THE NERIMA FREEDOM FORCE
A Ranma fanfiction by Invader-Zam4
Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma½ or Freedom Force. Please don't sue me, I have no money
…
ISSUE 3: The Ballad of Black Opera
…
The cover of this issue of NFF is Werechan with blood shot eyes standing over what seems to be parts of the other NFF member's costumes with a woman in an elegant dress and wearing a masquerade mask behind him with the caption "WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO WERECHAN! HAS BE TURNED FROM THE RIGHT OF JUSTICE TO BETRAY THE NFF? WHO IS THIS NEW CLASSY CRIMINAL?"
The NFF is gathered at their round table with the emblem of the NFF in their secret lair deep underground, reading great books by great authors such as TS Elliot, Ernest Hemingway and Shakespeare.
"You know…" said Werechan. "It sure was a good thing we finished school before we decided to become superheroes. No amount of power can ever replace the power of EDUCATION!"
"Ryoga…what are you talking about!" said Taijitu. "We're all high school dropouts! The one who probably has the highest educational attainment amongst us is Akane! And why am I reading this? I can't even speak English much less read it."
"Well Ranma, you are right about one thing" said Werechan. "Akane is the one with the highest educational attainment. But are you forgetting about THOSE!"
Werechan pointed to several framed pieces of paper on the wall. Ranma reluctantly approached them. His eyes widened as he read one.
The University of Tokyo is proud to present this diploma to RANMA SAOTOME who completed the degree of CHINESE-JAPANESE PHILOSOPHY
"What the…"
He glanced over the others. Ryoga had a degree in Aeronautics Engineering in Harvard University. Ukyo had a certificate of completion in one of the toughest culinary colleges in the country. Akane had finished Psychology along with the Masters degree also in Tokyo U.
"WHEN DID WE DO THESE!" asked Ranma
"Summer of 69. Have you forgotten?" casually said Ukyo. "You should never forget good memories. They will stay with you forever."
"Oh COME ON!"
PMS suddenly came in the room with a steaming plate.
"WHO WANTS COOKIES! FRESHLY BAKED!"
Those words made Ranma feel a lot heavier with unease.
"A…a…kane…you…cooked?"
What Ranma saw will give him the shock of his life. Werechan casually picked one cookie up and swallowed it with his small, pig head. So did Okonomahoyaki.
"WOW! These are great Akane!" said Ryoga.
"You seem to be getting better!" said Ukyo.
"Ranma! Have some!" offered Akane.
Ranma reluctantly got one cookie. It seemed like he was expecting reality to crash anytime soon. He slowly braced himself and took a bite. He then swallowed. His eyes shot open.
"These are good…" he said. "THESE ARE ACTUALLY GOOD AND AREN'T DEFYING THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!"
"Of course they are silly!"
"Akane… since when were you ABLE TO COOK!"
"Ranma, what are you talking about?" asked Akane with a sweet smile. "What kind of girl doesn't know how to make a good batch of cookies?"
"WELL YOU FOR ONE! ISNT ANYONE ELSE SEEING THE OBVIOUS PLOT HOLES HERE?"
"Plot holes?" asked Ukyo. "Like what?"
"Oh I don't know. How about this one" said Ranma in a most rude, sarcastic tone. "Since when have we started living here?"
"Ranma, what are you talking about?" asked Akane. "We've always lived here, even before we became superheroes."
"YES. But Akane, since when was Tendo Dojo TENDO MANSION? A SPRAWLING 500 ACRE ESTATE NESTLED IN THE HEART OF NERIMA WITH A HUGE BOTANICAL GARDEN, A POLO FIELD, A WILD LIFE SANCTUARY, A YOUTH CENTER AND A MANSION WITH ARCHITECTUAL CONCEPTS DATING BACK AS FAR AS THE BAROQUE PERIOD?
Suddenly, the huge monitor turned on.
"NERIMA FREEDOM FORCE!" asked the man in the suit.
"Golly gee whiz!" said Ukyo. "It's the prime minister/commissioner!"
"Thank you for the introduction Okonomahoyaki" replied the chief. "But everyone knows who I am, you didn't need to explain."
"Your philosophical inquiry will have to wait for later, Taijitu" said Werechan
"WHAT PHILOSOPHICAL INQUIRY!"
"What's the trouble chief?" asked PMS.
"There have been a series of bank robberies lately. But there is a straaaaaaanngge aspect with each one!"
"What would they be?" asked Werechan.
"All of the witness and the people that were hurt can remember ANYTHING!"
"You mean…they can't remember ANYTHING?" asked PMS
"They can't remember ANYTHING!"
"ANYTHING at all?" asked Okonomahoyaki
"ANYTHING at all."
"Absolutely NOTHING?" asked Werechan
"NOTHING."
"OKAY WE GET IT! THEY CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING!" said Taijitu
Suddenly an alarm sounded.
The computer shifted to another screen.
"Oh my blaze!" said Akane. "The first national bank of Nerima is being robbed!"
"The person who is behind this robbery could be the person behind the other robberies!" remarked the prime minister/commissioner
"Gee ya think?" said by a certain pig-tailed hero
"Hurry Nerima Freedom Force! If that bank is robbed, Nerima will be put in a state of recession!" said the chief
"Holy taxes and unreasonable inflation without the reduction of unemployment!" said Werechan. "That goes against economic theories! We're on it!"
"Since when was the Prime Minister of Japan an American?" asked Taijitu.
The three members ran to a wall. PMS pushed a button. The screen shifted to a different part of the house.
"KASUMI!" said PMS
Kasumi Tendo was dusting off one of the antique figures of Tendo Mansion. She was dressed like a butler.
"Yes?" she asked quietly
"We are heading out! Watch the house for us!"
"Of course! Be careful young Masters and Mistress's!"
Akane joined her friends in facing a wall. They were all aligned with four holes on the wall. They all made a fist with their right hands, which were all wearing rings.
"NERIMA!" bellowed PMS
"FREEDOM!" cried out Taijitu
"FORCE!" screamed Werechan
"ACCUMULATE!" yelled Okonomahoyaki
They then put their rings in the holes.
DECODER RINGS, ACEEPTED. Said the computer. WELCOME, NERIMA FREEDOM FORCE
The wall opened up and revealed four fireman poles. They all jumped and clung on to one, but didn't slide. Instead, another wall opened and the hopped into the new room. By the time they landed, they were all dressed in their costumes!
"No matter how many times we do that, it still freaks me out…" commented Taijitu as he adjusted his robin mask. They all rushed to the N-JET.
The basketball court of the Tendo mansion opened up. And the N-JET flew out of it.
"God speed Nerima Freedom Force" said Kasumi
…
"Wait…I don't know how to drive a car…HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO FLY A JET!"
"Stand fast Taijitu! Were here!" said Okonomahoyaki
The bank is a smoldering crater. The people are unconscious. And amidst all this destruction, one fiendish figure walks away unscathed! The figure is a woman, dressed in an elegant, European dress. She is holding a masquerade mask on a stick with one hand. The mask is covering her face. With the other hand, she is holding a fan, which she is using to cover the mask which is covering her face. What does this debonair diva of destruction desire? What prim and proper plot is she planning? The story will be continued on the next…paragraph!
"Another barbaric building bulldozed!" says the woman in the mask. "It is only a matter of time before this place becomes a utopian paradise of culture and arts!"
"Your refined revolution won't find resolution but restriction while we remain right here rebel!"
"Who dares say that!" says the woman in the mask. She turns to find a familiar fiery figure.
"GASP! PMS!" she turns to see a memorable majestic man-beast
"THE WERECHAN!" she turns further to see an amazing actress of arcane arts
"MAGICAL GIRL OKONOMAHOYAKI" she turns further still to see a powerful, paradigm of the perfect pugilist
"ANDROGENA!"
A vein popped over the martial artists head.
"THE NAME IS TAIJITU!"
"Well, well, the Nerima Freedom Force" continued the villainess. "In truth, I was rather expecting you!"
"Are you the one who did that to this bank and harmed all the innocent bankers and bureaucrats in it?" asked PMS
"You mean that drably old building? I improved it! I think its better now don't you?"
"FIEND!" screamed Werechan
"Are you also the one who destroyed all those other banks!" asked Okonomahoyaki
"Indeed I am"
"DOUBLE FIEND!" yelled Werechan
"Why are you hiding yourself!" said Taijitu. "What do you have to hide!"
"ME… 'I' have nothing to hide."
"Then who are you!" replied Taijitu.
"'I' am the rising star of the theater!" the villainess then folded up her fan. "'I' am the woman who will single handedly bring culture to this desolate barbaric wasteland! YOU have no right to know MY name. BUT you MAY call me by my GLORIOUS stage name…" she said as she brought down her masquerade mask on a stick.
"I AM THE BLACK OPERA ROSE! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
"Kodachi?" asked Taijitu with a raised eyebrow
"Who is this Kodachi?" asked Black Opera Rose. "I know no one of that name!"
"Right…" said Taijitu. "Okay…weird European aspects aside…Why are you doing this Kodachi-"
"Who is this Koda-"
"FINE! BLACK OPERA ROSE!" said Taijitu. "You come from a wealthy, distinguished family. WHY ARE YOU ROBBING BANKS!"
"You mean this dirty money?" asked Kodachi as she held up a bag of cash. "This means absolutely nothing to me!" she then threw it away. "But the barbarians who run these banks need to be taught a lesson! Their uncouth manners deserves them not only the destruction of their banks, but the bankruptcy of their businesses as well!"
"AAAAAAAAND WHY IS THAT!" asked Taijitu
"Because these savages refused to lend me money for my glorious debut into the theater! My spectacular one-woman broadway show! The BLACK OPERA ROSE MONOLOGUES!"
"TRIPLE FIEND!" said Werechan
"Riiiiiiiight…" said Taijitu
"That is still no reason for you to destroy banks and hurt innocent individuals!" said PMS
"I wouldn't expect barbarians such as you to know the intricacies of high society!" said Black Opera Rose
"ARG!" said Werechan. "This voluminous vixen is vexing me! I will silence her know!"
Werechan charged.
"WERECHAN! NO!" said Okonomahoyaki.
"WERECHAN MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!" he said as he charged towards Black Opera Rose
"Resorting to violence? What a typically uncultured resolve."
Black Opera Rose started humming a light lullaby. Upon hearing these words, Werechan decelerated to a stop and listened.
"What is she singing? So inviting. So hypnotic. Blacking out. Self-naration…fading…"
Black Opera rose stopped singing.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO WERECHAN!" asked PMS
"Oh, I just soothed the savage beast. Now tell me NFF, how good are you at fighting…when you have to fight your OWN COMRADE? OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
"What are you talking about?" said Okonomahoyaki. "We would never fight against each other!"
"Care to wager on that?" asked Black Opera Rose menacingly. "WERECHAN! ATTACK!"
Werechan obeyed her sinister orders, turned and attacked the heroes.
"Tata NFF! Have fun!" she taunted as she ran to a nearby limousine and sped off
"SHE IS GETTING AWAY!" said PMS who barely dodged Werechan's punch by flying.
"WERECHAN STOP!" begged Okonomahoyaki as she brought up a magical pizza shield to fend off Werchan's destructive punches. With a strong kick, she sent Okonomahoyaki flying into Taijitu's arms who caught her.
"He is completely hypnotized!" said Okonomahoyaki.
"Why am I not surprised?" said Taijitu
"What will we do?" asked PMS
"We shall knock some sense into him!"
As Werechan charged and attacked Taijitu, he jumped into the air, kicked off a telephone pole and sent a diagonal kick to Werchan's small pig head, seriously putting it in a state of super-deformity.
Werechan fell to the ground as the police came in the squad cars.
"Wha…what happened?" asked Werechan as he awakened.
"That's what we would like tah know dontcha know?" said Officer O'Malley. "Yahr supposed to be faiyting the bahd guys, noht each other dontcha know?"
"Oh Nerima Freedom Force!" said the Prime Minister/Commissioner. "How will the public ever trust you if you can't trust each other?"
"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM!" asked Taijitu
"It's all my fault…I fell under her spell…" said Werechan
"YA DANG RIGHT IT IS!"
"Don't blame yourself Werechan" said PMS. "It was that woman. She hypnotized you someway."
"Oh what a black day for Nerima if its defenders can lose to one villainess!" said the Prime Minister/Commissioner
"HELLO! WE DIDN'T LOSE! SHE LEFT THE MONEY BEHIND!"
"We are sorry for this chief…" said Okonomahoyaki. "We swear it won't happen again…"
"I sincerely hope so!"
…
Back at the mansion, Werechan had his face buried in his face.
"What will I do? I almost hurt my friends! I almost hurt PMS! I can bear it if she is hurt and it was my doing! I have to leave on a journey and…"
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE PIG BOY!" said Ranma.
"Ranma! You don't understand! I am a danger to everyone! I have to leave so that I can't hurt anyone!"
"You can't leave."
"WHY NOT?"
"First of all, that decoder ring system down in the underground base only works if all four of us are there. For some really kooky reason. Second of all. Are you running away for the right reason?"
"What are you talking about"
"Are you running away from us…or yourself?"
"…your right Ranma. I can't keep running away from my fears forever! I have to have the courage to face them! Otherwise, I can never be a true champion of justice!"
"I…didn't say…anything…about…fear…"
"But what will I do if Black Opera Rose sings that song again?"
"Forgive me for eavesdropping, but maybe I can be of help, young masters…" said Kasumi as she went into the room.
…
Black Opera Rose stood menacingly as she surveyed the area around her.
"This place is perfect to build MY amphitheater! Where every night is a matinee night of MY great performance! But first I have to get rid of that dreary public school to make ample parking!"
"I'm sorry to say that your demolition request has been denied!"
"Who dares to interrupt me and my villainous narration?" Black Opera turned and came face to face with the NFF! "Oh. It's you rabble again."
"Where you expecting anyone else!" said Taijitu. "Honestly. Were you? Were like the only superheroes in town."
"Unfortunately, it wouldn't be proper if I was seen with riff raff such as you. So why don't you just amuse yourselves then?"
Black Opera Rose began singing the same banal ballad that bewitched our bestial buddy! But something is wrong? Werechan is not succumbing to the siren's sinister song! Black Opera Rose is taken back.
"Why? Why is my song not working?"
Werechan then pulled out a wad of cotton from his ears.
"Did you say something?"
"UGH!" said Black Opera Rose in disgust. "Such a vulgar tactic!"
…
We go back the night before!
"Can you hear anything?" asked Kasumi
"No. It's perfect!" said Ryoga
"Wait…you didn't hear her say 'can you hear anything' but you answered it…" said Ranma
"How did you ever come up with this Kasumi?" enthusiastically asked Ryoga.
"How do you suppose I managed to keep my hearing, with the launch pad so close to the house?"
…
"Looks like you wont be turning us on each other today Black Opera Rose!" said PMS
"Well, then looks like we have to engage in some fisticuffs then don't we? BOYS!" said Black Opera Rose.
A gang of punks came out of nowhere to protect Black Opera Rose.
"INDTRUDE WITH THESE INSOLENT INTERLOPERS!"
The gang then got into neat lines of four, did a ballet spin, started snapping and made their way to our heroes! Then they began singing in unison…menacingly!
Were gonna beat ya yeah!
Were gonna beay ya good!
Your in trouble yeah!
Cause were in a fighting mood!
First were gonna punch ya
Then we gonna kick ya !
Then we gonna beat ya
With a giant brick cha!
Oh your in trouble yeah!
What ya gonna do?
Were a bunch punks
Who can dance a step or two
Were walkin and snappin
Threatening and pacing
Were makin' our way'n
To where you are yeah!
We've got pipes made outta steel
We got knuckles outta brass
Taijitu suddenly punched the lead of the gang.
I'm gonna stop this song short
Cause we gotta kick your ASS!
Taijitu kicked the leader
"Oh! He's pretty strong!"
He spun and kicked another
"Oh that hurt a lot!"
One tried to punch him while snapping. He changed into his girl form and made a quick kick to the groin.
"Now he's a girl!"
She then did a spinning kick to the other members.
"And he's pretty hot!"
"My name is PMS
And look at me fly
But don't fall in love with me boys
Cause I'm gonna make you cry!"
PMS then snapped her fingers, making a nearby car explode. The shock sent many gang members flying, twirling, flipping and spinning. Okonomahoyaki then magically levitated the charred remains of the car and threw it at a water tower.
"Okonomahoyaki
No one makes pizzas better!
I'd make you my special
But I need lots of water!"
The charred car broke the water tower, sending a wave of water down on the gang members below.
"Oh were all wet!
Oh that's what we get!"
Werechan then started cracking his knuckles. The then charged at the boys.
"The least threatening gang
That's what you guys are really
I hope you're all ready
For the big finale!"
Werechan punched one boy, then sent him flying to the rest of the gang
"Oh he's pretty strong!
Oh we were wrong
Were now beat
We accept defeat
So now we have to say so long!"
The most unthreatening gang in the world scurried off with their tail between their legs. Black Opera Rose slapped her head.
"I knew I never should have gotten help from the classified ads. Only the poor and incompetent need free advertising…"
"Looks like your all alone now Black Opera Rose!" said Taijitu
"Well then, looks like if I want something done right, I have to do it myself!" said Black Opera Rose as she brought her fan up to cover her face
"HA! I won't fall for you hypnotic song ever again!" declared Werechan
"DO YOU THIINK I AM A ONE HIT WONDER? I have a plethora of great hits that can top the charts any day! I'll let you have a preview of my latest hit!" said Black Opera Rose as she brought down her fan. She suddenly released a giant sonic screech at our heroes!
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
Black Opera Rose laughed with such a powerful voice that a destructive sonic force slammed straight into our heroes. They tried to resist with all their might, but her laughter was too much. They were all sent flying to a wall
SMASHING
Black Opera Rose stopped her sonic assault and the heroes fell to the ground. Upon reaching the ground, for no reason at all, they exploded.
EXPLOSIVE
"Now do you realize your struggle's futility? OHOHOHOHOHO"
Once again our heroes was sent smashing into the wall
GROUND BREAKING
"ARG! I wont be beaten!" screeched PMS who flew up and unleashed her fire downwards towards Black Opera Rose. Suddenly, before the fire could reach her, Black Opera Rose flew up higher than PMS.
"You can fly too!"
"Don't look down upon my peasant! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
With another sonic blast, PMS was sent careening to the ground
BREATH TAKING
Black Opera Rose then landed on the ground. As she approached PMS, Okonomahoyaki got up and attacked.
"You stay away from her! Magical Special!"
She twirled her spatula and from the pentagram on the flat side, a pizza came out.
"Mystic pizza with everything on it!" she threw her magical projectile at Black Opera Rose.
"Thank you but I don't eat junk food" said Black Opera Rose. She then sung one note. The pizza stopped in mid-flight, vibrated profusely then dispersed.
"Impossible!" cried out Okonomahoyaki. "She sang a frequency that can nullify magic?"
"Your arcane arts are no match for my theatrical arts. OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
That sonic blast sent her to the wall again.
STAR STUDDED PERFORMANCE
"You had better give up now fools!"
"Not yet!" said Taijitu. "There are still two standing members of the NFF!"
"What can you two do?" mocked Black Opera Rose. "You can barely get near me!"
"Werechan!" Taijitu brought his ear near to his mouth. "This is what we will do!"
He started whispering. Werechan then got the cotton out of his ears.
"What?"
"Oh for my Christian God's sake" he whispered the plan again.
"Sounds good. Lets do it."
Werechan faced Black Opera Rose.
"Black Opera Rose! You will pay dearly for making me fight with my friends!" with that he rushed.
"Don't you ever learn? OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
The sonic wave was a strong blast but it didn't stop the heroic Man-beast!
"HRG!" cried out Werechan as he resisted the powerful sonic force. He took one painful step after another to get close to Black Opera Rose.
"Is he daft?" thought Black Opera Rose while still launching her sonic laughter. "If he gets too close to me the power of my sonic laugh will kill him!"
"GRRRRRRRRRRR!" cried out Werechan. He got very close to Black Opera Rose. The force was so strong; it was tearing some of the hairs out of his flesh. He took one more step, and then he felt something.
"NOW!" he yelled.
From behind Werechan, Taijitu leapt upwards.
"Impossible!" thought Black Opera Rose. "He used Werechan as a breaker! He hid behind him and let him break all the sonic energy, wait until the cone-like flow of the enrgy wasn't hitting his head and had him make his move! NO!"
"YES!" said Taijitu now that he was in striking range. "KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!"
Taijitu sent a flurry of punches towards Black Opera Rose.
MEDIOCRE
UNIMPRESSIVE
BLAND
I'VE SEEN BETTER
SECOND RATE
RUN OF THE MILL
AVERAGE
FLOP
"NO!" was all Black Opera Rose could say as she was bombarded with attacks. Taijitu then kicked her towards Werechan
BOMBED
Werechan finished her with one decisive punch
SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER WAS BETTER THAN THIS
Black Opera Rose was sent flying to a wall, crashing into it. With that, the devious diva was defeated.
…
The people came out and started cheering
"Oh thank yah once again Nerayma Fraydom Force!"said Officer O'Malley
"Werechan" said the Prime Minister/Commissioner. "It seems I was wrong about you. Will you accept my heartfelt apology?"
"No apology needed chief" said Werechan. "Because I learned much about myself. About who I am and about my friends!"
With that he shook Taijitu's hand firmly.
"Thank you Taijitu, for never doubting me!"
"That's okay Werechan. Now let go of my hand. Seriously. You're crushing it."
Okonomahoyaki and PMs eventually got up and joined in the celebration.
"You did it! You both did it!"
"YATTA!"
"Come on guys. Lets go home."
And so ends another exciting adventure of the Nerima Freedom Force! They have learned much about themselves and each other! But they are going to need those lessons for even greater challenges loom over the horizon, waiting to strike! And so true believers, stay tune for the next exciting chapter of the Nerima Freedom Force: A NATURAL DISASTER! THE NERIMA FREEDOM FORCE IS IN A BIND!
Same campy URL. Same campy fan fiction!
…
Author notes: thanks to all to reviewed. I aint kidding when I say that is the only thing egging me on to write this crud. BTW, did I make it too obvious that kodachi would be the next opponent? And in response to Rothos, I made Akane the fire girl cause she is angrier and the name PMS seemed apt and Ukyo the magical girl because she would be a funny magical girl. Not just because of the pizza motif, but the fact that she whacks people with her "staff" instead of twirling it around pointlessly.
