What's in a Name

I don't like my name. I really don't. Ever since I was a little kid, I've wanted to change it. See, your name says something about you. Take Kana for instance.

Kana- sweet sound, sweet girl. Such an innocent, loving, sweet person. And by hearing her name, you kind of know that.

Sakura- beautiful. That's the first thing that comes to mind. And my friend with that name definitely lived up to that expectation.

Aki- sounding a bit cold at first, but after you think about it, it's a nice name. An easy going kind of person she was, my friend Aki would always get guys asking about her just because of her name.

And then it's me. Mayuko. It almost sounds like a kind of syrup. I mean... when you think of the name Mayuko, what comes to mind? Nothing. No beauty or sweetness or personality with that name. At most, the first thing that comes to mind is intellegence. Nothing else. So when I was a kid, I'd always try and change it. But I soon learned that people made fun of me for it, so I stopped trying.

I hated my name. I had always hated it. Even when Kana gave me the nickname of Mayu. I just never had a thing for it. Sure, Mayu was cool, and I liked it, but... it just never thrilled me. Not like the name Aki or Sakura. Maybe that made me a bad person, but whatever.

Then he said my name. The first thing he called me was Mayu... and all of a sudden, it sounded cooler than it had ever sounded before. I had to hesitate, make sure I was still alive, then think of something to say.

"That's a rather bold thing to call me," I ended up spitting out.

"Oh, is it?" He asked. "I'm sorry. Kana just calls you that all the time. I suppose I picked it up."

After that, he never called me Mayu again. He started calling me Mayuko-chan.

Whenever he calls me Mayuko-chan, I get this warm feeling in my gut, and I suddenly love my name. I really do. I want to hear him say it over and over again. There was just something special when he called me Mayuko-chan.

I still feel warm, and my name has suddenly become very important to me. I make sure that my students say my name right, or else I'll become annoyed. I like... no, scratch that. I love hearing him say my name. Whenever I call him, or he calls me, and we say hello to each other, I like hearing the sound when he says, "Hello, Mayuko-chan". I only hear my name about twice in a conversation, and I savor the feeling of it. From the moment he says hello, to when he says goodbye with a simple "I'll talk to you later, Mayuko-chan". Call me a dork for doing so, but I don't care. It's special to me.

But...

I notice, every time we call each other, that I wait for him to call me Mayu again. I wait, and I hope, and I pray, all in the back of my mind. Then he calls me Mayuko-chan, and I hang up, feeling somewhat dissappointed. There's just something missing; something very small in the deepest pit of my heart. And it's only filled when I remember that time when he had called me Mayu.

I was never able to find that sensation again. When he called me by that name, it was as if my entire body went numb. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't feel my fingers. I couldn't even blink, or hear anything. I just heard the echo of his voice in my head calling me.

Mayu. Mayu. Mayu. Mayu.