Only to Come Back
A few months after I left Taichi, I left Japan too, and traveled back to America. Life bouncing from one friend's apartment to the next didn't cut it after a while. Plus, I saw him all the time, but we never talked, never made eye contact. It wasn't that we were angry, it was that we were in pain. None the less, it was still awkward for our friends.
My parents, who were living in New York, were thrilled to take me in. I guess that was one of the only good things about splitting your childhood between two countries: When you want to run away from one, the other is always waiting. I explored the place I had spent most of my teen years with enthusiasm and reunited with my old friends, Michael included.
Michael had always been easy to talk to, so in the absence of my other friends, I poured my heart out to him over coffee dates and dinners. But as soon as I realized that my parents and his were talking more often, that people were smiling at us at parties with knowing looks, I started to get nervous. It was confirmed by my mother's housekeeper that everyone thought that we were a couple.
I did the only reasonable thing at that point and ran away. Again.
To be fair, I said goodbye properly to everyone, disentangling myself from their lives with grace. Usually I could live with my parents constant matchmaking between Michael and I, because we were simply platonic friends. Nothing more. But this time, I saw something more forming behind Michael's own actions and words, and I wasn't ready for him. Not yet.
Only problem now, was that I had run out of familiar countries to flee to. So I went to California, back to my college town, and settled down. I got a job with a housekeeping journal, making recipes for busy mothers. I lived in a small flat by the beach, and down the street was an open air fruit market. It was simple living, but I loved it. But I was lonely.
My friends back in Japan weren't happy without me either. Miyako called constantly, demanding that I come back and deal with things. Sora called with less threatening messages, but the same meaning. Kari called a few times, not demanding anything of me, but simply wanting to talk. I couldn't face her, though. He was her brother.
Tai never called me. I never called him. I couldn't decide how I felt about him. I knew that I left Tai for a reason, and didn't regret it, but I couldn't force myself to stop caring for him. At some point, though, I started to stop thinking about him. Progressively I fell into my new life, not forgetting the old one, but not thinking about it either.
Three months after I moved to California, I got a letter that changed my pace of life. A few weeks after I left Japan, Sora and Yamato had finally started setting the date for their wedding, and in the mail on that fateful day was the official request for me to be her Maid of Honor. I giggled excitedly, looking over the dress ideas and all of the important dates I would need to be in Japan for (Sora already knew I would be her bridesmaid, as we had discussed so many times in the years of our friendship). I had even started planning what gifts to give them right away, before I realized what a wedding meant.
He could be there. He missed a lot of events, but then again, he did make it to a few. I mean, it was his best friend's wedding. He would be the best man, no doubt. Was I ready to see him again? I couldn't decide. I had simply repressed my feelings, not dealt with them.
None the less, I accepted the next day and made arrangements to fly to Japan for dress fittings and the bridal shower three weeks later. It was silly to be thinking about myself, when it was Sora's wedding. I could behave myself, and hopefully I wouldn't have too much interaction with Tai.
So I arrived in Japan and was welcomed by my female friends before being whisked away to Sora's clothing store to try on the dresses she had made for us. They were gorgeous, all silky and red. We laughed and joked like the old days, but it was different, too. Sora seemed giddier than usual, I wouldn't look Kari fully in the face and Miyako kept fidgeting and playing with her glasses.
We all eventually left to get ready for the party later, and I went with Miyako because I was staying at her apartment for weekend. I went into the bathroom to change into my simple black dress and when I came out, Miyako was sitting dejectedly on her couch.
"Okay, you need to tell me what is wrong, now," I stated, plopping down next to her. She looked at me with tears swimming in her eyes. "Uh-oh," I said and she flung herself into me.
I struggled to make out her sobs while supporting her weight leaning completely on me, but I caught one part very clearly.
"I'm pregnant!"
"Does Ken know?" I asked as her sobs died a little.
"No, not yet. I just found out two days ago, when I went to the doctor. I'm only about three weeks along. God, what will he say?"
"He'll be happy because he wants to have children with you. You just are going to be doing it a little...sooner than planned."
"But what about being married? He hasn't even proposed to me! I don't want to have a rushed wedding, either, even if he does. I'm gonna have a baby out of wedlock," she moaned, looking at the ceiling.
"Don't worry, Miyako, I'll be here with you, and so will Sora and Kari. It'll work out. Not to mention, I don't think Ken will care when you get married or when the baby is born in relation to that. He just wants you."
She smiled, the tears finally stopping, and we went to fix her makeup and talk about the future. She would be okay, I knew, as she told me about her ideas for the baby's room. She would be fine.
We arrived at the party later that night, and I was reunited with the rest of our friends. I talked with them easily, noticing one key person was missing. Same old Tai.
We ate dinner and sat around for hours after, chatting like only very old, close friends could. Sora met my eyes over the table, and motioned subtly for me to follow her. We got up with no one noticing and went to the bathroom.
"Mimi, there's something I've been meaning to tell you since you've arrived, but I haven't had the chance," She explained.
"God, you aren't pregnant, are you?"
"No, why?" she asked, looking confused and suspicious.
"No reason, really, so what were you going to say?" I asked trying to distract her. It worked, because suddenly her expression changed to a familiar one, and I knew what she was going to talk about. Or rather a 'whom'.
"No, don't-" I stated firmly, but Sora didn't seem to care.
"Mimi, I'm gonna say what I want because I know that you need to hear it, even if you don't want to. Mimi, he's moved on."
I was confused, seriously. "What?"
Sora sighed and continued softly. "He has started dating other people, one girl really. I thought you should know...
I just stared at her dumbly. "Oh. Okay," I said and then smiled awkwardly and left the room. I could feel her trying to follow, but I turned so many corners that I lost her eventually.
I didn't even bother to grab my coat as I headed down the hallway toward the door. My mind was just screaming for me to leave. I pushed open the door and started for the steps when I collided with something and stumbled.
The person caught me by my shoulders before I could fall down the steps, and when I opened my eyes cautiously, I realized fate hated me.
"Mimi..." Tai said, whispering it as if he couldn't believe it. I could hardly believe it myself, and blinked a few times to see if he would disappear.
I realized he wasn't going away, and that his face was terribly close to mine, so I stabled myself and took a step backwards.
We stared at each other for a few awkward moments before I spoke.
"Tai, its nice to see you. I didn't think you were coming..." I trailed off, looking away as I realized I hit a sore point between us.
He shifted slightly and sighed. "I had a late day at the office," he explained tiredly, and I looked at him with sympathy out of instinct.
He did look tired, and too skinny. I felt a flare of indignation. Wasn't his girlfriend trying to feed him? She should have realized he didn't eat without insistence after long days of work.
"You have better start eating better, Tai. You could get really sick. You don't want your girlfriend to worry," I said out loud. I was pleased at how neutral it sounded, like it was said by a friend and not a confusingly jealous ex-fiancé.
"Wha? Whoa, wait... Who would?-" Tai sputtered, and I was vaguely impressed at his alliteration abilities. "Who told you that I have a girlfriend?"
I blinked. "Sora, back in the party-"
Tai snorted and slumped down to sit on the steps. "Oh yeah, I've been seeing all the ladies, you know: Miss Job, that pretty employment, and long hours won't leave me alone."
I sat next to him. "The same old, same old, huh?" I said, but felt strangely happy at the news that he wasn't dating anyone.
Tai nodded and looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "Did you bring Michael with you?"
"What? No, no. I haven't seen him in months."
Tai frowned. "But I thought you were dating..."
We looked at each other and said in unison, "Sora."
I knew Sora was well meaning in this, trying to help each of us move on. But, with me at least, she was pushing where it wasn't welcome. I hadn't even begun to do anything with the mess that was our past relationship, much less consider starting another one. I ran away across an entire country to escape Michael, after all.
All I knew was that, at that moment, I was still very...attracted to Tai. Though he was disheveled and tired, he was still handsome, and their was something familiar in his gaze that had always made me give in to him. It was so easy to say yes to Tai when he looked at me like that. I couldn't even name what it was, but it was there.
It was strong enough, too, to drown out the thoughts in my head and allow me to stay with Tai on those steps, talking with him until I realized that we should probably go inside. He followed me, seeming at ease. Our friends greeted him and pulled him up a chair, and I avoided the girls' accusing stares.
We finally had to leave since the restaurant was closing, and we started to go our separate ways again. I congratulated Yamato and Sora one last time (avoiding Sora's attempts to pull me aside) and walked over to Miyako.
"Are you going over to Ken's tonight?" I asked, and she nodded, blushing.
"I think I'm going to tell him," she whispered back.
I had one of her extra keys, so I simply waved a final goodbye and got a taxi. I was in, and suddenly so was Tai.
He told the cab driver his address and we started moving. I looked at him, confused.
"Why do you get dropped off first?"
"Because my apartment is further away, so we'll have longer to talk," he explained.
"What if I don't want to talk?" I asked, defiantly.
"You don't have to," he replied, shaking his head.
We were silent for a while. Suddenly, he grabbed my hand.
"What if I don't want you to go back to Miyako's tonight?"
"Oh, Tai, don't do this..."
"Nothing will happen, I promise, I just don't want to be alone tonight. Not when I don't have to be," he said, fast.
I knew something would happen, but I didn't care.
I, too, didn't want to be alone that night.
Not when I didn't have to be.
