Chapter 132
Ana stood in the clearing for a long time, staring at the ground as she toyed with the pouch Locke had given her. She would go after Jack eventually but for now he needed a little time and space to think, to digest what he had seen and heard in just the space of an hour; Hanso dead, by her hand, Sawyer and his animal army annihilating Hanso's men in a matter of minutes, and surely, most shocking of all, she had revealed herself in the worst way possible, in anger and without any kind of preamble, and she kicked herself for being so stupid and impetuous.
He would see it as a betrayal; she knew Jack only saw things in black and white, there was no gray, either she was on his side and told him everything, no secrets, or she was against him, and being an angel was definitely a big secret to keep. The fact that she loved him would only hurt him more, and she could understand that, she understood why he was angry with her, but it didn't make things any easier, it didn't make him turning his back on her any easier to swallow.
She still felt a little guilt at killing Hanso, too, but that was paling in comparison to her other problems; he was going to kill her to make Jack do what he wanted and she considered it self-defense, and Jack defense, too, if she was honest with herself, because he would have done what they wanted and that would have damned them. She saved them both, and Kate, by taking him out and hopefully the organization would be thrown into disarray long enough for her to get Jack away from them.
She wondered if Locke was heading back to the Foundation, to take it over; she didn't understand what had happened here, when he gave her the pouch. He was a man of faith? If he knew she was an angel, surely he knew that she was a fallen, or nearly fallen one, so why would he kneel before her and make an offering? Where exactly did his faith lie? She opened the pouch and tipped it over and two stones fell out, one black, one white. Her eyes widened and she smiled, shaking her head in amazement as she rolled the stones in her hand before slipping them back into the pouch and tucking it in her pocket; she wondered briefly if Locke knew what they were for, and she brushed the thought aside; if he knew they were the secret to opening another hatch he never would have given them up.
It was quiet in the jungle, very quiet; the animals were gone, not even the flies stayed in the haunted grove to feed on the dead, Ana's only company was the wind and the stars and she sighed, wanting to go after Jack; she missed him, his presence, the sweet tingle of lust she got just from his eyes on her, the way she could feel his excitement in every nerve, every fiber of her body and she wanted him, so much so that she started into the jungle to find him.
-----
The journey back to the chapel was a quiet, somber one, as Sawyer walked beside the horse, his hand entwined with Kate's, he couldn't help but remember all of the death and destruction left behind in the grove and it made him a little sick. Not just the animals either, though enough of them had died to save Kate and Joshua that he knew he was now and forever a vegetarian, but the deaths of so many men for nothing saddened him, too, and he marveled that he could care even a little for people he didn't know, who were supposed to be his enemy. His newfound benevolence was a shock and he shook it away, preferring to turn his attention to Kate, and his hand squeezed hers, slightly, and she gazed down on him, smiling wanly.
She was feeling a little sick and she was sure it was only part morning sickness, exacerbated by the rolling of the horse and as Sawyer squeezed her hand she smiled and then the nausea spun in her belly and she dropped his hand, sliding from the horse and bolting for the woods.
Sara was ungainly trying to dismount; she'd never had much riding experience and before she could get her feet on the ground Sawyer was at Kate's side, holding her hair back and rubbing her shoulders as she retched into the bushes; Sara stopped and watched him, smiling and proud of the way he had taken over, how he wanted to be there for Kate. The horse nickered softly and she smiled, patting his neck as they both watched Sawyer pull an extra shirt from his pack and wet it, sponging off Kate's face gently, then enfolding her pale, shaky body in his arms, kissing her forehead and murmuring softly into her ear. Nickering again, the horse tossed his head in their direction an Sara smiled again. "Yes," she said, "He does love her. It's beautiful, isn't it?"
The horse neighed again, a little dubiously, and Sara laughed; he sounded for all the world like a disapproving father and he swished his tail impatiently as Sawyer kissed her, long and deep, his hands sliding under her shirt as she leaned into him. The swishing tail caught the corner of Sawyer's eye and he pulled away, looking a little sheepish at Kate's questioning glance. "Your dad is watching us, Kate. It's a little weird."
She glanced aside at the horse, he was indeed watching them with a very disapproving mein, giving Sawyer the eye as he stomped his hooves impatiently, and she laughed, kissing Sawyer quickly on the cheek and leaning her pale, clammy forehead against his chest. "I guess we've been caught, Jimmy. Boy is my dad gonna be mad!" She swallowed hard, her smile gone as she remembered the horse's hooves splattering the Other's head and she said, "Just stay away from his hooves, James."
She didn't get back on the horse, afraid that his rolling gait would make her sick again and she already felt horrible enough. She was glad it was Sawyer that had come to her, though she loved Sara, she just wanted him to be as much a part of Joshua as she was, to be as much a part of the experience as he could be. She wasn't whole without him and neither was the baby, they needed him to be there, she needed him to be there and he was, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, holding her up against him, bearing her, carrying her.
Sara stayed on the ground too, and the horse walked beside her, slightly behind Kate and Sawyer, looking at Sawyer now and then with a wary eye and Sara laughed, saying low, "You don't have to worry about him, you know. He's a good guy." The horse bobbed his head, neighing softly, and she patted his neck, scratching up under his mane as his eyes softened as he looked back up the the two of them, so obviously happy and loving, and he whickered again, quietly. "Yeah, she's happy. He makes her happy."
The chapel loomed up in the darkness and the horse neighed sharply, trotting up to the door and obviously telling Kate to get inside and stay; she laughed and kissed him on the nose, and she waited in the doorway for Sawyer, who suddenly seemed a little uneasy around the horse as he tried to edge past him into the chapel and he scooted by quickly as he bared his teeth, snorting and swishing his tail. Sara swept by, patting him as she passed and when all three were inside the horse stomped, giving one last emphatic snort, and with a small buck he disappeared into the jungle.
Sawyer closed and bolted the door and all three of them just stood for a minute in the dim starlight, relieved at being somewhere safe and comfortable after the surreal events of the night. Kate was suddenly exhausted; the stress and terror combined with puking her guts out in the bushes drained her of any energy and she suddenly slumped against Sawyer, who caught her up with concern flashing in his eyes. "Kate, are you okay?"
She nodded, lifting her face to his. "I'm tired, James. Can we sleep out in the garden?"
He kissed her, sweeping her up into his arms. "Of course, baby. Anything you want." He had been terrified, during the fight, because he couldn't find her but his terror had been tempered by the fact that he didn't see Sara either and he took that as a sign that she had gotten Kate away; he told himself that was what happened because the idea of anything else made his vision go black and his legs like lead and he needed his wits about him. As soon as he was sure it was over he went to find her and he had seen her on the horse, gazing with panic at the grove and he knew she was looking for him, with that look of fear and longing and he loved her so much that he couldn't move for a second; she had almost run back into the carnage before he could force his love-stopped brain back into action, just in time to grab her wrist. He wasn't surprised that she was tired, he'd felt the way her body wracked when she was sick and he ached to help her, to make it go away but he knew that wasn't what she wanted, and so he just held and stroked her, because that was what she wanted. He was thankful that he could give it to her.
The door squeaked open and he carried her out into the sweet, warm night air of the garden, perfumed and colorfully gray in the starlight; he knew what she wanted and he carried her to the bed of flowers, laying her gently down before kissing her and reclining next to her, his hand sliding across her stomach and he frowned as he felt the deep furrows she had gouged into her skin. He lifted up onto his elbow, pulling her shirt up so he could see and traced his fingers over them, sadly, sending chills through her gut as he said, "Kate..." Sadness overwhelmed him, that she had been so scared, so terrified that she had done that to herself and he hadn't been able to stop it, to help her, and his confidence from earlier, the pride from winning was gone, because she had been hurt after all, not so much physically but spiritually, emotionally, she had been suffering and he hadn't done anything. Doubts and fears crushed him again, how could he possibly think he could be any kind of a father? How could Kate put all of her faith in him, how could he let her? How could she love him? They were silly fears, and he knew it, but something deep inside, that small nugget of Sawyer that would never really go away wouldn't let him totally, completely put them aside. He kissed the scratches, gently, making Kate shiver and she wrapped her hands in his hair, pulling his mouth to hers, and they were gone, the fears, doubts, everything, vanished with her touch, her strength, and he returned her kiss fircely, as passion wracked him with tremors and it quickly became needy on both sides as they tried to forget the horrors of the night in the only way they knew how.
-----
For anyone else Jack's trail would have been impossible to follow, but Ana was an angel, after all, and what was the good of having certain abilities if you couldn't use them? Her secret was out, anyway, so it didn't really matter anymore, and so she moved quickly, so fast that Jack would have been jealous, but she wasn't really trying to make the situation worse, so when she knew she was getting close she slowed down, getting as silent as the breeze as she approached him.
She stopped, cold, because it wasn't Jack's voice she was hearing, Locke was speaking and she moved closer, listening as he said, "Didn't he kill himself last time he thought she was dead? We can fake her death easy enough, maybe he'll do it again."
Now she heard Jack, and her stomach dropped as he said, "Locke, what if this kid is bad news for us? Do you really want to take that chance? Maybe we should just kill her and be done with it. Walt's good for another few years, right? Surely there will be another by then."
She hated him, in that moment, hated him because he did want the power more then he wanted her, and he was eager to kill Kate, even John was giving him an out and yet he was still determined on Kate. Kate. Even now, after all of this time, after everything they had been through, it was Kate who was coming between them yet again, and she made a decision, right then and there, that she was going to take steps to finish this, end it once and for all, or at least help it along because she was tired, tired of fighting it, going against what she knew was wrong when being right wasn't getting her anywhere. She wanted to stay good, and this was her last chance, she was weakening because she loved him, and the only way she was going to keep him was if she gave in or if the spell he was under was broken; she couldn't hold out much more against his will, he was powerful, at least he had power over her that even divinity couldn't overcome.
John shook his head, sighing. "Ana won't like that, Jack. You should try not to piss her off too much."
Disgust crossed his face as she said, "Why, because she's an angel?" He sneered the last word, and Ana's heart froze at the loathing in his voice.
John smiled at him as if he were an idiot. "Jack, you know killing Kate is wrong, even if you're doing it for what you think are the right reasons. Don't deny it, you know it's true." Jack didn't deny it though he shot Locke a look of disgust. "Ana knows it too, and yet she would let you do the very thing that will condemn her because she loves you." He looked aside at Jack and smiled. "It's just us, Jack. So tell me, do you really love her?"
Ana's breath caught in her chest because Jack didn't answer right away; fear and apprehension made her cold and she tried not to shiver, afraid that her chattering teeth would give her away; her apprehension grew as Jack smiled, shaking his head. "No. I don't."
She had to grab onto a tree to keep from falling over and she choked back a sob, forcing herself to stay and listen, because now she knew what she was going to do, and fck Jack and the fcking horse he rode in on. Locke was talking again, and she swallowed, trying to block out her thudding, furious, broken heart as he said, "Better not ler her find that out. As a matter of fact," he glanced in her direction, then scanned his eyes around the glade, "She's probably almost here, I'm sure she followed you eventually. I'd better go. I'll see you at the foundation." He paused, looking back at Jack, frowning, "Don't do anything to Kate. Not yet. Let us figure things out first, see where we stand. There's still a lot we don't know. Patience, Jack."
Jack nodded, shrugging, and Locke grinned at him, again, disappearing into the jungle.
