Author's Note: Starting tomorrow I will be traveling for about nine days. Internet may be spotty, and my time will be shorter to write. I will try to continue to crank these chapters out, but there may be slight delays for a little while! Happy reading. dark rolling sea.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Tom woke early, slightly confused at the overly warmness in his bed, and the solid object to which he was clinging. His brain shook the sleep fog away and he remembered Rachel was in his bed…with him. A flood a desire rushed his system hard, and he fought the urge to attack her skin with his mouth. As quickly as that desire and urge hit, so did the memory of his dead wife and the guilt of loving this woman fueled him again. He shut his eyes tightly and sighed. Why was his brain so broken?

He slowly peeled himself away from her, then stood by the bed and watched her sleep. He really needed to fix his head because he wanted to be happy. He wanted to be happy with her. Forcing his mind to switch gears he focused on the mission of the day. They had a cure drop, their final one before heading home.

He dressed in his uniform, leaned down and gently kissed her forehead, then left his stateroom for the bridge. On the way there he spotted Tex working with Vulture team getting ready to be deployed. Tex caught his eye and motioned he wanted to talk to him. Tom felt a strange nervousness creep up inside him. Once they were off to the side and their conversation would be private, Tex spoke.

"Hey, Captain, just wanted to make sure we were still cool. No hard feelings man."

"We're cool," Tom said softly. "I'm sorry we blindsided you but it's not something we've gone public about."

"Well obviously. I figured it would happen."

"That obvious."

"Well, I tried my damndest to woo that woman, but she was not interested in this," Tex said his hand moving up and down his body. "But boy did she look at you. I wasn't sure about you, and I brought it up out at sea, but I guess you figured it out a bit later."

"Yes, a bit," Tom said, not sure on how much he really wanted to share.

"But it's pretty serious?"

"I think so…I hope so," Tom mumbled, his mind spinning with all kinds of thoughts and emotions.

"Treat her right, Buddy, and it'll last. She digs you," Tex said, clapping Tom on the shoulder, before walking back to the group getting ready to deploy. Tom headed on towards the bridge. When he got there, Mike was talking to Garnett about something. Lt. Green was on the bridge as well.

"Captain on the bridge!" was yelled and Tom walked up to the small group.

"Morning," Tom greeted on one in particular. Everyone in the group nodded slowly. "How are things this morning? Everything on schedule?"

"Yes, sir," Mike answered. "We were just discussing the details of the mission. Commander Garnett was informing me of a small problem in the engine room, but she is confident that Chung and she will be able to fix it."

"Good to hear," Tom replied. He saw a look pass between Mike and Andrea and he made a note to bring it up later. Garnett excused herself and headed back to the engine rooms. Tom looked at Danny. "Vulture team ready for deployment when we reach port?"

"Yes, sir. We are ready. Is Dr. Scott joining us this morning?"

"No. Dr. Scott will be sitting this mission out," Tom replied working hard to keep the smile off his face. Mike raised an eyebrow at him, and Lt. Green simply nodded.

"Alright. I'm going to go and make sure the men are ready."

"Sounds good," Mike replied. "Thirty minutes and we'll be ready to send the first helo ashore."

"We'll be ready," Danny said and the left the bridge. Mike looked expectantly at Tom, but Tom made a point to ignore his XO.

"So…the good doc got benched? How'd she take that one?" Mike asked quietly. Tom chuckled.

"She benched herself, Mike," Tom replied coolly. Mike's face contorted into a look of complete shock. "I know. Imagine my surprise when she told me."

"So how did that happen?"

"She worked in her lab all day yesterday until late. When I found her, she was tired and very sore. She said if just sitting in her lab made her this sore then she didn't think she was ready to be on land trying to do more."

"Wow," Mike whistled. "I figured her to be more like you."

Tom gave his friend a glare. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you're not one to quit because you got hurt," Mike said with a shrug. "I mean I've seen you do things…"

"Okay, okay," Tom replied with a sigh. "Yes, it shocked me, but I can't say how much it did please me."

"I can imagine. So where is the good doc?" Mike asked, a smirk on his face.

"Still asleep as far as I know," Tom replied and walked away. Mike stared after him, but Tom never looked back. He stood looking out the forward window. "I think it's time to get this mission on the move."

"Ay, ay, Captain," Mike said. Both men left the bridge and headed towards the flight deck.

The first helo took off with Vulture team and a batch of vials containing both the cure and the vaccine. Captain Chandler watched from the bridge and listened through the com link as his team secured the area and set up a base camp to help distribute what they could. Masses of people were already showing up. Tom sent two more teams ashore to help, and all the vials they had were shipped inland. He had decided to stay on the ship today and let Mike take command on shore.

He settled into his chair on the bridge and watched the activities through binoculars. He felt a presence next to him and could smell her. He looked over and smiled. She smiled back at him.

"Glad you could join us, Dr. Scott," he quipped softly. He felt a rush of affection but managed to keep his hands to himself. She was shaking her head at him. She leaned in close to his ear.

"You didn't wake me," she whispered so only he could have heard her. He simply shrugged and picked up the binoculars again, watching his men work.

"You'll be happy to hear the mission is underway and distribution is going to plan per Vulture Team's last report."

"I am happy to hear that."

"Once everyone is back on board we will head for Norfolk."

"How long with it take?"

"If we're lucky, about two weeks," he replied doing the math in his head. Thinking of home brought back the rush of telling his family and dealing with the fall out. Also having to face his memories of Darien and actually grieve. Maybe he would be able to put everything to rest. He was looking forward to spending time with Rachel away from the ship, but he was also feeling guilty that he was looking forward to that. Damn his brain. He really needed to figure out how to fix this issue. He could tell she was watching him, but she kept quiet and for that he was grateful.

"Mind if I hang out here until the mission is done?"

"Not at all," he said, handing her the binoculars. She smiled at him, and her fingers brushed along his as she took the binoculars from him, sending electricity and fire surging through his entire body. He managed to clamp down on the feelings and show nothing outwardly.

The mission had been a success and Rachel had stayed with him on the bridge for the whole thing. She had left when the helo was working on bringing everything back to the ship, but Tom had to stay and finish the watch. When it was all done and everyone was back aboard the Nathan James, Tom gave the order to head for Norfolk. The crew's mood seemed to have improved with the order.

The sun was setting, and Tom was looking for Rachel. He found her on the aft deck on the back of the flight deck leaning against the railing watching the sunset. He walked up next to her and leaned on the railing. Rachel looked to see who was there and then her gaze returned to the sunset. She shifted her body and her shoulder settled against his. He leaned into the contact slightly but was still quiet.

They watched the sun sink lower in the sky together, neither one feeling the need to fill the silence between them. Tom was enjoying the view, and the quiet time with her, their shoulders gently rubbing against each other, creating a delicious friction. The air around them grew darker with the impending night. He felt Rachel push up and away from him and then walked behind him. Her fingers traced over his name embroidered on his pants and he felt a flush crash through his system. He hesitated for a moment as she continued on, never looking back at him.

Then he followed her. She went to her lab and was checking to see if everything had been put back correctly. He entered and stood, watching her. He could get lost just watching her. He sat down on the table and continued to enjoy her movements. He was feeling so many conflicting emotions and he was growing mad at himself for feeling so broken. He needed to free himself of the ghost, and the burden. There was so much he wanted to tell this woman, but nothing would come out, and even if it did, he feared it would be jumbled and confusing. The silence was stretching, but she seemed keen on waiting him out.

"Are you hungry?" he finally asked, just to break the hold his brain had on him. She nodded her reply but didn't make a move. He continued to stare at her, drinking in her features. He felt the nervous pang of going home, of facing this head on. He hoped he was strong enough to battle through. He hoped her feelings were strong enough to survive the impending perfect storm that was inevitably coming. He watched as a slight nervousness crept into her eyes. He finally made a decision and stood from the table, beckoning towards him holding his arm to her. "Come on, let's find something to eat."

The walk to the wardroom was done in quiet and Tom was still a little lost in his own head. When they got there and entered the room Mike and Tex were already sitting eating their meals. After Rachel and Tom secured their own food, they joined the two at the table. Tom wasn't ready to break physical contact with Rachel, so he shifted his chair, so his leg was pressed against hers. Tom was pleased when the four of them settled into an easy conversation. Eventually Tex and Mike finished their meals respectively and took leave of the wardroom, leaving Tom alone with Rachel.

He needed more contact, so he reached over and caressed her hand and fingers gently. He hated the fact that every time he touched her, he felt guilty. Every time he felt passion for her, he felt guilty. When he thought about the things he wanted to do to her body, Darien intruded. It was getting frustrating. He was tempted to tell her everything he felt, how deep seeded his love for her ran, but his deep seeded love for Darien made him second guess it all. Rachel was sitting there patiently waiting for him. She was watching his face, and he knew that there must be something brewing on his face to tell of the turmoil he felt deep inside. His fingers continued to caress her hand, the motion sending charges through him, but he couldn't bring himself to find the words.

The urge for more body contact with her grew to strong and he stood abruptly, pulling her to her feet with him. He tugged her gently causing her to step towards him, and he extended his arms, catching her softly and pulling her into his chest. He cradled her head, pushing her ear against his heart. Pain and guilt rocked him again and Darien floated across his mind. He was cheating. He was a horrible man. But he wasn't his rational side attempted to demand. But he wasn't. It was okay to love this woman, it was okay to feel like he did. Darien was gone and not coming back.

Rachel's patience had run out and Tom felt her pull away from him. He let her, as she looked up at his face. He couldn't maintain eye contact with her, so he closed his. Hiding from her. Hiding from the pain.

"Tom," she whispered, and then waited. A refused for a long moment, keeping his eyes shut. Almost afraid of what he would see in the depths of her eyes. Finally, he drew the courage to open his eyes and face her. As soon as they were open, she continued, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he mumbled like a damn teenager, and forced a tight smile across his lips. There was no warmth in it, no humor. He felt fatigue envelop him. "It's getting late."

She was studying him like a hawk, and he was a little uncomfortable under her scrutiny. She waited a moment then spoke to him again.

"Tom, I can tell something is on your mind," Rachel tried again. All he could do was shake his head side to side slowly.

"It's okay," he voiced with no emotion. He could see the concern and heartache in her eyes.

"You can talk to me," she pleaded and his heart broke. He almost did too, but still the fear and the utter brokenness of his brain caused him to shut down.

"I know. In time, I promise," he mumbled and leaned in and kissed her. And he meant it. In time he would talk to her again. In time he would most definitely be able to express himself to her, but first he needed to bury the ghosts and rid himself of the demons. A thought struck him, and it was out of his mouth before he had a chance to mull it over. "Where are you staying tonight?"

He half held his breath. Oh, how he wanted to her to stay with him. Tom had rather enjoyed last night, just sharing a bed with her was enough for him right now. She hesitated, her golden-brown eyes locking on his icy blue ones.

"Where do you want me to stay tonight?" she asked. His heart blossomed and electricity pulsed through him. A genuine smile split his face.

"With me, always with me," he breathed out. Rachel nodded and Tom slipped her hand into his, tugging her towards his stateroom.

To Be Continued…