Chapter 24

'I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll

I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds

But oh, God I feel like I've been lie to

Lost all faith in the things I've achieved'

So much has changed since she first joined the Bladebreakers. Those months she spent with them as a team flew through her mind in flashes she couldn't grasp. Alone she walked through the busy streets the whole day, ignoring everyone yet alert of her surroundings. She had no idea where she was going and she didn't care. She just walked. She was what some would call of the world but not in it. Her mind was clouded with the consequences she had just drawn upon herself and the team for letting her guard down.

I was careless. I let my guard down. And this is the price.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, for those months, days she spent with the Bladebreakers, she had started to 'feel' again and for the first time in years, actually allowed herself to open up a little.

And these are the consequences.

A cold icy feeling curled around her heart like a hand, ready to crush her. She shivered and pulled her duster tighter around her body. Waves of emotions she thought were long gone, flooded her now, threatening to overwhelm her.

When mom died...I didn't want to feel again. I wanted to shut out the world. I became hollow...empty...I forgot how it feels like to actually have people I care about until I met them...They reminded me.

She could see each Bladebreaker in her mind. Tyson's loud-mouthness, his unusual eating habits, his cocky attitude that eventually grows on you. Max's open friendliness and baby blue eyes that often lit up with mischief and innocence. Kenny's open curiosity with the world around him and his wisecracking laptop. Ray's good nature and maturity, he who has been nothing but the big brother she never had.

And Kai...

He was the only person she ever trusted more than she mistrusted. He was the only one she ever told about her mother's death. The only one she had grown to- she halted the thought abruptly, knowing it can never be as long as she lived this life.

What have I done?

She found herself standing on a rooftop staring at the city below her. It reminded her of the first time she once stood on a similar roof. That had been so long ago and since then a lot has changed.

I've changed, she realized. She stared down at her hands gripping the railing of the roof tightly. Something wetted her hand and with a start, she realized it was a tear drop. She blinked and another fell. When was the last time she cried?

When mom died.

Jade lifted her face to the sun sinking slowly in a distance. She remembered telling Kai what seemed like years ago that she used to watch the sunset in winter with her mother. It seemed so long ago...

A gentle breeze touched her tear-stained cheeks, drying her tears. "What am I going to do?" she whispered softly.

'And I've woken now to find myself

In the shadows of all I've created

I'm longing to be lost in you

Won't you take me away from me.'

Head low, she walked until she found herself back at the dojo. She looked up at the lit house, listening to the voices within.

"It's late." Ray was saying. "Maybe we should help Kai look for her."

She could barely acknowledge what the tiger was saying. Kai was looking for her?

"Yeah." Tyson said. "Let's go."

"Kenny, you're coming along with us." Max could be heard tugging the Chief along as they filled the doorway. "We could use your help to track her down with Dizzi."

"Call me Dizzi Drew." the laptop said.

"I hope she's okay." Kenny said anxiously.

"Don't worry, guys. With my help, we'll find Jade and Kai in no time." Dizzi assured them.

They ran down the street, missing the dark figure that emerged from an alley nearby. Jade stood in the street, watching them sadly. No, she wasn't ready to face them. She entered the compound and hesitated at the door. Inside, she could hear Mr. Dickenson talking softly with Grandpa Granger in a worried tone.

"I hope the little dudes find her soon." Tyson's grandfather said.

"I'm sure they will." the chairman said.

She sighed, glancing around. There was a tree outside the house, its thick branches reaching out to the window of the guest room. She headed to it and with catlike ease; she scaled it and lifted herself onto the branch that was closest to the window. A twinge of pain stabbed her injured side but she ignored it as she quietly slidded open the window and entered the darken room. The bed was as she left it when she woke up that morning; unmade.

'Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins

I look into myself but my own heart has been changed

I can't go on like this

I loathe all I've become'

Warily, she sat on it, curling her knees to her chest and lowered her eyes to the carpeted floor. Tears threatened to spill but she forced them back. One however escaped and slidded slowly down an unblemished cheek. She heard movement in the room and looked up, surprised yet not surprising to see Kai standing at the door. Something in his posture told her he had been waiting for her. For a long moment, they just stared at each other. When he moved to her, she flinched visibly and looked away, unable to meet his gaze. She was just too tired to hide her emotions. He knelt in front of her, his eyes searching her face. His hand reached up to her cheek and he wiped away her tear gently.

"You can't hide forever."

"I know." she whispered softly, turning her face away from his hand.

"He'll just keep coming after you."

"I don't have a choice." she muttered. Tears choked in her throat, making it harder to speak every passing moment.

"Is that what you think?" he asked.

"Yes." she said. She kept her eyes averted. He sensed he was loosing her.

"Stay." he said softly. Stay with me.

She turned and gazed into his eyes. "You don't understand, Kai. If I stay..." she said quietly. "If I stay...the others could get hurt. You could get hurt."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." he said.

"But I'm not."

"Jade, you can trust us." trust me.

"I know." she said. "I just can't trust myself."

"Jade-." he began, his heart reaching out to her.

"Kai." she cut in softly, looking into his eyes. "When I first joined this team...I made a mistake. And that mistake was falling in love with you."

Surprise numbed him, rushing through his body. Nothing in his years at the abbey could have prepared him for that.

Moron! Tell her that you love her too! the voice in his head snapped urgently.

"Now just leave me alone." Jade looked away from him and started to turn; wanting very much to just close her eyes and fall into a dreamless sleep where nothing in the real world could disturb her. She had told him her feelings for him in hopes of achieving peace in her soul but it only tormented her more when he didn't say anything. As much as she didn't want to admit it, part of her had hoped he felt the same for her, that he had feelings for her, that he loved her. It didn't matter now. She was just so tired and wanted to be left alone.

'And I've woken now to find myself

In the shadows of all I've created

I'm longing to be lost in you

Won't you take me away from me.'

It was to her surprise when Kai grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him.

"Kai, what-." her eyes widened in surprise as he captured her lips in his, cutting off any protest she might make. She struggled weakly, trying to pull away but his arms curled around her in their embrace, holding her a prisoner. She placed her hands on his chest meaning to push him away but as he deepened the kiss, the little of the fight in her melted away and instead of resisting him, she held on the assurance and love he offered to her.

No...I can't...this's wrong...Oh, Kai...

A soft gasp of protest escaped her lips when he broke away slightly to meet her stunned eyes. "I made that mistake too." he breathed against her lips.

She searched his crimson eyes for a lie to his words. "Kai-."

"I love you, Jade." he whispered. He cupped her cheek gently and tilted her lips closer to his. When his lips met hers again, she didn't fight it. She surrendered to his embrace, captured by the passion in his kiss. For the first time since her mother died, she felt at peace at last. With all her heart she wished the moment could last.

But it can't and she knew it.

"No." she pulled away.

Kai's eyes pained as if he could sense the conflict she faced in her mind. "Jade..."

"No." she repeated. She was breathless yet she fought to keep her voice from giving out. "You don't love me, Kai. You only love me because I'm...good at blading. Because...I'm unattainable."

"No." he said, wishing she would stop being so stubborn for once. "You're wrong. Do you want to know the reason why I love you?"

No, she wanted to say. No, I don't want to know because if I do, it'll only make it harder for me to do what I have to do. The answer rang through her mind but her mouth refused to work.

"Jade, when you helped back at the abbey, you did more than just help me. You saved me."

She made a small noise in her throat that would have sounded like snort on someone less graceful. She didn't believe him. She couldn't allow herself to believe him. Yet he knew a part of her was listening, wanting to hear the words she longed for. "You gave me something I lost before you came to the abbey. You made me feel again, Jade. And when I saw your eyes..."

She looked away. He reached to her and pushed her bangs from her eyes gently. "Jade, listen to me. When I saw your eyes, I saw the innocence in them. That's what drew me to you in the first place. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you or can't have you. It isn't about me. It's about you." A tear rolled down her cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb. "I love you for who you are, what you do and how you try. I know you, Jade. You're special."

"I don't want to be special." she said quietly.

"I didn't ask to be this good-looking and skilled. But we both have our crosses to bare." he was relieved to see her smile at his lame attempt to lift the tension.

"Thank you." she said softly.

"Get some rest." he told her as he stood and headed to the door.

"Kai?"

He looked back at her.

"Could you stay here?" she asked shyly.

He chuckled at her innocent request and started to head over to the window still.

"No. I mean stay here..." she inclined her head at the bed and blushed faintly. "Here with me. Just hold me?"

He hesitated, aware that if the others returned now and so happen to come into the room, there goes his reputation. Hell with the reputation, he decided.

Kai climbed on to the bed as she made room for him. He placed an arm around her as she curled next him, cuddling against his chest. She touched his hand laid across her waist and rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes as he held her close to him.

'Lost in a dying world I reach for something more

I have grown so weary of this lie I live..."


"She what?!" Tyson half-shouted at Kenny, unable to accept what Kenny had just said after Kai had discovered a letter Jade had left for them. Kenny had read it out to them and was reading it again to make sure it was right. "I don't believe it. How could she leave us? In the middle of the tournament?"

Max plucked the letter from Kenny's trembling hands and read through it. "Why would she do this to us?" he asked Mr. Dickenson.

"She needs time to be alone for a while. To set things right with herself." the old man explained patiently.

"You knew and you just let her go?" Dizzi cried.

"I trust Jade. She'll come back. I'm sure Ray would understand." Mr. Dickenson said.

Ray nodded grimly.

Kenny finally spoke up after getting over his shock, voicing the fear in heir thoughts. "But what if she doesn't come back?"

Before Mr. Dickenson could think of an answer that won't set them into blind panic, a calm voice cut in. "She'll come back."

Everyone looked up at their captain leaning calmly against the wall with his eyes closed. His eyes opened and he regarded them with a sure look.

"How can you be so sure?" Kenny demanded in a high-pitch voice. "We need her! Without her, we're doom!"

"Yeah, Kai. How can you be so sure?" Tyson asked.

"She'll." the bluenette said calmly. He straightened and headed outside with his launcher and Dranzer in hand.

"How sure are you, Kai?" Ray's question stopped him at his tracks.

"I'm sure she'll come back." Kai replied.

The sureness in his captain's tone was good enough to put Ray's anxiety to rest for the moment. Kai glanced back at them and a small smile played at his lips as he added. "I know she'll."

Then he left, leaving his team staring after him in shock. His rare smile had not gone unmissed by them.

"Um...guys? Is it me or did Kai just smile?" Dizzi asked, her voice containing awe.

"Perfect." Tyson grumbled. "Jade's gone and our captain is smiling. We're doom."

"Chill out, Tyson." Max said.

"I don't know." Ray said. He smiled too. "There's something about the way he said it. I believe him. Jade'll come back."


Author's note: Here you go. Another chappie up! Hope you enjoy it. And just for your information, the words in bold italic are actually Evanesence's 'Away from me'. I just thought it fitted this point of the story. Anyway keep reading and review!