Splinter knew the danger was over, that his family was safe, his sons were healing… but still, he found himself unable to shake a feeling that kept niggling at him… a feeling that came far too close to fear. As if turning away for one moment too long would cause them to disappear, just like Leo had into that portal.
Nothing would ever lessen the pride he felt for his son's bravery, or the gratitude that he'd returned to them. But something still tugged at him, made him feel that something wasn't right. Leo was recovering from his injuries, but it seemed his ordeal had left him wounded in more ways than one, and some of them weren't healing as well. There seemed to be a sense of heaviness to him, a melancholy that never seemed to completely go away even when he smiled and laughed like he always did. That left Splinter uncertain how much of it was genuine, and how much was merely an act put on to make his family think he was fine. He'd hoped it would get better as time went on, but that was quickly proving a false hope. Now all his thinking was going into figuring out the best way to confront Leo.
Heaven knew asking outright had come to mind, but Splinter had tried that already, along with each of his other sons. The reaction was the same every time… a quick, practiced smile and reassurance that he was fine. Leonardo was nothing if not stubborn. A wry smile came to Splinter's face.
I wonder where he got that.
"Dad?"
The timid sound of his youngest son's voice broke into Splinter's thoughts, and he turned on the chair he was standing on to see Mikey standing at the doorway to the kitchen with an uneasy expression. Concerned, the rat frowned.
"Is something wrong, Orange?" he asked.
Mikey shifted on his feet, then walked over with his head and shoulders drooping.
"Well, yeah… I think something is with Leo. I mean, he's healing fine and it doesn't look like he's hurting or anything, but he just… he seems really sad about something. I dunno if it's just me, but I'm worried."
A sad smile tugged at Splinter's face, and he reached out, placing a gentle hand on his son's arm.
"It isn't just you," he assured him. "I am too. I think we all are."
Mikey let out a quiet sigh as he placed his elbows on the counter, placing his chin on his enjoined hands.
"I don't get it," he mumbled. "I mean, I know he probably still feels bad about everything, but I'm pretty sure that's not the main problem now."
He glanced at Splinter, who nodded for him to go on. With a sigh, the youngest turtle went on.
"I mean, this morning he was late getting up, so I went to see if he was okay. When I walked in, he was sitting on his bed and just… staring at his hands like he didn't know what they were. But before I could say anything, he saw me and his face just… changed, and he was acting totally fine. I tried asking what was wrong, but…" His brow furrowed in a frown, and he let out a huff. "Well, ya know what he always says."
Splinter patted Mikey's head, giving him another gentle smile when he looked up.
"I know this is hard, Michelangelo, but don't blame yourself. Leo can be far too stubborn in the best of times, and now he thinks he needs to be stronger for you and your brothers."
The youngest turtle nodded, with a strange sadness in his eyes that somehow made him look both far too young and far too old.
"Yeah, I know. I just… I know he's not gonna get better till he talks t' us, and I don't know how t' make him see it's okay."
Letting out a soft hum of agreement, Splinter turned back to the stovetop and lifted the teapot, pouring some. Draxum had brought it from the hidden city, insisting that it would do wonders for Leonardo's healing process. Despite his lingering unease toward the yokai, Splinter needed to thank him next time he saw him.
"You taking that to Leo now?"
Splinter nodded, but before he could say anything Mikey went on in a hopeful voice.
"Then… can you try n' talk to him? I mean, you're pretty good at getting us to… maybe he'll listen t' you."
The rat let out a quiet sigh.
"He hasn't seemed much more partial to opening up to me so far, but I do intend to keep trying."
"I can come too!" Mikey said, his voice noticeably excited. "Dr. Feelings can always give moral support!"
That brought a smile to Splinter's face as he climbed down, careful not to spill any of the tea.
"Of course," he said. "Even if he still doesn't want to talk, he'll certainly appreciate your company. It does more for all of us than you can imagine."
He glanced at his youngest son, his smile widening at the almost bashful look on his face. Even if he took some pride in his remarkable gift for empathy, Michelangelo had always held a sense of modesty.
"I really hope so," the youngest turtle said softly. "I wanna help him any way I can."
Splinter couldn't stop his expression from sobering a little.
"So do I," he murmured. Leonardo had been making excellent progress if he did say so himself, but he still hadn't taken all the steps to heal completely. Whether it was because he wasn't sure how or just was ashamed, it was hard to tell. Splinter had a feeling it was both, and he couldn't help feeling some shame when he thought that. He could never stop himself from wondering if it might be a result of something he did, or more likely didn't do.
But the past is the past, he thought. I can be here now, and I will.
He headed toward Leo's train car, Mikey tagging along. The door was open, but Splinter still hesitated outside, giving a few soft knocks. The blue-banded turtle looked up from where he was resting on his bed; he'd just finished his physical therapy and still tired easily. He grinned when he saw who it was and sat up a little straighter.
"Hey," he said. "Time for Draxum's nasty leaf juice?"
Splinter heard Mikey's snort of amusement and couldn't help smiling himself.
"Tea, my son," he corrected automatically, knowing it was pointless. "And yes. But it's been helping, as he said."
Leo shrugged, letting out a petulant-sounding sigh.
"I know, I know… I'm not complaining." He looked at Mikey and his smile widened.
"Hey there, lil' bro," he said. "How's your practice going?"
His tone was light, but Splinter could hear an undercurrent of concern in his voice. Both Leo and his other brothers had been more protective then usual of the youngest ever since learning from Casey what happened to him in the future. Splinter shuddered at the memory himself; the thought of how close a call each of his sons had left a bone-deep chill in him that he still couldn't shake.
"Goin' great!" the youngest turtle said happily. "Draxum said it'll be a while 'fore I can do bigger stuff, but I'm doing great!"
The slight tension in Leo's body relaxed at that. Still smiling, Splinter handed his blue banded son the cup. As the young turtle began to sip from it, the rat felt eyes on him and turned his head to see Mikey looking at him with an encouraging expression. Despite a twinge of nervousness, Splinter pushed past it and moved to sit beside Leo's bed. He couldn't help but fear he might be about to push his son away again, but he wasn't going to let it stop him. Leo still needed help, and if this was what it took to help him heal, Splinter wouldn't let up.
"Leonardo," he said, his tone soft. His son immediately looked at him, no doubt recognizing his 'serious discussion' voice. Splinter went on, hoping he wouldn't turn away and insist he was fine.
"We're all very proud of how far you have come, but we know there's still something troubling you."
An expression of conflict, and what looked a good deal like fear, came over Leo's face. The idea that his son might be afraid to confide in him, that he wanted to continue hurting to spare his family the same, was heartbreaking to Splinter, and he knew the others felt the same way.
"Think that's the case for all of us," Leo said, quickly schooling his expression. "But it's not…"
Knowing what his next words would be, Splinter laid a hand on his son's arm.
"I know," he said. "And we are glad you've taken this lesson to heart. But sometimes, it does have to be about you. You cannot take care of others if you aren't willing to take care of yourself too."
Those words seemed to have caught Leo completely off guard. He blinked, looking as if he was struggling for a response, then his eyes went to Mikey as the younger turtle moved toward the bed with a gentle but pleading expression.
"Please, Leo," he said quietly. "Whatever's bugging you, we wanna know."
Splinter could see the conflict in his son's eyes, his longing to open up warring with his instinct to hold back. Finally, he let his posture slacken, his eyes moving to the almost empty teacup in his hands. For a moment he was silent, but then spoke in a soft, almost fearful voice that Splinter realized he hadn't heard from him since he was very small.
"Who am I?"
