CHAPTER THIRTY

Rachel sat back down at the table when she was done cleaning up. Other than doing the dishes the kitchen was cleaned. The tears that were burning in her eyes slipped down her face as the stress from the situation, and probably her altered hormones, made her lose control. She let the tears fall as she tried to silently cry through her frustration. Oh, how she wished she could simply snap her fingers and make everything better.

She heard someone come in the room and it didn't sound like Tom, so she hurriedly and as discreetly as possible wiped at her tears. A gentle hand touched her shoulder and she felt herself slump a little.

"Are you okay?" Jed's voice asked very gently. In that moment he reminded her of Tom. She looked at the table for a long moment trying to compose herself. She nodded very slowly at first but then stopped as she didn't feel okay.

"No, I don't think I am," she said with a shudder and pursed her lips to try to staunch to tears.

"I know this is a tough situation. Those kids, hell everyone, has been through hell. It's fresh and raw and new and…we all feel some kind of pain from it."

"I know. I never in a lifetime thought I'd be," Rachel began but she didn't know how to finish, and her words failed her. She was thinking about how she never thought she'd find a love like she found with Tom. She'd never experienced that level before. There had never really been a thought about a baby. She didn't want to bring children into a situation without a family structure. Her own experiences with a family growing up and made her not readily want children.

Now she had a love that she didn't know if she could live without, a baby born of that love on the way, and a family structure if they could all hurdle the obstacles in the way.

"Life's funny that way. I know the children are upset right now, but you have to understand," Jed was trying to explain. Rachel looked up and gripped his hand in hers and cut him off.

"I know what they are feeling. I lost my mother to illness at about the same age. Different circumstances as my mother could have been saved. Someone else made a selfish decision for her. I get that pain, that missing of your parent. It is not my intention to try to replace her, or even step into that role. I just love their father very much and now," she said as her other hand went to her stomach.

"Now you have a bun in the oven."

"And I have no idea how they will feel about that. This is not something Tom and I planned on the contrary it was a simple…oversight."

"I know when he left Norfolk he and Ashley were in a good place, and she had told him she would try. But as the days went on, I think she was jealous that he was with you on the ship and away from them."

"Like I took him away? If I hadn't been on the ship Tom would have still been there."

"I know that. And I think deep down she knows that. But she needed someone to focus her pain and anger towards. And her dad and you were the perfect target. She was still feeling the loss of her mother, but her father seemingly bounced back and moved forward with no second thoughts."

"Oh, trust me there were second thoughts," Rachel said thoughtfully. "But I never pursued Tom. Things just…"

"Happened. I can tell my son is very much in love with you."

"Yes," Rachel sighed.

"The kids will come around."

"I sure hope so. But I don't want him to have to choose between them and me. I won't let him."

"Rachel," Jed said, and he paused so she would look at him. "He can't choose between you and them now. You're carrying one of them."

"I…" Rachel went to reply but realized he was right. Tom would never allow her to step away with his child in her. This was going to have to work, there was no other option.

"Stay strong for Tom," Jed said. "He's more fragile than he projects."

"I know that," Rachel said softly. "I've seen that vulnerable side of him, as well as the warrior side of him."

"He's a good man, even if he did become a squid," Jed said with a smile.

"A squid?" Rachel asked.

"Navy man," Jed replied with a wink.

"That's right, you're Army, yes?"

"That's right, I'm Army. His way of rebelling as a youth was to run to the Naval Academy."

"Sounds like Tom."

"But I'm proud of him," Jed said as he looked up. Rachel turned her head to see Tom coming back into the room. He looked from his dad to Rachel and then paused.

"Talking about me?" Tom asked warily.

"Were your ears ringing?" Jed asked with a smile before he patted Rachel's hand and stood up from the table. "Just have patience, my dear."

Rachel nodded at him with a smile as he walked away, patting his son on the shoulder before he left the kitchen. Tom came over and leaned over Rachel, hugging her from behind. She leaned back into his chest and let herself relax. He kissed her gently on the top of the head and held her for a long time. They sat there in silence just enjoying the feel of the other.

Rachel heard someone coming into the kitchen, but Tom didn't move so she stayed where she was. They hadn't discussed how they would act in front of the children. She heard Ashley make a noise that showed she wasn't happy with what she was seeing, but to Rachel's surprise Tom didn't move. She felt his head shift a little as she assumed he was looking at his daughter.

"Hey, Ash, need something?"

"Yeah, to not be here," she said in disgust and Rachel sighed a little. Tom tightened his arms around her in a gentle squeeze.

"Sit down at the table. We need to talk," Tom said releasing Rachel and sliding into the seat next to her.

Tom looked at Ashley until the girl complied, rolling her eyes as she went. Rachel felt her nerves firing as her stomach rolled. This was not going to be a pleasant chat. Once Ashley was settled Tom continued.

"Ash, Rachel and I have some news to share with you."

"Oh great, there's more," Ashley replied in a disrespectful tone. Tom looked over her head for a moment, and Rachel could only surmise that he was working on his self-control.

"Yes, there is. First, we all need to get along as we will all be living in this house, under this roof."

"Can't I live down the street with Grampa?" Ashley asked.

"No," Tom said quickly. "Listen, Ash, I want us all to be here, as a family."

"Well, I don't share your sentiment. And she's not my family."

"Actually, she is," Tom replied as he scooped up Rachel's hand. Ashley stared at him with a glare, studying his face, trying to understand what he was saying.

"What you're getting married?"

"Not yet," Tom said, and Rachel turned and looked at him. They had never discussed marriage and yet here Tom was saying they were going to be married in the future. She didn't know how she felt but it wasn't a bad feeling.

"So…" Ashley continued and then her eyes narrowed at Rachel.

"Rachel is pregnant," Tom said. "You're going to be a big sister again."

"What?" she asked incredulously. "How could you do something so stupid," she snapped. Rachel looked down at the table. Tom stiffened next to her. Rachel looked at him and saw him holding back anger. His face was a little red.

"Stop," Tom said in his command voice. Ashley flinched and Rachel put her hand on his knee. Tom licked his lips and looked over Ashley's head. Rachel saw he was holding back tears.

"I can't believe this. No wonder we have to move here and pretend…"

"No one is pretending," Tom snapped at her. Rachel squeezed his knee trying to get him to reel in his anger, but she felt like it was a losing battle. He leaned forward on the table, and Rachel noticed Ashley lean back in the chair. "I love you, Ashley, and I love her," Tom said pointing to Rachel. "And I love the child she and I are having."

"Great," Ashley said as the tears spilled from her eyes. She crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

"I'm going to go into the other room," Rachel said standing up. Tom gripped her arm and stopped her.

"Stay here," Tom commanded. Rachel bristled a little at his order. He should know by now that she does not do well to be ordered around by him. She pulled her arm free, and Tom looked up at her a little stunned.

"I'm going to leave this room," she commanded right back to him. "You two need to stay right here and talk this through. And Tom?" she asked and waited for him to look up at her. "Talk, not command, not dismiss, but talk to her. Listen to her feelings, her concerns, her anger. You two need this."

With that Rachel turned and walked away. She went through the living room and up the stairs. She could feel Jed looking at her. She knew they should take him down to his new house and let him unpack his stuff into the house, but she wasn't in the mood to deal with it just now. She went upstairs and into her and Tom's room and collapsed onto the bed and let herself have a good cry.

To Be Continued…