that be on anyone's terms but my own."
The skeleton had fallen out of Akira's closet, but nobody jumped. On the contrary, nobody even reacted. Having things be so quiet all of a sudden spurred Akira forward. "Maybe you think I'm a coward for thinking like that when we're the only ones who can do something, but… I can't sleep anymore, and it's killing me. Every time I close my eyes I'm back in that room, and when I think about what could happen if something goes wrong on this mission, I get restless, and it gets even worse. Maybe I am going crazy, but-"
"On the contrary, you're the sanest one here," Makoto interrupted, drumming her fingers on the table. "Sis told me about what they did to you. We all saw it first-hand when you came back. To be okay the way you were after only a day or two was honestly unnerving to me. Where you're wrong is in the idea that you chose to shoulder this burden for all of us like we didn't ask to take it as a team."
Instantly Akira rounded on the team's strategist, pointing a finger at her face in indignation. "If I had said not to go to Shido's palace, to lay low and hope he forgets we exist, would you have listened?"
"Of course not." Makoto was unperturbed by Akira's outburst.
"Then my point is made. It has to be on me, because we can't do this without risking our lives. The Reaper is nothing compared to hundreds of shadows trying to tear us apart at every turn. If you won't decide, then I will continue as we have been." Akira would have been happy to end the discussion there had Ryuji not sighed loudly.
"So it really is like that, huh?"
Unsure where this was going, Akira shrugged. "Guess so."
"You're an idiot, you know that?"
"Ryuji!"
"Hush, class prez. This is between me and Akira." Ryuji stalked up to meet Akira's silent gaze head on. "Say it again. Say you'd be willing to give up your life for me."
"I'd do it without question," Akira responded immediately.
That this truth flowed out much more easily than his trust was not lost on Ryuji. He placed a hand on Akira's shoulder in an extremely awkward yet oddly comforting way. Ann cocked an eyebrow at Ryuji's sudden candid aura. "Man, I told you if you ever needed me that I'd be there for you. Well, here I am. I can't let you go on like this. You need to promise me that if you continue on with this mission that you're going to do your best to live through it. You wanna live, don't you?"
"Of course I want to live."
"Then why ain't you acting like it?"
"Because it seems like my choices are to live without the Phantom Thieves or die for them. That's the only way it ends for people who operate outside of what's accepted by society, isn't it?"
Ryuji didn't have a good comeback for this statement. He knew deep down that Akira was right, they all knew that, but they didn't want to say it. "Even without the thieves, we would still be friends, would we not?" Haru posited.
"It's not the same, and it won't stop us from being followed at every step by some Shido-wannabe even if we take him down," Akira fired back. "I've thought for weeks about this. If something like what happened to me happened to any of you, I would never forgive myself. This has to end with me, one way or another."
"Or we could fix society," Morgana suggested, his words inspiring Futaba to look up from her computer. "Maybe it's not as grand as you thought it was, but I don't think it's impossible. If the people have a palace in the form of Mementos, all the Phantom Thieves have to do is steal the heart of the country. Taking down a target like Shido should have a bigger impact on the world than you might think, so you shouldn't act like your fate is set in stone. I know the rebellious spirit within you doesn't want things to end like this, Akira, so don't let it. Let's take this all the way to the top and live to spite those who said we couldn't. How about it?"
Akira thought for another moment. Morgana was always there to offer an opinion when it wasn't warranted. His invaluable advice had saved their lives almost as many times as it had seemed completely unnecessary. In truth, Akira and Joker were tired. He'd thought he'd given himself enough time to recover after being arrested, but the restless nights and moonlit walks had proven otherwise. The only way to overcome this issue was to raid the palace, and the only way to be free was to lose everything or lose himself. It was a losing hand either way. "Nothing beats a good Joker in a deck of cards," Makoto chimed in. "Not even a Queen. If we want to change society to suit our needs, I see no reason why we can't."
There were a few nods around the room, not the least important of which came from the Ryuji who remained right in front of Akira, his grip unwavering despite Akira giving him an odd look. "So come on, man. I know you don't want this to be the end. Let's deal with Shido and this shitty society all in one swing. Come on." He held out his free hand invitingly.
Akira had no confidence. This was an unusual feeling. His friends were doing his best to fill his head with platitudes, and here he stood with no conviction that their path would lead him to the mythical good outcome he sought. Shido wouldn't let them all walk out alive. He was fully prepared for that to be him, to go down in a blaze of glory to end the madman's reign. Yet his team still claimed to believe in him. Perhaps he really had lost something in that interrogation room besides a reasonable amount of blood. Perhaps it was time to start working on getting it back. "Alright," he decided, shaking Ryuji's hand. "We'll do it your way."
"Our way," Ryuji corrected. "The Phantom Thieves aren't going to lose this time. Never again. You really can trust us on that."
"But we are going to approach this more conservatively," Makoto chimed in. "It's our fault partially for putting everything on you, Akira. From now on, we're going to think through things much more carefully."
It wasn't warmth or even pride in his team that welled up in Akira's heart as he looked out at the mixture of relief and reassurance on their faces. The rush he got from letting loose was still calling to him, warning against the folly of becoming reliant on people yet drawing power from those bonds at the same time. That voice was swiftly suppressed by Akira in his mind. If he could only be himself, then he couldn't afford to be Joker until the time was right to put that mask on again. "Thank you, everyone, but it's my fault for keeping my doubts and secrets from you all," Akira countered. "And I think one of them wants to say something."
Kasumi Yoshizawa had been sitting in a corner booth of the cafe the entire time, unable or unwilling to speak up to ruin the discussion. "Did you really mean what you said?" she asked, indicating Ryuji and Akira, who separated as soon as the spotlight was shone on them. "You don't want to give up?"
"I never did," Akira corrected. "But… it's hard for me to see the way out. That it even exists. I'm still not sure, but I have to trust my team, even if it could get people put in danger. They're all I have."
This answer seemed to finally placate the questions behind Kasumi's stare that had followed Akira ever since they'd run into each other. With that settled, she turned her attention the others. "Well, let me introduce myself again. I'm Kasumi Yoshizawa, a freshman. I got my persona about a month ago. I was the one who left the calling card here yesterday. I did it because I wanted to get closer to you all since Akira-senpai had rejected my offer to help. When I saw Ryuji-senpai show up to school with his injuries the other day, I felt that something was wrong and was obligated to help. I thought I could convince you to let me help if I had some stake in everything, but it looks like I messed everything up."
"We knew from the beginning it was you, don't flatter yourself," Futaba corrected, pulling up some camera footage on her laptop that clearly showed Kasumi placing the calling card on Leblanc's door. "Well, me and Akira and the kitty knew. What we didn't know was why."
Kasumi was flabbergasted and just a bit infuriated. "So the whole thing was for my benefit?"
"Not exactly," Akira corrected hurriedly. "We didn't get that footage until after we ran into you. The Leblanc cameras are fickle. Once we knew it was you, however, I knew we couldn't keep you a secret anymore, so I decided to work on getting your true intentions out of you before confronting you and properly introducing you into the group. You know how that went. I owe you and everyone an apology for that, so I'm sorry."
"You already promised not to do it again," Yusuke pointed out. "No further apology is necessary."
Several nods echoed Yusuke's sentiment. The feeling Akira he had thought he was lacking welled up within him for a moment. He couldn't call things off himself. That was the one power as a leader he'd thought he had that he didn't. For better or worse, he'd have to see this ride to the end, and if that really mattered to him, he'd be able to do it and have everyone come out alive. "So with that in mind, I guess we can take our vote. All in favor of Kasumi joining us?" Akira asked.
Everyone raised their hand in unison. Kasumi looked between everyone in contemplation before her eyes settled on Akira. "That's how it is. You know the dangers, what we're up against. If you're still willing to face them down, we'd be happy to have you. I can at least promise you I'll see it through to the end," Akira invited, deciding to be the one offering a hand this time.
Kasumi didn't take the offer immediately, instead considering her options for a moment that seemed to stretch on forever. "Is this really what you want, Akira-senpai?" she asked. "Would this make you happy?"
"I really do want to trust myself again," Akira responded simply. "And I do trust you."
Kasumi started to reach out her hand to shake, only to retract it again. Akira tilted his head, confused. "I want to help, but after what I've seen, I can't help but feel like I'd be out of my depth. And I want you to have a reason to come back alive, so how about this: If you defeat Shido, I'll join the Phantom Thieves as a full member, no strings attached this time. How about that?" Another option that Akira never would have considered, a new path that wasn't in the cards he thought he'd been dealt was opened up before him.
Despite this unexpected development, Akira's decision was easy to make. If he wanted to change the fate he'd been shown, the only thing he had to change was his faith in others. If that meant learning how to trust a promise again, there weren't many better opportunities to start than this. "It's a deal," Akira responded, allowing Kasumi to reach out and shake his hand. "It might be a bit premature, but welcome to the Phantom Thieves, Kasumi." The two shook hands over the polite cacophony of the rest of the thieves greeting Kasumi, reminding Akira exactly why he couldn't allow himself to be free.
Author's Note: Final chapter woo! I've got two new short stories planned for December, so once you're done reading this please look forward to those (unless they're already out in which case go read them now thanks) and as always thanks for reading!
