Chapter 130
They reached the chapel before the sun was high and Sara squealed with joy when she saw it, felt it, the peace and harmony of it, and she slid from the horse's back, dropping unsteadily to her feet as she patted him gently and whispered a quick thank you in his ear; he snorted and bobbed his head as Kate slid down too, going to kiss his velvety nose and hug him tightly. Sawyer heard her whisper and he gave her a strange look; it sounded like she whispered, "Thank you, daddy."
The horse neighed and reared up a little and all of the other animals came out of the jungle, surrounding the three humans; the foxes, the chimp, the owl and the boars were there, but also a few bunnies, the frogs, the giraffe came stalking gracefully from the trees and Kate gave Sawyer a grin and they all jumped as a huge white polar bear came lumbering from the jungle, making Sawyer instinctively push Kate behind him.
They were encircled, the three people and the horse, ringed in by the fur and feathers of Sawyer's Animal Army, and as he stared around, a little bewildered, they all began talking at once and he was deafened by chirps, hoots, ribbits, roars and snorts; giving a sudden squeal the horse bucked and ran, leaping over the little gathering of rabbits that stood in his way; he looked back once more at Kate, then melted into the trees. The other animals followed suit, dissolving into the trees and brush and suddenly the chapel was quiet, very quiet after the cacophony the animals had provided.
Sawyer kissed Kate, softly, then said, "Wait here, let me make sure everything is okay-" but Sara had already walked past him and into the sagging stone doorway and he rolled his eyes as Kate laughed and followed Sara into the chapel. Everything was just as they had left it, down to the flower-strewn pews, though the flowers were withered and brown; Sawyer didn't like the look of them, dead and decaying, so he waved his hand and they flew up and out of the holes in the ceiling.
Kate went to the little pool and stared at it happily for a minute, trailing her fingers gently through the water and watching the ripples as they spread out across the surface; Sawyer came up behind her, touching his hand to her back and she was like the water as desire and love rippled through her body at his touch. She stared down into the water, and she could see them reflected in it, realizing with a start that this was the first time she had ever seen them, together, seen how they looked, she smiled at his reflection and said, "We look good together, don't we?"
He leaned over her a little, looking into the stilled surface of the pool; Kate's hand had taken his, pulling it around her waist and he still couldn't believe, after all of this time, after everything, he still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she was his, that she belonged to him, that it was Kate in his arms, holding him close and he gazed at the two of them, meeting Kate's reflected eyes and he knew how water conducted electricity because the spark between them suddenly intensified as he reached up and pulled a strand of hair from her eyes as he whispered, "You're beautiful, Kate. It's all you."
It was strange, to watch him kiss her neck, pulling her hair away in their reflection, like watching two other people; it gave her an intense thrill and she moaned a little, without even realizing it and his arm stiffened around her waist as his eyes met hers in their reflection again, making them both gasp at the fiery desire in them. Her eyes widened as his hand slipped up beneath her shirt, caressing her stomach, then moving lower, popping open the button of her jeans and slipping inside; she leaned back against him, moaning again, but keeping her eyes on the pool, on them; it was so...charged, so electrically thrilling to see the same look of desire in her own eyes that she always saw in his, to know that was what he saw in her.
She arched against him, throwing her head back as she groaned softly and he took advantage and kissed her, holding her lips as she was wracked with shuddering spasms and he held her until she relaxed, panting , leaning back against him; she kept her eyes averted from the pool, now, almost embarassed at herself, but Sawyer took her chin in his fingers and pulled her toward the pool, whispering, "Look, Kate." She did; she saw him, smiling and staring at her reflection with awe, and she saw herself, flushed and sweaty, smiling and radiant, and he said, breathing low into her ear, "Look, Kate, see yourself as I see you, see how beautiful you are."
It was him she couldn't tear her eyes from; beams of sunlight shone down on him, giving him a golden aura and he was staring at her reflection, awe and love written plainly across his face as his hand slid up to her belly, cupping it as he buried his face in her shoulder, and suddenly she was floored by his beauty, and the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them because he was too good for her, he always had been. "Why do you love me, James?"
He chuckled a little against her, then lifted his head and met her eyes in the pool. "Can I put it into words? Can you? Why do you love me?"
Kate laughed softly, still a little breathless, and said, "Fair enough." They held each other for a few minutes, each of them lost in their thoughts as they gazed into the pool; Sawyer finally had to ask, "Did you call that horse daddy?"
The Old Kate looked at him out of the pool for an instant, scared, hard, cold, running Kate, and his arm tightened around her, as if he was afraid she would bolt, but she just smiled, sadly, and said, "Yes."
He waited for her to elaborate but she didn't, she just stared at his reflection until he finally said, "May I ask why?"
It was quiet for so long he didn't think she was ever going to answer, but finally she smiled, tightly, and said, "I killed him. My father. When you saw me, in the bus station? That's what I was being arrested for. Wayne."
"I thought you killed your step-father. Blew him up?" He cringed to himself at the insensitivity of his words but he was afraid if he gave Kate an out she would take it, and he wanted to know, he needed to know her, as much as he could.
"I told you Wayne was my father. My real father. They kept it a secret from me and I found out by accident. I never told anyone, and my mom never said anything either, or my other dad, you know, to the marshals, so they never knew the truth." He squeezed her as tears started to trickle down her cheeks. "He wasn't a good person, James, and that's why I-"
"Kate," he cut her off, gently; he had heard everything in the hatch, and now it all made sense and he wanted to spare her going over it again, "I know enough of that part, really. What about the horse?"
She gave him a grateful look, in the reflection, and said, "After you saw me getting arrested, the Marshal was taking me back to the arraignment and he asked me why I did it, asked me if I did it because Wayne...well, he never touched me, and when I told the marshal that, a black horse ran out into the road and we swerved into a pole. He was unconcious so I took his keys and when he woke up I kicked him out of the car and drove off." She smiled a little at his look of frank admiration and said, "But as I was going the horse came out again and stood in the road, like he was saying something to me." She sighed. "I didn't really get it until I saw him in the jungle, because I had been thinking of you, nothing but you since Eko brought you out of the jungle and I still kind of saw Wayne in you, you know, and..." she sighed, looking away, "I was with you in the hatch, everyone was gone, at Shannon's funeral, and you started mumbling. I thought you were waking up, so I leaned close, to hear what you were saying, and you grabbed me, choking me and asking me why I killed you."
He looked a little sick and he buried his face in her neck, whispering, "I'm sorry."
"It wasn't you. I don't even know if it really happened, or if I was just manifesting what I was thinking in you, because you reminded me so much of him, of what was bad in myself, and I hated it but I couldn't hate you, no matter how hard I tried." She cracked a smile. "And I tried, believe me." Her smile widened. "After I answered Wayne's question, why I did it, you woke up, you came back, and I..." her voice broke as she remembered how happy she had been, how he had made her laugh even then, in her darkest moment, and she turned away from the pool, to him, the real, substantial him; they didn't have to talk through a mirror, they had already gone through the looking glass, into Wonderland, and there was no need to be scared anymore, of him, of letting herself go because he was her White Knight and they were smack in the middle of a twisted fairytale. "You know the rest, James. We saw the horse in the jungle; it was Wayne, telling me I was free, I didn't have to be...I didn't have to feel guilty anymore." She kissed Sawyer lightly, looking into his eyes before she grinned. "Not about him, anyway."
He kissed her, cupping her face in his hands and tracing her lips with his; she shivered a little, pressing into him and she could feel the rough denim of his jeans through her open zipper and the kiss deepened as she pushed against him. He smiled, pulling away and shaking his head. "Quit that."
She pouted a little and he laughed as she said, "You started it, Cowboy." Her fingers were at the button of his jeans, and he gave in as they popped open and her cool fingers slid inside as he groaned softly and leaned into her. He couldn't refuse her anything.
-----
Jack could go faster, he was itching to go faster, but Ana was going full speed and he couldn't ask her to push any harder; he wished he could give her some of his energy, some of his power, to help her, instead he kept to a maddeningly slow pace. His certainty about Hanso's 'plot' was beginning to fade, though he didn't suspect Ana of anything, really, she had just made a comment and he had let paranoia get ahold of him. He still suspected Locke, though, he didn't trust that bstard at all.
They were deep into the jungle and it was stifling hot but Jack was barely sweating, Ana noticed as he turned to check on her. He wasn't even breathing hard, and as he came to her, looking a little concerned, he said, "Are you alright, Ana? Do you want to take a break?"
She could see it galled him to ask and it made her feel a little like a burden to him; he could obviously move much faster without her and she was tempted to tell him to go the hell on without her, then, but she looked away instead and said, "I guess that drug really did something for you, huh?"
He smiled and handed her his water bottle, and she took it after a second. He was a little worried, they hadn't had a break in a while and she was flushed bright red, pearly with sweat and panting raggedly, and he kicked himself for being such an idiot. "Yeah. Sorry, I should have been paying attention." He kissed her softly and she sighed and took a long drink of water. "Forgive me?"
She recapped the bottle and handed it back to him, feeling a little electric spark as their fingers touched, briefly, and she smiled slyly, winking at him. "This time, Jack. But next time I take out one of your kneecaps."
"Or you could just say, 'Slow down, Jack'," he whispered, kissing her again before moving away.
She grinned, nodding at him. "Fair enough." Taking a deep breath she said, "Slow down, Jack. I'm in a hurry too, but unless you wanna carry me..." she eyed him mischieveiously and he shook his head, laughing.
"You know where that would get us. Nowhere. Bad idea."
Ana shook her head, grinning as they started walking again. "Good idea, Jack. Bad timing." They walked in silence for a few minutes, together, and Ana grabbed his hand. "Tell me what it's like."
"It's...I don't know, I mean, I'm me, the same Jack, just...more. I feel stronger, like nothing can stop me, like I'm invincible, almost, though I know I'm not." He grinned at her dubious look. "I just have a lot of energy. As I'm sure you've noticed. "
Her already red face flushed a deeper crimson as she nodded. "Yeah, I've noticed."
"I can hear things, whispers, like people telling me what to do, telling me secrests about things. I can block them out, mostly, because they are kind of annoying, but sometimes I listen. And I feel...quiet, like I'm not really here, transparent, but that comes and goes. And everything is better, food tastes better, the flowers smell better, everything looks better," he hesitated before he added, "everything feels better." he lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it softly and sending chills up her spine, partly pleasure and partly uneasy wonder at what he was describing. "It's amazing, Ana. Everything is so...beautiful and alive. Especially you."
"You make it sound great. Sure it's me you love and not it?"
He looked really hurt and she was sorry as he said, "Don't say that. I loved you long before I ever took the damn injection."
"I know, Jack," she said, "I was just kidding."
There was another moment of cold tension but then Jack smiled, helping her over a tangle of brush. "Forget it. I overreacted." He glanced up at the sun, then tried to figure about how far they'd come. "Can we go a little faster? Just say no if we can't, please, Ana, I want you to be comfortable. How we're going now I'd say we'll be there around dusk."
She nodded, picking up her pace a little. "A little, Jack. If I need to slow down I'll just holler."
She patted the gun tucked into the back of her jeans and he rolled his eyes, kissing her on the cheek as he sped up, walking just in front of her, grinning as he looked back. "Just giving you a good target."
-----
They ventured out into the garden and found Sara there, sitting on the stone bench that overlooked the little fountain, watching the bees gathering nectar from the lillies, and Kate said, "We're going to get some fruit, would you like to come along?"
She looked a little nervous. "Are you sure you should be going out into the jungle?"
Kate smiled at her concern. "The animals are out there, we'll be fine. You don't have to go, we just thought we'd ask, but we understand if you want to stay."
She stood, stretching her legs. After all of the excercise she'd been getting she was actually starting to enjoy the walking, the hiking. "I think I will go," she said, and Kate smiled, taking her hand happily.
They left the sanctuary of the church and Kate could see the animals in the shadows, surrounding them in a furry, feathery shield, and she felt safe, really safe, as Sawyer held her on one side and Sara guarded her on the other. They didn't have to go far, and they took their time, until it started to darken as twilight fell.
They had been eating, and talking and laughing and Sawyer took Kate's hand, kissing her juice-stained fingers as he said, "You ready to go back?"
The jungle burst into frenzied activity as the birds started squawking madly and the frogs croaked loud warnings from all directions; the boars closed in around Kate and Sawyer, and she saw the chimp lurking in a nearby tree as Hanso and Locke stepped out into the grove, flanked by a dozen scruffy men in with dirty beards and guns. "Hello, Sawyer."
