A/N: Foof. What a day. What a busy, busy day. And I still have to write my oneshot for today, which is what I ought to be doing rather than writing this. Ah, well.optimouse says hi. She's sleeping over and we're watching PotC2 tonight. EEEEE!
Dedication: This is especially for SirGawainofCamelot. Thank you for a) being my first reviewer and b) correcting me. Thank you so very much! You get a cookie and another chapter.
Rating: Still G, so far.
Esme looked at her new class. The first one of the day. First one of the year. She glared at the class, then the attendance list, then the class again.
"I knows you're all here today, and if you ever miss my class you will be sorry. That takes care of attendance." She adjusted her pointy hat.
"My name is Professor Weatherwax, and I will be teachin' you Headology."
A bushy-haired girl's hand shot up into the air and was waved around manically. Granny stared at her until she stopped waving.
"Yes?" asked Granny irritably.
"Professor, this is Defence Against the Dark Arts!" said the girl reproachfully. Granny was not pleased.
"You're bein' trained like a wizard, girl. I'm here to make you a witch. Use your head more and your wand less. Speakin' out against a teacher on the first day is not a smart move." She addressed the class as a whole. "That goes for all of you too. You've had enough fiddling' around with wands, and I don't hold truck with that. You need to learn how to think."
Granny picked up her tea and took a sip. At least they had decent tea here, she thought.
"First thing we needs to get straight is that I never use a wand. I am still the most dangerous thing in Lancre, and that's--"
The hand was waving again.
"What's your name, girl?" Granny snapped.
"Hermione, Professor, but where's--"
"Hermione Granger, I am not telling you again. Shut your mouth unless something useful is going to fly out." Granny was obeyed to a chorus of sniggers. She nodded to herself. This lot would take a bit of work.
She took another sip of her tea and spoke again.
"The first thing you needs to know is that nine-tenths of magic is knowin' one extra fact," Granny informed them. She waited impassively.
A few hands were meekly raised.
"You, the blond boy at the back." Granny pointed. "And you are�"
"Draco Malfoy, Professor. What's the other tenth of magic?"
Granny treated him to a stare. He didn't look away for quite a while. She was impressed.
"When you can tell me that, I've done my job. It's good knowin' something but unless you can explain it to someone then you don't know it well enough," she added. "Any more questions?"
The class was silent.
"Good." Granny clapped her hands together. "So now we shall continue with our lesson."
She took out a decrepit, battered, stained pack of cards and set them on the table.
"Right, how many of you miserable lot know how to play Cripple Mister Onion?"
