How about Another Cupcake?

Chapter 1

"Daddy, how did you meet Mommy?" Our five year old son, Dominick, or Nick as we call him, was stalling before getting in the bathtub. "The G-rated version, please Officer Morelli!", I called up the stairs to Joe. He came out to the landing and grinned down at me. "Cupcake", he said, "there's no way to clean up our story to make it G-rated. I may be able to make it PG-13 if I leave a lot of stuff out."

I heard him start to tell Nick about the fact that we'd grown up together in the Burg, just two blocks apart, so we'd sort of always known each other. Joe Jr., nine, interrupted and said "Skip the boring stuff, Dad, and jump to when you were FTA and Mama stole your car to get you to come out of hiding so she could arrest you." "What's FTA mean?" asked Tony, the 7 year old. "Besides, Mommy couldn't arrest Daddy. She's not the police officer, he is."

"Joey," I heard Joe ask, "Where did you hear the story about me being FTA?" "From Great Grandma Mazur" Joe Jr. answered innocently. "STEPH!" Joe hollered down the stairs. "I heard. I'll talk to her tomorrow about telling the boys stories again," I said.

"Okay, you guys, let's get the baths out of the way and then I'll try to clear some of this confusion up." ordered Joe in his best cop voice.

I was crashed on the sofa. Being the mom of 4 little boys (including Gianni, 2, who was happily splashing in the water already) and pregnant again, I was beat. This should be good, I thought, how was he going to explain this crazy history? I would need to remember to ask so we'd both have our stories in line.

I began to think about the story. It had been a long, varied, and sometimes difficult drama – or was it a comedy? Good question. I heard Joe say, "We …..dated……for a long time before we got married. Mom was almost 35 when Joe Jr. was born."

Chapter 2

Boy, he was leaving a lot out. Our…..dating……spanned years of cohabitation, hot sex, big arguments and fiery breakups. One of those break ups, I thought was for good. I'd dragged my feet on commitment until he finally got fed up with it. Joe was ready to have a family. He had a good job, he was a great cop but the job was super stressful and he needed some stability in his life. I provided anything but stability to him. As a bounty hunter I was always in some sort of scrape, to put it mildly, and he was constantly worried about my safety. He broke it off and I moved out.

During the year and a half we were apart, I had a fling with Ranger, another Bounty Hunter. It was a bright flashy explosion that just sort of fizzled out after a while. He'd tried to tell me that his life wasn't cut out for commitment. I knew that he was secretive, and kept a safe distance from everyone in his life but I really had no concept of what that would mean if I wanted to be a real part of it. It turned out that what we had together was great sex, lots of dangerous work and little else. That's good for a while, but not anything to build your life on.

I'd been raised in the Burg, a tight-knit little community, where everyone knew everyone and everyone knew everyone's business. Life with Ranger was solitary. Other than his employees, clients and the bad guys we were tracking down, there just wasn't contact with anyone else. No family dinners, no running into friends at the grocery store (he had food delivered to the condo). He insisted I didn't go anywhere alone for my own safety. I had no idea how lonely and cut off I had become until my sister called me out of the blue one day. She said she had contacted me through the Rangeman office because she really didn't know how else to find me since I didn't carry a personal cell phone anymore. That's when I realized that my relationship with Ranger had really taken a toll on my life. I hadn't seen or spoken to anyone in my family for months. We had been focused on work and on our relationship. We'd done some traveling to open some new Rangeman offices and I was becoming a better Bounty Hunter. I had been embracing my need to learn to use a gun and was turning out to be pretty good with it. I'd also taken some self-defense classes, so I had really been busy and very focused.

That's when I realized that in running away from Morelli and his desire for me to change my life; I had done just that – but the opposite way. I had become involved more than ever with the bounty hunter lifestyle. Ranger and I lived at a secret address and he had virtually eliminated any trace of my former life, just like he had erased his own prior to our relationship beginning. He insisted it was for my safety. His favorite quote was 'An invisible person can't become a target'. Was this what I wanted?

No, not really. In my heart, I knew I wanted the proverbial house with the white picket fence someday and a great family life that included more than just one guy and his 'staff'. I wanted the life that my parents had lived, with a few modifications. That day was never going to come if I stayed with Ranger. He was never not going to be Ranger…. Here was the rub – I could be one small slice of Ranger's life and he could be all of my world or I needed to get out.

Anyway, back to that day my sister called. "Have you seen Joe Morelli lately," Valerie asked. "He came by mom and dad's house looking for you this weekend." "No." I responded. "We avoid each other like the plague. I haven't seen him for months." "Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this", she said, "but he's getting married." I was stunned. "Who is he marrying? I asked.

"You wouldn't know her," admitted Valerie. "None of us did. She's new to Trenton. She just moved up here from down south someplace. Cute little blonde. About 5'3" and maybe 100 pounds, and 30 of that is boobs and teeth. I guess she does something with law enforcement and that's how they met."

"Apparently, they have been dating only a couple of months but they seem to be in a hurry to get married for some reason. She's already living with him. His mother doesn't like that, but I understand that she adores Brandi. That's her name. Even Grandma Bella is thrilled for them and has given them her blessing." Needless to say, this news was a big shock to me. It was okay that I'd basically moved from Morelli's house to Ranger's place, but it was definitely not okay for Morelli to get on with his love life after a mere 11 months apart. Besides that jumping into a marriage seemed so uncharacteristic.

"Why was he looking for me?" I asked. Valerie replied, "I think he wanted to tell you himself. He knows that his getting married will be huge news for the Burg – heck, for half of the women in New Jersey. By the same token, I didn't want you to hear it on the street, either, just in case he didn't find you."

Fat chance I was going to hear it on the street. I hadn't seen anyone outside of Rangeman in so long, people probably wouldn't remember who I was. I hadn't even talked to my best friend, Mary Lou, in months.

I needed a pick-me-up. I went down to the control room to tell Ranger I was going shopping. He said he'd send one of the merry men with me. I didn't want that, and said that wasn't necessary. He argued with me about it. He always stressed that it was for my own safety.

"This is all about control. You are trying to control me." I spat at him. "Babe, you knew the price of admission before you bought your ticket." He replied. "If I can't control the situation I can't protect you."

"Bite me." I said. "I'm outta here." I swung my ass out the door but he locked the gate in the parking garage and I couldn't get out. He approached me from the elevator. "I'm not going to be like Morelli. If you leave, it's for good. There won't be any turning back," He offered.

"You bet your sweet ass it's for good. I'll let you know where to send Rex and my stuff," I said. He unlocked the gate and then I was gone. That was that. We never really spoke much after that. Tank, his right hand man, had delivered my things to my parent's house that afternoon. I can't say that I was sorry for the decision I had made but it was hard starting over again.

He hadn't allowed me to keep my apartment, so I needed a place to live. I went to my parent's house first. My mother was gushing about meeting Brandi at the grocery store and apparently Joe had asked her to get mom's recipe for stuffed cabbage. Yuck. She even cooks, I thought. What next?

Chapter 3

Valerie and Albert were there, too, and Grandma Mazur and my dad. It was great to see everyone. I was such a screwup. I would never have a family of my own. I really needed a donut. Valerie went with me to the bakery and then to the mall. "Uh oh. Don't turn around," she said. "Why?" I asked. "Joe and Brandi are walking up the mall. Oh, no. He sees us. They are heading this way. Brace yourself." I pasted on my best and brightest smile before turning around.

"Stephanie, long time, no see. I've been looking for you." He said. Wow. He looked great. Tanned. A little heavier, bulkier, I mean, with muscle. Still that tight-assed swagger. He was dressed in pressed khakis and a shirt with a monogrammed pocket. Who is this guy? And he was holding her hand. My sister was wrong. Her boobs and teeth were at least 40 lbs of the 100. "This is Brandi. Brandi, this is Stephanie Plum. She's an old friend and this is her sister, Valerie." An old friend. I was an old friend. I'm gonna kill him, I thought. Look at that rock on her hand. Platinum and a million diamonds. Ugh.

"Nice to meet you", I managed. Valerie sort of mumbled and took a large step backwards. "Nice to meet you, too. I've heard a lot about you and I met your mama in the grocery store this morning." Brandi drawled. "Honey" she said to Joe, "I have my dress fitting in just a few minutes. Can you come back and pick me up in about an hour?" Joe smiled at her and said, "Sure." He gave her a kiss on the head and she bopped off down the mall. Did he look that great when he was with me?

Valerie made some excuse to step away and that left Joe and I together alone. "I guess from the look on your face that you've heard I'm getting married. I wanted to be the one to tell you." Joe said. "Yeah. Valerie told me. Congratulations. I know that's what you have been wanting for a while now." Silence stretched between us for a few minutes. "Well, I'll see you around." I said. Then I just walked past him and kept going. He had been carrying about twenty bags from various boutiques and department stores. Probably shopping for their honeymoon, I thought while the tears stung my eyes. That really stinks.

I was instantly insanely jealous. I'm not sure if I was jealous of Joe, specifically, or just jealous that someone else's life seemed so much better than my own. Probably both. Valerie caught up with me. "Are you okay." She said. "Nope. Not okay at all." I managed. I was in shock. The worst part was that Brandi was really cute and seemed to be crazy about Joe.

After that, I was just inundated with Joe and Brandi sightings. Everyone was calling me now that I had found a furnished apartment and had my own phone number. Mary Lou saw them riding his Duc past her house. "Aren't they cute?" she cried. Eddie Gazarra, my friend on the police force who is married to my cousin Shirley the Whiner, came to bring me donuts and he said "Joe says she gives the best blow job he's ever had and that she is a great cook." Great. Excellent. I can't compete on either of those levels.

I was walking downtown with my sister one night and Joe and Brandi were sitting in an outside bistro sipping wine and holding hands. They didn't see me. They were busy gazing. He was dressed nicely again. Probably had a fresh blow job under his belt. Ugh. I was thinking of a change of venue. I needed to move out of town if I couldn't stay here without seeing them every 15 minutes.

Of course, that night, I couldn't sleep and went out for Oreos. I drove by Joe's house. Fresh paint. The yard had flowers, for goodness sake. Oh, no. This is the final straw. The bitch has replaced Aunt Rose's curtains. I loved those curtains. Funny, I was seeing the house for the first time as an outsider. Brandi's little convertible Miata sat snuggled up behind Joe's truck. This really stinks. She even has a cute car and it probably runs and everything.

I went back to my apartment feeling pretty low. I got off the elevator and saw something that almost made my heart stop. Joe was sitting outside my door. Feet stretched out in the hall, crossed at the ankles. He had a mostly empty bottle of vodka and Bob's head was on his lap. He looked up at me. Boy, was he snockered.

"How did you get here?" I asked. "Walked. Too drunk to drive." He responded. "Need to talk to you and ask you a favor." He said. Obviously too drunk to make complete sentences. "Okay. Let's go inside." I said as I helped him up off the floor. Bob hung his head and followed us inside.

"What's with Bob?" I asked. "He's usually a little more exuberant than this." "He was 'zuberant earlier tonight. Idiot. I can't believe this." Joe said – head in his hands, excellent butt on my sofa. "Okay, start at the top. What's going on?" I prompted.

He started, "Brandi is not a dog person. She's tried really hard to accept him but he's not helping things because, you know….he's ….Bob. He wants to sleep with us. He watches us when we are in bed…You remember that, right? He eats everything that's not nailed down. Including the nice little lace garter belt thingy she was going to wear under her wedding dress. That's when she tossed him out. Says not to come back until he has a new home. So, that leads me to the favor. I need you to keep him for a few weeks. Just until after the honeymoon. She'll calm down and then I'll bring him back home. You are the only other one he loves and he'll be happy here."

"Sure" I'll take him. I wanted to question him about wanting to marry someone who would lose it like that. Someone who would throw out threats, and dogs. Someone who acted just like himself…giving ultimatums. They just looked so happy together. I couldn't do it. I'd had my chance with him and I had blown it.

"Brandi is a nice girl. You would like her." He said, smiling. I could tell he was sobering up a bit. He was speaking in complete sentences. "She's a little 'high-maintenance' but really sweet. God forbid she breaks a nail. I thought I was going to have to take her to the hospital when that happened while we were riding on the Duc. She's probably right. I'm getting too old for toys like that anyway." He was on a roll here…. "And it messes up her hair and makeup too. She's really upgraded my wardrobe. She really hates all my old stuff. And she's a great cook, even though she is a vegetarian. Her lasagna is made from bean curd, but it's not bad. I am probably in better shape than I have been in a long time. I'm off of the blood pressure medication that I had to take when you and I were together. Of course, I think my blood pressure normalized because you weren't around anymore and not because of the diet." And then there's the blow jobs, I thought.

It's almost like he's trying to justify this to me.

He continued, "and she's not a bounty hunter. She's a payroll clerk at the PD. But she's quitting as soon as she gets pregnant. If she's not already…." He said this last part more to himself than to anyone else.

"I've gotta go," he said, standing. "You know what? Bob can come with me. She's going to have to get over this sooner or later." I took the bag from him. "Let me drive you home." I said.

"Nah, the walk will do me good. I have a lot to think about anyway. Take care of yourself, Stephanie, and be careful. I still worry about you." I wanted to rush into his arms. I wanted to beg him to stay. I knew he wouldn't. Joe has pretty strong principles now. He wouldn't ever have thought to cheat on her – not even for a stolen kiss. Just like I am positive he wouldn't think to cheat on me if we were together.

I spent a sleepless night. I had no idea what was in my future since it wasn't Ranger or Joe. I didn't deserve either of them. I didn't deserve to be treated the way Ranger had treated me. I didn't deserve anyone as good as Joe. Wow. What's next?

It didn't take long to find out what was next. I was at my parent's house for lunch when the doorbell rang. Joe Morelli. In jeans and a t shirt. Boy, he could really fill out a pair of jeans. He was riding the Duc and it was parked at the curb. "Can I talk to you?" He asked. We sat down on the steps of my parent's small porch. "I'm pretty embarrassed about last night. I don't even remember everything I said to you. You know I don't drink like that often. After I got home Brandi and I had it out. Anyway, I wanted to let you know, we broke up. I hated to call it off 12 days before the wedding but I guess it's better than a divorce 12 days after the wedding. Funny how drinking can make you do stupid things but you can sometimes actually think more clearly when you are drunk. I guess I knew that there had been warning signs. Brandi is a great girl, but I was going to have to change too much for her to make it work. For the first time I found myself in your shoes, Stephanie. I used to threaten and push you to do things that you weren't comfortable with. There's nothing like a change in perspective to make you see things in a new light. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I treated you that way." That was it. He turned and left.

All of Morelli's family from across the world came to town anyway. They already had tickets, they said, so they just made it a family reunion instead of a wedding. I heard it was a lot of fun and that the wedding cake was great.

A couple of weeks after the wedding would have taken place Joe showed up at my Mom and Dad's house. He came at dinnertime, so of course, he was invited to stay. I wasn't there that night, but according to my Grandma Mazur, Joe said to my dad, "Mr. Plum, I'm only going to do this one time and I intend to get it right. Would it be okay if I asked Stephanie to marry me? I promise I'll take good care of her – or as good as she'll let me anyway." Grandma reports that my dad smiled, shook Joe's hand and then mumbled something into his plate about a 'poor unsuspecting bastard'.

Joe showed up at my place that evening. We hadn't even talked in the month or so since our last encounter, so I was surprised to see him. He took me for a ride on the Duc. We went for a long walk in the burg and held hands. He pulled out a beautiful one carat diamond solitare engagement ring. It had a wide gold band and the simplicity was striking. He asked me to marry him. Was this what I wanted? Yes. It was. We got married in a very quiet ceremony in his mother's home a week later. By the time we got back from our honeymoon a lot had changed. First, I was pregnant with Joe Jr. Also, Joe had a broken arm (an unfortunate hammock accident in Mexico – don't ever try to make love in a hammock) and all of Brandi's carefully planted flowers were dead, dead, dead.

And Aunt Rose's curtains were hanging in our bedroom window again.

Chapter 4

It had been a long time since I'd thought about all this. I couldn't be happier with my life than I am now. I'd kept doing the Bounty Hunter thing for just a couple of months. Having the baby on the way just made it impractical, let alone unadvisable. I started teaching women's self defense classes at the local community center as well as doing a little private investigation work on the side. Much less dangerous, but still allows me to get out and about. I don't miss bounty hunting all that much, but I do joke about missing the extra money I could make. So, in the end, the result was the same. I stopped working as a bounty hunter, but I did it when I was ready to do it not when someone else was ready for me to do it. And I didn't do it for Joe. I did it for Joe Jr.

"Okay" Joe said, waking me from my reminiscent trance. "There are 4 freshly scrubbed boys waiting for their mom to say prayers with them and kiss them goodnight. And when you come back downstairs, we can have wild gorilla sex." He grinned and helped me get my pregnant carcass up off the couch.

I'm exhausted and 7 months pregnant and he wants wild gorilla sex. Yeah, right. But then he kissed me. And he ran his fingers down my spine. And I thought, well, okay, wild gorilla sex would be pretty good tonight. I mean my legs are shaved – of course Joe was the one who had to shave them cause I couldn't reach past my knees at this point.

I kissed and cuddled the boys, each one of them an exact miniature replica of their dad, and went back downstairs. Joe really knows his stuff in the bedroom. I was satisfied and relaxed beyond belief when he got up out of the bed and put on some boxer shorts. We'd learned that it just isn't practical to sleep naked with 4 little boys in the house, even if you lock your bedroom door. He helped me struggle into a huge, boxy nightshirt.

I thought this would be the perfect time to tell him. "Joe, I went to the Dr. today." "Huh? I didn't know you had an appointment. Is everything okay?" he asked as he climbed back into bed. "Well, yeah, I just knew there was something really different about this pregnancy, you know. Just feels different, so I went in for a sonogram to make sure everything is okay." I told him.

I had his attention. "Well?" He said. I put my head down on his chest and said, "We're finally going to have a little girl. Can you believe it? After 4 boys. I'm glad your mom asked us to switch houses with her after Nick was born so that she could downsize and we could have some more space." Joe was grinning. "A little girl. And I'll kill any little bastard who ever wants to teach her to play choo choo."