AN: It's midnight, and I'm falling asleep behind my screen. So it'll be a shorter update today, possibly one with more (than usual) errors... And thanks again for all the lovely reviews!
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8
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He didn't remember falling asleep.
But when he awoke, it was in a strangely distorted world of hazy images and buzzing sounds.
And pain.
A white hot pain crawling around inside his body like a snake of fire.
Time behaved most peculiarly, speeding up and slowing down in an unnatural pattern of disjoint lucid moments interspersed with periods of soothing darkness.
Rodney yelling at him. Nurse Betty's large dark eyes glittering with unshed tears. Dr. Biro's angry muttering as she had started an IV in his arm. The disappointment in Colonel Sheppard's face looming over him. A frantic buzz of voices shouting instructions for reanimation procedures.
"Get me that defibrilator STAT!"
One moment of perfect clarity swam to the surface of the muddy pool of memories. Inserting the syringe in Jeffrey Reynolds' IV. Bringer of Death on the wings of everlasting slumber.
"Give him an amp of epinephrine!"
The other disjointed memories now all seemed to make sense. They had evidently found out about the euthanasia, and despite all prior talk, hadn't taken too kindly to it.
"Charge it to 200 joules!"
Despite the consequences for himself, Carson couldn't help but hoping their resuscitation attempts wouldprove to betoo late. Private Reynolds had deserved his rest…
"Stand clear!"
Pain exploded through his body, setting all nerve endings on fire. Mercifully, the world blinked out of existence completely.
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9
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"Carson?"
The female voice was sweet, and set his heart aflame.
His eyes flew open in surprise.
It couldn't possibly be…
Sparkling blue eyes smiled down at him, partially obscured by loose strands of sun kissed blond hair.
"Perna?" He whispered incredulously.
She smiled in that special way that made his heart do cartwheels in his chest.
"Carson." She echoed dryly, bringing her face so close to his that some blond strands tickled his cheek. And captured his lips in a sweet kiss.
Carson's heart executed a quadruple inverted somersault.
His lips however caught on faster than his numb brain and they answered the kiss with all the desperation of an addict in withdrawal.
After experiencing a glimpse of eternity, the world righted itself again and he opened his eyes. Perna gazed down lovingly as she gently rubbed his temples.
Miraculously, her expertly kneading fingers drove his head ache away, clearing up most of the fuzziness inside his brain.
Sleepy dazedness was replaced by curiosity.
He blinked, several times, rationally knowing that his eyes were deceiving him, that her voice was merely a figment of his imagination and that her touch was only some erroneously firing sensory neurons.
But she didn't waver, didn't dissolve in the ghost that haunted his nightmares. In fact, she felt impossibly real.
"I am real." She smiled softly, taking his right hand and bringing it to her breast.
He could feel her heart beating strong and steady under his fingers.
"But, but…" He swallowed the sadness away that threatened to choke him. "You are dead…"
Perna nodded. "Yes, at least, my body is."
She took his limp left hand, and put it over his own chest, meanwhile keeping his right hand over her heart. "But my heart still lives on... In you…"
And Carson felt under his fingertips two strong hearts beating… in perfect synchrony.
Unbidden, it brought back the memory of desperately feeling for her non existent pulse on Hoff. Overcome by the loss like it was that very moment when she had left him alone, he squeezed his eyes shut.
Two pearly tears slid down his cheek, but slender fingers gently erased their tracks.
"You will never be alone. I'll be watching. Always in your heart."
Opening his eyes again, blinking furiously to clear his watery vision as she spoke those familiar words. His father's last words.
How could she know, he had never…
Perna gently stroke his cheek, her blue eyes captivating him.
"Oh, my dear Carson, always so full of questions. So desperately looking for answers. I know because I know your father, like I know all the others. I know the ones you have tried to save. I know their gratitude for you not giving up hope, for doing everything you possibly could and more. The ghosts that haunt your nightmares are only spectres, figments of your imagination, personifications of the sorrows that you allow to take up residence in your heart. Their true spirits are not angry or sad, and they do not wish you any harm. On the contrary. They want to help you."
Carson blinked befuddled. He felt incredibly slow on the uptake.
"That's because you do not belong in this world yet. You are still too bound to your body to see clearly." Perna explained.
Now wait one wee moment… She could read his thoughts! If he didn't feel so weak, he would have hit himself in the head for being so daft as to only discover this blatantly obvious fact only just now.
Perna smiled a tad sadly. "Yes, but there is no need to hurt yourself even more, Carson, your body is already severely weakened."
He frowned, vaguely remembering an excruciating pain.
"Your heart stopped. They are attempting reanimation right now…" Perna informed him quietly.
What? He didn't remember getting injured.
"You caught a severe viral infection…" She explained quietly, and smiled. "But you will heal. There is still a task waiting for you. I want you to remember my words and take them with you on your path. The ones who love you are never truly gone. We are right here, behind the horizon, but not out of reach. You will never walk your path alone, as long as you let us in, we will always be beside you. And when the road gets difficult, we will carry you across any obstacles. We are proud of you, and we wish you the very best. I love you, Carson, and I will for all of eternity. But, please, don't be afraid to accept love again. Don't look back in regret for too long, or you may miss the beautiful sights in front of you."
Perna's image slowly faded, and he started to feel increasingly heavy. Desperately, he reached for her hand, but touched only emptiness. Disappointed, he allowed the beckoning darkness to envelop him.
But before the light disappeared completely, he felt soft lips touch his, whispering: "Always in your heart…"
