Heya! It's been a while, but I'm back! Thanks Sakura Blossoms-chan, Destany Mitchell, smoondigiboy, Shainingu, amylovestakuya, and jill2282 for reviewing and also thanks to any of you out there who are enjoying this story!
A/N: If EveryNever
remembers correctly, there were really no mentions of Yuuya's
family and/or home life in the series, so she has decided to go with
her own version on that subject for when that topic comes up in later
chapters of this story. She's only seen the first season of the
anime, though, so she might have missed out on that. If any of you
out there can remember a part in the anime or manga where this is
mentioned, just let her know and she'll edit the chapters
accordingly.
Also, it's recently
come to her attention that she's been spelling not one, but two
names wrong in this story (the inu and the saru's
nickname… le sigh)! EveryNever wanted to bestow upon herself a
thousand painful deaths for this horrible folly, but decided it was
in the best interests of the readers to just go back and change the
names to their correct spelling. She's sorry for the annoyance
and/or suicidal thoughts that these mistakes might have caused any of
you.
Oh, yeah, and one more
thing. A scene from episode nineteen of the anime inspired a good
chunk of this chapter. Ah, what could have been…
But enough rambling…
Disclaimer: The dog ate it.
Key:
"sentence"- speech/dialogue
italicized word or 'word'- thoughts or an exaggerated phrase/word
italicized sentence – daydream/thoughts
Onigiri – Japanese for a rice ball
Yakisoba – a fried, Japanese noodle dish
Yakuza – Japanese equivalent of the mafia, or something along those lines…
Chapter 8:
More Than a Midnight Snack
"It's not true that nice guys
finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts."
- Addison Walker
"Oh my god! Is that you, Second Place?"
No… Couldn't be but…but… It was. It was her.
"Stop doing your deer-in-the-headlights imitation and start explaining!"
It really was her, standing above him, hands on her hips, mouth contorted with a mixture of confusion, surprise, and a bit of irritation. Did he mention how cute that expression made her look? Those loose, yet short pajama shorts and tank top of hers didn't hurt either. Nope, not in the least.
Oh, yeah. She'd asked him a question or something, hadn't she?
He pulled himself out of La La Land long enough to give a noncommittal, "Mm hm."
"Oh, that explains everything!"
Ran tapped her slipper-clad foot impatiently and let a frustrated breath slide through her teeth. She mistook his glazed over eyes and zombie-like expression for signs of grogginess and bopped him roughly on the head to snap him out of it.
"Ow!" Yuuya brought a hand to the afflicted spot, rubbing it gently.
"Start talking, buddy, or that little bonk will be the least of your worries!"
"You want to know why I'm here?" he asked her, his voice uncharacteristically deep, eyes dark and unreadable.
Suddenly, Yuuya had made his way off and around the couch and was smiling gently at an up close and personal version of Ran Kotobuki's surprised face.
"You, are why I'm here," he whispered breathily in her ear, causing Ran to shudder softly.
Then, before he knew what his hands were doing, they had grabbed her, pulling her close, slamming her lips to his. Drinking in her taste, his mouth molded to hers and he was surprised to feel her return his passionate aggressions, her lips and teeth digging into his own. It was utterly amazing! She was… she was…
… hitting him in the head again. It was quite the travesty. Truly, it was.
"Answer me, you idiot," Ran looked down at the couch's currently daydreaming occupant with ever-rising irritation. "Ew! Are you drooling? That's disgusting Second Place! If this is how you get when you're sleepy, remind me to make sure I loose your invitation whenever I have a sleepover!"
Why did all of his dreams have to be such… dreams? It was just so depressing that way… Yuuya sighed as he felt the last wisps of his newest Ran Fantasy leave him helpless under the wrath of reality's fist. Literally.
It was easier to appreciate the girl when her hand was slamming a hole into someone else's face rather than his own. But that didn't stop him, oh no. Of course not. Even Yuuya himself was beginning to realize he was a glutton for punishment. Either that, or he was extremely masochistic.
So, the lesser of two evils it was. He was officially a punishment glutton. Not to be confused with mutton, which although it sounded quite similar to glutton, actually meant a sheep, which he was absolutely positive he wasn't.
Then again, maybe he had been dreaming he was a human in what seemed like a very long dream and he was actually a sleeping mutton being eaten by a glutton for food. But if that were the case, all this thinking he was doing wouldn't matter much anyway. Dead mutton weren't known for their superb thinking abilities, at least, as far as he knew. If he had to guess, he would bet dead mutton would just lie somewhere and rot, or else be eaten by gluttons. It wouldn't be very fun either way, because you would either be very bored or very eaten. Who wants to be bored or eaten?
Certainly not me, Yuuya managed to dully process his answer before Ran's latest fist-in-your-face statement knocked whatever coherence he had left right out of him.
…
…
…
"Who the hell falls asleep when you're slapping them around? I mean, c'mon!"
Ran raised an incredulous eyebrow as she stared at the unmoving blob that had just collapsed between two cushions.
"Really," she continued to rant, oblivious to the fact that she was the main, if not only, contributor to the boy's borderline comatose state, "Second Place just gets weirder every day. Maybe he's friggin narcoleptic or something."
…
…
…
"Cold!" Yuuya's eyes popped open as he shot up, rudely awakened by… something…
Reaching down the back of his shirt to find the source of his discomfort, he found himself holding a few cubes of melting ice. The sadistic spawn of a previous ice age slid back and forth across his palm, making uneven paths of clear, watery strokes while thoroughly chilling the contours of his hand.
Nope, not really the best wakeup call. Maybe he'd give it a 0.5 out of 10 on a good day. A very good day. A day when he'd already won the lottery and saved the world and well, when the ice-down-the-shirt routine was happening to someone else. Either Monkey Boy or that weird dude with the tie-dye trench coat who tried to stalk him once might be deserving of that… erm… efficient method. Well, 'stalker guy' already got what was coming to him thanks to Rei, so that conveniently left just one choice.
"I had to get you up somehow."
Getting his eyes back into focus, Yuuya found the owner of the voice sitting cross-legged on the cushion of the armchair next to him. Forcing his brain off its previous topic, he was starting to remember why he wasn't in his bed, neither was he in his own house. And the person? They were…
"Ran." He laughed awkwardly. "Hi."
"Yeah. Hi," was the flat reply.
Maybe he was sleepy, but something just wasn't clicking. Ran didn't seem like, well, Ran. Well, she looked the same. No one is as cute, as pretty, as amazing, as wonderf- Ah! He was getting off track again. No Yuuya! Bad! Now where was he? Oh, right. He certainly wasn't expecting her to punch his lights out like she did. Ran only starts randomly attacking people when she gets really angry, as far as he knew. This time was somehow different though. She just seemed a little… sad? But she never lets herself stay down in the dumps for more than a second or two, so it couldn't be that.
"Ran, are you-"
"I'm hungry," she quickly interrupted him. "Cook me something."
"Uh?" He blinked intelligently.
"I don't know why the hell you're in my house, but I've decided I'm not really in the mood to care. Just make me something to eat and consider it payment for your staying here. You can cook, right?"
"Um, I guess?" His answer sounded a bit more like a question.
"Good. Kitchen's over there." She pointed a manicured nail a little over to her left. "Use whatever you want. Just make sure it's yummy."
Not wanting to risk being on the bad side of her temper once again, Yuuya turned on a peaceable grin and with a quick, "Anything for you, Ran", he forced his sleep-deprived limbs into action. Through a wide-mouthed yawn he flipped on the switch for the overhead light in the other room and quickly sized up the battlefield. Certainly not Ran's handiwork, he thought with a chuckle.
Clean wasn't the right word to describe the Kotobuki kitchen. Immaculate gave the place a bit more justice. It was easy to tell that at least a couple of the cops in this family were hardcore neat freaks.
Not that that was a bad thing. In fact, it might just make his current mission a bit easier than he had thought it would be.
He checked out the contents of the fridge, which, he noted with a twinge of amusement, were separated on the shelves according to their proper place on the Food Pyramid. Going through his options, he glanced over a couple of perfectly preserved onigiri, completely skipping the fresh-looking, leftover salad he knew Ran would gag over. Scanning even further back through the ranks assembled in strictly straight columns, he finally found something he could work with.
Gathering up the ingredients he needed, Yuuya spread them out over the counter next to him to form a haphazard, edible fan. Then, he proceeded to raid the nearby cupboards for a pan, or, in the worst case, anything closing resembling one. Luckily enough, he found one primly tucked away in the second cabinet he peered into that he was able to remove without much fuss.
Unsurprisingly, the entirety of the stainless steel contraption was, well, as stainless as the rest of the place. The mirror-like surface of its smooth bottom perfectly reflected Yuuya's face like a life-sized snapshot.
Almost completely skipping over the obvious, he traveled a few steps with his new item before slamming to halt and taking a frantic double take of the image shimmering innocently up at him.
Innocent? Maybe. Decent? Not so much.
Yuuya hadn't had the chance to check up on his appearances for a while and, from what he'd heard from those he'd recently come into contact with, he was having quite an 'off day' in the looks department. He'd had a feeling that the fact that his clothes looked like they were ran over by a leaking garbage truck only after they'd been put through the friendly, neighborhood shredder a couple times was a big part of the problem. Since Ran's dad had kindly donated a pair of pajamas to his cause, he'd just assumed the problem was pretty much solved.
Life Lesson of the Day: Never, ever, jump to conclusions without either irrefutably solid scientific evidence or a person with a whole lot of money to back up your claim. If you don't have any of these, expect your conclusion to come back with a bit of that infectious take-no-prisoners mentality and bite you where it counts.
This teen had definitely learned his lesson, but the price was a bit too pricey for his tastes. Just the fact that Ran had seen him like this was enough to make him want to shove the handy pan through his skull. He refrained from this course of action, if only because his blood might stain the stainless kitchen. That just wouldn't be polite to the Kotobuki's. Even if he looked like this, he still could be somewhat civil. Hopefully.
Yuuya muffled a whimper as he stared at the unwavering reflection. His hair had become home to what must have been at least half the leaves, twigs, and random junk of the Shibuya area, completely unkempt and uncombed. The lines of dirt splattered onto his face, neck, and arms had him resembling an Indian preparing for war, one particularly large streak traveling up the rise of his cheekbone to end abruptly near his hairline.
Rather than help his appearance, the new set of clothes appeared only to make it worse. Crisply starched, the pajama pants and t-shirt made the disaster all the more noticeable as a bleak contrast to their cleanliness. As if to top it all off, the strange patterns of the outfit seemed completely content to mock his plight. Running across the fabric were cheerful-looking police cars, standing erect on their back two wheels with their fenders contorted into larger than life smiles. One was dressed in a business suit, crossing a street, while presumably on its way to work. A 'female' car was sporting a fashionable, low-cut dress as she 'ran' to catch up with her ultra suave 'male' car date. Still another wore a pair of swimming trunks as they jumped, unsuspecting, into a pool that they hadn't realized was completely drained of water.
Mr. Kotobuki sure must like his job, or the vehicle that came with it, at least. Well, as they say, to each his own.
"What the heck are you doing?" The sharp voice unceremoniously dragged Yuuya right back to reality.
Ran was staring at him expectantly from her perch on the nearby stool that she had pushed into position as her makeshift dinner arrangement, drumming her fingers impatiently upon the smooth wood of the countertop.
As though channeling the spirit of Cyrano de Bergerac, Yuuya wildly flung his arms in front of his face in an attempt to shield it from the world.
"Don't look at me!" was his dramatic response.
He heard her frustrated sigh. "So you fell in a mud puddle and swam around in it for a bit. No big deal. So someone happened to introduce your hair to the not so friendly, I'm-gonna-cut-your-ass-off version of the scissor. It happens. What I don't understand is why the hell you're wearing my dad's Cop Cars Turn Me On PJs. I'm not going to ask about it either. Just get over it and get cooking. My stomach might collapse in on itself at any second if I don't put something in it, like, now."
Yuuya silently closed and opened his mouth a few times as he reluctantly lowered his hands. "I didn't… get a haircut," he managed.
"Well, I guess that's a good thing, 'cause I totally would have had to brutally murder whatever stylist came up with that 'look', if you could even call it that, but lots of blood kinda creeps me out."
The scary thing was, Yuuya had never seen Ran look more serious in all his time around her. Okay, maybe he had, but it just sounded so dramatic when he put it that way. He still shuffled a few steps sideways, so that he blocked her access to the knife drawer he'd previously discovered, just in case.
Looking up from his awkward staring contest with the tiled floor, he found her sending him a meaningful glare.
"Food."
Oh, right! She wasn't homicidal. She was hungry. It was easy to mix those two up when it came to Ran.
He quickly hefted the pan onto one of the burners, forcing his eyes away from the cruel reflection beaming up from its metallic surface. After slathering on some cooking oil, he piled on and separated the ingredients in quick succession, leaving them hissing indignantly at the sizzling heat of the flame.
"Almost done. Just hang in there." Yuuya gave her another soothing smile before turning back to his business of flipping over the now reddish-brown pork with the nearby spatula, and later switching his attention to the patient bean sprouts.
After a few more minutes of fussing and frying, Yuuya found Ran gulping down a heaping plate of steaming yakisoba. He thought he might have put in a little more salt than he should've, but he doubted the girl gave herself a chance to notice at the rate she was slurping down the stuff.
"Remember to breathe, Ran," he chided her with a grin.
He had a feeling she hadn't even heard him. She'd gotten one of those looks in her eyes, like she was possessed, or demonized, or worse. Whatever 'worse' would be in this case.
That was just part of her charm… Okay, even he wasn't that crazy, but still… A relationship is about accepting all aspects of a person, evil and non-evil, right? He could accept her… um… demonic side. So, it's all good. No problems here. Nope.
But maybe he'd just leave her alone until she finished her food. There was no need to start World War III before it was absolutely necessary. That'd just be stupid. He might be badass, but he wasn't stupid. Most of the time, anyways.
Then again, maybe he should just stop thinking and start cleaning up the mess he'd made in the kitchen. Not thinking about things always made them seem better. He didn't know why, but it just seemed to work that way. So, clean he did, and, by the time he'd finished washing off the last of the residue from the pan, Ran had finished as well.
"That was so damn good," Ran sighed, rubbing her partially sated stomach in satisfaction. "It might not have been much food, but it sure was good. Why haven't you told me about this before?"
"Well, I thought you knew about yakisoba. The sauce packet and noodles were stocked away in your fridge, so I-"
"Not that, you idiot. Why didn't you tell me you could cook like… like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like… like… someone who cooks really good!" Ran burst out, looking frustrated at her inability to describe the situation.
"I'm not some amazing chef," he replied, laughing her compliment away. "You were really hungry. That's why it tasted like it did."
"I know my taste buds, they know me. We're like this." She held two of her fingers a half-centimeter apart. "They've never lied to me. They're not just going to start now."
Surprised at her insistency, Yuuya raised an eyebrow. "I've never had any training or anything. I just cook for myself at my house all the time. It's no big deal."
"All the time, as in, every day?" she asked with a strange expression on her face.
Yuuya paused for a moment; trying unsuccessfully to decipher the foreign look she was giving him. "A guy has got to eat, and since no one else is going to cook, I have to. Sometimes I have dinner at a restaurant with Rei or something, so I'm not being the manly housewife all the time."
"Oh?" Ran's eyes glinted with some emotion Yuuya had yet to place.
Happiness? Not quite. Anger? No. Sadness? Definitely not. Was there even a word to describe it?
Well, he was stumped. The cards in his hand were useless; he wasn't getting a royal flush tonight. Not that he was any good at poker anyway.
The only thing to do in an awkward silence like this is to smoothly change the topic. Yuuya prided himself on being a master of smoothness among many other things. He was, in fact, the definition of smooth.
"So… how's life?"
Yeah, he was about as smooth as a pit of spikes.
"It's great. Just great," Ran replied emptily, her previous expression gone in half a blink.
Seeming to decide this little midnight rendezvous of theirs was over and done with, she then proceeded to hop off the chair and headed towards the stairs.
Yuuya made to follow her. He couldn't just leave her like this. Something was definitely really going on that she wasn't telling him. The cheery, ass-kicking kogal he had come to know was nowhere in the retreating form of that lost little girl.
She might bite his head off for doing this, but this wasn't something he could let go.
"Ran! Just tell me what's wrong!"
"Why the hell do you care?" she shot back.
Darn. Yuuya knew a loaded question when he heard one and this was about as loaded as they could get. If he even seemed to have the slightest intention of giving her what she might deem as one of the many wrong answers to this question, he had a feeling his inexistent hair stylist's brutal murder would have nothing on his own oncoming death via Ran. He had to think of the perfect answer or else….
Possible Stupid Answer #1
Yuuya: Because I love you!Ran: Jerk! How dare you try and take advantage of me and my feelings when I'm all vulnerable like this. DIE!
Possible Stupid Answer #2
Yuuya: I'm just curious.
Ran: You're just curious? You aren't concerned about me? And to think I thought we were friends, Second Place! This is such a betrayal! DIE!
Possible Stupid Answer #3
Yuuya: I don't really care actually.
Ran: DIE!
This really wasn't looking too good for him, and by the looks of the glare she was sending his way, silence was helping his cause much either.
The words were out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying.
"I just do, Ran."
"You just do, huh?" She stared him down.
Then, suddenly deflated, she slunk down the few steps she'd already climbed and sank down into the comfort of the welcoming couch.
"I guess that's as good a reason as any."
Wow. He was still breathing and all his limbs were all perfectly intact. Yuuya was now a firm believer in miracles. And karma. Oh, and Santa Claus! Thank you, Santa!
"So, are you just going to stand there all night, or are you gonna listen to what I have to say?"
"I'll listen to you for as long as you'll talk to me." Yuuya sat next to her with a wide grin.
"It wasn't supposed to happen this way, Second Place." She stared angrily down at the armrest beside her as she spoke. "I'm always the one who calls the shots, not the other way around! I say when it's over, not him! I do!"
Yuuya's grin had long since faded and given way to concern.
"I don't understand. What's over?"
"He is," she said the words almost hesitantly, quite a rarity for the ever-confident Ran. "He's over."
Then it clicked. It clicked like one of those timer bombs that get down to zero; the kind that clicks, then explodes, booms, kaplooms, or something of the sort. Yuuya clicked, then effectually kaploomed.
However, the clicking and kaplooming only happened on the inside. The only sign of his internal turmoil on his outside was the slight twitching of his upper left eyelid. It twitched with a vengeance not many eyelids have experienced, and that's saying something.
In a strangely calm voice he asked, "Ran?"
She looked up from the armrest to meet his gaze, slightly curious, nodding for him to continue.
"You've played Clue before haven't you?" His voice was cold and taunt. "Take inspiration from that game and tell me how you want me to kill the bastard. With the knife? The wrench? I could do a combo of two weapons. How about the rope and the lead pipe? The candlestick and the revolver, maybe? Just name the means and I'll take care of the method. I'll be happy with whatever you choose as long as I get to dismember the damn monkey!"
"Whoa there, Colonel. You're going to have to catch him first."
"Oh, that'll just be part of the fun." He sneered wolfishly.
"Only if you're willing to fly across the ocean to get the job done." She gave a half-smile and rolled her eyes. "Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, Number Two."
"He's fleeing the country? What the hell did Tatsukichi do? Did he get on the bad side of the yakuza or something?"
"He won a contest, stupid." Ran laughed in spite of herself. "There's some dance thingy in New York he's going to for a while. That's all."
"So that's why he broke up with you? That idiot," Yuuya mumbled.
"Well he didn't exactly break up with me. But he's leaving. That's the same thing, right?" Ran huffed, suddenly annoyed again, and crossed her arms tightly across her chest.
"It might be that Monkey Boy's crazy enough to think you'd want to have a long distance relationship with him or something," Yuuya mused dryly. "Hah, like those ever work out."
"You think that's what he meant?" Ran's eyes widened in realization.
"I bet!" Yuuya snorted.
"Yeah, I think that's it!" Ran immediately brightened and whacked herself softly in the forehead. "Doy! It all makes sense now! Thanks, Second Place!"
"You're welcome?"
Why the heck was she thanking him? There they were, plotting Tatsuki's untimely death, when suddenly she's looking at him like he's the coolest guy in the world. Not that he minded or anything. It was just a little strange to say the least.
"You really are like the greatest friend a gal could have, you know!" She smiled sincerely at him.
Her sincerity was missed on Yuuya though. The only thing his mind registered was that word; the six letters that echoed throughout his brain without a trace of mercy.
Friend.
Friend.
Friend.
Friend.
Damn that word and all it stood for!
He'd known for a while. Hell, he'd known since the beginning. The first time they met, she didn't even take the time to remember his name, so now he was branded with this reminder of what he'd always be to her and the rest of the world. Second Place.
'Man, Second Place, the girls are nearly throwing themselves at your feet. You sure are lucky, dude.' But not lucky enough to catch Ran's eye.
'Second Place, you're so awesome!' But not as cool as that guy over there.
'Oh, Second Place. You got a ninety-eight on that huge exam! Congrats! But there was someone else who got the perfect score.
'Wow, Second Place! You're one of the finalists for the High School Grand Prix. A lot of people must find you pretty damn good looking!' But Rei actually won the thing.
Is life just like that? He has so much, but just a little less than what he wants. His best is never quite good enough.
"I aim to please," he finally replied, returning Ran's smile with a fake one he was able to plaster on.
"And don't I know it!" She laughed cheerfully, never seeing the emptiness of his expression, before giving in to a yawn. "Man! Being angry makes me tired. I'm officially pooped. Night, Second Place."
"Yeah, get some beauty sleep, Ran." Yuuya gave her a playful wink. "Not that you need it or anything."
"You got that right, mister," Ran mumbled through half lidded eyes. "The world's greatest gal doesn't need sleep to keep up her looks. She's always drop-dead gorgeous."
And don't I know it, Yuuya thought to himself with a wry smirk.
"Yeah, but a little shuteye could only help," he retorted aloud.
Noticing her response, or, should he say, complete lack of one, Yuuya glanced over to find Ran out for the count. Her head had flopped forward so her chin rested precariously on her chest, bobbing rhythmically up and down with each over exaggerated inhale and exhale.
"Um, Ran?" Yuuya's eyes widened in alarm. "Hey, you're not supposed to fall asleep here. The couch is… um… uh… bumpy? Yeah, bumpy! Your bed's more comfortable right?" He tried to convince his incoherent listener.
"Ghrgh abgharg," the kogal replied earnestly, as a thick line of drool formed along the left side of her open mouth.
"C'mon, Ran!" He tried shaking her closest shoulder lightly in desperation. "You know what's going to happen if any member of your strict, protective, gun wielding family minus Sayo comes downstairs and sees us both here. I wouldn't mind, but they would! I want to at least live to see the ripe old age of eighteen! C'mon, Ran!"
It was like talking to a corpse. Well, at least you knew your odds of getting a response when talking to the dead. They were very predictable in that manner. Heavy sleepers, however, were a different story altogether.
One final rough shake on Yuuya's part was all it took to change the situation. The movement shook Ran loose of her hold to part of the cushions, sending her tumbling sideways. Still snoring, she had ended up on the unsuspecting shoulder of an avidly panicking Yuuya Asou.
"Ran!" Yuuya had to bite his lip to hold in the, erm… manly scream that would've have undoubtedly woken every occupant in the neighborhood with its piercing… uh, manliness.
Soon stunned and shocked into a stiff silence, a very hormone driven teenager found the back of his neck being subtly tickled by the wavy strands of a quite infamous red streak of hair.
HAIRNECKHAIRCOUCHRANFACEHAIR!, was Yuuya's calmest thought at this point in time. It actually was quite a feat to accomplish considering the circumstances.
Announcer: Hey everyone and welcome to the show!
Audience cheers
Announcer: Now… does everyone know what time it is? Let me hear you say it!
Audience: It's WWWI time!
Announcer: What did you say? I can't hear you….
Audience: IT'S W.W.W.I. TIME!
Announcer: You got it folks. It's time for the WWWI or, for those poor people who don't already know, Wonderfully Weird Wrestling of the Imagination!
Audience hoots and hollersAnnouncer: I don't know about you all, but I think it's time to get this show on the road!
Audience goes wildAnnouncer: So without further ado, I'll announce our fighters for tonight! In the right corner we have the epitome of justice… the fierce, the proud, the ready to do what's right for all of yuu… Yuuya Asooooooooou!
Audience goes bananasAnnouncer: And in the left corner we have the merciless, the evil-minded, the ever so perverted… the have-a-heart-girls-and-wear-a-tuube-top… Yuuya Asoooooou!
Audience members turn other audience members into bananas and eat themAnnouncer: To make it easier on you all, ladies and gentleguys, we'll call our fighter on the right, Righty, and his adversary on the left, Lefty. No political connotation intended folks.
Audience chucklesAnnouncer: The prize for our weird wrestling winner is complete say over the actions of the person imagining this whole fight tonight… Yuuya Asou!
Audience oohs and aahsAnnouncer: The stakes are high, the competition is unrivaled, and the battle ahead is sure to be worthy to go down in the WWWI hall of fame. So… are you all ready to get weird?
Audience screams in terror as monkeys who smelled the bananas start to swarm the stadiumAnnouncer: I'll take that as a yes! Now… let the match begin!
Bell dings and both audience members and monkeys grow quiet and take their seatsAnnouncer: Wow! It looks like Lefty is coming out strong with a Right Hook of Selfish Intentions!
Audience gaspsAnnouncer: Oh, but Righty dodged it with the Sidestep of Loyalty and Friendship!
Monkeys ookAnnouncer: Lefty doesn't seem too happy with this development. He's going with his Gut Punch of Deception! This doesn't seem too good for Righty… And it's a direct hit! Right in the stomach! Now that's gotta hurt, folks!
Monkeys jump, scared, into the laps of the pale audience members
Announcer: Surprisingly enough, Righty seems unfazed by this powerful blow! It seems he let this punch in on purpose so that he could use his painful Flip of Excellent Morality to get Lefty onto the mat!
Audience squeeze their monkeys, turning them into cute monkey plushies
Announcer: Let's count Righty to victory, folks!
All: Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Th-
Smiling softly in her sleep, Ran gave a contented sigh and snuggled up ever closer to her human pillow, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on the crook of his neck.
Announcer: And with a sudden dramatic turn of events, Lefty sends Righty flying out of the ring! He's going… going… gooooone! I've never seen a wrestling move like that before, but it sure did the trick!
Audience whistles and yays
Announcer: I don't think we need a ten count for this one folks… the winner of this night's WWWI wrestling match is…. Leeefty! Let's give him a hand!
Audience clap their monkey plushies' hands together
Really, it would be a crime to wake her up now.
She looks so peaceful sleeping there, so I'm doing her a favor by letting her rest on my shoulder, Yuuya earnestly convinced himself.
He was spending the night in a house full of police officers so it would be even more criminal than usual to commit a crime, and the last thing Yuuya wanted to be tonight was something that would have him end up in a police box again. So, here Ran would stay.
It wasn't like he was holding her here against her will or anything; there were no ropes, superglue, or screwdrivers involved in this situation whatsoever. On the contrary, she was the one who flopped onto him in the first place, so it wasn't like it was his fault. She might be grateful, and thank him, and…
The Next Morning
A short
interior monologue
Writer: Yuuya Asou
Director: Yuuya Asou
Actor(s): Yuuya Asou
Camera: Yuuya Asou
Lighting and Special Effects:
Yuuya Asou
Sound and Graphics: Yuuya Asou
Stunt Guy: Yuuya Asou
Publication: Yuuya Asou
Quality Check: Yuuya Asou
Subtitles: Yuuya Asou
Special
Thanks To…. Yuuya Asou
Key:
Italics Action
Ran stretches daintily and wakes up to birds twittering merrily as they fly over fluffy unicorns, magical rainbows and waltzing flowers. She innocently turns her head and gasps in surprise!
Yuuya: I see you have awakened, my Ran.
Ran: Second Place, dearest! Why in heaven's name are you where I have awakened this fine morning?
Ran gasps again, this time in embarrassment, and blushes a deep crimson, turning her head away from the undeniably dashing man next to her.
Ran: Oh! I-I seem to have recalled last nights events.
Ran begins to cry in shame.
Yuuya: What is wrong, my flower?
Ran: I am a horrible, horrible woman! I retired upon your shoulder so inconsiderately last evening, forcing you to stay in the same position all night, my wonderful Second Place.
Yuuya puts an arm comfortingly around Ran's delicate shoulder, and gallantly wipes away her crystalline tears with the muscular fingers of his free hand.
Yuuya: My beautiful porcelain butterfly, it was an honor to have one such as you retire upon my undeserving shoulder.
Ran: Oh, my dashing night! But wasn't it hard for you to sleep as well?
Yuuya: I did not sleep last night, my sunshine, but it was because I was content to gaze upon your glistening orange tresses all throughout the dark hours!
Ran brings a self-conscious hand to her hair and blushes an even deeper crimson.
Ran: Oh, my charming prince! How you flatter me so!
Yuuya: I do not flatter, my bewitching princess. I only speak the truth.
Yuuya and Ran embrace lovingly under the rising sun.The End
"Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?" Yuuya whispered hopefully to himself, sneaking yet another glance at the sleeping beauty next to him grinning happily in her slumber.
Yeah, I know. I'm scared too, and I have a feeling it's only going to get weirder.
No Q&A this time, for there was not a question to be answered. Maybe next time!
On a side note, I usually don't use Japanese words in my stories because of the possible confusion it might cause some readers, but I just wouldn't feel right putting some Japanese dishes in English. If I did, Ran would be saying stuff like, "I want some octopus balls!", instead of, "I want some takoyaki!" I don't know about you, but I personally find the English version of that statement really… wrong. So, just bear with me for this one, okay?
Well, if you liked it, review! If you didn't, well, then I'm glad you don't know where I live. You don't, do you?
Um…
EveryNever runs to get her pepper spray.
