Author's Note: Happy reading! Dark rolling sea.
CHAPTER FOUR
It had been almost a week. Tom's mind had been heavily occupied, to the point of distraction, with what had happened in Dr. Scott's lab. His physical reaction, his mental reaction, his feelings, all tumbling around inside him as he evaluated the situation. It had been growing and festering inside him and he knew he needed to talk to someone about it before it seriously started to affect his work. He was certain that, at the very least, his bridge crew was noticing the captain's distractions.
He sat in his stateroom off watch contemplating everything. He heard a soft knock on his stateroom door and leaned back in his chair. The door was already unlocked so he simply called out.
"Enter," he said smoothly as his eyes studied the screens on his wall. The door opened and Mike popped his head inside.
"Got a second, Captain?" he said. Tom nodded slowly as he propped his elbows on his outstretched legs and tented his fingers in front of himself.
"Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
"The crew is looking good on training. We should be ready for deployment when we reach port. Dr. Scott's got a solid batch ready for us to distribute when we get there," Mike reported.
"Sounds good," Tom said absently, Mike's mention of Dr. Scott had his mind spiraling again. Mike must have picked up on his distraction.
"Need anything tonight?" Mike asked. Tom looked at his friend. His mind was tumbling through everything that comes with the mention of Rachel. He thought about dismissing Mike and brooding alone. "Someone on your mind tonight?"
The question caught him off guard and he looked up. Mike smiled at him and shook his head a little bit. Tom took a deep breath.
"That obvious?" Tom rumbled.
"Well, you've been distracted for a while now. I've seen how you look at her, and I've seen how she looks at you."
"Crap," Tom mumbled. "I don't know anymore, Mike. We had dinner the other night and it was a complete disaster."
"On whose account?"
"Mine, damn it. I keep feeling like I'm cheating on Darien. The guilt is heavy. I keep…it's all very confusing."
"Man, she's got you deep," Mike said with a laugh. Tom glared at him. "Okay. So, what's your end goal?"
Again, the question took him off guard, and Tom thought about the question. Mike was watching him expectantly waiting for an answer, but Tom didn't know how to answer it.
"I…I'm not sure, Mike." Tom said with a sigh. Mike studied him and Tom glanced at his desk.
"I think you do, Tom, I think deep down you know exactly what you want."
"Maybe. How do I get there?"
"Time. First off you need to actually grieve for Darien. Then you need to come to terms with your feelings for Rachel."
"I know what I feel for her. And the longer I'm around her the deeper I fall. But I'm still in love with Darien. I know she's gone but…"
"But you need to finish grieving so you can put her to rest."
"I did grieve…with Rachel actually."
"Oh really? How'd that come about?"
"She happened to come to my stateroom when I was having a bad night. It just progressed and I felt…"
"Safe enough to share?"
"Maybe," Tom contemplated. "I didn't mean for it to happen. But she wouldn't leave, and it just happened."
"And?" Mike asked. Tom looked up at his friend and smiled. He thought about that night, and the nice talk they had had after he was done breaking down.
"We talked after, for a long time. It was nice."
"So, you were able to set aside everything then. Eventually you'll be able to get past it. Just give it time, Tom. Guarantee she loves you too."
"You really think so?"
"Are you blind, brother?" Mike asked with a laugh. Tom shrugged his shoulders and shook his head slowly.
The next night Tom was having dinner with Mike in the wardroom. They had kept the talk light, discussing making port the next day and who was going to go ashore, and when.
"So, Vulture team goes ashore with the first shipment," Mike said. Tom nodded slowly as he forked some more food into his mouth. Once he had chewed and swallowed, he was able to answer.
"Yes. Lt. Green will lead. I'll have them secure the things on land and then the second helo load can take the Dr. Scott, myself, and whoever else needs to go. I'm not letting anyone, but Vulture team go ashore until we know it's safe."
"What's the word on the environment we're walking into?"
"Not much is known of the ports we are hitting from here on out. They've been broadcasting what we have and what our mission is to the masses so I'm hoping enough people have heard the message. I'm still not going in there blind and without adequate protection for people administering the cure."
"I agree. Vulture team then everyone else. Does Dr. Scott know she's on the second load?" Mike asked, a smug smile playing at his lips. Tom frowned.
"I haven't discussed it with her yet, but I'm sure she'll understand," he replied. His statement sounded weak even to him. Mike was laughing. Tom glared at him again.
"That's a conversation I don't envy," he said with a hearty laugh. Tom nodded slowly.
"Yeah, not one I'm looking forward to. I know she's going to fight me on that one."
"Good luck," Mike said with a smile. "How are things anyway?"
"I haven't really seen her for a week or so," Tom replied, remembering the last time he had seen her in the lab, when he helped her reach the beaker. He felt the heat rise inside him. Mike watched him closely. Then they both resumed eating.
They both looked up at the door to the wardroom opened up and a laughing Rachel Scott walked in followed closely by Tex Nolan. Tex stepped up next to her and draped his arm over her shoulder and steered her to a chair. As soon as Rachel had realized someone else was in the room, she had stopped her laugh. Tom felt a rush of jealousy coarse through his body and he dropped his eyes to his plate.
He hadn't expected that seeing her with someone else like that would affect him so deeply, cut so harshly across his soul. He forced his face to remain stoic and kept his eyes downcast as he took another bite. Rachel was looking at him, but he refused to look back. He didn't want her to see the tension and pain in his own eyes.
"Sorry to interrupt, gentlemen, but do you mind a little company tonight?" Tex had asked. Tom saw Slattery glance at him from the corner of his eye, then Mike looked away, presumably at Rachel. Lastly Tom saw Mike look right at Tex and smile.
"Not all, do join us," Mike replied, while still smiling. Tom threw a subtle glare at Mike before he washed his features to the captain mask he wore. He forced himself to look at Tex and nod. He turned his gaze down to his plate, completely ignoring Rachel for the moment. For the rest of the time, he was eating he couldn't bring himself to look at her as the pain and jealously raged through him.
He had no right to feel jealous and could he really blame Rachel for having dinner with the other man? Tom had not exactly been clear on his intentions with her, and he wasn't even sure he knew what he wanted anyway. Well, that may be a lie he thought, but still he had not made a solid move one direction or the other. And Tex had told him before that he had planned on making a move on the good doctor. His food finished; Tom stood abruptly from his chair.
"Excuse me, I have work to do," Tom said his gaze still towards the table. He did not wait for anyone to acknowledge his statement he simply walked out of the wardroom and headed for his stateroom. Once in the safety of his stateroom he locked the door behind him and crashed heavily onto his couch.
He was going to have to come to terms with his emotions if he was going to be able to continue this mission. He could not afford to be affected like that by someone on his ship. He was the captain for goodness's sake, he was supposed to be able to leave emotion out of everything and make the decision that was best for the mission. He sucked in a deep breath and felt the ache in his chest.
Then the guilt set in, and he dropped his head into his hands. He rubbed at his face hard, trying to peel away the tension and anguish he was feeling from this new development. He had seen her with other men before. Maybe it was just that he knew Tex's intentions from the start. But mostly it was the ease of which the two conversed. It was the simplicity of their relationship that Tom was jealous of. He wished desperately that he could be that at ease in her presence. To not have the burden of baggage he was carrying around at being guilty of cheating on his dead wife. You're not cheating, his heart said. She's gone, she's never coming back. Rachel is right in front of you. He tried to focus on the task at hand, to maybe clear his head of Rachel Scott at least for now.
To Be Continued…
