Author's Note: Sorry about the delays in this one. I've been on vacation so little time to write and extremely spotty internet connections while in the mountains. But sadly vacation is done and I'm heading back to home, so updates should come more regularly! Happy reading. Dark rolling sea.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

A few days later Tom was in his at sea cabin discussing their plans with his XO. Slattery and he had begun working out a schedule so that the crew could have leave with their families. They split the time in port between the enlisted sailors so that there would still be enough on board to restock the ship with all the supplies. The officers were split down with some given more time than others off the ship.

"And that leaves me and you," Tom said with a yawn.

"Take all the time you want, Tom," Mike said scratching the back of his neck. "I'll take the ship while we are in port."

"You don't want any time away from the ship?" Tom asked surprised.

"To do what?" Mike asked with a shrug.

"Mike," Tom said in a fatherly tone. He could feel the sadness radiating from his XO.

"It's not a big deal. I don't have anyone to see so I'll just busy myself on the ship. Duty keeps me going."

"You want to talk about it?" Tom offered. He thought about his own family and the burden that was weighing down on him with Rachel. He felt a pang of grief for Mike as he never found out what happened to his wife or daughters.

"It's not really something I allow myself to indulge in. They're either out there somewhere, or they are gone. I know Christine most likely isn't looking for me and doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Do you want some time to look for them?"

"Look where?" Mike replied with a shrug. Tom could see the depression deep inside the man and wished he could make it better.

"I'm sorry, Mike," Tom said sincerely. Mike nodded slowly.

"I'm not the only one that lost family. I'm doing okay," Mike replied with a small smile.

"You talking with someone about it?" Tom asked.

"I'm making do," Mike said evasively. Tom stared at his friend for a long moment as Mike stared right back at him. "You going to tell the kids about Rachel?"

Tom felt the smack of his question and blew out a breath. He thought about his talks with Rachel. He thought about how to tell his kids he is moving forward after their mother. He thought about all the guilt and grief he had been feeling as of late. He felt the confusion of his brokenness. Mike waited him out staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. I just don't know how to tell them. I don't know…"

"Be honest with them," Mike said cutting him off. "It's not going to be easy, but your kids love you, and if you're not straight forward with them it will cause more issues. Just break the news and let them dictate the conversation."

"I suppose. I'm not sure how they'll take her staying with us."

"Then make that decision. Do you want her with you there?"

"Yes," Tom replied, with no hesitation. Mike smiled.

"You're in deep," Mike chuckled at Tom. Tom glared at his friend. "Like I said. Tell them straight on. It'll be easier in the long run."

"Yeah, it's been nice lately." Tom replied with a sigh. Rachel had basically moved into his stateroom, staying there every night. They were having lunch every day, either in her lab, the wardroom, or the stateroom, depending on the level or privacy they wanted. Tom shook his mind from Rachel. "You sure you don't want leave, Mike?"

"Take the time and spend it with your kids, Tom. I don't have that luxury anymore," Mike replied, and Tom could hear the sadness in his friend.

"I wish I could make it better," Tom said, and Mike nodded.

"Maybe someday, but today it is what it is. Anything else we need to discuss?"

"No, other than I'll take the night watch until we reach port."

"Sounds like a deal to me," Mike replied, as he headed towards the door. He looked back over his shoulder, "I'm glad you're finding happiness again, Tom."

With that Mike opened the door and walked out of the at sea cabin. Tom sat at his desk and sighed. He closed the laptop that had the leave assignments on it and rubbed his hands over his face. It was nearing lunchtime and he and Rachel had agreed to meet in her lab today. Four more days till they reached port he thought. Four more days until he could hold his kids again.

He pushed up from the desk and made his way towards her lab. He was still feeling the weight of his task coming up. Telling his kids about Rachel was going to be hard, emotional, and draining. He knew his daughter would not understand or accept what he was doing. He figured she would have a lot of the same feelings he was dealing with.

He stopped by the wardroom and grabbed a couple sandwiches to go and then headed straight to the helo bay converted into a laboratory. Rachel was sitting at her makeshift desk going over some paperwork when he sat down next to her. She looked up and smiled at him.

"Hi," she said softly. Tom smiled as he put the sandwiches down, one in front of her and one in front of him. He scooted himself over and pressed his leg against hers.

"Hi," he replied, warmly with a smile. They began eating and Tom began to get lost in his feelings. He thought about going home. He thought about telling his kids he was in love with another woman already. He thought about how he was going to deal with the fallout when he did. He thought about how much he was falling deeper and deeper. He thought about how much Rachel meant to him now.

Tom knew this was where his heart wanted and needed to be. He was growing more comfortable and able to compartmentalize his feelings of grief and guilt he felt for his dead wife. His brain was starting to admit that Darien was gone and never coming back. He wasn't married anymore; he was a widower. He began to acknowledge and accept that his feelings for Rachel had stared before Darien had died but that wasn't something he could have controlled. He wondered what he would have done if Darien had survived and been there in Baltimore. He would have pushed those feelings for Rachel down. He knew that. He would have continued loving his wife. But now, he was free of that love. It was still there, because he did still love Darien, but he was free to explore the fact that he did in fact love Rachel too.

He half-heartedly picked at his food and nibbled softly on the sandwich he had gotten for himself. He shook himself out of his brain and wondered if Rachel was upset that he was so quiet and reserved today. He looked over at her, but she seemed content to be sitting quietly with him. She was reading something.

"I have night watch until we reach port," Tom said softly. He was not looking forward to her not sleeping next to him for the next four days, as he was going to be in his at sea cabin. Rachel had been so engrossed in the paperwork she was reading that she hadn't heard what he said. She laid the paper down and looked up at him.

"Hmm? What did you say?" She asked him. He stared at his half-eaten sandwich debating if he was going to finish it or not. He looked up at her.

"I said I have the night watch until we make port in Norfolk," Tom replied. He watched her face as the sentence sunk in, her eyes showing her disappointment. He smiled internally at the implications of that disappointment.

"Oh, okay," she countered. He saw the sadness cross her eyes. He smiled.

"You can still use my stateroom if you want," Tom added, liking the idea of her being there even if he wasn't. His mind wondered back to the task coming up on dry land. He almost wished it was over and done with and behind them. He pushed at his sandwich and tore off a small chunk but didn't eat it.

"You okay today?" Rachel asked him quietly, as her hand settled gently on his shoulder. He looked at her with a tight-lipped smile on his face before looking down at his plate again. He was quiet, thinking about his conversation with Mike, the upcoming time at home, his mind a jumble of emotion and indecision. It was killing him as he was not one to be indecisive. Rachel was content to let him think. She picked her report up again. He watched her read out of the corner of his eye.

"I still don't know what to tell them," He finally said softly. Rachel dropped the paper in her hands and reached out and gripped his hand gently.

"Tell them the truth, Tom. It's going to be okay," she replied. His eyes traveled to their joined hands, then to her face. He reached up with his free hand and caressed the side of her face gently. He felt her leaned into his touch, so he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. When he pulled back, he knew his face betrayed the worry he was feeling. Rachel seemed to read him like a book. "Then let's devise a plan now. How do you want to handle it? Do you want to tell them together? Tell them the truth, Tom. It's going to be okay," she replied.

Tom contemplated her questions. He decided they really did need a plan of action, and maybe that would help him settle his nerves a little. He dropped his hand from her cheek, settling it on her thigh. He now had two people he respected, trusted, and loved telling him to be straight forward and honest. To just rip the band aid off and deal with the aftermath that comes. He thought maybe he should talk to them alone first but then maybe he should have her there. He didn't know. He blew a deep breath out his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he said, "I think I should talk to them alone first."

Maybe. He didn't really know. Maybe he should have her there so they could see it. He hated this indecisiveness that had overtaken him. Rachel's eyes showed her compassion and understanding of his dilemma, and his heart fell a little bit deeper.

"Do you want that first night to be just with them and your dad?"

Her question registered in his brain, and he thought about what it would mean. He was already going to spend four nights away from her on the ship and then the possibility of one more on shore. He didn't like that one bit. He hated that notion but maybe it would be for the best. He needed to give that some more thought.

"I could probably stay with Kelly and Ava that first night," she offered gently. He felt a gauntlet of emotion crash through his system, spinning his mind wildly. He didn't know how to approach this or what the best course of action would be. He said the only thing that came to mind at that moment.

"Mike agrees with you," he said, his voice soft. He watched Rachel's eyebrow raise in question.

"How so?"

"I should be straight forward and honest with Ashely and Sam."

"Mike's a smart man," she replied with a smile. Tom chuckled. "But so are you, Tom. I think you're overthinking this."

"I hope so," he whispered.

"So do you want me to stay with the Tophets the first night?"

"Not really, but maybe. We'll see how things go."

"So, you want me there when you tell them?"

"I'll let you know when we get there," Tom replied, his voice riddled with the anxiety he was feeling. He hated the way he sounded, and he was mad he couldn't make a plan of action. He knew his entire body screamed of anxiety right now.

"It's going to be fine," she whispered as she leaned in and kissed him.

"Didn't you get that talk about fraternization with the ladies, Captain?" Tex's voice boomed from the doorway. Tom felt Rachel smile against his lips before she pulled away from him. Tom frowned as he looked at Tex standing in the entryway to the lab. Tex's face was split with a wide grin as he walked towards the two of them.

Tom leaned slightly closer to Rachel before he whispered, "should have had lunch in the stateroom." He winked at Rachel before he straightened up, he saw Rachel shake her head at him as he turned towards Tex. "What can I do for you, Tex?"

"Well, see I was just checking in with the doc here to see if she needed any help. But seems she's got everything covered."

"Thank you, Tex, but yes we are running like a well-oiled machine in the lab," Rachel replied. Tom watched Tex nod.

"In that case I'll leave you two lovebirds to yourselves. Still time to change your mind, Doc," Tex said with a wink, then turned and walked away.

Tom felt an annoyance surge through him with the other man. "I swear he just likes to needle," Tom remarked under his breath. Rachel laughed whole heartedly, and Tom felt his mood brighten. Her hands came up and captured both sides of his face as she pulled him in for a kiss. When she pulled back from him her hands lingered on his face, and he enjoyed the physical contact.

"Why are you jealous, Captain Chandler?" she asked his quietly. Tom could hear the mischief evident in her voice. He let his lips curl upward into a smile as he slowly shook his head side to side.

"No, Ma'am," he whispered, forgetting about all his troubles for a moment. "I'm pretty sure the good doc is not going to change her mind." He leaned in and kissed her again. Pulling back, he noticed the time. "I need to be getting back to the bridge, but I'll be back in my stateroom in an hour."

He stood and her hands still on his face slid down to his chest. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head before turning and heading out the door of the lab. He walked back to the bridge in a slightly better mood, but he knew that he needed to come up with a plan of action, and soon.

To Be Continued…