Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS or anything else that happens to turn up in this story.
"Hey you! You are violating rule number 72100, subscription 22B paragraph 12,roman numeral 2, ahem, anyone caught smuggling red-handed is to go directly to Kessel."
"Wha…what, but sir I was just…"
"Save it, now I gotta take you to Kessel."
"But…"
"I'm sorry kid, that's the rule no exceptions, unless of course you're willing to give up your hat."
"My fedora, NEVER!" throws random shoe and takes off
"HEY! System we need backup, got a scruffy lookin rogue, he wears a vest and a fedora, piloting a small carrier ship, possibly a smuggler.
The ship starts to gain speed as the biker tries to follow.
The ship is going so fast that the pilot doesn't have enough time to swerve around the black hole, and his ship gets pulled into it.
I urge everyone to guess who the pilot was. Hehe, favorite character…
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is recognizable!
Han was traveling at light speed and nearly crashed into a planet. He got out of his ship and started to explore. He saw a man in a vest and an old man running away from people in blue uniforms.
"Zuruckgekommen und ich gebe Ihnen einen schmerzlosen Tod!" (1)
Han ran into him and they fell in a heap on the ground.
"Ackh, dort sind zwei von Ihnen?"(2) "Have you been using our cloning machine that is NOT hidden in the secret base-like area we use to plot against you."
"No, of course not."
"Besides cloning machines don't work like that, the clone would be much younger, than me." (That was Han by the way)
"I didn't ask you dummer sonderling"(3)
Sallah began randomly talking to Indy about something or other.
Just then a vortex appeared in the sky and Gimli and Legolas crash down into a heap, well at least Gimli does. Legolas somehow managed to avoid it though. Just when everyone thought it couldn't get any weirder Will Turner showed up.
"Has anybody seen Elizabeth?" He said in a British accent. He wandered about until the Nazi started shouting curses in German.
"Junior."
"It's Indiana, and what?"
"That man looks almost exactly like you, especially with that hat on."
"Hey! That's my fedora! Where did you find it?"
"On another planet."
"What, no, that's impossible…I haven't even been up in space yet!"
Gimli and Sallah were staring each other down, when Gollum pops up and hisses at them then crawls back into an underground cave, where they all follow him down (except for the Nazis) into the darkness.
Sallah lights a torch and lets it drop. It falls a great distance then lights up what appears to be a shrine.
They all climb down a random rope that falls from the sky and hangs in midair. Indy goes up to the shrine and realizes it's a shrine to yet another of his look alikes, and a great deal of other people. (Harrison Ford is his look alike if you didn't get it already) There is a picture, and at the bottom of the frame was ROGUES; the bottom of another says WRAITHS.
Zombies surround them and as they close in the floor beneath them crumbles and they fall into a labyrinth. An old man sees them and they ask him where they are.
"You are in a labyrinth."
"Could you be a little more specific?"
"I have been here for an eternity."
"Then why are you still alive?"
"This labyrinth prevents you from dying of age or starvation, the only way to die is to get killed."
"And that's good why exactly?"
"You'll need to avoid the many dangers of this labyrinth to get out alive." There is a manic laughter and the man gets eaten by a wall shadow. (Green, hideous thing with fangs and long claws that comes and travels through the maze walls).
They all make their way carefully through the maze. Will Turner is the first to go; he gets a surprise as the floor starts to rumble and breaks up under him. He falls into a pit that turns out to be a giant worm with teeth.
The walls begin to move and vines crept out and coil around Sallah's legs and drag him off to somewhere unknown.
Indiana is too busy to notice that two people just got eaten by things.
They manage to find the exit and gratefully enter a cold, snowy region; Indy and his father recognize it as the Alps.
Everyone is suddenly wearing ski's, Gimli keeps falling down and slides down the mountain on his ski's like a sled.
The German Nazis come back. They come down the mountain on snowboards and start chasing the others, especially the Jones'.
(Then the author pops up and says "This story isn't making any sense so I'm going to make it make sense." The characters all acquire parachutes. "There, wait, that still doesn't make any sense." The author's friend Solobychoice pops up and says "I'll show you how to make your story make sense. This is how you make it make sense." Steals Indy's hat, turns off the lights, and runs. "I don't think that helped much," Indy states as his favorite hat is stolen. Author gives him a new hat. Okay then, back to the original idea of making stuff up as we go along.)
Solobychoice also helped to inspire some of these events, so
May The Force Be With You Always.
(1)Come back here and I'll give you a painless death.
(2)Ackh, there are two of you?
(3)Stupid queer.
