Where Lines Blur
"Baby, I love you."
Tyson's heart gave a painful lurch in his chest at those words. He stared at the screen, a fist upon his heart as the final scene of the movie played out, a single tear slipping free and rolling down his left cheek. It wasn't really the movie making him cry. It was those words. Three simple words. No one had ever said them to him.
Not in a romantic sense. Not in a way that carried tremendous weight. Lips quivering. Voice breaking. Heart and soul on the line.
No one ever risked their heart or soul for him. The very idea of it. Of someone wanting him. Made him feel delusional.
Unrealistic
Asking for too much.
Pathetic.
He got that most people didn't fall in love and then stay in love. Or experience a great romance in their lifetime. Hell, his parents had married for love, yet their story had ended tragically.
His mother had died of cancer. And his sister was fighting for her life everyday.
He knew how cruel life could be. He should be glad he was alive and healthy. Able to live like a normal human being, something which his sister could not afford. But he wasn't. He wasn't happy most of the time. In fact, he was downright depressed. And the only escape he had from the suffocating weight on his chest was sex.
Love. Sex. He longed for the former, but made do with the latter. Where love was messy, sex was easy. Uncomplicated. And with the right person, the right lighting and mood, he could almost feel like he was in love.
Experience its intoxicating rush for a few sweet moments.
He could close his eyes and pretend he was in the arms of his lover. Someone who loved him deeply. Made all of his aches and pains a little smaller. A lot weightless.
He switched the tv off now, grabbing the glass of water on the coffee table and draining it in two large gulps. Fucking romcoms made him weepy and thirsty. It was a Sunday. He had work tomorrow morning. He felt like going for a walk though.
10:55, read the clock hung above the tv. He pulled on a thick jacket to combat the cold outside and left his apartment, whistling habitually.
When he made eye contact with a neighbor in the corridor, he smiled. The old man smiled back at him and went back inside. Shouts of children and shrieking laughter spilled out into the hallway in the brief moment the door was open. A chatter of a tv in the background. Tyson inhaled, his lungs feeling oddly buoyant.
His palms however were clammy. He took them out of his pockets and wiped them on his jeans as he climbed down the steps to the main entrance.
The walk was long, three rounds around a few blocks, because the city wound around like a snake and fifteen minutes later, he was feeling cheerful again. Or something close to it. He entered a card shop when he came across it and looked around the aisles for something that caught his eye. Hana liked greeting cards. Something about the elegant, looping text on them. He was checking out one with a red teddy bear in the front when he heard someone walk by him. Or felt rather. The steps were quiet. Presence large however.
Tyson turned to look to his left, almost as if compelled, and realized why when he saw the strong profile of the man in the long black coat. He wasn't exactly being subtle about it. Tyson watched as Kai reached a hand towards one of the greeting cards in the Wedding section and picked it up off the shelf. He perused it with a slight frown between his brows, flicking it open, to the front and back, then putting it back in its place, dissatisfied.
Despite himself, a smile slanted its way across Tyson's lips.
"What are you looking for?" he asked before his mind caught up with his mouth.
"Do you work here?" came the swift response.
"No" He took a step in Kai's direction. "You look confused."
That earned him his full attention. And a quirked brow.
"Who are you buying for?" Tyson walked over like Kai wasn't silently telling him to fuck off and mind his own business. "It helps to know what their tastes are."
"And you would be a pro at buying greeting cards," said Kai, turning back to the shelves, hands buried in his coat pockets.
"I would be," Tyson said mildly in a sing-song, examining the cards himself. He bit his tongue to avoid divulging anymore unnecessary information about himself. Let silence fall between them.
"It's my sister's," Kai said after a minute of almost awkward quiet.
"Hmm" Tyson's own eyebrows jumped up. Sister. Older or younger? Probably older. Tyson had a big sister. He chose a card before his thoughts went anymore south. "Here. It's not garish or over the top, but elegant and...kinda sweet." He snapped the card closed after reading it and pushed it toward Kai's chest. It was received with appropriate distrust.
People had a tendency to doubt his abilities. Kai seemed no different.
He read the card himself and ran a (nice) finger down its etched front even. Tyson averted his eyes before his thoughts went that way either.
Then the wrinkle between his brows disappeared. And a ghost of a smile touched Kai's lips as he turned his chin to appraise Tyson. "Thank you" Tyson liked the light glimmer he saw in Kai's eyes.
"You're welcome" He gave a little curtsy and spun around with a grin. "Have a goodnight!"
"You too" The two words - whisper soft and spoken low - followed him all the way back to his apartment.
"Motherfucker, I'm not paying for this!"
"Oh come on now-"
"No!"
Tyson woke with a sharp inhale. That was the third time this week. He knew why it was happening. Why that particular dream was coming back now. He was getting by on scraps. Saving up whatever was left after rent for Hana's medications. It wasn't much. He had been unsuccessful at finding another job so far. He grit his teeth and padded in to the bathroom. He had light bags underneath his eyes. His phone pinged with a text.
It was Hilary, asking him out for drinks with a couple of her friends later. But today was Friday. He'd rather have a good time than a bad one. Not that Hilary was a bad friend. It was her friends that he had a problem with.
Queen and Julia, he never liked that crowd. He didn't know why Hilary tried so much to be one of them. They were influencers for god's sake. Not celebrities.
He brushed his teeth with a storm cloud gathering above his head.
The city sounds were muffled and muted from up here. His leg dangled over the edge as he balanced his wrist on a drawn up knee and took a drag of his cigarette.
Twenty stories up and a view of the sun setting on the horizon. He felt calm, peaceful. The smoke in his lungs blocking out any errant thoughts. A distant honk from below drew his attention to the cars in the traffic. He spotted a yellow Camaro and wondered who sat behind the wheel. What their life was like.
"Alright, Granger?" Lee's voice reached him, along with the sound of the door giving access to the roof closing shut. "Long time no see."
Tyson turned his head to look over his shoulder at the short man walking up to him. "Hey" he said with a warm smile. "How you been?" He turned around fully when Lee reached him.
"Good" He leaned his back against the wall, tilting his head up to look at Tyson. "You? How's your job at the coffee shop?"
"Eeh, so-so."
"So-so?" Lee asked, grinning.
Tyson gave a good-natured, goofy snort.
"How's Hana?"
He shifted uncomfortably. "Better" And cleared his throat, giving a clear indication that he didn't want to talk about it.
"You ever think about coming back to dancin'?"
"I do" He nodded. Took a deep breath through his teeth. "It's why I called actually. I was thinking of getting back in the game. Heard you guys were doing well."
"Meh, we got a little fame," Lee said with a shrug.
Tyson laughed. "You have half a million followers. You've got fame." He brought the cigarette back to his lips, still smiling.
Lee shrugged again, but with a grin on his face. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence following that. Then Lee reached for Tyson's cigarette.
He handed it over to him and watched him pull a deep inhale, noticing how he'd got tanner than when they used to hang out regularly. His arms had gotten bigger too. His shirtless tee had them on full display.
"There's a tournament starting soon," said Lee, voice a bit gravelly from the smoke. "Hosted by a bunch of underground clubs." He looked up at Tyson. "First prize is a hundred grand."
Tyson stilled. His world slowed to a stop around him. "A hundred grand?" he asked in shock. That would be enough. More than enough for a year.
Lee nodded. Gave the cigarette back to him. Tyson took it with slightly shaky fingers. "You'll need to be a part of a duo or group. Solos almost never win. Groups have a higher success rate."
You have a spot open on the team? Tyson wanted to ask. His heart almost hurt with the need. Yet he didn't want Lee to know he was desperate. Gasping for air.
"We're looking for a new member," the words reached his ears bizarrely smothered. He was almost sure he heard him wrong, but Lee gazed at him expectantly. He was asking him. The corner of his lips were twisting up in a smirk. Tyson forced himself to take a breath. Breathe around the shard lodged in his left lung.
"You're going to have to earn your spot though," Lee said with a tilt of his head, giving Tyson's knee a playful push. "Prove you still got the moves."
Tyson surprised himself, scoffing. "I still got the moves."
"We have a couple of other candidates lined up as well. Why don't y'all have a dance off tomorrow evening? Right here on this roof?"
"Sounds like a challenge," Tyson teased.
"You get that arrogance of yours under control." Lee really pushed him this time. Tyson almost tipped over and fell twenty stories. His cigarette didn't have his luck. It flew.
He laughed however.
And for the first time in a long time, it was real.
Kai stayed at the office a little later than usual that Friday, so when he got back home, he was greeted with a very pleasant sight of his companion for the night waiting right outside his door, boredly leaning against a wall. He had one of his stomper boots up against the expensive granite.
Kai readily forgave him for that, because that boot cladded leg was quite expensive too. In its own way.
He braced a languid hand against the wall next to his shiny black head of hair and arranged his body in a pose that exuded nonchalance.
Playful brown eyes looked up at him then. Finally freed from the grip of the iPhone. He did that thing with his mouth. That thing he did when he normally would have spoken in a situation had it been to anyone else but Kai. A little stretching of his lips in a flat line. Corners tightening for a second. As if he was both pissed and unbothered at the same time.
His eyes tracked down Kai's front as he did so. Stopping at his pants and coming back up to his face.
He had mesmerizingly long lashes, Kai noted. His eyes were a constant wonder to behold. Which was why Kai hadn't gotten tired of him yet.
His eyes dropped away, shifting back to his phone screen and Kai didn't linger by his side a second longer. He unlocked the door and stepped in without another glance over his shoulder.
Quiet footsteps followed him in.
He set his bag down on the floor in the bedroom and walked a few steps to the bed as he peeled his jacket over his shoulders. He folded them and set them on the foot of the bed before turning around and taking a seat on the edge himself.
And observed the spectacle before him as it made its way toward him in a non-linear path. Non-linear because he was texting and trying to strip off his jacket at the same time. The scene was quite phenomenal.
There was a light smile on his face. A goofy texting-my-bestfriend smile.
The jacket was finally thrown off and the digital conversation came to an end soon after as he tossed the phone on the bed somewhere near the pillow and gave Kai his attention, climbing into his lap with ease and familiarity.
A whiff of flowery perfume reached him as soon as he got near. He smelled like a flower garden all the time.
The smile remained even as he met Kai's eyes and touched the sides of his neck with both hands. It transformed into a soft snort with a peek of his teeth before he touched his lips to Kai's. Kissing him close-mouthed. Kai closed his eyes. His hands had moved to let him seat himself on his thighs and now rested lightly on his hips.
He touched the small of his back to pull him closer, and his thighs slid to hug Kai's waist and hips snugly. Heat coursed through him.
"Yeah! Yes! Of course I'll be there, dad. What kind of a question is that?"
Kai stared at the ceiling, hands behind his head running through the points of tomorrow's presentation in his head when not two minutes ago he had a completely empty head and soft moans in his ears.
He was balls deep when that fucking call came through.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he had apologized to Kai with breathy words and dilated pupils. "It's my dad."
It had taken massive restraint not to swallow his sorrys and fuck him into the bed, but that phone had to be answered.
"It's fine" Kai had said, lying back and raking a hand through his hair. It was slightly wet with his own sweat.
He had the sheets drawn around him, covering up his honey-tinged skin and lithe muscles as he talked to his father. Kai watched him absentmindedly run a hand up his arm to his shoulder to his neck. His feet poking out of the sheets. A calf on display. He traced the curve of it with his eyes and wondered when this phone call would end.
"Don't tell her yet! Don't! I want it to be a surprise!" His apartment was normally quiet. Almost eerily so. It seemed lively all of a sudden with all the shouting his booty call was doing. To his father. Not to him. "Dad, nooooooo." He pulled his knees closer and rested his chin on them as he wailed in distress. "Fine! Fine. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. It's better for her health this way." Silence. "Yes, yes, I'll call you before getting on the plane...Bye." A huff of laughter. Then a giggle. "Bye. Wish everyone goodnight for me."
Were these calls a regular thing? And if so, will it happen again while they were doing it?
Kai sat up, drawing his attention to him. His chocolate eyes were wide when he glanced at him. Concerned. "Okay, dad. I'm hanging up now. Bye." He started apologizing as soon as the call ended. "I'm really sorry that happened. I should have turned my phone off. I'm really sorry." He switched his phone off then.
And Kai shook his head. For a second he considered stopping here and calling it a night. But then the sheet slipped off his chest, fell all the way to his belly, begging to be pulled off. Kai couldn't help but reach out.
A baby was crying. Shrieking and wailing somewhere nearby. Tyson lowered the camera and looked around the park for a tiny disgruntled thing.
It didn't take long for him to find him. He was thrashing and screaming in his caretaker's arms. They were near a pond. A huge bag of baby supplies (surely) lying on the ground next to the man's feet.
"Oh come on" he heard him say, lifting the baby up. And oh god no, that was no way to hold a baby.
"Is he hurt?" Tyson called out, approaching hesitantly. He didn't want to come off as a stalker, or some enamored loser, which was why he often ignored Kai when he saw him around the city. He did see him a lot around the city. His coffee shop was right across the Hiwatari Tower.
But this was a cry for help. Literally. That poor baby.
Kai looked unsurprised to see him, but then again, he'd never seen Kai surprised. He gave him a cursory glance then sighed. Clearly frustrated. The baby swung out with his fists as he tried to feed it. He had the bottle in one hand and the baby in the other. Holding it around the middle.
It looked even tinier than it was next to Kai's hands.
"He's not hurt," he gritted out and then quickly turned his face away from an oncoming swing.
"Then does he need a nappy change?" Tyson stepped closer, wanting to take the baby from him. "It's probably-"
"I don't know what's wrong with him. He's clean - I checked. And fed. He's screaming for no reason."
"Okay" Tyson set the camera down on the ground and neared the baby. "Hey, little buddy," he greeted softly, touching a small soft fist with his index. The snotty, red-faced thing quieted at the sight of a new face. "What's wrong? What happened?" The baby cooed at him. Sniffling. "Is that right? That is no good." He cooed again. And Tyson nodded. "I know. That's the literal worst, buddy. I know what you're going through."
Kai looked at him funnily as the thrashing, crying thing stopped wreaking havoc and started smiling and wiggling happily at Tyson.
"Here" Tyson held out his hands. "Can I hold him?"
There was a moment, where Kai seemed hesitant, distrustful, then he shifted his arms and gave the baby over to Tyson.
"There" he murmured gently to the little thing. "Aren't you a good baby?" he asked, hugging him to his chest. "You are?" The baby giggled in glee. "You are." He pressed a kiss to his forehead and glanced at Kai. "What's his name?"
Kai held his eyes. Dark and deeper than the ocean. "Mieko" he replied softly.
"Mieko" Tyson repeated, gazing at him, then looked back at the baby. "Mieko indeed" He pressed another kiss to the fuzz on his forehead.
Mieko played with Tyson's shirt buttons. And collars. And gurgled excitedly. "He likes you," said Kai, looking almost betrayed.
"Is he yours?" asked Tyson. Stupid. Fucking stupid. What the fuck did he just-
"He's my nephew," answered Kai. "The babysitter fell sick last Thursday and my sister-" he stopped himself right on time "-had somewhere to be, so he's on me."
Tyson hummed in acknowledgment. Kai must have been feeling really grateful. Mieko found ducks in the pond. "Da!" he screamed, pulling at Tyson's collar. "Da!" And pointed at the water. Bending and leaning almost all the way out of his arms.
Kai reached out, feeding bottle in the crook of thumb and palm and all. Tyson caught him with ease. He basically raised half the younger kids in his village. He was used to these shenanigans. Kai relaxed when he realized Mieko was no longer in danger and lowered his arms, moving them all the way behind his back and folding his hands there. He watched as Tyson bend down to one knee near the pond and allowed Mieko to take a closer look at the birds.
"I wish I had something for him to feed them with," said Tyson remorsefully.
"There's got to be something in the bag." Tyson heard him rummaging around and then a few seconds later he returned with a slice of bread.
"Aha!" Tyson took it from him with a grin. "Thank you" He tore a small piece off and threw it to the ducks in the water. Mieko was delighted as they came closer and the piece of bread disappeared into their beaks.
Tyson gave a small piece to Mieko and let him throw it this time. "How old is he?" asked Tyson. "Five? Six?"
"Six months" answered Kai, kneeling next to them. He glanced at Mieko and poked him in the cheek with the feeding bottle's tip. Gently. Very gently. "Hey" he said to Mieko. "You know me?"
Tyson grinned at him. Mieko paid no attention to Kai. Too busy feeding the duckies. He squealed in joy as one came super close to get a piece that almost didn't make it to the water.
"Is he the same sister's you were picking out a card for?" Tyson's mouth ran off again. Or may be his brain ran off. Or may be it was the baby.
Kai was quiet for a second. Then: "Yes"
"That's nice" Mieko got tired of throwing bread and started lying on Tyson's chest, babbling nonsense. "I think he's getting sleepy. I gotta get going too."
He gave Mieko over to Kai. He didn't cause any fuss during the exchange as he was halfway to la la land already. "Oh and it's best to always support his back if you're going to lift him with just one hand." He sat comfortably in Kai's arm now. Well supported and content against his chest. Kai's gaze was curious as if he wanted to ask how Tyson knew how to handle babies. But all he was said was: "Thank you"
Tyson smiled. "Anytime"
"Bye, baby" he said softly to Mieko.
"Da" Mieko cooed, extending a tiny hand toward Tyson. He couldn't help but step forward and press a kiss to his cheek. Forgetting he was breaching Kai's space to do so.
He was so full of love. Mieko reminded him of Daichi. Playful and unbearably cute. He wanted to smother him with kisses. But then he accidentally glanced up.
And was reminded of who the fuck he was getting too comfortable with.
Kai's face was close, gorgeous in broad daylight. And the expression on his features did something to Tyson.
Tyson blinked, almost flinched out of his personal space, his cheeks hot. Kai made a short, aborted, minuscule movement in his periphery, probably startled by Tyson's retreat. But it was so subtle he may as well have imagined it.
Tyson picked up his camera off the ground, Kai watching him silently, touching his lips briefly to Mieko's head. Tyson straightened and bid his farewell to the two with a smile, turning around and walking up the hill to take more photos, his heartbeat slightly off rhythm.
A/N: That thing I said about 10k? Bitch, I'm lucky if I can write two words in three months. I have no time to write these days.
