A/N--- This is fun, I hope I'm not offending too many people... heh heh... By the by, did you notice that there seems to be no instructions on this website? bugger... any tips/ constructive crit, etc. will be muchly appreciated..

also, I wrote these as part of a weekly newsletter, which is why the chapters are so short thus far...

Disclaimer-- I do not own Star Trek, or any of the characters within.. I only own my sense of humor, my notebook, and my slight Star Trek Obsession...

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Parody Alert

Thus far in our story, the Captain has just questioned red-shirt # 5 to DEATH!

Back on the bridge, Uhura turns to the Captain and starts to remind him that they need to meet the rendezvous.

"Yes I KNOW! Spock, distraction, please."

Spock stands and starts reciting a list of analogies of what it would be like for this imaginary creature to alter it's molecular structure, as wood to ivory, gold to lead, etc. Kirk stops him mid-analogy.

"Wait, I've just thought of something... What if... the creature could somehow... change itself, to avoid our scanners?"

The crew does it's weekly eye-roll. "Yes, Captain, good idea Captain."

"But Spock, what if... like ivory to lead!"

"Wood, Captain. Like ivory to wood."

"Don't be a moron, Spock, go back to your scanner and act like you're being useful."

Spock sulks and decides to go see what McCoy is doing. "Yes Captain.. Chekov, take over on scanner."

The bridge crew sits and stares at the screen anxiously, waiting for something to happen, before a red-shirt comes up to Kirk. "You the new security, boy?"

"Yessir, Garrovick, Sir."

"Whatever. You red-shirt #3?"

"Yessir."

"Ya wanna get a crack at what killed the other reds? Then meet me in the transporter room with phasers and some more of you red guys."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

On the planet's surface, Kirk and five res-shirts are scanning the area for the big pink cloud that can change it's molecular structure. Good luck, guys. The reds hold the exact poses they were assigned, while crazy Kirk stalks around them, muttering to his scanner.

Red-shirt #9 whispers to #78, "He does know we're just scanning air here, right?"

"AH HA! Did you see that molecular change? See? You weren't looking, were you? See, there!"

"Yes sir, that way sir."

"Ah yes, over that rise. You take two men and go around the left, I'll take the other two and swing around the back. And remember, this thing is dangerous, so if you see it, fire full phasers."

"Yessir. 16 and 25, come with me."

Kirk stands dramatically for a moment before heading off.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Flash to Garrovick and his men, the malicious gaseous cloud is sneaking up behind them, over the top of a large rock, which they would have known if they had bothered to keep their scanners on.

"Mwa ha hahaha!" Garrovick hears the cloud cackling, turns and sees it's evil pinkness descend before him. After staring blankly at it for a moment, he fires.

Kirk hears the phaser-fire -if it's just a laser, how can you hear it, anyway?- and he runs in the direction of the sound, apparently the exact opposite direction he had been going. Stupid Kirk. He finds Garrovick, staring ashen-faced at the bodies of 16 and 25. Kirk's two red-shirts exchange smirks, knowing that not only are they alive, but "Garrovick's gonna get it..."

"Dammit, why do they always have to breathe after they die? That always freaks me out." Kirk wipes his sweaty chin on his phaser grimly.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kirk's Log: "This is not good. So far the count is: Pink Alien Cloud, 5; Kirk, none. Damn. This thing must be a genius, to outwit me. I am certain this is the same pink cloud that decimated the crew of that other ship I was on 11 years ago. In other notes, we are still late for our rendezvous with that other ship, to deliver much-needed plague supplies to the citizens of some planet or other. Oh well. Both of my right-hand men are beginning to doubt me. Time to give them a raise, that usually cuts concerns pretty fast."

to be continued...