CHAPTER NINETEEN

Later that night they were eating dinner in the stateroom. Rachel had requested they eat in private, claiming she wasn't feeling very sociable after her talk with Tex. Tom understood and agreed. But as Tom sat there eating his meal, he noticed Rachel was simply staring at her plate of food, being exceptionally quiet. He began to worry what might be going through her mind to distract her so badly. He heard her sigh deeply and decided he needed to break the silence.

"Maybe I should be worried about him," Tom said half-jokingly. He was only guessing it was Tex leaving causing her mood, but something in the pit of his stomach told him there was something more going on. Rachel looked up at the sound of his voice, a look of confusion clouded her face. Tom studied her face, watching as she broke eye contact and looked back down at her food. "What's wrong, Honey?" The moniker slipped without his permission but after he said it, he decided he liked it.

A startled look flashed through her eyes but then cleared. He figured it had to do with him calling her honey. It wasn't something either of them had done yet and the slip felt perfectly natural to Tom. He couldn't help but worry at her detached demeaner and depressing mood. He just wanted to make it all better. He hated seeing her in this state, no matter the cause. He could tell there was a lot on her mind, and she was struggling mightily to tell him what it was. He didn't figure it was all Tex leaving, but maybe it was. No, it had to be deeper than that. She was torn about something, and he just wished she felt comfortable enough in this setting to tell him. The silence stretched on as he watched her brain working on overdrive. He dropped his fork to his plate, pushing the plate to the side, the food momentarily forgotten. The silence was starting to weigh on him and his ears were ringing with the flow of his own blood. He needed her to say something as he felt the panic brewing inside him. Tom reached across the table and took her hand in his.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He whispered softly. Instinct drove him, as he got up from his chair and squatted down next to her chair. He was still gripping her hand. She finally looked at him and smiled. But he could see the turmoil in her eyes. He wanted to sooth it all away, take all her worries and lock them up. He hated seeing her in this state.

"Nothing…everything…I don't know," she mumbled. Tom smiled at her trying to put her at ease. There was definitely something bothering her. He dropped one knee to the ground, as his thighs were starting to burn holding his weight, and pushed himself up and little, his free hand coming up to palm her jaw.

"Let's talk about it. I know something's on your mind, and I don't think it's just about Tex leaving. What's going on?"

"You're right," she sighed. "I think maybe Tex leaving was the catalyst for everything but I'm not thinking about him tonight. I'm thinking about us, and where we will be in six months. What's going to happen once I'm no longer needed in the lab at sea. When we get the cure out and the world is vaccinated. Then what?"

"We cross that bridge when it comes," Tom snap replied. Her words washed over him. He had to admit he had not thought that far ahead. There had been so much baggage and turmoil in the present that the future hadn't even blipped on his radar yet. He had just cleared his headspace to enjoy the present. It almost scared him to think about the future now as he was just wrapping his head around now. Rachel frowned and looked down at her knees. He knew he wanted a future with her, and the kids, and his dad. But he had no idea what his orders would be after the cure was spread. He hadn't thought that far ahead. He was just trying to tread water until they could do it.

"You said yourself this new mission you suspect we'll get will take about six months to accomplish."

"If the orders I think are coming come, then yes approximately sixish months, give or take. Where are you going with this?"

"Tom, after that, then what?" she asked. Her question washed over her. He honestly hadn't given it a thought. He probed her eyes trying to gauge how serious her question was. She let him search her. He needed to stall. He needed to…think.

"How do you mean?" he asked stalling for more time to organize his thoughts.

"Exactly what I said. What do you want? In six months, there is a really good chance I'll be done at sea. I'll be moved inland to run a lab somewhere that they'll have secure and ready. Maybe even become the head of the CDC if we can get it up and running again. We will have distributed the cure and vaccine around the globe. Then what?"

"Rachel," Tom said quietly. He didn't know, and he was struggling with what to tell her. He didn't want to upset her, but he really hadn't thought about it.

"No, Tom, I'm serious. Will you continue at sea? I just want to know what I need to prepare for. Because after six months I'm not going to want to lose you for six months."

Her words washed over him, and he blew out a slow breath. This was something he would need to give some deep serious thought to. Making a snap decision now could come back to haunt him in the future, as he may regret it. No, he needed time to weigh the pros and cons of each decision and make it after considering all the angles. He said the only thing he could say at the moment.

"I'll think about it and let you know. I really don't know right now what I will do when the option comes along. We need to see what the state of the world is in in six months, I suppose."

Rachel simply nodded. He could tell she wasn't exactly happy with his answer, but she was excepting it for now. She had to understand he was a career Navy man, and this was his lifestyle. It had been thrown through a damn loop with the changes in the world, but it was still his job and he had to admit he loved being on a ship at sea. Not that he didn't miss his family while deployed, and he hated missing out on the kids' things, but he had loved his career and doing what he does. He thrived at sea. He was built for this.

He had lots of experience leaving his family on shore, but he also understood this would be different for her. And it would be different for him this time too he realized as he had really gotten used to Rachel being on the ship with him. It was something that had never happened for him before and now…it hit him. She was right. She most likely would be off the ship once things were distributed. He felt the tug. He would really need to think things through. He saw the fatigue wash over her face, and he stood, pulling her to her feet.

He moved them over to the couch and laid down stretching his frame out along the surface. Rachel settled herself, draping over him, laying her ear on his chest. He knew he needed to sooth her.

"I love you, Rachel," he said quietly as he felt she needed to hear that. "I promise I'll think about it, okay?"

He added the last part because he knew he would now. It was going to be on his mind, thinking about what he wanted for the future. He needed to make some decisions and he knew his analytical brain would come to a conclusion after sifting through all the details.

"Okay," she replied sleepily. Tom rubbed her shoulder with his hand, and he watched her eyes droop and close. Her breathing evened out as she fell asleep on him. It was something he cherished. Watching her sleep on his chest filled him with a love so deep he knew she had him. He turned and picked up the book laying by his head and attempted to read, but his mind was a jumble of what she had asked.

What did he want? It was a question she asked him, and he had side stepped it because he wasn't ready to face it. But then again, maybe he already knew what he wanted. He stroked his hand down her hair and sighed. This. He thought. I want this. But did he want both? Did he want Rachel here, and still run the Nathan James? He didn't know. He thought about what she said, about being done on the Nathan James when the mission was complete. She wasn't Navy. And the only reason she was still aboard was they hadn't found a lab that was safe enough to leave her behind.

But when they didn't need her in the lab on the Nathan James anymore…then what? She was right. She'd be moved off the ship. Navy personnel only. He sighed. He would have to think about if he wanted to stay in command of the ship or look for something on shore. Maybe retire all together. He thought about what that'd mean for the Nathan James. Mike was definitely ready to take command. He had proved that over and over again while they had faced all the drama at sea.

He could see Slattery as the captain of the James. Mike's only downfall was he didn't have the charismatic speech ability but maybe he'd develop that along the way. Or have an XO that could do it for him. Tom sighed. He'd miss his crew, his extended family. But he would miss Rachel as well, much like he missed Darien before her. He was just feeling the tug of sleep on him when he felt Rachel jolt in her sleep.

Tom tightened his hold on her and leaned in and kissed her forehead. He watched as she fought her sleep addled brain to focus. He spoke softly so not to startle her more.

"Hey, you, okay? Bad dream?" He asked. He watched as she thought about his question.

"I don't know. I don't remember," she replied. He squeezed her tighter against his chest wanting to comfort her. She snuggled in deeper, and he couldn't be happier. Tom groaned internally as his ship phone decided to ring at that moment. He worked to detangle from her enough to reach the receiver then pulled it to his ear.

"Captain," he said before listening to the voice on the other side.

"XO, here, Captain. We have a communicate from the president. Your presence is needed on the bridge," Mike's voice said. Tom could hear the strain in his voice and wondered what had happened.

"Understood. I'm on my way up," he replied then hung up the phone. Tom looked over at Rachel and gave her a sad smile. "I have to go to the bridge. I don't know when I'll be back."

"Something wrong?" she asked. He could hear the worry in her voice.

"Possibly. But I'm not sure. I'll let you know more when I can," he replied distractedly. His mind was already trying to analyze Mike's tone and trying to figure out how serious this was. They hadn't head much from St. Louis lately and then to receive something this late at night was worrisome. If the orders had been what they were expecting Mike would have simply acknowledged them and told him in the morning on change of watch. He watched as Rachel nodded slowly then stood up from the couch allowing him to get up. He was straightening his uniform out when she walked up to him and placed her hands on his chest. She reached up and kissed him. When they broke apart, he leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'll see you later then," she whispered.

"I'll count on it. I love you," he replied, then kissed the tip of her nose.

"I love you too," she replied. Tom smiled as his heart spilled with warmth. He turned away from her and started walking out because if he didn't, he would end up in bed with her. He walked down the p-way to the bridge trying to clear his head of everything with Rachel so he could focus on the task at hand for the Nathan James.

"Captain on the bridge!" was announced as he walked in. Mike looked at him and Tom could tell from his expression he wasn't happy with whatever the president had sent them. Mike motioned that they go to his at sea cabin for some privacy and Tom nodded. Once behind the closed door, Tom looked at Mike.

"What's going on?" Tom asked.

"We received and were able to authenticate a message from St. Louis from President Michener," Mike began.

"New orders?"

"Yes, but not what we were expecting."

"So, no Europe?" Tom asked.

"No. We are to report to St. Louis."

"What? Why?" Tom asked confused.

"All it says is that orders are to report to St. Louis for support."

"Support for what?" Tom mumbled. He rubbed a hand over his face trying to make things make sense. "See if you can get a call into the president tonight yet and let's get his sorted out."

"Ay, ay, Captain," Mike replied and turned and left the cabin for CIC. Tom sat down at his desk and frowned. What was going on that the president was asking for the Nathan James for support? The unrest that they had been hearing about had to have ratcheted up a notch and the president was feeling the crunch. Tom didn't like the idea of the Nathan James coming in as muscle, but he also understood he took an oath to defend against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

Almost an hour had passed before Mike popped his head into the cabin and notify Tom that the president was waiting for him on the vidchat in CIC. Tom nodded and followed his XO out of the cabin and to the CIC room. Tom slid into the chair and Lt. Foster connected him to the president. Michener's face flooded the screen and Tom could see the worry and stress all over the other man's face.

"Mr. President," Tom greeted the man.

"Captain Chandler," Michener exhaled. "Things are getting heated around here."

"I received your orders and wanted to get an idea of the environment we will be sailing into."

"There is a group of militants that are threatening to take over St. Louis. The mayor is doing his best to keep the peace, but they have made certain threats that can be construed as their intentions are to take over the presidency."

"Sounds like a mess. What are they upset about?"

"Things are still a mess around here, as you've probably noticed elsewhere around the country."

"We've seen some things," Tom drawled out. He was frustrated with human nature.

"Well, here we are dealing with a number of factions that all want to be in power. Most of them have agreed on my rightful place as president, following the line of succession from the old government. But there are one of two factions that believe the old government is gone and a new entity should emerge."

"And they want to be it," Tom grumbled.

"Yes. I've got a security system in place, as we've restarted something akin to what the secret service used to be, but we are limited in our fire power."

"So, you'd like the Nathan James to come down and flex a little muscle?" Tom asked. He watched Michener cringe at his brass interpretation of his orders.

"We don't anticipate they you'll have to actually do anything. But we would like you to come down and be a show of authority."

"We can do that, if you give us a day or two. The rest of my crew is slated to return tomorrow throughout the day. Once everyone is accounted for and the ship is back in running order, we will set sail for St. Louis. Normally we would run at 10 knots but that would take us roughly two weeks to get there from here. We can run faster if you need us to get there sooner."

"I'll need you here sooner than two weeks, Captain," Michener said gravely. Tom nodded slowly as he was thinking about what he could do. He didn't want to run the ship at full speed, especially once they made it to the Mississippi River. He would have to talk to Gator on that.

"I may be able to knock it down to five days, Sir, but I'll have to talk to a few of my people to do the math," Tom replied with a sigh.

"The sooner the better, Captain, the fire is being stoked here."

"I understand, Sir. We will do our best to be there as soon as possible. Is there anything else we need to be aware of?"

"Just that our intelligence say that you shouldn't encounter anything on your way here. None of these factions have any kind of naval powers."

"That's good to know," Tom said dryly. The last thing he needed was some idiots with their hands on a ship that could fight them.

"God speed, Captain, and the sooner the better. I look forward to seeing you in person in a few days."

"Likewise, Mr. President," Tom replied and the vidchat went blank. Tom blew out a frustrated breath and bounced his fist off his leg as he sat back in the chair.

"Well that sounds interesting," Mike said leaning against the doorway to the room. Tom looked up at his XO.

"Yeah," he mumbled stretching his neck. "Just what we wanted to get into a muddy political battle."

"Well part of our duty is to protect the United States," Mike said.

"I know, foreign and domestic."

"Bingo. I'll get with Gator and start planning the route and speeds. Five days is pushing her, Tom."

"I know. I doubt we will be able to do it that fast, especially up the river, but you heard the man, the sooner the better. So, make up a lot of time in the open ocean water as we sail south."

"Ay, ay, Captain. Gator should be able to plan it all out and make it work."

Tom nodded and dismissed Mike with his hand. He figured to give Mike and Gator time to figure it all out then crash the meeting at the end. He sat for a bit longer staring at the blank screen before him thinking about what Rachel had said to him. What did he want in the future? Did he really want to keep doing this? Or was he ready for something slower, less demanding, not as stressful? He didn't know. He blew out a breath and began to make mental preparations for the unexpected change. Going to St. Louis had not even been a blip on his radar.

Tom pushed his frame up from the chair and walked out into the CIC room with the skeleton crew manning the stations. No one said anything or even glanced in his direction as he left, heading for the bridge. The lack of sleep and the burden of knowledge that the fledgling government was already in trouble soured his mood. He took a slow stroll around the lower decks, just to give him time to think and clear his head. He couldn't help but keep coming back to what Rachel had asked him. It was a burden he wasn't ready to shoulder, but his mind had already locked on.

He thought about what it would be like if he took a position in the Navy state side. A desk job. Maybe in the command center. He could relocate his family to wherever he was stationed and keep Rachel by his side. He pictured a family life and smiled. Maybe he really truly was ready for something different, a change in paths. He was brutally tired after the last eight months and felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. It wasn't something he had asked for and he wished he could hand it off, but it was his mission, and he was tasked with finishing it.

He slowly made his way back to the bridge as to give Mike ample time to work with Gator. All he really wanted to do was go back to his stateroom and crawl into his bed, snuggle up to Rachel, and fall asleep. He was bone tired, and it didn't look like it was going to get easier in the near future. All the rest he had gotten over the week seemed to be negligible compared to the past eight months. He realized the tiredness he was feeling wasn't simply from lack of sleep and too much caffeine. It was deeper than that. It wasn't something he was used to feeling.

Maybe that was his sign. Maybe he was ready to get out of the business so to say. His mind was still buzzing with the what ifs when he reached the bridge and absently walked on.

"Captain on the bridge!" was yelled and he sighed as he walked up to Mike and Gator hunched over the map. They were talking in hushed tones and Gator kept slumping down, making marks, and writing out math problems to the side. Mike glanced at Tom after the announcement and gave him a grave look. Tom frowned.

"Gentlemen," Tom said as he stopped at the map. He was directly across from Gator with Tom to his right.

"Captain," Mike and Gator said at the same time. Gator leaned back down frantically making calculations and marking out a route.

"What have we figured out?" Tom asked. Gator glanced at Mike and sighed before he made eye contact with Tom.

"It's going to be a bit tough to get us there in the time frame the president wants. We have a storm to contend with not to mention we can't do 30 knots up the Mississippi River," Gator said barely containing his disdain for the new orders. Tom could tell he was worried about damage to the ship.

"I know. I didn't make any promises to the president other than to get there as quickly as we can…safely."

Gator seemed to absorb Tom's words and then nodded slowly. He looked at the board again before he answered. "I appreciate that," Gator replied absently as his ire seemed to come down a notch.

"So, with that knowledge, what can we come up with to get us there as quickly as possible."

"If…and I do mean if…we can keep the ship at twenty-five knots on the open ocean and then slow to fifteen knots on the Mississippi, we can be there in about five days plus some spare change in hours."

"If," Tom repeated. Gator looked up at him and shrugged.

"Like I said we have a storm on the southern edge of Florida that may or may not slow us down, depending on how bad it is when we get there. Then we will have to contend with whatever is on the river. It shouldn't be too crowded with ships but there may be abandoned ones we will have to contend with. I just don't know if we can keep those speeds up the entire time. The fastest I can get this ship there safely…if 5 days and a few hours."

Tom mulled the information over in his mind. He sighed and nodded, then looked at Gator. He took a moment to compose what he wanted to say.

"Alright. Plot the course and be ready to leave for St. Louis once the ship is ready."

"Ay, ay, Captain," Gator said. Tom felt the other man was a little defeated. Tom could understand why. Gator went back to the map and double checked his marks on the map, triple checking his math. Tom looked at Mike then walked to his captain's chair and sunk into it. Mike followed him and stood at his arm.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Mike whispered. Tom looked at him and nodded. He was having the same feeling.

"I don't like it either," Tom replied. "But it's our standing orders and we have to follow through. Hopefully it's nothing."

"We can pray. You going back to your cabin?" Mike asked. Tom looked at the time and frowned. He only had an hour before he took over the watch. It wasn't enough time, but he wanted to check on Rachel. He sighed again.

"I'll be back in an hour," Tom said pushing himself to a standing position and leaving the bridge in Mike's hands.

Tom opened the door to the stateroom and slowly walked to his bedroom. He was bone tired and growing annoyed with the state of the world. He was tired of being the hero. He was tired of shouldering the loud. He just wanted to rest and live his life. He missed his kids. He stopped when he saw the empty bed and frowned.

Rachel wasn't there and he felt a slight panic raise up. He stamped it down and forced himself to breath. He decided to check the lab. Maybe she just couldn't sleep. He walked to the lab and found Rachel there sitting in the tent in a biohazard suit presumably working on more of the cure. He grabbed the telephone that served as the intercom into the inner lab.

"Can I interrupt?" he asked, his voice booming through the speakers on the other side. Apparently, she hadn't noticed his approach because she nearly jumped out of the suit and fell off the stool. He chuckled slightly. She took a few moments to breath, her hand over her heart before she looked at him. He gave her a sheepish grin, but then his face turned serious as the weight of the night hit him again. He watched Rachel put down what she was working on and nodded to him before she headed to the decontamination chamber. Once she was cleaned off and out of her suit, he watched her come out of the tent, zipping it up. She turned towards him.

"What's up?" she asked hesitantly as he could tell she was reading his body language. He knew he wasn't able to hide the fact that he was in a sour mood. He was no longer relaxed and happy, but now beaten down and bone weary. He felt the warmth of her hand as she reached up and smoothed it down the side of his face. He couldn't stop himself from leaning into the touch soaking up her warmth and drawing strength from her love. His eyes had slipped closed, and he reopened them so he could look at her. He blew out a stale breath before he spoke.

"I finally heard from St. Louis," he said.

"Was that the phone call late last night?"

"Yes," Tom replied with a sigh. He hesitated. He knew he probably shouldn't be telling her any of this, but he needed to tell someone, and he trusted her.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Tom's brain was spinning with information. And he didn't know exactly what was "wrong", or why it felt wrong. He had a lot on his mind, including all the things they had talked about earlier. But he was also worried about this new mission. The getting there quickly, putting the ship at risk, and the connotations of Michener's message made him want to sit right there in dock.

"We're not going to Europe," Tom said.

"Where are we going?"

"There is unrest in the new capital of St. Louis. The president is requesting the ship come in for…support."

"Support? Like protecting the president?"

"Not him directly, no, but being a physical presence in the port to deter any uprising."

"And you're not comfortable with this mission?"

"I'd rather be spreading the cure," he said with a sad smile. He leaned his bulk against the counter, easing the weight off his tired feet. Rachel stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and hugging tight. He wrapped his arms around her in return and let himself sink into her body. He tried to let go of the tension in him, but he knew it was thick.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Keep doing what you're doing. Let's get a stockpile of both the cure and vaccine and hope this is just a short side trip and a misunderstanding."

"Maybe you can use your diplomatic prowess to restore the peace," she said as her face spilt into a wide grin. A groan escaped from Tom's mouth before he could stop it. She kissed his chin and he smiled.

"A diplomat I am not," Tom replied in a low voice.

"No. You're a warrior," she whispered and kissed him again. Tom smiled at that and shook his head. He took a deep breath a looked around.

"What are you doing down here anyway?" he asked her checking his watch. "It's early."

"I couldn't sleep so I came down here to work. I figured if you were working I could too," she replied. He smiled.

"Okay," he said. "Speaking of work, I have to get back to the bridge." He could hear the tiredness in his voice and felt the pull of the bone weariness he was feeling earlier.

"When do we ship out?" Rachel asked.

"After everyone returns, which would be tomorrow. So, two days we'll be under way."

"It's going to be okay," she said. He felt his heart surge as her reassuring him. He nodded at her, a smile playing on his lips. He leaned his forehead down and settled it against her shoulder. He felt her hands reach out and settle on his hips.

"Maybe you're right," he mumbled against her shoulder.

"About?"

"Stepping away from sea duty," he sighed out as he straightened up his posture. She was staring at him momentarily speechless. He chuckled, he liked having that effect on her. "I know, I'm shocked too. But I'm tired after all this."

"Have you ever felt this way before?"

"No," Tom said instantly because he never had. "I've never thought about not taking another command."

"But now?"

"Now, I'm tired," he said again, acknowledging that bone weariness that was weighing him down. He could hear the fatigue in his voice. "I think…maybe…it's time." He looked up at her and smiled. He reached out and caressed her face gently. "I've done this a long time. Maybe it's time for someone else to take the reins." He'd done it again, she was speechless. He was getting good at that. "I have to go."

He dropped his hand from her face and turned to leave the lab. Walking out he felt a little bit of the weight lift off after having told her what he was thinking. He headed back to the bridge, so he wasn't late for the change of watch, his mind spinning with everything that needed to be addressed with their new mission.

To Be Continued…