A/N: Whoo hoo! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Y'all rock! OK, more randomness for you! Plus a case of the chicken pox, which was inspired by recent events…

Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling. I like to pretend I am, by writing fanfiction.


Dear Diary,

This morning when I got out of bed, it was cold. I know it's just our dementors' breeding season, but, more than anything, my feet were freaking FREEZING as I walked across the cold floor to have my normal breakfast of Cheerios. I recon we should get something done about it. I'll ask Rudolphus, the gay master of interior design.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Rudolphus said that we should get carpet for the floor. So today Goyle and I went to the muggle carpet shop thingy. I was planning on buying some wall-to-wall carpeting, but it was SO expensive! And when I threatened the acne-affected assistant to make the price cheaper with the Cruciatus Curse, he just stared at me as though I'd gone mad and said "If you want to buy a carpet, sir, you have to pay the full price." So whatever.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I found out the solution to our expensive carpets problem today! We buy a RUG! So I went back to the carpets place (the idiot working there goes "Oh… it's you again.") and had a look at all the rugs. There rugs of all sorts, yellow rugs, red rugs, blue rugs, an orange polka-dotted rug, and a snot-green rug in which Goyle managed to conveniently hide a booger. In the end, I decided on a brown fur rug for my bedroom floor. I like stroking it. It's so fluffy.

From,

Voldy.


Dear DiARy,

maN, thIs caRPEt is ADDIctIve. i'm wrItiNG alL weirD becaUse i HaVe to kEEP swiTchIN g hanDS IN ORDer to keEP sTrokING iT.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I finally stopped stroking the damn thing. I got Dolohov to slap me every time my hand moved towards it. I got the feeling he enjoyed it.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Today me, Bella and Nagini pigged out on Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. I got Spamberry Moose flavour! Yum! And Nagini got her favourite, Old-Fogie-Riddle-House-Caretaker flavour. Yeah, it was great fun, up until Bellatrix accidentally ate a rat-poison one. She's really mad now, and is fuming around outside my door. I think I just heard her mutter that she's gunna sue Bertie Bott. I wonder how that'll turn out.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Today was sooo boring. It was only me and Bellatrix at home. Oh, and Wormtail, but he had a hangover and was asleep on the moth-eaten couch. Bellatrix was home because she was working on her case against Bott. I don't see why she's taking it to court. I mean, she is a Death Eater! She can just murder him! But when I told her that she just glared and said something about "wanting to do it properly." I even offered to kill him for her, she just ignored me. Gee, I never thought I'd see the day. My own Death Eaters, ignoring me. The indignity.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Eugh, I'm all itchy. I recon someone put Bulbadox powder in my bed. Oooh, I'm not happy with whoever it is!

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Well, no one put Bulbadox powder in my bed. I know coz I used Legilimency on everyone at dinner last night, when I asked them. Well, something's making me itchy. And I'm gunna find out what.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Ahh! I worked out why I was all itchy! I have CHICKEN POX! Merlin, this is even more embarrassing than the Fart Button. Me, a sixty-something year old Dark Lord, has caught the CHICKEN POX! I bet I know where I got them from, too. That weirdo who worked at the carpet store. And I thought the spots all over his face were just acne.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I hate the chicken pox. Chicken pox spots are itchy. I'm not allowed to scratch them. But there's nothing else I can do, because no one's allowed to come in my room incase THEY catch them too. There's nothing to do in here. Except stroke the fur carpet. But I can't do that, coz I'll get addicted again. Did I mention I hated the chicken pox?

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Still have the chicken pox. It's really getting on my nerves. I have nothing to do. I tried cursing them off, but it just multiplied them. I've figured out a better way to torture people than the Cruciatus Curse. Give them chicken pox! Stupid little spots.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Sooo bored. I think I'll write a poem.

Chicken Pox,

Are annoying little spots,

Or perhaps you'd call them dots,

They make me feel like rot,

I tried to curse them away,

But they only did stay,

And haunt me one more day.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I think… yes! A few of my spots are disappearing! I might be able to come out of here soon!

From,

Voldy


Dear Diary,

Rookwood just sent an owl saying I'll be able to go out of my room tomorrow! YAHOO!

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I was finally able to get out of my room again! Hallelujah! I got some extra ice-cream from Florean. Then me and the D.E.s ate some cake. Mmmm… cake.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I still have the chicken pox scars. At least they're not itchy anymore, though. Anyway… today I celebrated being able to leave the house by torturing random muggles. It was fun. Hehe.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Bellatrix is going to present her case to Bertie Bott tomorrow. It should be interesting. Maybe I'll go, just to see what happens.

From,

Voldy.


A/N: Phew, I'm out of craziness now. I have to go do HOMEWORK. Sigh. Anyway, review! I love them more than cranberries! If that's possible.