Disclaimer:BELCH: aahhhh...that felt good. Oh, sorry! I forgot to tell you that I don't own this.
Plot: This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.
K, this chappie might be a trite confusing. I took some plot from the Little Rascals, and I tried to do as well as I could to give some background info-may-shee-own on how they hate each other, but I probably didn't get it good enough. Anyways, if I get enough people telling me that this chapter sucked, then I'll change it and notify you all cuz I love you, remember? lol. So SORRY it took forever, and SORRY if it really sucks mold, and SORRY this is so hard because my parents are totally screeching at me to get my butt off the puter...anyways...on to the story...
"UGH! Potter! I hate you! You know that, right?" A frustrated scream was heard outside of the common room.
"No, I never knew that, Evans, that's such a shocker!" Shot back an equally frustrated voice, with some sarcasm in it.
"Oh, you just think you're so clever, and so witty, Potter, but you know what? You're not!"
"Ooo, look at ickle Evans, Head Girl of the school, so smart unlike old, foolish Potter!"
"Just shut up, Potter! Shut UP!"
"Make me."
"All right, then I will! Silencio! There, you're all nice and quiet now, huh? What? What was that? Don't you dare flip me off! POTTER! YOU ARE SO—WHA?WHAT TH--? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! MY HAIR!"
Lily came bursting into the Gryffindor Common room. She shot back another hex back at James, which turned his hair into tar, which immediately started going all over his face. The angry girl dashed up the stairs into the dormitory in which all of her friends were in and screamed again, with more irritation this time.
"Let me guess," said Bailey, not looking up from her book that she was reading, "Potter again?"
"Yes it was Potter, who else? But could somebody care to put out my hair? I'm getting rather hot now," said Lily, gritting her teeth.
Chen looked up from her bed and gasped as she looked at Lily. Lily's hair was officially fire, no longer the soft, amber hair that was so enviously straight. "How…?"
"JUST POUR WATER ON IT!" Lily screamed. Chen seized her wand which was lying on the floor and immediately doused Lily's fire, which went back to her regular hair.
"Thanks, Chen," Lily gasped, relieved of the intensifying heat. She performed a drying spell on her hair, which was drenched.
"You know, Lily, I really do wish that you'd at least try to get along with James…after all, he is my brother."
"Don't believe I don't try," said Lily through gritted teeth. She finished drying off of her hair and waved her wand as it flew into a messy ponytail.
"You do try…just not hard enough," teased Chen. Lily glowered at her and started to change her clothes. Just then, Virginia and Maddy walked in, talking madly.
Virginia spotted Lily and immediately squealed, "Oh, Lily! Guess what! Maddy and I were just out at Hogsmede shopping and this really cute bloke just walked up to her and asked her out, so could she borrow that really adorable necklace that you have in your underwear drawer? Oh, and Maddy has some more info-may-shee-own on the life of Hogwarts." She said this all in one breath, saying 'information' her special way.
Maddy decided it was the perfect time to launch back into gossip-mode, seeing as she could tell that Lily was about to rocket off about Potter and such and so.
"So anyway, I was just talking to Breann and she thinks that Brad is so not cute and is devastated when I told her that he had like, the biggest crush on her, and so she was, like, freaking out and I was laughing, and like, she was all 'but what about Sirius Black? Is he, like, free yet?' and then I like, laughed harder 'cause Sirius is like so totally devoted to Bailey—"
"So Potter thinks it's funny that I'm still going out with Derrick," Lily shot off as she was taking off her robes, "I mean, what's so bad about Derrick? Just because Derrick's a guy who has certain opinions about things does not make him stupid or anything, 'cause he's not—"
"and then that little snot was all like 'oh, that little brat he's dating? Ugh, she's such a man-stealer.' Well, actually, she said some different words, but you all know about how I feel about swearing—"
Virginia started taking out some clothes out of her and Maddy's shopping bags and took one look at Lily and exclaimed, "Oh, Lily, don't put those old jeans on, here, wear these, they're designer jeans by Flora Cruz (who's from Costa Rica and it's so hard to get clothes from her, because she's going to quit designing jeans soon and start on shoes) and I just barely managed to get 'em on sale, they were the last pair I could get, and oh! I just got the cutest light camel shirt by Brady Parker today, here, wear it, it's slightly dipped in the front but it'll suit you coz you look good in those."
She waved her wand and Lily's clothes immediately shot off her and was replaced with the others that Virginia just bought. Lily didn't seem to notice, as she was still complaining about James.
"So then he has the nerve to tell me that my robes look all prissy and such, I mean, prissy! Come on! Do I look prissy to you?"
Bailey, the only one truly listening (although even she couldn't help but lend an ear to Maddy's gossip), shook her head attentively.
Maddy continued, "So I shot some stuff back at her, and I quote: 'Well, Bailey is one of my best friends, and I'd appreciate it if you'd use cleaner language if I were you, 'cause some blokes actually don't like girls who swear,' and she just totally shut up then and there and I was still smirking so I walked off to Luann and she was complaining about Gunther who we all know just loves her to pieces—"
"Oh, also, I got these great Lorelai Mark black boots that you could wear, too, Lily!" cried Virginia. She fitted Lily's tiny feet with the boots and Lily stormed on about James, growing 3 more inches in the process, which made her quite taller.
"I still can't believe that he won't apologize about being the biggest jerk to me in fourth year, I didn't read that much, he just has a rhino that just so happened to be shoved up his arse and died, and he thinks that it's funny to take all of the cakes that I made for myself, and then he has to puke them all up all over my nice robes (but that's only 'cause I hexed him for stealing my cakes), and he thinks he's so cool, and so funny, and so talented, and blah, blah, blah, he just goes on and on about only himself—"
"And so she is just being her annoying smart self with all those really good cakes, thinking that she's the best cook (although I can't deny that) and is so selfish 'cause she won't let me have any—" ranted James, back in the boys dorm.
Sirius lay back on his pillow, only half-listening. He was wondering slightly when he could see Bailey again. Remus, in the meantime, had started knitting a blanket and was already on his 10th row.
"Well, James, Lily happens to be –ouch, one of my best friends, and I'd sort of appreciate it if you were a tad bit kinder to her, after all, you certainly both were pretty big jerks to each other in 4th year," said Remus, pricking himself by accident with the needle.
"Hey! She can't take a joke! That's her problem!" defended James, shooting his hands up into the air in frustration.
"Say, didn't you have a crush on her or something in 4th year?" asked Sirius, sitting up on his bed.
"Yeah, that's why I teased her, but she took it so literally, that she had to get all offended and started really insulting me and my glasses…" James said bitterly.
Remus laughed. "I remember that, she called you a real big nerd with them, and—oh, this is ridiculous," he said, and put down the needles. Waving his wand at them, they started knitting themselves into a beautiful purple blanket and he got some bandages for himself.
"Purple, Remus?" Sirius eyed the blanket. "Honestly, people will start to think that you're gay."
"Oh, and it gets worse," added James, "Evans hexed me to puke up all those delicious cakes!"
"But I'm not gay!" Remus protested, tapping on a band aid to himself with his wand. Immediately the cut healed, and he took off the band aid and threw it in the trash. "Besides, it's not for me, it's for all those children in Saint Mungos."
"Hah! I did get my revenge, though, I vomited all over her new robes," James said triumphantly.
"And, who do we know in Saint Mungos is homo?"
"She was screaming so loud, it was hilarious. I would've laughed harder if I didn't have that disgusting acid taste still in my mouth," he remarked, still tasting the throw up.
"Nobody, it's going to be for a girl, sheesh, can't you see that pink yarn that's going to go into the blanket? I'm going to bewitch it so the cat will catch a mouse or a rat or something," he said, getting out some pink yarn and winding it onto the needles. "This girl is going to love this blanket," he said fondly.
"But then she decides that punching my nose would solve everything! Ugh, I hate that stupid girl! She is such a snotty wench!"
"Since when have you been knitting blankets for people? And why purple blankets?" Asked Sirius, curious (hey, that rhymed!).
"Oh my gosh, she is so annoying, so then I get back at her by hexing her robes (which were already in such a crappy state already, vomit and all) so they start getting ripped up by this knife that just appeared and then she decides to turn it into rubber—"
"No reason," said Remus absentmindedly. He finished mending all of his cuts. "Chen just taught me a couple of nifty tricks and said that when I'm depressed, I can do nice things for other people, you know, just nice stuff."
"Man, it seems like whenever I'm around that brat I go insane, I swear! She is the biggest brat, the most annoying person I have ever met, she can't take a bloody joke, she thinks that life is only complete when you put first things first, blah, blah, blah—"
"Haven't you and Chen always had some sort of soft spot for each other?" brought up Sirius, slightly grinning.
"I hate her! She is my worst enemy! She thinks that she's always right, which she is not—"
"Well, sort of," said Remus, his cheeks slightly pink like the cat that was now being knitted into the blanket, "but we decided only to be friends, maybe friends with benefits. Besides, I'm thinking of asking out Maddy, she's kinda cute."
"And she thinks it's so hilarious when she hexes me, but she's a real little monster, I'll tell you that—"
"Maddy," thought Sirius, scratching his head, "isn't she that super gossipy girl who doesn't shut up?"
"I just hate how she has that evil glint in her eye, and you know that she's going to hex you or something super insane, and she's just so rude and really stabs me in the back, although I couldn't say that I don't stab her in the back either, but still!"
"Yeah, but she really helps me get in touch with the outside world, and that blonde hair is pretty gorgeous, don't you think?"
"I'd like to say that Lily Evans is pretty, but she has to be so rude and bratty about everything because she's super sensitive and needs to get a life besides bugging me—"
"Yeah, I'd like to say that, but my little Bailey is all I need. But you do have a point. Big blue eyes, blonde hair...kind of interesting that I went for somebody totally opposite, right? Incredibly gorgeous grey eyes outlined in inky black and this awesome brown hair with blonde streaks..."
"Lily Evans! Ugh! Brat! Snot! Jerk! Wretch! Ogre! Stupid, blind little bat! I hate her! I want to hex those green eyes out of that witch!"
"She is a witch, James," put in Remus. He pricked himself again with the knitting needle. "Ouch," he complained, "my fingers hurt."
"Oh, your fingers hurt, huh?" grinned Sirius.
"Well now your back's going to hurt 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty!" said Bailey, laughing at Chen who had just poked herself in the finger again with her knitting needle.
"Okay, I swear you just sounded like Sirius there," replied Chen. She sucked on her finger.
"Then James goes and practically kills me with the Jelly Legs curse, and so I have to hit him with the first hex that comes into my mind, which is the tickling curse! It was hilarious, watching him laugh in agony, so I took advantage and sent him a snake while I was at it, but he made that disappear when he had enough breath to actually talk—"
"So then, Luann was all sad about how Aaron Hill would never, ever like her and only date that Tiffany brat—"
"And then he goes and hits me with this weird curse that made my wand all hot and so I had to drop it and that totally pissed me off, and then Dumbledore just decides to waltz in as soon as I'm grabbing Potter's throat, and he's all—"
"Tiffany Farrel?" broke in Virginia. "I like her, she has the cutest Cumorah Jackets and Mensa flats…good taste, that girl. I also love those Kailey Russo boat-necked shirts she wears. They're really form-fitting for curvy girls like her. She's just lucky to not have her stomach stick out. Mine only stays in because I do at least 100 sit-ups a day. Here, Maddy, come here; let me help you with your hair and makeup for that date with that fancy bloke. Oh, and by the way, Remus Lupin was telling me about how he thought that you were really cute and wanted to ask you out…would you say yes?" She summoned a big silver bowl and poured some warm water into it. When it was full, Maddy put her head in it, still talking.
"Yeah, I'd say yes, as long as he asked me himself. Anyways, let's get back to Tiffany. Well, yeah, she's got good taste, but she's kind of snobbish. But Aaron kind of likes her because she totally hangs on him and even though she's going out with that one exchange bloke, Miguel was it? Well, she's cheating on him with Aaron so I don't think it'd be very wise of Luann to go out with a guy that was helping Tiffany cheat on her boyfriend, and I think that if Miguel and Tiffany are going to break up, then Luann should definitely go out with Miguel coz that boy is super sexy, and he just is the sweetest boy ever and—"
"So Dumbledore comes in and is all, 'Ms. Evans, I think Mr. Potter would appreciate it if you let him go,' so of course I have to let go of Potter or else I'd be shot in the head or something, and meanwhile Potter's smirking at me, oooo, I just wanted to sock him a good one, or worse just totally kick him hard, and I don't care where, as long as it hurts him bad—"
"I just love Miguel, he is so bleedin' hilarious, and he makes me laugh all the time when we're not getting updated on the latest news, and oh — ouch! That hurts!"
"Sorry, Maddy," Virginia apologized, as she had just accidentally pulled one of Maddy's curls too hard. Currently she was combing out the mass of blonde curls. "There, I'm done. Put your head in the bowl," she instructed, and squirted a blob of Ensign shampoo on the golden hair. Gently she lathered it in, making soap bubbles go up to the dorm ceiling.
"And then when Dumbledore leaves, Potter decides it's the new 'in' thing to wear leaf brooches on your butt, which is the stupidest idea I have ever heard in my life, gosh that bloke needs to get some fashion sense—"
"Actually," interrupted Virginia, now squirting on more shampoo onto Maddy's locks, "That's not such a bad idea! We could also bewitch them to sort of reflect our personality, and when we sit down they just sort of 'fly' up to our shirts instead so we could show them off! Wow! Why didn't I think of this before?" She was starting to get excited. "After Maddy finishes getting ready, we'll go to Hogsmede and go buy some of those really cute sliver-green leaf things; I know the perfect store! Or even better," she announced dramatically, "They could be mood brooches! YEEAAHH!" she laughed, excited. "They could reflect the mood you're in! Score!"
"That is so lame," said Lily, shaking her head. Casting her glance around the dorm, she waited for Bailey to agree, or Chen or Maddy. But she knew that Maddy, who loved starting trends almost as much as Virginia would agree. And she noticed that Bailey and Chen were nodding. She rolled her eyes.
"Honestly. Next thing you're going to tell me that you think that James Potter is a handsome bloke that you plan on asking out as soon as he dumps that stupid annoying Nenny!"
"Well…"
"Virginia, have you no shame?" Lily exclaimed. She was quite shocked. "I can't believe you; I thought you were my friend! How could you betray me like this?"
"Just because I'm best friends with Lily does not mean I'm in love with her, James, have you not been listening to Padfoot's and mine conversation?" replied Remus defensively.
"No, you should be listening to me!" James jabbed himself in the chest.
"Tough beans, pal," said Sirius, "Those raves about Lily get boring. Talk about Bailey and I'm happy. Talk about Quidditch, bugging Snape, anything other than how much you hate Lily, and I'll be glad to listen. Honestly, mate, I'd rather have you talk about when you liked Lily in 4th year!"
"I'd rather not remember that."
"You know," Sirius said dreamily, "I think that Bailey is…the best thing that ever happened to me. I swear she's almost my soul mate."
"You're such a cornball, Sirius," said James, shaking his head. "Please don't ever talk about Bailey again."
"So what if I am a cornball?" defended Bailey. "I don't care, Sirius is my sweetheart and I love him…"
"You sound like such a child," said Lily.
"Wait till you're in love, Lily, you just wait!"
"But I am in love!" protested James. "I love Nenny!"
"You don't love Derrick, you love that 'stag' fellow you write all the time!" accused Bailey.
"Fine, so I don't love Nenny! So what?"
"Wait, who is this pen pal?" asked Chen abruptly. "You said he was a…a stag?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure that she's Irish, I mean, that's her pen name and all," said James thoughtfully.
"No, no, no, a stag's not writing me, it's his pet. I think it's awesome to have a deer for a pet…the stag's name is Prongs or something."
"I swear I know somebody that's Irish…" Remus muttered under his breath.
"I love Sirius!"
"And then I was talking to Jenessa and she was telling me about how apparently Josh really fancies her and all, and she was starting to fancy him a little, and I was so totally agreeing on how they would make the perfect couple, wouldn't you agree? Coz Josh has that gorgeous messy brown hair and those huge green eyes and Jenessa's got that strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes, and oh man she has this great singing voice, you should hear her in the shower, Merlin, it's like—"
"Bailey is so pretty…"
"What? So this guy's a stag?"
"She's Irish? Wait! It's coming to me now…I think."
"No, no, no, he's got a pet stag, called Prongs, and the stag sounds adorable—"
"I love Sirius!"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's Irish, but who cares! All I care is that she sounds gorgeous and I'm definitely in love—"
"Irish chicks are so hot!" remarked Peter dreamily, who had not been paying attention (or even showing his presence) up until now.
"I love Bailey!"
"You're in love with a stag?"
"And then I was talking to Jeeves and he was telling me about how Bertie, you know, Bertie Wooster? Well, he was telling me about how Bertie totally fancied me, and I was just so happy the rest of Charms that I actually got the charm right for once, instead of actually choking like I usually do, but of course, when I do suck at those charms, cute little Bertie comes along and helps me, honestly, he has those gorgeous blue eyes that just pop at you like that—"
"Oh, Maddy, you have the most gorgeous hair, look how well it's curling! This Sleakeazy potion really does have it's charms with curls, see look on that back, it says, 'Works exceptionally well for those with naturally curly hair, perfect ringlets that stay for hours on end—oh, and look—no supernatural side-effects, only bad side effects are that they might turn your eyes blue, but that's all right, coz your eyes already are blue, and oh! They're getting even bluer! Wow! That is so gorgeous, Maddy! With my help, you could be one of the most irresistible women in the school, besides myself—"
"Since when are we talking about Irish folk? Is there a leprechaun in the room?" asked Sirius.
"I love Sirius!"
"Okay, so let me get this straight: you're writing to a guy that has a pet stag?"
"Who cares if there's a leprechaun in the room? Irish women can be so gorgeous, I swear…" Peter said yet again, off in his own little world.
"Yeah, I was wondering, but what annoys me is that you changed the subject so you wouldn't have to hear about Evans! Jerks!"
"Yes, now you have it! Chen finally understands that I'm writing to a guy that has a pet stag! Sheesh!"
"I love Bailey!"
"Well, it gets really boring James, we can't help it when we change the subject," said Remus, now finishing up his blanket.
"But Evans is so annoying! I hate her freaking guts! She can't even take a joke!"
"But back to Potter! He's such an arrogant berk who doesn't know what the word 'feel' means, he only cares about himself, he's just thinking he's so funny—"
"Evans is just such a prissy little bookworm who doesn't even know what it's like to be a guy—"
"Just once I'd like him to stand in my shoes, for a month! Just to see what it's like to be a girl, just once so he can understand—"
"She doesn't even understand guys, yet—"
"Yet he should understand girls, since he has a girlfriend who is—"
"Who is the most obnoxious being alive, man that idiot bugs me—"
"Oh, and know what the worst thing about Potter is?"
"Oh, and know what the worst thing about Evans is?"
"THAT PERSON SMELLS WEIRD!" Screamed Lily and James at the same time.
A/N: Okay...so just review and tell how you like it! So after school today I managed to find some time to reply to all those beautiful reviewers, i love you all so very much...:)
Slytherin-girl TF lover-yes, any time i need your help, i'll call on you! And many, many others who are a GREAT help cuz I really need to get some facts straight. Take note to some of those people that I said SOME, not EVERY LAST BIT! gahl. lol.
SweetSouthernGal-oops, I almost put SweetSouthernGahl...I have the worst habit of saying gahl. It just literally popped out! Anyhoo, thanks!
Ocean-Poweress-for some reason, I love your pen name. It rocks! And thank you!
OrdinaryLily-It's a book? REALLY? I never knew that! Of course, I'm not exactly the brightest person around, not exactly up-to-date...ah, well. I'll have to read it. I'm so happy that you like it! Really! Eeee! I'm excited! My favorite fanfics are Lily and James, so I decided to put them in this and I know that Lily hated him, but I stretched the truth (how can you stretch the truth of fiction?) and had James hate Lily too. But you might have noticed that he secretly had a crush on her in 4th and 5th year. But that all changed...have you heard of the movie that You've Got Mail also came from? It's called "The Shop Around the Corner"...with Jimmy Stuart and some other girl. I've never seen it but it's like that, only no business competition. I think I'll have to watch it someday to give me good book ideas. Anyhoo, I'm blabbing (as usual), so see ya!
ultra-violet-catastrophe-THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANK YOU! Apparently, you're my biggest fan, but I LOVE you for it! I'm so happy about what you said! A FEW words? More like a billion wonderful adjectives that made me fly around the room with happiness...anyways, on other things you said...well, actually, I know really nothing about the Irish folk. I only have heard rumours, but I have never, EVER thought that they were terrorists. Actually, for some reason, I imagined all Irish people to be blonde...dunno why. But that is so cool, I'm (figuratively) talking to an Irish person! I have never met anybody that's Irish in my life. But, I know how you feel on how people just jump to conclusions about people they have never met, like what they think about Irish people. I swear, all these people think that Americans (what I am) are fat, rich, snobby, think we're better than everyone else, nosy, and do not belong in Iraq. Actually, I'm not fat at all (hah.), definitely not rich, I'm hoping I'm not snobby, and I have never, EVER thought that I was better than everyone else, but I do kind of sound a little cocky...maybe just defensive...I'm nosy, I admit, but not in a BAD way, but there are many people in my neighborhood that have went to and from Iraq...they come back saying that the Iraq people are glad that they're there. So, believe what you want, I'm not stopping you, just giving my point of view. If you ask me, some people are just a little prejiduced. But really, I don't really know whether Lily is Irish or not myself, but I made that up, because Irish people fascinate me, maybe it's just the accents and all, maybe something else. Anyways, I'm blabbing, and I hope that I did not offend you in any way at all, and if I did, truely, I am sorry. Anyways, I love you for loving my story! Now I will go and review yours!
emeraldhazel-thank yew for liking it...it made me smile...
snipsnap-at long last, I have found some other fan of Jeeves and Wooster! I have almost all the "episodes"...I love 'em! Well, I guess it was done, after all! Hah! lol.
Anotheranonymous-thanks for the compliment, but I agree, my story's not exactly different from all those Lily and James stories. In the world of books, it's practically impossible to be original and creative, unless you want to go all-out insane on it. Example: once upon a time for English, I had to write this twist on a fairy tale. So I was totally hyper one day and wrote this twist on Cinderella, and my teacher thought that I was on drugs. Really.
Eimme-yup, Lily hates James just as equally as he hates her, like I said in the first chappie...mutual hate. I reviewed your stories now, sorry, before I forgot! But I love em.
Runaway6-lol about the name thing...sorry, I get sometimes carried away...I couldn't help it, neither think of a good last name for Virginia anyways.
evil-pillow-I think somebody's shown me that happy dance before! Do it again! lol...
Jupiter-YES, YES, YES, YES, YES! You reviewed again! I love you for it! gahl! lol! Thanks SO MUCH for liking it! I love you!
Sirael- cool screen name, reminds me of Sabriel, the book! Thank you!
MJShunpike-you should say your name out very slowly, like this: Eeemmmmm-Jaaaaayy-Shun-pike. It sounds awesome! Anyways, hope you liked this chappie!
Sirius-keep your pants on, I'll put some stuff about Bailey and Sirius! I'll put it in other chapters when others really need to know about my other characters that are important to me.
Pretty Padfoot-why thank you!(blushes) I'm glad you like it!
Plans:
okay, for the upcoming chapters, I was planning on some things, like this: Lily and James (or Stag and Irish, more like, Lily and James hate each other) plan on meeting, like so in the movie, and James figures out who Irish really is. Also, I'm going to do some chapters in the future about some of the characters that we really don't know about, and I'm hoping I'll be able to get some history in on why Lily and James hate each other so much. I think that when you hate somebody just enough, you get this paradigm of them that everything they do and say, you just hate them so much, and it can get growing. So, it'll obviously be some stupid reason that they hate each other.
smell ya later,
Jade
