Parody brought to you by Hamlet
Is Kirk Crazy? (Would you really be surprised if he was?)
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McCoy and Spock exchange reluctant glances. "Captain, I suppose IF this were the same pink cloud that it could pose a grave threat to the federation..."
"Yes, exactly, you see my point. We have to stay here."
"Well..." A hail from Chekov interrupts them. "I have a reading on your big pink thing, Sir."
"Excellent. I'll be right there, Mr. Chekov." Kirk runs out of his room and Spock and McCoy snigger before following.
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On the bridge, Scotty is looking worried about the engines, as he always is when they are doing more than orbiting a planet. "Captain, I dinnae--"
"Yes, yes I know, Scotty. Thank you. Do what you can to make us go faster."
Scott does his even-more worried face. "Aye Sir. We may just explode any moment now."
"Grr... Alright, go to warp six." The crew sighs in relief and Kirk makes his apprehensive face, now that they are no longer chasing a big pink cloud through space as fast as possible.
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Meanwhile, Garrovick is moping on his bed. The cute blond nurse (yes, still Nurse Chapel) brings him some food. Celery sticks, soup and colored cubes. Yummy.
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The pink thing is now slowing to warp two. Kirk is getting excited.
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Back at the ranch, Garrovick sulks and throws the lid of his colored cube plate against the wall, which hits the switch turning on a vent connected to the OUTSIDE. Yes, Garrovick has decided to use the tool that the cruel starship designers made especially for sulky crew members, the Suicide Vent. He is planning to slowly suffocate himself. Then he hears the call to battle stations and changes his mind, leaving the room in a dash.
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The pink cloud is hovering in front of the enterprise. Kirk orders the phasers to fire.
Chekov gasps. "But Sir, it's such a pretty color!"
"I don't care. Fire!"
It doesn't work. The cloud sticks its tongue out at the Enterprise and does a raspberry.
"Damn. Try something bigger. Photon Torpedoes!"
The Torpedoes fire... and the blob gets mad. It attempts to swallow the ship, forgetting in the process that it has no teeth and therefore cannot gobble them up. However, it does find the handy plot point (a ventilation duct that leads to the OUTSIDE of the ship--what were these people thinking when they built this thing?) and enters the ship, killing two more crewmen on the way.
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The men are arguing in the ready room. "Dammit, that means it's gaseous cloud, seven; Kirk, none. What do we do? I know! Scotty, try flushing radioactive waste through the ventilation system, see if that will get it out!"
Scotty gives him a strange look. "Aye Captain, why didn't I think of that before..." Then backs away slowly.
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Garrovick is back in his quarters, sulking, having forgotten about his earlier suicide attempt.
Spock enters solemnly. "I know you are simply wishing to wallow in your oh-so-human emotion, but I have come to shake you out of it. I would simply like you to--" Spock cuts off, having noticed that the suddenly well-lit vent is oozing pink gaseous stuff. "Get out!" He shoves Garrovick out the door and breaks the vent switch while trying to close it. Whoops. Must be that incredible Vulcan physique.
Garrovick sends for the Captain via intercom. Kirk comes running with the doctor, after telling Scotty to suck the big pink thing back into the vent, which he can apparently do from the bridge. They scan the room through the closed door, then it opens and Spock walks out.
Kirk smiles, then stands straight and throws his shoulders back. "Don't misunderstand my next question Spock, but--" (1)
"What the hell were you doing in the ensign's room anyway, Spock?"
Spock raises an eyebrow at the doctor, then waits for the Captain to continue.
Kirk, miffed at McCoy for stealing his question, thinks up another one. "Why aren't you dead, Spock?"
"Ah, it's his green blood," interjects the doctor.
Scotty hails the Captain, saying the cloud is headed back out the vents into space.
Find out what happens next time...again...
A/N--- the (1)after a line means that it is an actual quote.. Mwahaha.. I love parody.. I honestly would have had Sulu say the lines about the Captain's 'big pink thing', but he wasn't in this episode and I didn't want to mess with it that much. And for those of you plotting other.. er.. plots for this episode, (you know who you are, you naughty person you!), I just stuck to the show itself, not any attempts for a certain someone to murder his superior... loved the "Spock rubbing his hands together or his pointy ears at the thought of getting the command chair" bit though..
Allyp
