A/N-- Thank you to Schematization and Shadow Valkyrie for the reviews, (my very first, SQUEE!) ahem.. and for the helpful tips, much appreciated. This parody took four pages on my typewriter, and practically wrote itself while I was watching the episode... later on you will be seeing actual quotes, given other meanings, of course... (What kind of name isSchematization, anyway? grin)

Disclaimer... I don't own it... don't Sue me.. heh heh...

Star Trek, amusing nitpickers for generations.

Yea, indeed, more parody.

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Spock, the Good Doctor, and Garrovick arrive for the questioning.

The Captain glowers. "Spock, I haven't thought up any questions yet, you start."

"Yes Captain. Ahem... what did this thing look like, ensign?"

"Uhh.. A big, pink cloud..."

"Ensign, purely out of medical curiosity, were you on any illegal substances at the time you saw this pink cloud?"

"Uhh, no sir."

Kirk sulks. "Ensign, go to your room without any supper and stay there until I tell you to come out!"

Garrovick stalks away to his room, throws himself on the bed and cries like a teenage girl because he always though there was a future between him and Kirk, but now his hopes have been dashed. He even decorated his room with the same clashing pinks and oranges as Kirk's. Awww...

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Kirk stalks onto the bridge, fuming as only captains can fume. Scotty dares to approach him first.

"Captain, I'll now give ye a plot point, an' tell ye tha' the engineerin' crew are requestin' for the second time tha' I get a new accent, as they cannna understand a word I say."

"Yes, yes, very good, Scotty."

Seeing that the Captain did not in fact bite Scotty's head off, Uhura gives it a try. "Captain, the rendezvous--"

"GAAA, enough with the blasted rendezvous already!" Kirk growls at Chekov about the scanners, then stomps off the bridge again.

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Spock peers somberly into the lab, where the Good Doctor is working. "Doctor, I find myself in need of your advice."

"Well then, I need a drink."

Spock gives him a politely puzzled eyebrow. "I do not understand the Captain's recent obsession with this gaseous cloud. And by the way, I do like your satin scrubs. They bring out your eyes exquisitely."

"Why thank you Spock, I wish I could say the same about all the blue eyeshadow you're wearing."

"I have discovered that the captain of the ship our Captain was on eleven years ago was no other than Ensign Garrovick's Father."

The Good Doctor gasps. "No!"

"Indeed. And there is more."

"Go on!"

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Kirk's inner sanctum Kirk is lying on his orange, sparkly bed, inner monologuing about how confused he is, and wondering if all this trouble is caused by Mercury Retrograde.

McCoy swaggers in, resplendent in his satin medical t-shirt. He leans against the doorframe, aghast at the clashing colors running rampant within the room. Kirk glances at him from behind his freaky orange screen, then looks away.

"Not tonight Bones, I have a headache."

McCoy pouts, then decided to get to the point. "Jim, I know about what happened eleven years ago. Put it behind you and let's get these damned medical supplies to our rendezvous."

"I can't help how I feel, Bones."

McCoy glowers. "I am preparing a medical log, showing my doubt as to how mentally intact you are for this mission. This requires a second opinion by someone of command status, so behind door number one--"

Spock enters. Kirk looks confused and comes out from behind his orange screen.

"Sir, we would like to ask you a few questions, as recommended by the manual. We have--"

"Blast it Spock, forget the manual!"

Spock looks a trifle miffed. "That is not what you said last night, Sir."

"Ask me your questions, dammit."

"Sir, the rendezvous--"

"Damn the rendezvous! I know this thing is a vicious cloud come back to get me, just like it did eleven years ago!"

Is Kirk crazy? Find out next time!