Disclaimer: HAH! You think that I'm clever and creative enough to actually OWN Harry Potter? I laugh. Hahaha. Also, me no owny You've got Mail.

Plot: This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.


As Lily finished gobbling up the last bits and pieces of her big breakfast, she quickly gathered up her books and hand bag and caught up with her best friend, Bailey.

"Hello Bailey," She said breathlessly as the blonde-streaked brunette turned around to see the bright-eyed girl run to her.

"Lils," She smiled. "What's up?"

"Isn't it just a beautiful day?" Lily said, ignoring Bailey's question. "I mean, isn't it just a gorgeous, beautiful day?"

Bailey shrugged. "I guess, yeah, sure."

Behind them, two Hufflepuffs decided to get into a duel, because one boy spilled ink all over the other boy by accident. They started swearing and cursing each other, blasting one person's hand off, another person being flung into the air.

"WHY YOU LITTLE SON OF A TWO-FACED JACKAL THAT JUST WALKED INTO A HUGE BRICK WALL THAT HAD BOOGERS WIPED ALL OVER IT!"

"SAME TO YOU, DUNCAN!"

"SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH, YOU NEED CLEANING!"

"FINE! THEN I'LL SAY THIS! FREAKING IDIOT! HAH!"

Bailey stared at them, horrified. Lily, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to them as she walked into the Transfiguration classroom.

"Don't you just love Hogwarts in the fall?" Lily said, bouncing over to her table with Bailey. She picked up a bouquet of flowers that some secret admirer sent to Bailey and inhaled the wonderful fragrance. "Perfect," she remarked, and put down her things on the table.

Bailey stared at Lily as she snatched the bouquet of flowers from the happy redhead. "Wha--?"

Lily selected some Spellotape and sniffed that also. "Ah…can't beat that smell."

"Spellotape?" Bailey snorted. "What is up with you? What on earth is wrong with you?"

Lily giggled loudly. "Nothing!" She said with a smile, and giggled again.

Bailey rolled her eyes. "You're in love."

"In love?" Lily replied, shocked. "How on earth could you just say that? Of course I'm in love! I'm in love with…Derrick. You know that, Bailey Hobbs. I've always loved him, we're practically living together!"

"No way. When you're in love with Derrick, you start rambling on about typewriters like he does. You're not in love with Derrick…you're acting…different. Who is it?" She demanded.

"Oh, by the way Bailey, I need some more parchment for Potions, d'you think you could sneak out during next Charms and quickly go to Hogsmede and get me some? I think they're on sale at The Shop Around the Corner."

"Lily, you're not answering my question…"

Lily ignored her and took out a brush in her purse and started running it through her hair. Bailey looked at her, disgusted.

"Sheesh, you're even primping and gussying before class! You never do that!"

"Maybe I just like brushing my hair," She said, shrugging off the comment off of her shoulder.

"And since when have you started wearing rouge?" She demanded once more. "Just the other day you were complaining about how red your cheeks get all the time! And I know you're not dressing yourself up for Derrick, he doesn't notice a girl's looks."

Lily was trapped, and decided to tell Bailey the truth. After all, Bailey was her best friend since first year, ever since they hid out in the Room of Requirement from Filch and really got to know each other. It was true, Lily used to hate make up…but ever since she really started falling in love with Stag, she couldn't help it, she wanted to look pretty for this guy…even if they had no idea who the other was, but Stag helped her gain more confidence.

"Well," She said, hesitating.

"Well?" Bailey demanded impatiently. "That's not an answer and you know it, Lily Evans. Answer."

Lily made this little "question-answer" thing a game, and didn't answer. Instead, she continued to brush her hair and hummed happily.

"Fine. I'm just going to sit here and stare at you…until you tell me what is going on." And she did. Bailey sat in the chair next to Lily, and stared at her throughout all of the lesson.

Lily knew that Bailey enjoyed doing this, because it always made her uncomfortable. Even though she was used to her doing it for all of her years of Hogwarts, it still made Lily squirm and she ended up talking anyway.

Lily tried to concentrate on her paper, but it was pretty hard, with Bailey's eyes boring into the side of Lily's head. Lily turned and stared back, but it never worked, she'd get so prickly she'd have to turn back and try to pay attention to Professor McGonagall, but it was so impossible, that finally she gave up.

"Gah! Fine!" She said, throwing her hands up into the air. Bailey smirked; again she had won.

Lily took a deep breath. "Okay, is it infidelity to fall in love over owl post?" She asked Bailey.

"Well, have you snogged yet?"

"What? Of course not, we don't even know each other personally—"

"No no no…I mean, have you done paper-snogging yet?"

"No way. We haven't. It's not like that. We just write each other, tell each other pretty much nothing, which I'm thinking about stopping, because it's getting too..."

"Out of hand?" Bailey offered.

"No…maybe…confusing. But not," she said, grinning again, "because it's nothing!"

"How'd you meet him?"

Lily shrugged and waved her hand. "Oh, it's so long ago that I can't even remember."

"Liar."

Lily sighed. "Okay. On my birthday in about my 4th or 5th year, I decided to go into this little 'secret pen pal' thing for a joke, sort of, and so I sent out about 3 letters to 3 different people to see if they'd reply or not. This thing was so safe, that the owls I chose could change colors, because in reality, I didn't really want anyone to know who I was, and vice versa, I didn't want to know who they were. So I sent out 3 purple owls, and who knows what color they changed to next, but I did get three replies back."

Bailey squealed. "OOOOO!"

Professor McGonagall shot them a look, and they quickly transfigured their desk into an elephant. The elephant, unfortunately, was still the same wooden color (and pattern) of the table Bailey and Lily had, so they got points docked off as they transfigured it back.

"Anyway, as you were saying?" Bailey asked, turning back to Lily after the elephant was graded.

"Oh, yeah," said Lily, stooping down to pick up her hand bag and books and quills, which had fallen off of the elephant. "So, out of the 3 people that replied, only one I really liked, only one seemed charming and had clean enough language…I mean, those other people, honestly, Moaning Myrtle's toilet is cleaner than what comes out of those people's mouths! So I broke it off with those two, and replied to this person, which was a very charming bloke. And we still are writing to each other."

Bailey sighed happily. "But what'd you talk about the first time you met?"

"Oh, books, music, bouquets of quills…" she laughed and rolled her eyes.

"But then it's been 2 or 3 years," said Bailey, counting on her fingers, "You must have figured out who it is by now."

"Nope, we don't talk about anything personal, about what house we're in, about what year we're in even, for all I know he could be a dorky little 3rd or 4th year."

Bailey laughed. "He could be anyone!" She gasped, and looked around the classroom. She spotted Frank Longbottom, an old friend of theirs and whispered, "It could be Frank!"

Lily stared at him, considering the possibility, and shook her head. "No way, this man of mine is much more charming, and besides…he's too faithful to his girlfriend Alice."

"Well then, it could be," Bailey looked around and saw Wooster sitting with his friend, Jeeves. "It could be Wooster!" She said dramatically.

Lily shook her head. "As charming and as cute as Wooster is, I think Maddy has eyes for him. And besides, I've talked to Wooster, he's not Stag, they both talk and write totally different."

"Stag?" Bailey's eyes widened. "That's his name? Stag? That's a dumb name…I don't know anyone named Stag…"

"No, you idiot, he has a pet stag, and that stag's name is Prongs. Anyway, it's his pen name, not his real name, or else I figured out who it would be in a jiffy."

"What's your pen name?" Bailey prodded, eager to hear more.

"It's Irish, my lineage."

"Oh." Bailey said, put out. She was expecting something more…exotic. But this would have to do. Both girls sighed dreamily.

"What on earth are you two girls sighing about?" asked Virginia, who already finished with her elephant. "Oh, by the way, Lily, you need some eyeliner. Just let me apply some real quick." She summoned her bag from her desk, which promptly hit some unsuspecting students in the head while it was zooming towards Virginia. "Sorry!" she apologized to the pupils and immediately started working on Lily's eyes, all the while adding comments of "Ooo, nice color of eyeshadow, really brings out the color of your eyes!" or "is that rouge I see? I'm so proud of you, Lily! But don't go too heavy, or else people will think you're sick or something" or "I'm just adding a touch more mascara, all right?" or "I have green glitter that will match perfectly with that eyeshadow!"

Behind her was Chen and Maddy, who were also finished. Chen was the best out of all of them at Transfiguration since she had the same talent for it as her brother, James.

Chen smiled at Bailey and Lily and sat on top of their desk, as Maddy squatted on the floor, who's mouth immediately shot off about the latest gossip.

"So, what's up?" Chen asked with a grin. "You two look secretive. What're you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing," said Bailey, smiling secretly at Lily. "Just owl post, that's all."

"Sounds fascinating," Chen said, rolling her eyes.

"It is," said Lily, returning that special little smile to Bailey.

"Oh brother, you idiots, quit smiling at each other, or else everyone in class is going to think you guys are lesbians!" Maddy shouted, making half of the class turn to stare. "By the way, has anybody seen Lester? I just found out that Jackie punched him in the nose and he might've broken it and--"

"With your help Maddy, they will think we're lesbians," said Lily, turning to playfully glare at Maddy. Maddy smiled innocently back at her and did a rare thing: she actually shut her mouth. Virginia sighed when she finished glossing Lily's lips.

"Oh, joy," she remarked, "We have Charms next…my worst class."

"Don't worry Virginia, I'll help you!" said Lily, who was in the best of moods. "It'll be a repay for you making me gorgeous." All the girls sighed again.


Across the room, James sat arguing with Sirius, his best mate. Arguing was an old favorite of theirs, after all, there'd be incredibly boring conversations going on if they always agreed on everything. What they are currently arguing about, the world will never know, because it was so stupid that we had to have Peter interrupt.

"Will you two SHUT UP?" He yelled. James and Sirius stopped abruptly and glowered at him. "Thank you. Now what on earth is up with those girls over there?" He glanced at the table at which 5 girls were sighing.

"Who?" asked Sirius, his head turning at the word "girls." He glanced around. "Girls? Where?"

James looked in the direction Peter was looking at and saw Bailey Hobbs, Jennifer Potter, Virginia Wisconsin, Madeline Basset, and Lily Evans all sighing in unison. James liked Bailey a lot… as a friend. Bailey was pretty cool to talk to, and seemed really happy all the time, and they were friends, seeing as she was Sirius' girlfriend and she was a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Jennifer, known to everyone as "Chen", well, seeing as she was his sister, he didn't really have much to say about her, only that she enjoyed getting into mischief as much as he did. She was pretty much his best friend. James loved Chen, and she had some pretty good ideas. You had to hand it to Chen that she was pretty creative with pranks and all.

Then there was Virginia Wisconsin. To tell anyone the truth, James didn't really even know her, but she seemed nice (and quite pretty), but she was friends with Madeline Basset (who was also very good looking), who everyone called "The Hound." Madeline was very gossipy and sniffed around for gossip and slightly ditzy, but she amused James, so he didn't mind her, or Virginia.

But Lily Evans. Being her arch-nemesis since...well, he wasn't quite sure how long, probably 4th year, but he didn't even want to think about her, so instead he thought about his pen-pal instead, Irish. That girl seemed incredible. Not perfect, but incredible. Incredible was good enough for him, and he didn't want anyone perfect.

He drifted off, thinking about her letter that she sent to him this morning. "I hear nothing, not in the corridors of Hogwarts, just my own heartbeat," or something like that. He couldn't really remember what she said, but enjoyed thinking about her.

"So, are you engaged yet James?" James snapped up at the sound of his name.

"What, to Irish? No way!" He said, thinking about Irish again. "I don't even know her real name!"

"Huh?" Sirius, Remus and Peter all said. "Who's Irish? Some person you know?"

"What? Oops," said James, and flushed. "Nothing."

"Well, who on earth do we know is Irish?"

James turned even redder. "Nobody."

Remus and Sirius turned back to their Transfiguration, while Peter raised his eyebrows, suspicious on what was going on.

He leaned over to James and prodded him with his wand. James' robes turned bright purple, then neon green, then hot pink. "So, Prongs," said Peter, "Who's this Irish person?"

"Nobody," James said stubbornly. "Noone."

"Yeah, my big, fat, hairy butt."

"Actually, it does get pretty hairy...once a month..." James said with a smirk.

Peter threatingly prodded James' robes again, and they turned into a dress.

"Hey! Hey! These are brand-new robes! Stop!" He took out his wand to change the dress back into his robes, but Peter held up his wand again.

"Spill, first, then perhaps I'll change it back," he threatened, although he was grinning.

"What? No way!" James protested. "Blackmail," he muttered.

"Just tell me, sheesh! Are you cheating on Nenny?"

James burst out laughing. "Hah! No way."

Peter pouted. "You're not telling me what's going on, Prongs...ah, well...I'll figure it out myself.".


A/N: Well? How was it? If you liked it, review. P