Author's note: Another longer chapter. Hope you enjoy. Happy reading and as always, leave a note on your way out. Dark rolling sea.

CHAPTER SEVEN

It had been a few days. She was still in the medical bay and was going crazy. They had made sure to keep her up to date on what was happening, but she wasn't allowed to go to her lab, and she had missed the last distribution mission. Tom had visited her daily, spending a good amount of time each day. They had had many conversations with each other, exploring each other's past (at least as much as Rachel was willing to share. Tom was much more open in this aspect), and even a few deep philosophical ones. She was hoping those daily talks would continue when she was released from here.

Someone sitting down in the chair next to her bed brought her out of her own mind and she looked over expecting to see Tom. She was a bit startled to see it was Tex instead, and she hoped that it didn't show on her face. She smiled at him.

"Hello, Tex," she said. He beamed a smile at her as he shifted to get more comfortable in the chair.

"Doc," he replied while nodding. "How's the recovery efforts going?"

"Slow and boring," she laughed. "I'm ready to get back to my lab."

"I can imagine."

They fell into an easy conversation as he filled her in on the goings on of the Nathan James as they made their way to the next port. And as always, he made her laugh, which made her side hurt. At some point during the conversation, she noticed movement by the door to the medical bay and she glanced up in time to see Tom step inside, and then stop. He looked at her and Tex, a sadness overcame his face, and then he abruptly turned and left the bay. Her heart sank a little bit. She didn't mean to cause Tom pain, but she still wasn't going to ignore Tex just because Tom was jealous of him. Rachel was well aware of the feelings Tex had for her, and deep down those feelings were not returned, but she did enjoy his company as a friend, and that is where their relationship sat.

She shifted her attention back to Tex but couldn't quite get back into the banter the same way. Tex noticed the shift in mood and leaned forward in the chair. He hesitated a moment and Rachel looked at him with question.

"What?" she finally asked.

"Everything okay? You kind of exited the conversation pretty quickly there."

"Hmm?" she asked looking at him. Then she nodded. "Sorry. Just feeling a bit tired," she lied, sort of. Tex studied her face a moment then nodded and sprang forward in the chair.

"Alrighty, Doc. I'll let you rest. Hopefully you get to break outa this joint soon."

"I hope so too," she mumbled and pushed back into the bed, staring at the ceiling. Tex nodded again, she felt him squeeze her shoulder then he was gone. She attempted to get some sleep, but her mind kept going back to the look on Tom's face when he had seen her and Tex talking. She wanted to see him. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to know where he stood. Rachel understood he was dealing with losing his wife, but she also knew that deep down, Tom Chandler felt the same about her as she did about him. She needed him to know that. Rachel looked around for Dr. Rios but didn't see him. She didn't see anyone at all in fact.

Blowing out a frustrated breath she laid back in the bed. Slattery's words were bouncing around in her head. She looked down and checked out her stitches. Everything looked fine, she was sore but otherwise felt fine. Forget this, she thought. She worked her IV port out of her hand and put pressure on the spot. Then she climbed gingerly out of the bed.

Once she was standing, she again looked around to see if anyone had seen her. The medical bay was quiet. She exited out the hatch and took the p-way trying to determine where the captain may be. She figured to try his state room first. The look on his face earlier made her think he was going to need to be alone to work through his emotions. She knocked on his hatch and waited. No answer. She had a blast of déjà vu as she knocked again.

"Captain, it's Dr. Scott. Can I speak with you, please?" She heard movement in the cabin and took a step back, glancing up and down the p-way. It was late enough that no one was moving, which she was grateful for. The door was opening. Tom opened it then walked away. Rachel felt her heart sink a little. She entered his state room and closed the door behind her. She turned around to find him standing at his desk with his hands on the edge, looking down.

"I didn't know Rios released you," he said suspiciously.

"He didn't," Rachel replied. Tom looked up and gave her a disapproving look. "Tom, please," she pleaded. "We need to talk about this."

"About what?" he asked. His voice was steady, lacking in emotion of any kind. His hands gripped the edge of the desk tightly.

Rachel felt defeated. She dropped heavily onto the couch and winced at the pain in her side. Shifting her weight, she found a more comfortable position. She sat staring at him waiting for any kind of recognition. His posture didn't change.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked quietly.

He didn't respond. She sighed loudly and fidgeted with the couch arm. She felt the frustration brewing deep inside her, the confusion swirling around her head. Sometimes he was so at ease with her, other times he wasn't.

"Captain," she said quietly. He still didn't respond. She thought about what she wanted to say to him. Easing herself back to her feet, trying to do it with as little pain as possible, she approached him. Her hand settled gently on his arm, in the crook of his bent elbow. His body flinched slightly at her touch. Rachel studied his face and watched as he closed his eyes and dipped his head to his chest.

Rachel made a decision and committed to it. Her other hand reached up and settled against his jaw line, applying gentle pressure so he would look at her. Once his face turned, his blue eyes swimming with an emotional tidal wave, she slipped her hand around to the back of his neck and pulled his face down as she pushed up on her tiptoes. Their lips touched and Rachel paused, waiting for Tom to react.

They stood frozen in time for a long moment, then Tom started to move his lips against her. The kiss took on a slow steady burn as they simply explored each other. His hands released the edge of the desk, his left coming to her face, his right draping over her shoulder. She kept her one hand firm on the back of his head, the other hand curled into a fist against his chest.

Tom pulled back slightly and dropped his forehead against hers, then took a step back and broke contact with her. Rachel stood waiting for him to react. He seemed conflicted, but she sensed the anger was simmering lower now. She reached out and touched his arm, but he turned away from her and moved towards the couch. She watched his back, noticed his breathing was a bit ragged.

"Tom," she whispered. She didn't know what else to say, or rather how to say it. "I'm sorry," she finally settled on. That seemed to elicit a response from him. His body stiffened and his head tipped to the side. His back was still to her, and she couldn't see his face. They stood quiet for a few more moments. Finally, he turned to face her, and she saw the tear tracks on his face.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he breathed out. Rachel closed the gap between them, and Tom allowed her to do so. Her hand sprang to his jaw, her thumb rubbing at the tear streak. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm the one that…I'm the one, not you."

Rachel had the overwhelming urge to kiss him again, so she did just that. Slipping her hand from his jaw to the back of his head again she tugged him down and rose up to meet him. She felt him resist against her hand and she froze, a mere inch from contact. She looked into his sad eyes with question.

"You're right. We need to talk," he huffed in a ragged breath. Rachel felt fear ping in her heart. He glanced around and then slid onto the couch. Rachel stood for a moment then sat down on the other side of the couch, turned to face him, her leg tucked up under her. He sat with his legs outstretched in front of him, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He stared at his feet. Rachel sat and waited. The silence stretched.

"I thought you wanted to talk," Rachel finally said. "That generally involves words." Tom looked up at her and smirked, before looking at his feet again. Rachel sighed. She was beginning to wonder if this was all worth it. Then Slattery's words echoed in her mind again. Rachel dropped a hand to his closer knee. "I can't read minds, Tom."

"I know," he replied finally. "I talked to Mike."

"I figured as much," Rachel replied. Tom looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "He said something that only makes sense if he knows something."

"Mike thinks I need to get my head on straight," Tom said absently.

"What do you think," Rachel asked softly. Tom looked at her and shook his head slightly.

"I don't know, and that's part of the problem. He told me I'm hiding behind the fraternization rules."

"Are you?"

"Maybe," Tom said with a heavy sigh. "I think about us all the time."

"Us?" Rachel asked a little stunned. Tom leaned his head back on the top of the couch. Rachel rested her elbow on the back of the couch and then set her chin in her palm.

"Us," Tom breathed out. "And I do, I really do, think about it, to the point of distraction."

"I think about us too," Rachel said. Tom closed his eyes.

"I think about us and then I start to feel guilty. I think about you, and I start to miss my wife. It's a really weird limbo and I don't know how to break it."

"Then maybe it's not time," Rachel replied. Tom picked his head up and looked at her. He reached his arm along the back of the couch and fingered some of her hair. Rachel sat still and let him explore.

"Maybe," Tom mumbled. "But then I see you with him and it hurts."

"Tex and I are just friends," she whispered as she squeezed her hand on his knee. "I know he likes me, but there really isn't anything there for me other than I enjoy his friendship."

"I know, I think. He has told me how he feels about you. He even told me once he was making his move because I hadn't." Rachel's face showed her shock. Tom smiled.

"When was that?"

"Before the Vyerni," Tom replied with a small smile. Rachel thought about how he had said that was when things changed for him.

"So why are you jealous?" she asked. Tom's hand had stilled along the back of the couch. He looked at his feet again, contemplating her question.

"The ease of which he can interact. The way he makes you smile and laugh."

"You make me smile," she replied softly, giving him a smile to prove it. He reached over and squeezed her shoulder, then let his hand linger. "You can always talk to me, Tom, about anything."

"I still love my wife," he said softly. "I know she's gone. I've been trying to work through the guilt and the sorrow."

"Guilt?" Rachel asked shifting her weight, bringing her a little bit closer to him.

"If I could have just got us to Baltimore a little bit sooner," he mumbled with a shrug. Rachel leaned in, taking the hand from his knee, and placing it gently in the center of his chest.

"Tom," she said softly.

"I know, but I can't help but feel guilty. I know we couldn't have really done anything differently than we did. There wasn't anything that could have changed the timeline enough, but I feel like I let down my kids. I feel guilty I wasn't there to keep them safe. I feel guilty I had to leave my kids with my dad and take off again. Ashley and Sam deserve more. I feel guilty I've already fallen in love again."

His last statement caught her off guard. His hand came up from his side and covered hers that was on his chest. His hand along the back of the couch traced small patterns on her shoulder. She licked her lips and tipped her head to the side.

"I've rendered you speechless," he rumbled. She leaned in and laid her head against his chest, wincing a little as a pain went through her side. She felt his arms encircle her and his chin touch the top of her head. He held her there for a long moment before he shifted their bodies and stretched his legs down the couch. They both shifted into a laying position.

"This is what I want, but sometimes intrusive thoughts creep in. I'm trying really hard to overcome them, but sometimes I get defeated."

"This is what I want too, Tom." Rachel finally found her voice. She let her body sink into his as his arms wrapped around her.

To Be Continued…