DISCLAIMER: I have seen many a funny disclaimer, but I do not have one to use so I do not own Harry Potter, if I did I would be rich and I would be putting this story in a book as opposed to this website. I own Amanda Marciano. You cannot have her to use, nor can you use the Demangels, I do not own the idea of the Demangels, I have gotten permission from the owner to use them now... On with the story!

CHAPTER 2

MEETING LILY ( I don't need pity)

A while later I woke up. I must have fallen asleep crying on Sirius shoulder. He was next to me and looked down at me when I turned to look up.

"Morning Sunshine." he said. I tried to roll my eyes, but couldn't help but smile, I wrinkled my nose to hide it.

"I'm not your sunshine." I said

"Of course your not. I only held you when you were screaming."

"I would have clawed you and make you bleed of you had tried to let me go, or didn't you notice?"

"I noticed, believe that." For some unknown reason his accent didn't bother me.

"It doesn't? That's good right?"

"Was I thinking out loud again?"

"Yes." again he grimaced that grimace. I suddenly was aware of the fact that his shoulder was still acting as my pillow.

"Sorry." I said nodding to his tear-soaked shoulder as I got up.

I had my hand on the door knob when prongs asked "Where are you going?"

"My notebook. I need my notebook."

"Oh well after you get it come back here. Sirius will miss you." my eyes must have told him I didn't believe him for he said "Sirius thinks you will make a good Marauder." I gave him a questioning look, which was ignored. 'Typical'

"No." Sirius said though he was blushing uncontrollably

"Your blushing. I never would have thought that you, would blush. None of my other friends blush." I said I added in an undertone "not that I have friends anymore"

"You don't have any friends?" asked Sirius hearing my small comment. He looked genuinely worried.

"No. I used to have Kate and Sam, but than mom hit them...before she died"

"Your mom died?" asked moony he too looked worried

"Yeah, she drank to much, alcohol poisoning."

"Was it a one time thing, or was she a." Prongs paused unsure "drunk?" he said it cautiously as if afraid it would hurt me. 'Ha. Nothing hurts me anymore'

"She was a drunk." I said it like it was no big deal. All of them, (including the one without any hope or happiness in his eyes who didn't say anything, and was chubby) looked at me with pity. Too much pity. "Look" I said icily "I don't need your pity, or anyone else's. If I needed pity I would have told you all at first, or I would have said that small comment about being friendless louder" I turned than and ran towards my compartment and my precious, precious notebook. My eyes were filled with the tears that I didn't even know I had left. They clouded my vision and I bumped into someone and fell to the ground.

"Sorry." I said, and amazingly my voice wasn't choked.

"It's ok. What's wrong." I looked up drying my tears so I could see straight. I crashed into a red headed girl in a pink shirt and blue jeans.

"I DON'T NEED PITY!" I yelled.

"I don't either." she said quietly. I looked at her eyes. I had the amazing ability to see into peoples hearts and minds through their eyes. 'Hope, hope, where is her hope? Oh there it is hidden behind desire.' I knew immediately that she was not a girl to get on the bad side of. Her hope was nearly hidden behind her desires. She wanted to be equal. And she wanted her hope. How was it that she couldn't find her hope? She wants perfection and hopes more for than anything it is blocking her hope for love from being found and she wants love. I could read beyond her hopes and desires and see her pain.

"What are you doing?" she asked me.

"Oh. I'm trying to read your emotions but your hard to read."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know. Both?"

"You're the girl who screamed earlier aren't you?" she asked. I nodded. "Come talk with me." she said and I being the dumb Amanda that I am followed. She led me into another compartment that was empty except for a soft fuzzy cat that had a strange diamond chain on her head going down to the tip of her tail and a... monkey?

"Can I ask why you screamed?"

"Sure but to understand would take a while."

"We're only about halfway there, we have time."

"All right. I'll tell the short version. My mom has been a drunk since a rough divorce when I was 7. I hade friends. When I was 10 my mom promised not to drink at my 10th birthday party. Near the end of the party mom hadn't had anything to drink and I was stupid and told her she could have a drink. I thought she would only have 1 beer, but she had more and got drunk. Her being drunk made me cry and my friends Kate and Sam tried to comfort me. I wanted to sort this problem out myself and told them to leave me alone. My mother heard me crying and heard me tell them to leave me alone and hit them! She hit them! Kate and Sam deserted me than and so did all other 18 of my friends. I haven't had friends since than. I have since worn black, only black no cheery colors for me" I nodded to her shirt. "My mother died a few months ago so I transferred here from The USA. Now I live with my Aunt Mary and her stupid husband."

"What about your father you said they divorced."

"He didn't want me. He never wanted me except when I was little. After the divorce he decided he didn't want me because I was old enough to understand some things."

"Oh. Your life is crappy compared to mine. First I want to tell you my name. I'm Lily Evans. What is your name?" she said. 'Ok the girl with red hair and green eyes is Lily Evans'

"Um, I'd like to keep that to myself if you don't mind."

"I understand. So I have always been thought of as a freak because my sister Petunia told everyone about a time in preschool when I did a small bit of accidental magic and caused the raw eggs to crack open all over her floor in a picture of a mad face. I was mad at her because she broke my dolls head. I was three. I never had friends and I was picked on and now I have 2 friends, and my parents pretend to like me but I think they really don't."

"Oh that sucks. Well if they pick on you than threaten them. Make them fear you." I suggested

"I don't want them to be afraid of me. I want them to be my friends."

"Oh..." I was at a loss for words. Somehow even though she has parents and friends her c life seemed worse than mine. I think it was her tone of voice. It seemed like there was more that she wasn't telling me.

"What is it that your not telling me?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh nothing. I like your belly button piercing. I was gonna get one done with Christy Kelley and Tara Crateon. They are my best friends. She snapped her fingers twice and the cat and monkey turned into very beautiful people. The cat became a girl wearing all white, spotless clothes. She had her brown hair tied up elegantly on her head revealing her beautiful eyes. The Monkey turned into a girl of darker complection and had blond hair in a pretty pony-tail

"I'm Christy Kelley." said a the girl with the pale skin

"And I'm Tara Crateon." Her skin more tanned than either of her friends. She was wearing a brightly colored top and blue denim capris.

"And I'm Amanda..." I paused slightly unsure "M." I said finally. Lily's friends began looking me over, every now and than pinching my arms of legs and measuring around my waist, butt and chest.

"What are you doing to me?" I asked them eventually. One had pinched a little to hard and I discovered I wasn't immune to pain after all.

"Mmm."Christy said in response to my question. Lily told her friends to stop please but they weren't listening so she snapped her finders a few times to get the attention of the other girls.

"I think Amanda has had enough of your poking and prodding and pinching?" she said. I nodded and the other girls reluctantly stopped.

"What was that all about?" I asked

"OH we design clothes to wear and we were getting your sizes. You told us your secrets so we need to tell you ours.

"I'm sorry to burden you. Guys with my crappy life. You can pretend you did n't hear it. That's what most do. People didn't care that my mother beat me or that my father...did things just as bad as my mother only worse. I wont blame you. I'm an outcast and noone dares about me, but I don't need you to care." I was furious when they pointed out that they had heard my secrets so I was yelling in am insanely calm voice( it is quite hard to yell calmly).

"AMANDA MARCIANO! You went to get your notebook 15 minutes ago." Yelled Sirius opening the door to Lily's compartment. "We thought you had gone to kill yourself." you seemed quite depressed and angry when you left."

"I was ticked. You guys were giving me the pity I didn't deserve. It was my fault my mom was a drunk. I drove her to drinking and my daddy... that was my fault too. He wouldn't want me after that."

"Amanda! Whatever your parents did was not your fault. It was their choice. Anything is forgivable."

"NO!" I yelled. My mom had hit my friends because of the divorce which had been 3 years previous. My dad raped me. It was my fault for being so appealing. The divorce was my fault too and so was my lack of friends. My parents were fine until I started going to school and met Sam for the first time. She became like a second daughter to my mother and father. She was always there... One day we came home to my house after school and walked in on my dad and another woman in bed together and it was my fault... if I hadn't been so simple minded and set on scarring him... I knew Daddy always was in bed tired from work when I got home and this day I felt like sneaking up on him and we both snuck up the stair and in and yelled "boo". The girl in his bed didn't have time to hide from me that day. And so I found out. I didn't know it was wrong so at dinner that night I asked Daddy who she was. Mom Flipped. After the divorce I was Daddy's pride and Joy. He got so into me that he felt a need and began to touch me. Hit escalated each weekend. I went there on weekends. Eventually he raped me and I didn't know it was wrong. I knew it hurt, but I didn't think it was wrong and so I didn't say anything to my mother and eventually when I knew it was wrong I told my mother. Despite her drinking I knew she cared about me , or at least she did when she was sober. She told the cops and daddy was gonna get I trouble but he was cleared of all charges. It was erased from his record when it was closed and he was innocent. After that he didn't like me, wouldn't even send me a Christmas card. I sent him a card, home made every year since I stopped going to see him. I send him cards for everything. His birthday my birthday Christmas, Easter, valentines day..everything. Anyway. Even though I knew ti was my fault I couldn't forgive him. He is supposed to be blind to the appealing way his little 8 year old girl looks, she isn't supposed to drink because I snuck on her husband, my Daddy, one day. I think that until the day I die he will be Daddy. No Matter how much I hate him now I can still remember the way he smiled at me. How he used to love me for me and not my body. I remember when he used to be proud instead of being angry... I was thinking this over when I felt a tapping on my shoulder.

"Amanda! What...You were...doing...space..." Sirius gave me a questioning look.

"Um ok." I agreed, but with what I do not know.

"I was trying to decide weather to ask what you were doing or why you were staring into space now understood what I had agreed to and it didn't make sense. Oh well, I thought.

"I was thinking about how I could never forgive them for what they did to me. Never will I forgive her for, for hitting me, and Kate and sam" I was starting to cry as I said this. "And never, never, NEVER will I forgive him, for, for, for..."I couldn't continue I broke down into sobs