Author's Note: Another chapter for your reading pleasure. This one is a little longer and full of angst. Hope you enjoy. Happy Reading! Dark rolling sea.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Three days had passed. Each day had been filled with tension and awkwardness. Rachel was contemplating heading back to the ship instead of staying with the Chandlers. Tom had been distant, and Rachel knew he was dealing with his guilt and grief all over again, after being in the house. Ashley was angry and made it well known to her father. Jed had been the pleasant point, trying very hard to make her feel welcome and attempting to be a buffer in the house. Sam had also been an enjoyable piece of the puzzle as he didn't seem to harbor the same ill will his sister did.

She thought that maybe Sam wasn't quite comprehending the scope of his dad's and Rachel relationship, or maybe he was just trying to please his dad by not being upset about it. Ashley's reaction and subsequent actions had taken a toll on Tom. Rachel had tried to comfort him when they were alone at night, but Tom had shut down, just as he had feared he would.

Rachel had taken refuge at Kelly Tophet's house more than once over the last three days. That's where she found herself after lunch as the Chandler house was full of anger and pain. Rachel had needed a breather, somewhere to think through her next plan of action.

"We knew it would be difficult, but this…" Rachel was saying to Kelly. She felt her eyes burning with unshed tears.

"Ashley is just trying to figure out life. She has been through so much since the outbreak. We all have. But she was at an age where she was just figuring out the way the world works, and then it all changed in a heartbeat. She watched her mother die."

"She's angry at Tom for that too, I think," Rachel breathed out. "She's angry about a lot of things."

"It's quite typical at that age regardless. Throw in the added trauma of everything," Kelly said softly. Rachel looked at her and nodded. Rachel remembered her own teenage years and the anger she had harbored at her father, and at the world in general.

"Yes. It doesn't help that Tom is shutting down as well. He's feeling the guilt again I know he is. Being in that house has brought up all the grief again, and I think he's feeling guilty that he fell in love with me again."

"The relationship between you two moved fast, but I can tell it's deep and genuine. He'll come around."

"It moved fast because we were at sea removed from the memories of Darien. Once he knew she was dead, and he processed that, his brain jumped. He's dealt with a lot of guilt of moving on so quickly. He feels like he is cheating I think."

"Understandable. Have you thought about giving him more space? Time to grieve and get more comfortable with the idea?"

"I've suggested it. He is adamant he doesn't need it and that he doesn't want to…take a break."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I've thought about going back to the ship and letting him have the rest of this time with just his family. He will be mad, but I think it might be the best-case scenario. Maybe if I'm not in sight, Ashely can better process what she is feeling."

"How do you think Tom will feel about that?"

"He will hate it. He'll be angry I want to leave."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I don't know. I want to be with him. I want to be a part of his family."

"But?"

"But I fear it may be too soon. I think we all need to take a break and try to work through the issues."

"Then maybe that's what you tell Tom," Kelly replied softly, her hand covering Rachel's on the table. "There's no doubt the two of you love each other, but maybe it's just not the right time."

"I told him that once, but he pushed the timeline. He's the one that continued."

"Have the two of you talked about Ashley's reaction?"

"No. He's pretty much kept quiet since that first night when he…"

"He what?" Kelly asked. Rachel thought about that first night when they almost had sex, but Tom had frozen up and pulled away. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk about that just yet. Kelly sat patiently letting her spin her wheels and Rachel appreciated that. She thought about her conversation with Jed about how Tom struggled at the personal aspect of life. After a long pause Rachel finally formed her thoughts.

"That first night he pulled away hard and has been distant since. I know he and Ashley have had some long talks, but I don't think it's helping right now, at least not outwardly. But he won't talk to me about it."

"Have you asked him?"

"Kind of?" Rachel blew out in a breath. "It's been hard. He and the children have spent a lot of time together and he tries to include me, but it hasn't gone well so I begged off today. I let the three of them go by themselves."

"It sounds like you need to make a choice and stick to it, Rachel. Either get him to talk about it or go back and stay on the ship for now. Or you could stay over here. We have the third bedroom."

"I suppose I do need to make a decision," Rachel replied, fiddling with her hands. The two women were silent for a long moment before Kelly spoke changing the subject. They both looked out the window when they saw Tom and the children return home. Rachel watched as the three got out of the car and walked towards the house. All three were smiling and laughing, even Ashley. Rachel made no move to get up. She wasn't sure she wanted to go back and intrude on the family moment.

"You, okay?" Kelly asked. Rachel broke from her thoughts and looked at the other woman.

"You mind if I stay here for a little bit?" Rachel asked hesitantly. Kelly studied her eyes for a moment then smiled a small smile.

"Absolutely you can stay here. For as long as you need."

"Thank you," Rachel whispered.

Rachel hid at the Tophet's for the rest of the afternoon. She had dinner with them and then Ava left to go hang out with Ashley. Rachel was sitting on their living room couch deep in thought about what she was going to do about the current situation when there was a knock on the front door. She watched Kelly put down her book and get up. The door opened and Rachel settled deeper into the couch, she had a feeling who was there. Kelly was telling the person to come inside and then Kelly excused herself and left the living room. Rachel looked up to see Tom standing awkwardly in front of the closed door. Rachel dropped her eyes but didn't say anything. Tom didn't move and the quiet dragged on a few more moments before he broke it.

"Everything okay?" he asked hesitantly. His voice heavy and sounding like he was barely holding his emotions in check. She glanced back up and saw his eyes were wet with unshed tears. Rachel looked away and tried to formulate her thoughts.

"I don't know, Tom," she said quietly, her voice cracking. She worked her throat, swallowing hard to try and dislodge the lump. She blinked her eyes willing the burning tears sitting there to stay put. She was losing the battle. The stress of the last few days was building, and she was about to explode. Tom noticed the pain in her and moved quickly to the couch, sliding down next to her, and drawing her into his arms. He pressed her tightly to his chest, kissing the top of her head before resting his chin gently there. Rachel felt the dam crumble and the torrent of her emotions exploded. Tears fell quickly soaking into Tom's shirt.

After she felt she had enough control she pulled back slightly, and Tom released his hold on her. She looked up at his face and noticed he had been crying as well. Rachel ran her hand down his cheek to his jaw as she sniffed. Tom locked eyes with her and she could see the stress and pain looking back at her. He leaned down and kissed her before pulling back and pursing his lips.

"Are we okay?" He asked. It was something he had asked multiple times since they had gotten together. She knew he was afraid of losing her, absolutely terrified. Rachel hesitated. She knew what her idea would do to him in this state, but she still felt it might be the best option. In the very least she needed to stay at the Tophet's house but going back to the ship seemed like a better option. She watched his eyes sink deeper into despair and she felt her heart constrict.

"Tom, we need to talk," she breathed out, her voice a barely audible whisper. Tom dropped back heavily against the couch, a defeated look on his face.

"I don't want to lose you," his gravelly voice whispered.

"And you won't, but I don't think our current situation is doing anyone any good and I think it's best if I just stay…"

"No," he cut her off sternly. A little bit of Captain Chandler returning. She sighed.

"Tom, it's not going well and…"

"Rachel," he said, a warning tone in his voice. She could see the anger starting to build.

"Damn it!" she shouted at him, springing to her feet and pacing the living room. His eyes tracked her back and forth, but he stayed seated. "Do you have any idea how bloody hard this is for me!"

Her words seemed to strike him across the face. She had been so patient and understanding. She had hidden her pain and discomfort from him so as to not add more to his plate, but it was getting to be too much. To put voice to her feelings made them flood her system. Rachel felt the tears falling again. She wiped at them with her fist angrily.

"Oh, Rachel," Tom whispered and from the sound of his voice he was crying too. Rachel didn't take the time to confirm it. "I'm sorry, I never…I know this isn't an ideal situation."

"Tom it's bloody hell. I should go back to the ship for now."

"No," Tom whispered, and he stood stepping into her path, stopping her pacing.

"You need to spend time with your kids before we redeploy. I'm causing issues between your daughter and you. I feel like I'm competing with a dead woman for bloody sakes, and I feel like she is winning. I need some space."

"Rachel, please."

"You've been doing a good job of ignoring me since that first night when we almost…" her voice faltered. She couldn't continue. Tom reached out and tugged her closer wrapping his strong arms around her, pulling her tightly to his chest.

"I'm so sorry. This was harder than I anticipated. Ashely is angry, yes, but she will come around. I promise. She's going to love you just like I do."

"Tom you can't promise that," she said, her voice muffled against his chest.

"No, I guess I can't but you hiding away on the ship won't fix it either."

"I'm not leaving you, Tom. I just think we all need some space for right now. We can try again after some time has passed," Rachel replied pulling her head back so she could look at him. He let go of her and sat back down on the couch, his hand latching onto hers and pulling her with him. Rachel didn't resist and sunk down next to him.

"I don't want you to go," he whispered, his voice uneven. Rachel looked at him, her hand cupping the side of his face.

"I know. I don't really want to be away from you either, but I really think it's the best scenario for what's going on right now. I think we all need a little space."

"When are you going back?"

"Tomorrow. In the morning, I think. It's too late to drive back now."

"Where will you stay tonight?" Tom asked, his eyes shining. Rachel sighed.

"I thought maybe here, with Kelly and Ava," she replied. She watched his eyes fall. Rachel felt her heart tug. She didn't want to add to his heartache. She didn't want to add to his pain and torment. But she also didn't think she could do it anymore. Not right now, under these circumstances at least.

"Rachel," Tom said, his voice sounding broken. Rachel felt fresh tears tumble down her cheeks. She dropped her eyes from his. It was getting too painful to continue.

"No, Tom, this is what is needed right now. Go home. Be with your children. I'll head back to the ship tomorrow. In a few days you'll be back anyway. Trust me, we need this break." Rachel forced the words out, trying desperately to keep her voice even. Tom nodded slowly the pain in his eyes. He stood from the couch then hesitated. He reached down and pulled her up to a standing position. He waited a beat, the wheels in his brain spinning. Then he leaned in and kissed Rachel in a slow sensuous kiss. When he pulled back from her Rachel could see the turmoil in his eyes. He sighed, then turned and walked out the Tophet's front door.

To Be Continued…