A/N: What can I say? A night or two ago, Granny came by wanting a crack at the Hogwarts gang. She was even kind enough to provide me with some of the lines she wanted to be in the story.

Dedication: For whatever genuis came up with Pirates of the Caribbean. I am going to see it today with Kat. I'M SO EXCITED!

Disclaimer: I do not own Granny or anything-Harry Potter related. I merely dropped Granny in and watched the fireworks. Like dropping Mentos into Diet Coke, which I do not own either.

Rating: G, as of this chapter. May or may not go up for language in later chapters.


Esmeralda Weatherwax glared disapprovingly at the elderly man across the table.

"You wants me to teach here?" she repeated suspiciously.

"Yes," replied Dumbledore, eyes a-twinkle. "Just for a year, to start. If you wish to extend your contract at the end of the school year you may, but we are rather short on teachers. You will be provided with rooms and so on--"

"I'll commute," Granny informed him crisply. "I'm agreeing to teach for a year, but my cottage is my cottage. That werewolf fellow I bandaged up managed to get me here, so I'm sure you posh folk up here at the castle can figure out a way to send me back and forth when I needs to be."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "I'm afraid that's impossible. If you would like, we can move your cottage here--"

"I shall then be takin' the rooms you offered, Mr…?"

"Dumbledore. I'll send one of the house-elves to show you to your quarters. You may call me Albus," he added, his eyes still twinkling. "My full name is…" he rattled off his many names, to Granny's further annoyance.

" 'White,' eh?" Granny sniffed. "Wizards. Full of yourselves, no matter where you may be from." Granny got a faraway look. "Even him…"she murmured.

She blinked and glared at Dumbledore again. "Very well. I shall teach Headology. But just for the year, mind," she warned.

Dumbledore smiled. In a slightly condescending manner, Granny noted.

"My dear Mrs.--"

"Mistress."

He smiled that irritating smile again. "Mistress Weatherwax, then, you will be teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts! Not headology," he told her, neglecting to capitalise Headology. Granny noted this as well.

"Heads are more use than spells and foolish wands are," she said flatly. "I shall be teachin' Headology, and I shall be teachin' as I pleases." She got up and strode to the door. She opened it, paused, and turned back to Dumbledore with a predatory expression.

"Also, my good wizard, if you don't stop twinkling your eyes you'll be hoppin' about and heading for that lake of yours before you have time to apologise," Granny growled, then stalked out the door.

Once outside, she grinned. The job interview had gone very well. She was quite pleased.


Short chapter, yes, sorry. The next one will be up within a few days. Reviews make more chapters come faster! (hint, hint)

And yes, yes, in my bio I say that Discworld is sacrosanct, but Granny isn't Discworld, now, is she? Besides, come on. Who does not want to see Granny give Howarts a good ding upside the head? I can't wait to write the bit where she meets Snape, and her first class...I'll go finish my chores so I can keep writing...