I looked at Lucius appraisingly, and rested my head in my hand. I lifted my eyebrows expectantly. He sighed heavily and leaned close to me, whispering in my ear.
"Severus doesn't...like you because he feels that you're simply trying to rebel against what society expects from you. He doesn't think you really believe in what a Slytherin should value. He thinks that you don't really care about the purification of the Wizarding World. He doesn't think that this attitude you've been putting on lately is anything at all what you're really like. In short, Bella, Severus doesn't think you deserve to be a Slytherin," Lucius hissed in my ear.
My eyes jerked to his face, and I could see that he was pained by saying all of this to me. I stared at Lucius in shock, as my mind tried to comprehend what I had just been told. I didn't have what it took to be a Slytherin?
"You aren't...I suppose, dark, enough for a guy like Severus. A man who is a member of the Death Eaters, Bella. Besides, he doesn't even think that you're even mildly attractive. I believe that he said you reminded him of a horse, and that no man would ever be attracted to a horsey-whore. He thinks that you seriously lack any ability to have a worthwhile discussion, and that you simply don't have what it takes to be what he or any other male Slytherin might need." Lucius said quietly, his eyes boring into mine.
It felt as if a hot hand had gripped my heart, and red was beginning to creep in on the edges of my vision. My breath was starting to come somewhat more quickly and shallowly. I, was not sufficiently Slytherin for that pathetic half-blood chemistry nerd? My eyes narrowed and I turned my fiery gaze on Severus, staring intently at the back of his head. Lucius set his hand comfortingly on mine. Angrily, I shoved it away, reaching up to push my long, thick hair behind my shoulders.
"How can I change what he thinks of me?" I whispered in a low growl to Lucius.
"Hmm," he seemed to think for a moment, staring toward the front of the room. "Well, why don't you let me work on that for a day or two? I have a couple of ideas..."
"What about this Death Eaters thing?" I asked harshly, grabbing his wrist tightly. "What about that?"
"You know, darling, that might just be a plausible idea. Although...we aren't supposed to let any girls in. You know that," Lucius commented, an odd gleam lighting his eyes. "But maybe...why don't you just let me see what I can do about that for you."
The rest of the class passed in a blur of anger and hurt and a desperate need for revenge. I stood at the end of class, shoving books into my bag, and muttering various muggle curses under my breath. It felt as though something had been ripped from me, something vital. I was having trouble restraining myself and not lashing out at someone or anyone. I felt a desperate need to relieve some of the anger, pain, and fear that was boiling through my veins.
"Bellatrix, what are you doing in here still?" A snide voice asked from behind my right shoulder. My gaze snapped over to rest on Sirius and James standing a few feet away from me.
"We would have expected you to run out of here right at the bell, just like your other little Slytherin buddies," James sneered, twirling his wand idly.
"I'm a little upset just now, and don't have the patience to play games with you, Black," I snarled at my cousin, who was obviously unaware of the strain already on my self-restraint. "Why don't you just get the hell away from me?"
"Oh, Bellatrix is upset," Sirius hissed.
"Don't presume to know anything about me, Black," I snapped, my fingers coming to rest on my wand, which was still lying on the table. "You couldn't possibly understand how I feel."
"I probably could, actually, it wouldn't really be that difficult," Sirius replied casually. "You don't have a very wide or deep range of emotions, Bella." He glanced at James with a cocky smile and turned his arrogant smirk back to me. Suddenly, I felt a blind rage to make him feel exactly how I felt. I wanted Sirius to hurt, I wanted Sirius to feel as though something inside of him had died and changed forever who he would be. I wanted nothing more than for Sirius to suffer.
"Oh you think you know how I feel?" I shouted. "I'll show you what I'm feeling," I hissed, walking up to stand inches away from him. "Crucio."
The word was little more than a hiss of air, but Sirius immediately fell to the floor writhing and gasping. Some small part of my pain and anger seemed to melt away, and a slight, twisted smile touched my lips. Just as James was sprinting for the door, I realized what I was doing. It was like a block ice had crashed into my stomach. My face fell, and I gasped in horror, releasing the spell instantly. Sirius lay on the floor, gasping and moaning. I stumbled back a few steps, crashing into the desk behind me. I could hear my heart pounding desperately. My breath was coming in pants, and I could barely stand.
"Sweet Merlin," I whispered, pressing a hand that was now trembling hand to my lips.
James was on the floor next to Sirius, trying to find out if he was ok, and trying to determine whether or not Sirius could get back to the Gryffindor Tower without any more assistance.
Suddenly, reality set in. If I were caught in here with Sirius and James, I would be expelled for using an Unforgivable Curse. With a low cry, I grabbed my bag and ran from the room, tears springing to my eyes. What was wrong with me? Why was I suddenly feeling these inexplicable urges and needs to inflict harm and pain on others? What would make it better?
I stopped dead in the middle of a hallway. What would make it better? Severus. If I had Severus, everything would be better. I wouldn't need to make others feel what I felt, because he would already know what I was feeling! He would feel it too. I had to do whatever was necessary to make Severus realize that I was what he wanted and needed. If that meant cursing more students in front of him, and joining his little Death Eater group, then that was what I would do. I smiled slowly, shaking my hair back behind my shoulders.
"Bella, where have you been, my dear?" Rodolphus Lestrange asked as he walked up to me.
"Avoiding you," I replied loftily. "I have to be going."
"No, you don't," he said coolly, wrapping his large hands around my biceps. "You have to spend a few minutes with me."
I lifted one eyebrow and tossed my head.
"Whatever do you need me to spend a few minutes with you on?" I asked, meeting his gaze steadily.
"This," he replied, before capturing my lips with his.
"Oh please, Rodolphus, I'm not interested in you like that," I snapped, trying to jerk away from him.
"But someday, you will be."
