EDIT 12/10/2022: Mayor fixing on grammar and typos.
Catching Up with The Despairful Reality: The World She Left Behind.
The stars.
While Mukuro couldn't say she had an interest in many things, and neither could put the stars as something she was passionate about, she can admit that the dots which decorate the sky in its darkest moments are subject she thinks about from time to time.
They were there for her to delight in when living on the streets.
They were there for her to admire during her short but unforgettable period of a normal childhood.
And they were there for her during her time as a mercenary, in the nights she camped on the exterior and used them as a way to distract herself, either by counting them, figuring which shapes she could create out of them, or, as she did most of the time, just stare at them.
Staring at them until she could find in her to close her eyes and rest until a new dawn came to be, more often than not even earlier thanks to her lifestyle.
…Now, why the importance of the stars all of sudden?
Well, it just so happens that at this moment, she was doing the same thing she just described.
She was staring at the stars while resting on the roof of an abandoned house. '…Well, abandoned would be an exaggeration, I'm sure there is a refugee or two, maybe more, using it as their house or just a temporally shelter to pass the night. Both were just as possible…' which it wasn't hard to climb at all. A combination of her dexterity and making use of some boxes and debris of the building that were poking out as platforms, and she was here in an instant.
Why she was doing that right now? She wasn't entirely sure, being honest, but…If she were required to explain it in a single word, the best one she could find herself to think of as the best answer would be: Contemplate.
Although that was easier said than done, because as much as she had attempted to begin said pondering for hours, she had found it a Sisyphean task so far. There was just much, way too much to think about.
So, in the end, she just opted by doing things in chronological order, more specifically…
The first day.
…Sigh.
She still remembers herself that day thinking of what a peaceful 'dream' she was having at the moment, full of people living ordinary, but at the same time, comforting lives.
How naïve she was.
Not much after she thought of that, that uniformed person arrived bringing news about a wall and its inner gate getting compromised, and pandemonium didn't take much to make itself present after that, with people all around starting to scream, cry and run in all directions. There was so much panic that it seemed as if the end of the world itself was approaching.
Turns out I wasn't too off the mark with that observation…
At the time, even if she wasn't aware of how serious was the issue, she understood, at the very least, that it was an important one, and although she still thought of it as a dream back then, she just didn't had it in her to ignore the danger.
As much as she tried not to, such a shift in the environment made her even more confused than what she already was at the moment. One moment people were just going on with their lives, and the next they were making claims like:
"The…This can't be happening!"
"T-That means Wall Rose is next!?"
"I don't want to die!"
"The Titans are coming!"
"N-No! They are going to eat us!"
Declarations that involved 'Titans', 'Eaten', or 'Devoured' truly puzzled her, but she decided to put them aside at the moment to get a better understanding of the situation.
She remembers that hours later, she kind of got the gist of it, as she saw how a not small amount of people began to flood through the gate.
Refugees.
Something happened outside this monolith that forced these people to seek shelter here. What exactly happened? She didn't know at the time, but it was kind of irrelevant at the moment, just knowing it was a crisis was enough for her, even more so because things didn't end with that.
Besides those who came through the same gate that she witnessed at the beginning, some of the people who were already inside moved further into the city. She decided to follow them, after all, what else could she do under such unknown circumstances? She needed to acquire more information.
While moving throughout the city, she witnessed how some people began to hurry to their homes either to protect themselves from whatever incoming threat was waiting to make itself present or to recover their possessions to bring them to whatever this place was that everyone around her was going, herself included. She also saw that preacher from a few hours ago, still going on with his speech, but she didn't pay him more attention beyond that.
Eventually, she arrived at what turned out to be another gate, where some of the people who already resided in this place were trying to use it to abandon the city.
Keyword: trying.
A brigade of uniformed people with the emblem of a rose on their shoulders 'Whom she assumed were the police of this place at the time…', were guarding the gate, especially those doors she thought led to the lifting mechanism of the gates.
"What the hell!? Lift the gate, we need to leave this place!"
"W-We can't! Not until orders from the central government arrives!"
"What kind of excuse is that!? Didn't you hear!? The Titans have already invaded Wall Maria! It's just a matter of time before they get here! Open the damn gate!"
"I already told you we can't! We don't know precisely how severe the situation is! Until further instructions, we have to keep people from causing more panic into further human territory!"
"We don't give a shit about your instructions! Lift the gate!"
That and other similar protests were heard during the whole ordeal.
Mukuro briefly thought of confronting these uniformed people but discarded the thought just as fast. The last thing she wanted at the moment was to act impulsively.
And so, she spent both the first day and night awake, waiting for something else to happen. When the first rays of sunshine of the next day came, and nothing else occurred after the breach of this 'Wall Maria', people allowed themselves to gradually drop their panic…
…And for Mukuro to feel the cracks of her composure appear.
The second day was much more hectic in comparison to how the first one began. While people no longer acted as erratic as the previous day, the fear was still there, even more so because of what those people who came from the gate began to gossip among themselves.
She wasn't someone to be interested in those kinds of things…but her mind was begging her for something to distract herself with at that moment. Maybe it wasn't healthy to keep pushing back that topic, but she truly did not want to deal with it, she didn't felt ready.
And even up to this day, I don't feel like I have properly dealt with it…
Not only that but…every single hour that passed during that day made her doubt, and question even more and more, if…if all of that was actually a dream. So, desperate for putting her mind away from those issues, she did everything she could to do exactly that for the entire day.
She listened to every rumor she could hear, no matter how ridiculous it sounded.
The more fantastical it sounded, the better for me to convince myself this wasn't real…
And indeed, everything they said sounded ridiculous 'I don't think it will ever stop being that weird…', some more than others, but in the end, the most 'acceptable' story was that after a lighting sound was heard, something called the 'Colossal Titan' appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the wall of a place called 'Shiganshina' and from there, not much after, this 'Armored Titan' appeared out of nowhere too and destroyed its inner gate. That in consequence allowed the entrance of these 'Titans' as people call them.
She really wasn't taking any of that seriously, of course, but it did wonders to distract her and push aside the belief that any of this was real.
Temporally.
Besides that, the only other thing she did that day was pretend to be a refugee to attend one of the designated points for the distribution of food when the signs of hunger and thirst began to become apparent.
It wasn't that hard to do, walking alone without adults around made people immediately think she was an orphan, as she would be far from being the only one in such circumstances.
The fact that this place has a terrible census system to keep account of its citizens helped too…
Then, night came and the excuse of being an orphan worked again, as all she had to do was to follow the direction of big groups of kids which led to shelters for those who had nowhere to go.
When she closed her eyes to call it a day and all around her, she could hear the cries of children begging for their parents to come back, not wanting to be alone as they missed their family, the final cracks appeared, ready to break completely the next morning.
Up to this moment, she can remember with clarity that next day, as without a doubt she considers it the second worst day in her life…the first one, of course, being the day that her own sister betrayed and killed her at the same time.
…
…In a hidden little part of her consciousness, she would probably consider patting herself on the back for being capable of avoiding the topic for two entire days. Unfortunately for her, that brought up terrible consequences that came immediately to bite her in the back.
Such consequences came in the form of the third day, where the moment she woke up, everything came up crashing down…as she resigned herself to this not being a dream and being unable to avoid thinking about that anymore.
It might seem weird and anticlimactic to have such a sudden change of mind about accepting this as reality, but it just couldn't be helped. Everything that she had seen and happened around her up to that moment was way too complex and consistent. She was not an expert in the area, and while it is true that sometimes there were times when people weren't capable of knowing whether they were truly dreaming or not, there was a limit to how realistic and for how long something can feel like a dream, and she definitely had surpassed that limit by a long while.
Though any more musings she could had about that and begin to catch up with the reality of the situation '…And the way too fantastical aspects of it…' became impossible to attend, because the topic that truly was nagging her was…Junko.
Junko, her other half, the most important person in her little narrow world, the person she put sweat, soul, and body for, the one whom Mukuro would put the entire world at its knees for…betrayed her.
Her only family…forsook her in the worst way possible.
At that moment, she didn't know what to feel…not because she was lacking in options, on the contrary, she felt so many things that Mukuro just couldn't begin to think of which one to attend first.
First and foremost…she felt despair.
Being killed through the backstabbing of her own blood was the worst way in which the Ultimate Soldier could've felt despair…and now she knows that Junko was well aware of that. Junko was well aware that doing it in such a way was the best way to make Mukuro suffer. And to rub salt in the wound, her sister used Monokuma to do the deed instead of facing Mukuro directly. All of that plus the fact that she was killed before the very first-class trial began, made the implications of it clear as day.
Junko was cutting ties with her in every single sense of the word, she no longer saw Mukuro as worth it of being at her side.
If she ever did…
There was also sorrow.
Giboura Junior High.
The Steering Committee Members.
The Student Council.
The Reserve Course Students.
Chisa Yukizome.
Class 77th.
The Madarai Brothers.
Yasuke Matsuda.
Jin Kirigiri.
The entire world…
Directly or indirectly, Mukuro had been part of the events that ruined the lives of countless amount of people. She had become an absolute monster who, although never felt pleasure in personally participating in their misery, not even once she batted an eyed or felt a hint of remorse at the disaster she left in her path to gain the approval and love of her sister.
…And at the end of said road, all she got for it was a bunch of spears piercing her body. Said spears going by the name of 'Spears of Gungnir'.
She couldn't avoid mocking my entire existence in any way possible, could she?
Besides those two emotions…
…Surprising herself, another thing Mukuro felt…was anger. More specifically it was a mix of anger and frustration at her own sister…and herself.
Why? Just why Junko did do that!? Why she discarded her like that!? Why, no matter how much Mukuro did for her, Junko would not recognize her efforts? Every single action the Ultimate Soldier took in her life was to show her love towards that person, every insult she received, every allowed attack at her body that not even entire armies could begin to dream of the possibility of scratching, and every life she took…and for her sister…that meant nothing…maybe even less than that…
…Mukuro…she truly thought that in some part of her heart, Junko had a special place reserved for her…
Family or not, you could always end up like all that garbage that just got splattered all around the ground, remember that my fugly dumb of a sister~
…But that was obviously not the case, Junko warned her about it beforehand, didn't she? Mukuro was just another pawn in her eyes, someone to dispose of on a whim. She killing Mukuro was not done out of love…
…She just got bored of her, like every single other thing in the eyes of the one known as the Ultimate Despair. Nothing but trash to fool around for a bit.
And that led to frustration against herself.
Why she was such a fool, hanging in the belief that her sister would truly feel anything of that? Did Mukuro mean something to her at any point? Anything of what the Ultimate Soldier did, achieved something? Unfortunately, Mukuro found the answer to that last question as soon as she made it…
…Her classmates…
…Every single one of them…
…Mukuro betrayed them.
Yasuhiro Hagakure.
Toko Fukawa.
Sayaka Maizono.
Sakura Ogami.
Mondo Owada.
Leon Kuwata.
Kyoko Kirigiri.
Kyotaka Ishimaru.
Hifumi Yamada.
Chihiro Fujisaki.
Celes―Taeko Yasuhiro.
Byakuya Togami.
Aoi Asahina.
Playing in the snow, swimming in the school pool, relaxing on the outside '…Before the tragedy she was an accomplice of came in…', being part of all kinds of athletic activities and even something as simple as living day by day the crazy antics of a group of sixteen Ultimates would inevitably lead to.
All those people she spent years of her life bonding with, building unforgettable memories in the time they knew each other…and as if it was nothing, Mukuro threw all of that out of the window and aided in the planning of their doom for sake of Junko's entertainment.
And if that wasn't enough to make her feel terrible, there was someone else, someone who put the seeds of doubt, wasted on her as they were, in her heart. Just thinking about the name of this person hurt her.
Makoto Naegi.
The boy who always showered her with kindness, who always had faith in her, always had hope in her…and also the very first person to smile at her. A smile full of sincerity that worked just as further proof of how great of a person he was. The person whom she made her fondest memories with, the person that showed her that there was a world out there for her beyond her sister.
And she betrayed that too.
Mukuro burned bridges with every single person that meant something to her for the sake of one single individual…the same individual that betrayed her and burned her own bridge with the Ultimate Soldier in the worst way imaginable.
And now?
Now she found herself alone in a completely unknown place.
She had no one.
She had nothing.
She was nothing.
Mukuro couldn't help it, she couldn't hold any longer at that time. The turmoil of emotions she felt, combined with the realization of the consequences of her actions made Mukuro do something she couldn't remember doing in a long while.
She cried.
On that miserable third after day after 'waking up', Mukuro cried like the child she apparently was. She cried just like the surrounding kids around her did, even if the reasons for it were completely different. She cried for what she lost. She cried for what she could have if she hadn't been that much of a fool. She cried for those beautiful times that would never come back. She cried and cried for hours and hours.
And between those unending release of tears, for the very first time in her life…Mukuro screamed in despair.
…
…
…
"…I will never get that day out of my head, will I?" The Ultimate Soldier muttered to herself with a frown while still keeping her gaze on the nocturnal marvel presented before her as the only witness of tonight's account of events.
If she was honest with herself, Mukuro doesn't know if she truly wants to forget that day, not because she remembers it as a fond memory, of course not. That couldn't be further from the truth. That day had been the second worst one of her entire life…and up to this day, the worst one in her new life in this place.
The Ultimate Soldier slightly shook her head when thinking about that last part. She was getting slightly ahead of herself bringing up the part about her finally catching on no longer being…home. Mukuro told herself that she was going to reflect on a specific order of events and she intended in doing so.
Not like that was an easy task though. It was less that she was having a hard time recalling the details of the following days and more…well, even if she says that the third day was the worst one, the following days weren't too far behind in how terrible they were for her.
Following up the crying and the swirling of dark emotions, came the depression. It was a feeling full of dejection and emptiness, getting to the point that besides sitting still in one corner lamenting in her misery, she didn't do anything else for the rest of the day, not even moving to get out of the shelter for the daily distribution of food. She did just that until, without her noticing, her eyes closed until the next morning.
On the fourth day, things didn't got any better, quite the contrary, the numbness of her mind only led to free reign for the despair she was feeling, allowing darker and more sinister thoughts to reside inside her. Throughout that day, even some of the kids inside the building began to look at her oddly, maybe some of them probably wondering if she was actually dead and she did so with her eyes open.
And in a way, they wouldn't be wrong. Even when taking into consideration that she indeed has already died once. Mukuro felt at that moment like she was once again, at least on the inside, nothing more than a husk of what she used to be.
At some point, their pity reached high enough that some of them, the ones who weren't looking at her like she was a creep, tried to cheer her up. Actually, it was less that and more trying and failing to make her get out, most probably correctly guessing that she hadn't had any meal the previous day.
In the end, instead of helping, it got to the point that she found it so annoying that she ended up growling at them while sending those glares that no matter which place or which people saw it, she would scare people out of their minds. Suffice it to say, it was greatly effective.
…And that was it, the silent solitude once again reigned in her presence.
Ignoring the growing hunger and thirst, Mukuro spent the fourth day feeling nothing but self-loathing, feeling like the growing physical and psychological agony was nothing but just retribution against her.
The fifth day…
The fifth day was when she reached the peak of said self-loathing…
But also…
The Ultimate Soldier rummaged through the left pocket of her trousers, looking for a specific object in particular. When she felt the solid handle of it, Mukuro proceeded to retrieve it and once it was in her hands, she put the item in front of her while her reflection looked back at her through the solid metal of the blade.
Said object was a fixed-blade knife, a 4-inch type. It was nowhere near close to being good enough when in comparison to the combat knife that had accompanied her since the first days of Fenrir, but it was good enough, more so because she didn't keep it out of need, even if one couldn't ever be too sure.
Regardless, the reason she was fond of this knife in particular, is because of the memory it brings with it…along with an important reminder for herself.
Fifth Day After 'Waking Up'…
Useless…
Disappointment…
Incompetent…
Waste of breath…
Good for nothing…
You have nothing…
You have no one…
You are nothing…
Those were the thoughts that had been scouring Mukuro's head for more than two days. Two days since she had accepted that this was not a dream, two days since she was aware that her circumstances were too confusing and full of unknowns, full of aspects that defy logic itself, and if she were to care, she was certain that a headache would've been the lesser of her problems…
…But that was the thing…
…Mukuro can't get herself to care. What was the point of it?
Those ideas plaguing her head, cruel as they sounded, were completely accurate. Every single one of them pointing a fact that was nothing but the truth.
She was useless. When thoughts of doubt began to appear ever since Junko told her the plans for the Killing School Life she was preparing for her classmates. What did she do with them? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Just like always, she acted as a loyal dog and never put protest against her sister.
She was a disappointment. Her sister made it clear in every instance she could and Mukuro did not doubt that if her classmates had known the truth about the Ultimate Soldier, they would've been disappointed in her too, and that was putting it lightly. If she were capable of looking at their faces right now, she didn't doubt disgust at her would be the least strong of their reactions towards her.
Of course, she was incompetent. All her life Mukuro has been dependent on what others ordered her to do, being incapable of thinking for herself and even less doing things out of her own initiative.
A waste of breath. She couldn't even begin to imagine the number of people whose lives would've been better if she didn't exist to begin with, and when she finally ceased to, it was already too late, the damage was already done.
She was good for nothing at anything that didn't involve killing people, military, or knowledge in survival…and for the last one, it seems she wasn't capable of making practical use of it.
She has nothing. Not the clothes of that wicked disguise, neither her usual attire, no weapons, no anything. The only thing with her was these simple clothes she woke up with and even that she just can't begin to think of them as her own, but beyond that…nothing at all.
…She was alone. Mukuro had no one to call friends or family, she was stranded in…whatever this place was with no one at her side, and worst of all…she doesn't know if she would want anyone as company in the first place.
What good would make that by some twisted miracle a former classmate was here? All they would do will be to work as a despairful reminder of the monster she was, of the atrocities she had committed, and how much they hated her for being an accomplice in their misery…Not even Naegi, kindness incarnate as he was, would dare to look her in the eyes by how disappointed he would be in her.
And Junko? Mukuro would probably laugh if she wasn't so miserable right now for even thinking of the idea, and wouldn't know if meeting her sister once again would cause Mukuro to turn into the loyal tool she always has been or snap her own sister's neck while blaming her of the Ultimate Soldier's misery.
A mystery that not even the Ultimate Detective could be able to solve.
So, once again, the Ultimate Soldier asked herself…what was the point? Only this time she meant…what's the point to keep going? She already determined that she was a waste of oxygen, she had nothing in every sense of the word. No one would miss her if she were to once again accept the cold embrace of death.
She had no hope.
She can't even manage to feel any more despair.
She just felt…empty. Which makes sense, after all…
…She was nothing.
Maybe…maybe that's why she was doing this right now, why she finally left the shelter while wandering randomly through this town that she hadn't even bothered to learn the name of, all the while ignoring the feeling of starvation and thirst she had been suffering since quite some time.
Maybe she was wandering around to wait for the inevitable death that would lead to, walking and walking until dying either out of dehydration or hunger, whichever put an end to everything first.
Some corner of her mind would probably lament that she was going to end in such a pathetic way, with no one to remember her once again. But where was it? Mukuro neither knew nor cared about it.
And the chances of anyone bothering to be concerned with someone as pitiful as her and preventing such destiny from happening was abysmally low, more so because it was obvious these people have their big pile of problems to deal with right now, and she doubts things will get better for them anytime soon. Not because she wished them to suffer, but because she had her fair share of experience to be cynical about these kinds of crises the people of this place were facing and were about to face.
That's what being closely tied to the Ultimate Despair and experiencing up-close the biggest, most awful, most tragic event in human story does to you, she supposes.
Regardless, just to be sure, in the off chance of actually existing the possibility of any type of interference, the Ultimate Soldier decided to make her final destination any location that was out of any prying eyes…which incidentally, also worked as some kind of favor from her part. These people don't need to bother with a corpse in the middle of the street, even less hers.
And so, she changed course in search of somewhere to rest her eyes one last time.
Turns out she wasn't far from finding the 'ideal' location, after traveling for not much more than half an hour, she found herself on the southwest corner of the town and if what she could see so far was any indication, it seems this was the poor region of it. The stench, the dirty streets, the broken windows, and fading color of the surrounding buildings worked as proof of that.
…It seems like a fitting last place for someone like me.
She decided to add a bigger twist of irony by looking for an alleyway similar to the one on the first day, sort of to have her final rest in the same way she woke up. As if to deliver back the trash this place picked up by accident.
It seems 'luck' was on her side because after only taking a pair of turns, Mukuro found what she was looking for.
On her left, there was a path darker when in comparison to the one she was currently even when taking into consideration that the sun has just shown itself up not long ago, with the cause for that being because of the roofs that covered the sunlight. Either way, the rat that just came out of it added that extra touch to convince the Ultimate Soldier that this was it.
At a slow and resigned pace, she moved forward, walking for a few moments until she saw another turn. The light-purple-eyed girl didn't even hesitate for a second as she took it, and once she did…
Ah.
"Hm? Who's there?" A raspy adult voice asked.
The voice belonged to a man in his 40s. He showed early signs of hair loss and he seemed to lack a few teeth. His attire consisted of a blue button shirt with a belt attached to it, grey pants, and brown shoes. He was currently sitting on a stair that led to a door.
Said man was not alone. Besides him, a second one was there too. This one was bald and shirtless, only wearing some loose brown pants held by a cloth and a pair of sandals. Same as before, he seemed to be around his 40s.
And lastly, leaning on a wall was a third one. He wore a sleeveless green vest with nothing else underneath it, dark-grey pants, and black shoes. This one was holding a bag with one hand while picking some light blue pills out of it and consuming them. Though different from the other two, he gave the feeling to be in his late 30s.
Besides looking like your run-for-the-mill thugs, there was nothing to take note of about them, although even if there was anything like that, she wouldn't care …she…she just couldn't afford to. The only thing mattering to her right now is that it seems this spot is already occupied and she had to find out a new one.
In any case, when the man called her up, it brought up attention to his other two companions who in turn turned to her with quirked eyebrows.
"Ah, that's just a kid" The bald man commented.
"Goddammit, though for a moment one of those damn garrison fuckers decided to do their job for once…" Grumbled the one with the bag in his hands.
The one suffering from hair loss waved off that comment "As if. Those sluggards are so useless that they wouldn't know what to do with their life even with a Titan in front of them, besides, even if that weren't the case, they have that refugee crisis in their hands to give a fuck about any other thing"
Both of his companions gave their respective nods at that.
"Uh-huh, and I don't doubt shit's gonna get worse, like for fuck's sake, we are talkin' of the entire Wall Maria's population, this place is soon going to―Nah it's already flowing with beggars, gimme a break…" The bald one commented.
The one with the bag gave his one piece while munching a bunch of those pills "I heard ya, and don't doubt that shit back in Trost is ten times worse…tch, those people shoulda stayed in their Wall, Titans or not, we don't need to give them charity"
There were more nods of agreement at that before the man lacking a few teeth turned to her with his brows furrowed "Anyways…the shit do ya want, brat!? There's nothing here for ya, scram!"
"…Mhm…" Was everything Mukuro said before beginning to turn around. Even scum like that didn't deserve to be bothered by someone as insignificant as her.
Though before she could fully turn around a look for another alley…
"Oi girl, wait a moment" The bald guy called her out.
When she did as told, Mukuro could notice how his face scrunched up while looking at her, as if trying to decipher something. Said action didn't go unnoticed by the other two as they turned to him with quirked eyebrows.
"Huh? Jonas, the heck you doin'?" Questioned the man with the blue button shirt.
"Ya recognize the girl? Ah, don't tell me…is this brat from that time back in Krolva a few years ago?" Asked the man with the sleeveless vest while grinning mischievously.
The now-named Jonas snapped at him "Don't go around spellin' bullshit, Oskar! It is nothing like that. The brat, don't you see her looks? Something about them…"
"Hah? Her appearance?" The one going by Oskar turned to give her a more detailed look "…The runt looks like shit as if she hadn't eaten for days, but why the fuck should I care about that?"
"Not that, you meathead! I'm talkin' bout her face, she looks like―"
"An Oriental…" Stated the man wearing the blue shirt while his eyes widened at his own declaration.
That piece of info made them shut their mouths. While the man called Jonas widened his eyes hearing that, the one named Oskar made a confused expression.
"…What do ya mean by Oriental?"
At that question, Jonas turned to look at him as if he was a fool "You moron, Luca means exactly what he's sayin', that girl over there is an oriental!"
"Yeah, yeah, I get that, that's her race or whatever bullcrap, but what does it matter?" Asked Oskar.
The now identified as Luca turned to Oskar, while he too looked at him as if he was an even bigger idiot "Tch, I swear those drugs are messin' with yer brain…What matters is that this girl right there is a descendant of one of the rarest families inside the walls, since a few years ago it was rumored that they went extinct…" Mukuro could notice how his face turned into a cruel expression while beginning to grin from ear to ear "…Well, until now it seems"
A look of realization appeared on this one called Oskar "…Oh, an exotic product then?"
The bald one, Jason, immediately chimed in "I have a friend in Trost that is into this black-market business, we can talk with him…plus look at the color of her eyes, we can sell that as proof that she's pure-blooded, and if that doesn't stick, at least it's an extra in the exotic part, right?"
Oskar began to gain a similar cruel grin, until out of nowhere snapped out of it "Oi! Are ya dumb!? You shouldn't have said that out loud! I don't think this girl's dumb enough to not understand what are we planning, she doesn't look that young, and now she's gonna try to escape!"
The man named Jason momentarily panicked, turning to the Ultimate Soldier, though his panic changed to confusion when she saw her still there "Huh? She still hasn't moved…maybe she's that dumb?"
The semi-bald man gave his piece "Maybe…no…it's not that, she just gave up on everything, you just have to look at her, especially in the eyes to understand it" When his two companions turned once again in her direction, he continued "…They look dead as if she has lost all hope and only despair remained. She's probably one of the people who escaped from Wall Maria and seeing that she's around here alone, both parents are dead, eaten by the titans, that's almost a guarantee"
"So, she has nothing, eh? Well…kind of a shame about the parent's part, would've been good to also take them both if they truly were of the same race as her too, heh…but whatever, I bet we can get a nice house inside Sina with what we get out of this girl if she is that rare, maybe straight up in Mitras if we are lucky" Oskar commented.
As these people…no…these wild animals discussed their plans for her, Mukuro just stood there, not giving any reaction to anything of what they said, because, at the end of the day, they were right. Mukuro had nothing and she has given up all hope in herself, what does it matter if these people want to hurt her? There was no reason to put any resistance, one way or another she will meet her end, and that's the only thing that matters.
With that empty resignation at her grim destiny, the Ultimate Soldier just opted to close her eyes in remembrance, allowing herself that last indulgence before the hell that awaited her.
It seemed that the bald one, Jason, took that as his opportunity "Now, now, keep being a good girl, hehe, I bet your new 'daddy' will find that as a good trait to have"
Even as Mukuro keep her eyes closed, no especially because her eyes were closed, she could feel his presence getting closer and closer, even the twist indicating that he brought a hand up was noticed by her, getting closer to her shoulder…
…But that was fine…
…Because…
…Because…
…Because…
…Because…
…Because…
…Because…
…Because…
…Because…
…Because…
…BecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecauseBecause ―
She had already given up.
"Gaaaahhhh!" The wild animal going by the name of Jason screamed in pain…as Mukuro held his left hand with enough strength that the sounds of cracks could be heard.
…Huh?
"You…you bitch! You were just acting didn't ya!?" The wild animal screeched as he launched in right hand into a fist toward her head.
For Mukuro, such an attack seemed as if it was going in slow motion and for that same reason, it was easy for her to wait for it to get closer, until…
"Aaagh!"
Mukuro did the same thing she did with his left hand on the remaining one, but she didn't stop there, she used her right leg with enough strength to swoop her assailant's own two legs, which made him turn 90° midair, and Mukuro didn't waste it to immediately making use of her opponent's position to elbow him in the stomach which made his fall exponentially harder than what was originally intended.
That plus the fact that his head was the first part of his body to touch the ground, made him lose consciousness in an instant.
A few moments passed in which the other two men stayed silent in shock with mouths agape at seeing her defeat their companion in just a pair of seconds before they brought themselves out of their stupor and their faces changed from shocked to feral.
…Why…?
"You piece of shit!" The wild animal named Luca snarled while rushing towards her.
"You will pay for that!" The one named Oskar growled while throwing his bag to the ground and picking up a knife out of his pocket.
The one closest to her was the man with the blue shirt as he was running with his left arm already up with a fist ready…and Mukuro didn't allow such an opening left to waste.
The Ultimate Soldier dashed towards him to gain momentum and when they were just one meter from each other, Mukuro leaped, gaining enough altitude to launch a roundhouse kick toward the right side of his head…
"Guugh!" …Which made him crash into the wall to his left, getting knocked out just as fast as his companion.
Why?
As soon as Mukuro landed on the ground, she leaped back to avoid the slash of his third and last obstacle.
Why is she resisting?
"Ya bastard, fuck that oriental crap! I'm gonna kill ya! You hear me!?" The sleeveless man growled.
As soon he said that the wild animal decided to run towards her, making the same mistake as his previous companions, raising his arm way before getting closer to her, making his intentions to launch a piercing attack with his blade predictable and leaving him full of apertures.
The raven-haired girl for her part decided to deal with him in a different way than the previous one. Although she once again decided to rush towards his opponent, this time, instead of a roundhouse kick in his face, Mukuro went for a crescent kick directed at the arm holding the knife.
"Gah!"
It doesn't make sense…didn't I give up already!?
The moment she hit her target, the blade was sent flying upwards and the force of the impact made him stumbled back for a moment, which was all the Ultimate Soldier needed to strike him with her leg in his stomach with enough force to send him flying a few meters.
Not long after that, Mukuro launched her right arm to the side as if slapping the air, just in time to pick up the knife that was falling by the handle.
And just like that…
…Even if she was a kid, even if she hasn't eaten in days, even if she hasn't drunk anything either in just as much time and even as she acted on pure instinct alone because her mind was way too much of a mess…Mukuro defeated three grown men four times her age in just about 30 seconds without receiving any injury and with no effort whatsoever.
Although instead of feeling any type of joy or pride, all Mukuro could do was to grit her teeth while asking herself…
WHY!?
Why…why is she fighting back!? What was the point of it!? She…she doesn't deserve to keep on living! Neither to resist against those beasts laying in the ground!
…And even if…if it weren't a matter of deserving it or not…what other reason there could be for her to oppose her end, she made it clear to herself already didn't she!? Nothing was attaching her to her life anymore, it just doesn't make any sense to feel any hesitation about this!
…
…
…
"…Maybe a more direct measure is necessary…" The light-violet-eyed girl whispered while looking down at her right hand…on the knife she just took more specifically.
If she does this with her own hands, that…that would guarantee that she won't fail, after all, if the person who intends to do this was herself, nothing like the confrontation of just a few moments ago had a chance of happening.
Slowly but surely, the Ultimate Soldier positioned the blade towards her and raised it up until it reached the same altitude as her neck. Once that part was done, Mukuro closed her eyes, preparing herself mentally for this deed, breathing in and out…
…
…
…
…Though…while doing so…she couldn't refute her mind from wandering, wandering back…to the past…
…Back to the entrance ceremony of Hope's Peak…the true one…
…Back to the following days when she got a gist of her classmate's eccentricities…
…Back to when, even if it was by accident, she had a chance to talk with him…
…Back to the time spent with him, with the rest following to give her a chance…
…Back to the following months, when her bonds with her classmates, especially him, grew more and more…
…Back to the last days before the tragedy hit, when her friendship with all of them reached its peak…
…Back to all those happy memories, the ones she made with them and that she was only allowed to remember…because…
…Because she was alive…
…Because even if she didn't deserve it…she received another chance to remember all of them.
…
…
…
…
…
…
A metallic thud sound was heard…and she didn't become aware at which point she did it, but when she regained some sense of herself, all Mukuro knew was that she was on her knees while sobbing and feeling the salty water run down her cheeks, all the while finally understanding what was holding her back from going with it…
…It was not that she fears death…
…It was not like she felt worthy of this opportunity given to her…
…Neither of those…
…No, the reason why she clung to this world was that…
"…I-I…I don't…I don't want t-to…" Between pathetic sobs, the deepest of her desires forcefully came out.
I don't want to forget about them.
Even if her previous life ended in tragedy, and even though she was responsible in no small amount, and only not fully because of her sister, for staining those precious memories…Mukuro couldn't deny her desire to keep her classmates in her memory, and she knows that if she were to die, the chances of 'waking up' again as she did a few days ago were next to impossible…and that would mean losing any recollection of them forever.
The Ultimate Soldier understood how selfish and a hypocrite she was being by having those thoughts, but she just couldn't suppress them. She was at the peak of her self-loathing and even that wasn't capable of denying her desire of keeping them in her heart and mind.
I am truly the worst.
And so, with this turmoil of newfound emotions, Mukuro proceeded to weep, producing tears from who knows where considering the clear signs of dehydration, all the while lamenting what she lost…but this time also refusing to give up the only thing she had with her that holds any true value. It was not physical, it can't be seen by anyone but her, and neither can be heard, but…
…But as long as she lived, it will be there with her.
Present…1 Year and 3 Months After 'Waking Up'…
…The fifth day in this place reminded Mukuro that she didn't lose absolutely everything…it was not tangible, but it existed and it was hers, and it would remain that way as long as she was capable of breathing.
Of course, that didn't mean that suddenly on this same day she regained her absolute will to live or that her inner demons were tamed, far from it. Every now and then they come to haunt her and, on those days when she dreams of her frien―Classmates 'Even to this day I don't feel deserving of keep calling them like that anymore…' and wakes up, she releases tears from time to time while some darker thoughts resurface to take a peek…but it can't be helped, after all, none of them are with her, so truly reaching closure is something that could only happen in her wildest of dreams.
…Even after more than a year had passed since 'waking up', she hadn't truly found peace, but in a way, that was fine. Living with that grim reminder of her sins disturbing her every now and then was the least she could receive as a punishment for all those lives she ruined.
…Perhaps…perhaps that was something he would've wanted? For her to not give up, although maybe with less self-loathing and more optimism…more hope. Mukuro will never know…and that was fine too. Living with that burden will not only work as more punishment but also as a reminder…a reminder to never commit ever again the mistakes of the past.
Paradoxically, swallowing all of that felt…liberating. Maybe it was because the first days in this new world were the hardest, and reflecting upon them lifted a part of the burden…small as that was.
…Speaking of a new world…
…Sigh.
The first week here indeed was the worst…but that didn't mean that the following days didn't come up with their own headaches. The moment Mukuro accepted that this was real 'Save for the up to this day, way too insane aspects of it…', she did so under the premise that she was dealing with some kind of time-traveling nonsense, going a few centuries back to some part of Europe.
…Oh boy, how she wished that were the case.
