Chapter 139
They made it to the cliffs by nightfall, and they set up a quick camp; Kate kept stealing glances at the cliff face and the drains and Sawyer kept a close eye on her, in case she decided to start scaling the walls.
The walk had gone quickly, and for once they didn't fall into their usual positions; bolstered by Kate's reassurance, Sawyer fell into step with Sara, handing her the book she had loaned him. She told him to keep it and that led to an in-depth conversation about the trilogy, one that left Kate and Ana out, since neither of them knew anything about literature. Instead, they came together by default, and after a few tense minutes they began talking about babies and pregnancy and that kept them occupied until they came out onto the beach next to the stone marker.
They all kind of looked amazed and sheepish at the camraderie that had sprung up between them so easily, and Sawyer suddenly didn't dread the beach quite so much; he was finding it easier to talk to other people, even if they were people he'd been around a lot, at least it was a start.
The beach was nice, and even after her long nap Kate felt herself drifting in and out as she sat curled up on Sawyer's lap; the pounding waves and whispering winds were hypnotic and she couldn't help but remember the night they spent out here, alone, when they made love in the ocean; the memory made her squirm a little, uncomfortably, and she sighed, realizing that their alone time was about to seriously be curtailed and she kind of understood Sawyer's fear, about being second; with so many people around it would be easy to drift apart, at least on the surface, and she vowed to herself to try her best to keep that from happening.
Sara and Ana sat across the fire from them, and they shared out the last of the fruit they'd picked earlier, no one really talking. It was so serene, the sky so beautifully clear, and it was open, so open after the close, claustrophobic jungle that talking seemed unnecessary, unnatural. Sara, in particular, couldn't get enough of the open air; her entire time on the island had revolved around the jungle, and the beach was a welcome change.
Kate's eyes kept sliding up to the drains, curiosity eating at her; who was Charles Wallace? How had he ended up in the drains? She was almost tempted to climb up there again but she didn't act on the impulse, partly because she just couldn't muster the energy for the climb, and also because Sawyer would never let her go up there. Especially in the dark. His protectiveness was sweet and also somewhat annoying.
Ana was staring into the fire, a little sadly. "Remember that night? Eko told us about the numbers?"
Kate hadn't forgotten about Eko, but so much had been going on he'd been pushed to the corner of her mind, but now he came bursting forth, and she hugged Sawyer tight, remembering the helplessness and anger as they watched him bleed to death in front of them. She looked over at Ana. "You were there. When Locke killed him?"
Ana nodded, her eyes faraway as she gazed into the flames; they reflected in her eyes like torches. "I was tied up. John tricked me." Something clicked in her head, at the idea that Locke had played her for a fool. "I miss him, Eko."
Nodding, Kate snuggled closer into Sawyer's chest. "I do too." Sawyer didn't ay anything but she felt his chest tighten and his lips brushed the top of her head. He missed Eko, probably more than any of them.
They were all quiet for a while, then Kate's eyes went up to the drains again. "Charles Wallace," she said, idly, "I wonder who he was?"
"He was a son of a bitch, is who he was," a voice behind them made them all jump to their feet, and the man standing outside of their circle said, "But that don't matter, 'cause that ain't him." He pointed to the drains and smiled at Kate. "That's me."
Kate dragged her terrified eyes away from the man, who was shimmering a little in the moonlight, and turned them to Sawyer, looking for reassurance because he wasn't breathing and she was sure his heart had stopped; what she saw froze her blood, his eyes were wide with something beyond terror, it was fear at its most fundamental level, as if his mind were about to snap, and she said, "James! James!"snapping her fingers in front of his frozen, terrified eyes.
He didn't move, or blink, he simply croaked out, "Daddy?"
-----
Jack woke in the darkness, his head aching like the worst kind of hangover. He tried to swallow but his throat was so dry he couldn't and he just lay still, trying to remember where he was.
It came to him, slowly, as the stars spun sickeningly above him, and he sat up, quickly, holding his head in his hands as he fumbled for his water bottle. He found it and took a long drink, draining the bottle before he recapped it, and sat for a few seconds, taking deep breaths and letting the water do its magic.
The caves, that's where he was headed. He closed his eyes and tried to picture the Island map in his head, to figure his approximate location; now that he'd had a little rest, a lot of rest, really, since it was dark, his mind was a little clearer and he took the time to figure that if he beat them to the caves and got the stones then he could beat them to the hatch and make them let him in on it. And Ana would be there, he could get her alone and talk to her, somehow, make her see the misunderstanding. That was the best plan, if he tried to catch them at the caves they'd find some way to get rid of him, and if he tried to intersect them he might miss them somewhere in the jungle.
His mind made up, he tucked his empty bottle into his pocket and started running for the caves.
-----
Dead silence fell over the beach; even the waves stopped, it seemed as Kate forced herself out of her shock and turned to Sawyer, holding him as the man smiled and said, "Yeah, Jimmy, it's me."
She didn't know what kind of reaction to expect from him; rage and insanity seemed the most likely and she was thouroughly surprised and shocked when he burst into tears. She was at a loss so she just hugged him, staring at the shimmering dead father of the man she loved. Nothing weird about that. She suddenly wondered if maybe she had snapped and this was her imagination or something. He stepped forward, hesitantly, smiling at Sawyer as he retreated, dragging Kate with him. "Don't."
He stopped, hands out. "Okay. I understand. It's a shock. But it's me, Jimmy."
Sawyer's breath was harsh and ragged and he was shaky; Kate could feel his trembling down to her toes. "Don't call me that. My name is Sawyer." He was reacting out of terror and irrationality, Kate knew, but it struck her cold to hear him say that.
That seemed to give his father pause and he said, softly, "Is it, now? And why that particular name, son?"
Kate was staring at him, now, amazed at the similarities between them; he was like Sawyer but with blurry edges, a nose out of place, slightly wider eyes, a different shade of hair. But the same dimples and the same blue eyes, and as he smiled Kate shivered a little, because it was even the same saucy, cocky grin. Her grip on him tightened and she risked a glance at Sara and Ana, who were just gazing, openmouthed at the scene.
"I think you know. And don't call me son. I ain't nobody's son. My daddy's dead. Shot himself. But I suppose you know all about that, don'cha?" He was shaking with rage, but it was rage born of terror and Kate could feel the fear and loathing rushing through him and she was actually surprised that he wasn't throwing sparks yet.
"Yes. I did do that, and I'm sorry, Sawyer." He shook his head sadly, yet admiringly at his son. "You always were a fan of irony. Even at eight you were a sarcastic little bstard." He looked a little proud as she turned his gaze to Kate. "Takes after his daddy. Philip J. Ford. Since my boy seems to have forgotten his manners."
She glanced up at Sawyer and he shrugged, so she said, "Kate. Austen."
He grinned and bowed in an exaggerated manner. "My pleasure, Kate. And what about the little man?"
She glanced up at Sawyer again, but his eyes were on Philip, suspiciously, and he said, "What are you talking about?"
Philip laughed. "Why, the little man, Ji- Sawyer. Your son, my grandson? Have you picked a name?"
"How did you know about that?" He had unconciously pushed Kate behind him, and he noticed that Sara and Ana had edged closer. The fact that two angels didn't trust the guy gave him a little more conviction.
"I know things. And I see from your bodyguard that you don't trust me. Well, that's understandable. And the right thing, too, since you got a kid to look after." He was still standing still, not bothered at all by the gathering guard, and he nodded at Sara and Ana. "Hello."
Sara nodded in return but Ana cocked her gun. "Who are you?"
"You can shoot me but I'm afraid it wouldn't do much good, see, I'm already dead." He angled his head toward the drains.
"You're lying. You can't be Philip, if you're dead up there. My daddy died on top of the bed I was hidin' under." Ana pointed the gun at him as Kate drew hers and cocked it.
Philip held up his hands, placatingly. "Wait, wait. That's what I'm here for, you know, to tell Jim-, sorry, Sawyer- you know, I am not gonna call you that, it's ridiculous. And insulting."
"Well, that was the whole point, asshole."
Philip let that go with a frown and said, "I came to tell you that you must, must destroy this island."
"I already know that."
Philip didn't speak for a second, than he said, "But you're having doubts, aren't you? Wondering where you'll fit in, now? Now that you're not alone anymore." Kate looked up and his eyes were all the confirmation she needed. "You have to do it, Jimmy, and have faith that it will be alright."
"Why? Why is it so important?" He had stopped shaking, some, but he was still terrified and it was turning to anger, only insted of lashing out at Kate he was putting it where it belonged. "And as for faith, well, dad, you're probably the last person I'd put any faith in." He sneered. "No, I think mom would be last."
Kate expected the ghost to be serene and benign, but he exploded, grabbing Sawyer around the throat with a suddenly tangible hand. "Don't EVER talk about your mother that way." He released his hold, throwing Sawyer back a couple of feet and returning to his serene, shimmering place. Kate realized with belated shock that she and Ana had both fired but the bullets had just zoomed off into thin air, and she tucked the gun back into her pants as Ana did the same. They'd end up shooting one another on accident.
Sawyer was massaging his throat and Kate went to him, immediately, but he pushed her back again, panting as he faced his father. "She screwed you, dad, or to be a little more accurate, she screwed someone else. You killed her for it. How can you defend her?"
Philip stared at him for a second, then he reached around Sawyer and grabbed Kate's arm; Sawyer moved to grab her back but she shook her head. "No, it's okay, James." She didn't know what was going to happen but this seemed like a catharsis for Sawyer, something he needed to face up to, even if it wasn't real. But it had to be real, he was holding her arm even now, and it was as real as it could get. Saywer backed off a little but he stayed poised and ready to leap.
"James, huh?" Philip smiled a little. "Do you love this woman, son?"
Sawyer nodded, his mouth dry with fear for Kate; he swallowed hard and managed to choke out, "Yes. More than anything."
Kate gave him a dazzling smile and his heart eased a little, if she was in trouble, or pain, or scared she wouldn't smile at him like that. Philip noticed him relaxing a little and he said, "You would do anything for her. Bleed for her? Die for her?"
Kate smiled again; she didn't need the answer to that because he'd already done it, but she smiled again as their eyes met and he said, "Yeah."
Philip's smile disappeared and he said, "Now imagine she's cheating on you, sleeping with another man." He couldn't help it. Jack popped into his mind automatically, and as his father continued he grew angrier and angrier. "It's all you can see," his voice was low and hurried, anxious. "Her skin against his, his hands touching her, making her moan and cry...things you thought only you could do." His eyes met Sawyer's and he said, "Imagine it. What would you do?"
He didn't even think. "I'd kill him." He looked at Kate, apologetically, and said, low, "Then you. Then myself." He knew it would never happen, Kate would never do that to him, but that didn't change his answer.
Smiling sadly, Philip said, "It's easy to judge, son, until you're in the same boat. I'm sorry for what I did, but you'll find it wasn't entirely in my hands." He let Kate go and smiled a little more brightly as Sawyer relaxed a little. "Which brings me to why I'm here." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I don't know how much you know about this place, but you know about the battles, right? The wars?"
"Yeah?"
"There are parallel worlds, you know, alternate universes, and exact copies of you, living the same lives but different, they exist on these alternate worlds. But when one of them, or one of you, gets pulled into one of these...pockets, this outside world, like the one we are on now, a stepping stone, you might say, when you get pulled into this world, so do all of the other yous. Only they think it's them living on the island. Does that make sense?"
Kate nodded, leaning against Sawyer, and he did, uncertainly; he understood but it was a little much to grasp on top of everything else. "Yeah, I guess."
Chuckling, Philip said, "It'll sink in later. Anyway, I was sucked in, and when I was, your father, which is still me, was brought in too. And all of the other Philip Fords." His voice grew quiet. "And your mother. She was with me too."
Sawyer's head snapped up so fast Kate thought he'd broken his neck for a second. "Mom? Is she here?"
Kate almost cried at the little boy eagerness that lit up his face and she did cry at his forlorn disappointment when Philip said, "She's dead, too." He sighed, "You see, the champion of the Light Side, the one who has to destroy the island, it's passed down from father to son. When I came here to do battle I left you behind because if I failed, the best way for you to be strong was to be made strong. And it worked, you know."
Sawyer was shaking his head. "But I was there, when my father died. I was there."
"Yes, you were. And so was I, or my shell, anyway. The same with your mom. When we died here, on the island, we died there, on Earth."
Kate's fingers felt cool on his feverish skin and he held her close, trying not to snap under the overload he was getting. "How did you die, here?"
Philip smiled. "The animals were attacking the foundation. I was determined to get back to the real world and expose this place, expose Hanso for the lunatic he was. I stole Wallace's badge and some stones and a vial of the serum and I tried to escape through the drains. Wallace realized what was going on and he flooded the drains. I drowned." He smiled, a little satisfactorily. "But the animals, they did a job! We won, that day, but that bstard, Wallace, he stopped the tesseract reaction just in time."
Kate could see the reality of it sinking in, the actaulity of what he was saying, and she sighed as Sawyer said, in a choked whisper, "What about mom?"
Philip looked so sad she almost felt like crying for him, too. "She was killed by one of the people from the foundation. Trying to help the animals." Shaking his head to clear it, he continued, "That's not important now, Jimmy. What's in the past is past. It's the future I'm here about." He smiled at Kate, kindly, and she felt herself smiling back; just like his son, he was infectious, and he held his hand out to her but Sawyer stepped between them, scowling, and Philip just said, "His future." He eyed Sawyer, looking at his now-grown son and he couldn't do anything but look grim. "If you don't finish this, now, then he is doomed to come back. And his son, and his son, forever." He suddenly lunged forward and grabbed Sawyer's hand. "I wanted to do it for you, Jimmy, but I couldn't. I'm sorry."
Sawyer would have jerked his hand away in disgust and horror, and probably slugged the sht out of him (or tried to), and Kate watched him, closely, scared for him, but James just gently withdrew his hand and said, "Don't be sorry. Everything that has happened to me, every hurt, every wrong, every terrible thing I've done, they've all made me who I am, and that...person," his eyes slid to Kate's, catching them and holding her gaze, "That person is perfect, because he loves...because he is loved by the most perfect woman in the world." Electricity sparked between them and they couldn't break their gaze; the world fell away as she fell into his arms and he engulfed her, wrapping her up and holding her as close as he could. With Kate held tight in his arms her turned to face his father. "I forgive you. Just like that. I have more important things to worry about now."
Philip smiled and stepped closer, smiling even more when Sawyer didn't move away; he leaned close and whispered, "I'm glad that I had a chance to see the man you've become, Jimmy. Or James, I guess. Your mom would be proud." He hesitated before sticking out his hand and Sawyer hesitated before taking it, but he did, and with a smile Philip began to fade away. "Finish it, James."
He was just a hazy glow before Sawyer stepped forward and shouted, "His name is Joshua! Joshua Philip!" His words echoed across the beach as his father faded away, leaving a shadowy, satisfied smile lingering for a few seconds before it too, vanished with a pop.
He gazed after his father for an anguished, happy minute, then he pulled Kate back into his arms, hugging her so tightly she couldn't breathe, and as she raised her face for air his lips met hers with blinding force, pushing everything, even the need to breathe, out of her mind.
He finally came up for air, though, and leaned his forehead against hers, cupping her face in his hands. "I love you, Kate."
"I know." She looked up into his eyes. "And that's why I know you meant what you said." Her lips planted a kiss on his nose. "All of it."
His hands slid into her hair and he whispered, "All of it." She shivered a little.
She noticed Sara and Ana a little way off, watching them with concern, and she sighed, kissing Sawyer lightly. "Are you okay, James?"
He sighed into her hair, heavily, and she knew he was regretting leaving the vicinity of a bed as he said, "Yeah. That was too weird to freak me out."
He was different, lighter, like a huge load had been lifted from him, and somehow he wasn't flipped out, or angry, or hurt, or upset; he was happy, and he kissed her again, as Sara and Ana ventured closer. "I love you, Jimmy," she whispered, "And I'm glad I got to see the man you've become."
