DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe. This is my Mito, though.


Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Mito speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking


The Genins of Team 9 watched in something between horror and wonder as their sensei, the village's taijutsu expert and greatest master (and jolly green giant of sorts,) was matched by a grinning and much-too-strong female Jonin. More and more shinobis were drawn to watch the fight as it went on and on.

Neither of the Jonins seemed to have a limit!

Another team of Genins happened upon the scene of increasing destruction that their sensei was apparently mostly responsible for. Kiba let out a long whine. Shino mentioned that they really needed to back up; while with her dojutsu, it was assumed that only Hinata could hope to track the two Jonins' movements when Mito wasn't hurling &/or uprooting heavy things, often with one hand.

"Oh!" –That had been an awful hit! "Do you th-think sensei will b-be al-alright?"

"I think Mito-sensei's even scarier than we thought," Kiba said sagely.

Minutes later, Shino spoke up again, a smile pulling at his largely hidden face. "She is winning."

"Asa Kujaku!" Gai shouted two seconds later, upsetting everything. Mito yelped and began (running/teleporting away plus) hurling bigger boulders to keep herself alive through the onslaught. Only when the awful thing he did was ending did she throw a wind-enhanced kunai toward him, allowing her to hone in, and then wrap Gai up in her chains.

Mito was panting. "GAI, YOU ASS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OPENING THE GATES LIKE THAT? I was just about to kick your tail, you jerk! But no: you had to try to kill me!"

Dammit. They'd agreed before their spar to only use taijutsu but that thing he did had thrown her off her game and made her freak out. He'd totally surprised her!

"Ha! Ha! Ha," Gai laughed, snug in a cocoon of suffocating but youthful Uzumaki chakra chains. It had been a long time since he'd enjoyed being thrown around by a certain (VERY irritated) redhead he recalled using such a technique. "I may have stated that I was opening the sixth gate with my Morning Peacock maneuver but in truth, I only opened the third gate! What you just experienced was the Reverse Lotus!"

"Subterfuge! Oh, Gai-sensei," came an impassioned, cracked cry from the treeline.

Mito let Gai go but flicked him through a tree before stalking back over to the now (even more) addled man. "That's not what I'm talking about! You shouldn't open the gates any more than you have to - if ever!" Gai, naturally, had quickly righted himself from her finger attack but only stood, looking silent and thoughtful, as he rubbed his chin and stomach. "Hey. Are you okay? Let me check you out. Sit." She wasn't used to flicking people who had hitai-ates in places they didn't belong and hoped that she hadn't hurt him.

Gai THOUGHT he might have suddenly remembered sparring with this kunoichi when she was a masked and overly-strong child, oddly enough. "Fox?" he asked in puzzlement.

How could he have forgotten?

Mito gasped and nodded excitedly before pushing him down to the ground, talking his head off as she ran a scan on him. Aside from the finger-flick damage and all the terrible bruising and stuff he seemed fine. "Damn, Gai-san! I thought opening the gates would really hurt you but you seem relatively fine! You gotta teach me that!"

"Of course," he shouted as he helped the kunoichi back to her feet. "I have achieved and maintain the peak of human physical perfection which allows me to open all gates..."

"Don't you dare open 'all gates,' goddammit."

"If a true need arises, I will, oh lovely Bird of Paradise," he said in an especially deep voice, lowering his bushy eyebrows as he gave her a serious look - and then perked right back up. "For you see, I am in the Springtime of Youth!"

Mito pulled a face. "Cocky, aren't we? Still. That was a good spar. …Drew a lot of people, though," she added sourly.

"Oi, team; what are you three doing here? You're supposed to be off enjoying yourselves or something!" Hinata squeaked but her male teammates came forward - as did Gai's team. Hinata stayed behind.

"You still coming over for dinner, sensei?" Kiba asked. His sensei nodded. He shifted his weight to his other leg as he looked the weird green Jonin up and down as he went on about flowers and energy or something. Akamaru sniffed him, his tail wagging wildly: he seemed to like him. "Mito-sensei was about to kick your ass before you made that last move."

"Kibaaaa," Mito groaned.

"It was pretty cool," the fang-tattooed boy added and gave the matching green boy on the other team a nod. He remembered Lee from the Academy a year or so ago although he looked different then aside from the eyebrows. –He also remembered the buns-girl AND Neji-kun (too well.)

Kiba narrowed his eyes at the last jerk and pulled his sensei aside once she had finished introducing everyone and chatting up "Gai-sensei" and his team. He smirked at Akamaru approvingly: his ninken partner had been growling a bit at Neji.

"Sensei. I don't care how much work I have to do but I want to kick that guy's ass."

Mito looked back and forth from her team to the retreating forms of the slightly older kids. "Which one?" She had a feeling, though: only one of those kids was "quiet." And seemed unfriendly or at least standoffish - although polite enough, I guess. "Wait. You don't mean GAI-guy, do you? -Oh, Kiba, with HIM you are at least thirty years too early... Or I'm sorry, but I'm not allowing you to reincarnate into a green nightma-"

"Nah." Kiba continued to glare at the long-haired boy's back. "I mean Hyuuga Neji." Hinata eeped and seemed to sink into herself even more while Shino slightly bobbed his head and rocked on the balls of his feet. "He's mean to Hinata-chan. They're first cousins! Family shouldn't be that way! I want to kick his ass for the way he treats her!"

"Kiba-kun," Hinata whimpered.

Mito frowned and wondered if it was a branch versus main family thing. Her mother had told her that her teammate Hizashi had been sealed by that disgusting forehead travesty while his TWIN BROTHER was left without the seal. What a bunch of bullshit. "Revenge doesn't suit you, Kiba. I mean, revenge is much more a ME thing than a 'you' thing, from what I've discerned, anyway. And shouldn't Hinata-chan be the one to kick Neji-kun's ass if he's mean to her?"

Hinata began desperately shaking her head. "Sensei!"

"Shows what you know, sensei," Kiba grinned. "I like revenge as much as the next guy!" Shino quietly groaned and pushed up his glasses but Kiba was sure that he agreed with him. Neji was an ass.

"Pranks are good for low-level revenge," Mito knew. She tapped her lips with her index finger as she thought more about that. "We haven't done much trapping yet so let's start when we meet for training again. Definitely! Monday will be the beginning of recon on our targets. Be sure to bring obnoxious things with you on Tuesday, alright?" One of Shino's eyebrows raised at that - although his bugs sounded excited.

"'Obnoxious things?'" he asked dryly.

"Yep," Mito said as she healed her horribly bruised arms. Gai hit like a jackhammer! It was a wonder she didn't have broken bones. "You know: bring feathers, glue, glitter, stuff that stinks or is gooey and gross. –That kind of thing. We can talk about it tonight at Kiba's house if his mother's okay with it."

"Oh, she will be," Kiba said excitedly. "YOSH!"

Mito wondered about that. She was eager to meet Inuzuka Tsume but kept missing her or running into other Inuzukas instead. Hell, the invitation to dinner was originally from Kiba but then formally came in writing from one of their clansmen.

Tonight will tell if she blames me for Lord Third and my mother's passing, I guess.


.


While her mother was busy in the kennels, Inuzuka Hana greeted her little brother's team.

Now she was standing outside, staring at a black parrot that apparently followed Kiba's Jonin-sensei around.

"'Ruto-chan is very smart." Mito grimaced at the parrot as the kids sat on the porch, chatting and waiting nearby. "I just don't understand it! He usually likes to ride on my head, screw with Sarutobi Asuma, and used to LOVE his cage. –It is a cage, though, so I understand why he'd be much happier when totally free. But it seems like he's trying to tell me something! I WISH YOU'D USE YOUR DAMN WORDS, 'RUTO-CHAN," she then yelled at the parrot, shaking her fist.

"Oh sorry!" Mito grinned at the teenager and raised her shoulders sheepishly.

Another weird Jonin, Hana thought. Why are there so many of them? "No problem. Maybe he's nesting?"

"Go to hell," the bird clearly squawked happily.
Hana snorted.

Mito looked into the nearby trees, becoming more and more hopeful as she considered that. "You don't think that he might need special trees for that?" Hana hummed as she seemed to consider it more. Mito had long hoped that breeding was what 'Ruto-chan had been up to but hearing that it was, in fact, possible from a veterinarian was great.

So sweet: 'Ruto-chan might have a little birdy family!

"He's definitely not from around here," Hana commented - more to herself than to Mito.

Shouldn't he be guarding his territory if he has a nest somewhere, though? Mito wondered. "You know, I've asked him to take me to his nest but he ends up sending me on wild goose chases. …More like wild parrot chases, I guess. I'm also afraid someone might grab him."

Hana nodded and sighed. "He is valuable, I'm sure. I've read about black parrots but have only seen the more common varieties kept as pets."

Mito nodded; it wasn't like she would tell anyone about 'Ruto-chan coming from Danzo's family. "That's too bad."

"And you're sure he's not a summons?" the younger kunoichi asked as the bird flew in a circle over them. "Don't you summon the Jungle Cats? –That's what Kiba said."

"HANA," Kiba yelled, "Mito-sensei doesn't like people talkin' about her!"

"WELL, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING, KIBA," Hana yelled back in a scary voice.

Mito silently snickered but gave Kiba the briefest feral grin that promised at least a little bit of pain. She turned and wiggled one red eyebrow at him so he really hoped that she was joking.

Kiba couldn't help but smile genuinely, though, when his sensei bowed to his mother's ninken companion when Kuromaru bounded up to her first - before getting up to join them.

"Hello, ninken-sama! I am Namikaze Mito, Kiba-kun's sensei. Please take care of me."

"Name's Kuromaru," the huge ninken replied, surprising her.

"Well, aren't you polite?" Tsume smirked as she hopped over a downed branch. "I'd thought your mother would've taught ya better than to use manners with an Inuzuka, though."

"Ma-aa-aa!"

"Inuzuka-dono," Mito bowed - despite the warning. "I haven't seen you at the council meetings." You lucky dog, Mito thought. Council meetings were boring as hell. "It's so nice to finally meet you! My mother used to talk about your friendship." Mito was surprised to be wrapped up in a warm hug.

"The council SUCKS," Tsume grinned, taking in her friends' older pup's features as she grasped her shoulders. Mito looked more like Minato than Naruto did (aside from the boy's coloring which was ALL Minato) but she still saw her dearly-missed friend in those exotic features of hers. "Look at you. You're a beautiful little thing."

"She's taller than you, Ma."

"Alright, Kiba." Tsume pulled the furiously blushing younger Jonin into her house and yelled at the pups to follow them. Once they were in the house, she had them gather around a large kitchen table which was at the heart of it.

The Inuzuka main house was warm and cozy, though quite large, and the food smelled wonderful. It wasn't fancy at all and there were lots of ninken claw marks marring some worn surfaces but that only made the place even better. For a few seconds, Mito imagined that had life turned out a little differently - had the Uzumakis not been forced to take on the "burden" that they had - her family would have enjoyed each other's company in a lovely setting like this.

"I can't believe it," Tsume scoffed after giving everyone their kitchen orders. Before she could continue, she moved the younger Jonin away from her assigned task.

Tsume took one look at the way Mito tried to stir/stab(?!) the rice and set her to dish duty instead - although it ended up that Mito wasn't bad with attending to the grill outside.

"You were the little girl that took care of my team all those years ago, weren't ya? You were wearing a mask!" Tsume barked when she saw the look of dawning realization and surprise on the younger Jonin's face. She tapped her nose. "Grown or not, this nose won't forget a scent! For YEARS I tried to find out who you were and didn't know. I can't believe Minato feigned ignorance when I asked him for information on the little girl who looked after us," she growled. "I'm gonna get him for that."

Gathered around another table and grill out back, Mito softly smiled at her team, Kiba, and Hana, as Tsume regaled them with a tale of a mission gone wrong and a WAY over-the-top account of a 7-year-old Mito sweeping in to save them before they went back inside.

In truth, Mito had been with Shizune while Tsunade was off doing God-only-knows-what (or more likely back then, her mentor had probably been nearby but avoiding the blood Tsume's team had spilled) when the girls found them. Working together, they'd been able to heal everyone well enough for the squad to get back to Konoha safely. What Tsume's team needed had been pretty simple: she and Shizune hadn't had to do anything terribly complicated. Between Shizune's thorough knowledge of iryo ninjutsu even then and Mito's large reserves, it had been fairly easy.

Mito was warmed by that and the stories that followed it. Hana was a vet and Tokubetsu Jonin and was very easygoing, sharing lesser-known information about the various Inuzuka ninken breeds and her family's bond with them. Shino and Hinata were included in the comfortable conversations and seemed to enjoy the evening, too. "I'm so glad I got Kiba-kun on my team! I wouldn't want to miss this for the world."

"Me neither, kid. Your ma meant a lot to me. She even gave me advice when I was pregnant with Hana-chan: that bit- lovely woman."

Tsume was glad that Kushina and Minato's girl seemed to take the fact that she'd nearly (very fondly) called her deceased mother a bitch in stride: laughing about it with twinkling eyes. Not everyone would. "Kushina never even told me she'd been pregnant! I musta been an idiot not to realize why she would know so much about it."

How a teenage Kushina pulled off having a baby in wartime was something Tsume couldn't imagine. Minato said that Kushi simply didn't show with either of her pregnancies for the longest time but Kushi was the damn jinchuuriki! –Not that she'd known that until much later. Kushina had been out on the front lines, causing absolute chaos and tossing enemies around like they were dirty, very-disposable laundry. Which they were!

So Tsume told the kids about that, too. (Not the jinchuuriki part: that was still a huge secret.)

Wonderful stories about her mother's antics (and strength) led Mito to eventually tell their hostess about her nighttime trapping/pranking plans.

Tsume rubbed her hands together with a vicious grin that was full of teeth and mischief. "I got some ideas for what you can do! HA! SHINO! I know you, especially, are thinking this ain't a good use of your time but you listen to your sensei! And lighten up! Have some fun while ya can! Now, who wants cake?"

Mito's grin and hand popped up first. "I do!"


.


Team 8's Jonin-sensei frowned as she considered the pranking materials her Genins had brought to the training ground. Hinata brought a huge container of dried flowers and a couple of dozen small disposable cameras. Kiba brought oranges, ammonia, and a 20-liter container of dog feces - which was way over the top.

Shino, however, was holding the scroll containing his secret pranking materials hostage, saying that Mito had to promise not to use it on any Aburame. Fortunately, Mito had syrup, white glue, ropes, and paint: the norm. (Along with constantly carrying an island+ worth of virtually everything imaginable on her person.)

"No poop - sorry, Kiba. And FINE, Shino: I agree that we will not target your family."

"Any of them," Shino insisted while pushing down his glasses so Mito-sensei could see how serious he was. Kiba was clearly becoming outraged.

"FINE! -Guh: you're no fun."

The blonde and redheaded Jonin put down a large, blank scroll and began showing the kiddies how to write a very interesting explosive note with a simple ink and brush. Once they were all satisfied and she finished her first seal, Mito used a copying jutsu to make several identical ones on more blank papers. She had the kids try to replicate what she had written out - at least part of it - on what ended up being the first day of their fuuinjutsu training. Then things got interesting.

It was time to put certain sounds and smells into the other seals! Bwahaha!

It was time to mass-produce linking seals that would cover entire training fields! Double Bwahaha!

Nearly finished hours later, Mito figured giving the kids one non-lethal blank seal, each, to fill as they wished would be fine.

"We still have to get Team 11," Kiba said crossly as he thought about who to get with his empty seal. He liked fuuinjutsu more now, after watching his sensei do her tricks: it was handier than he thought and didn't seem THAT hard. Mito-sensei said his writing was "crap," though, but (unlike his Ma and an extremely angry Iruka-sensei that one day,) she promised that she believed he could get the hang of it if he worked hard on calligraphy: something he had ZERO interest in. He decided to think about doing that later - or maybe just try to con Mito-sensei into doing his seals for him.

Kiba was naive.

Shino sniffed as he considered Torune's team and listened to his sensei's explanations. He didn't want the cousin he considered in all ways to be his elder brother left out of what was going on in the rest of the training fields. Torune, Sai, and Sora might get the wrong idea: thinking they were being excluded from the "fun."

"Hell" might be a better descriptor.

Also, leaving his brother's team out could lead to questions and finger-pointing to those truly responsible for Mito-sensei's latest strange training tactic. "Organic material and simple syrup: not glue. I feel I can live with that." More importantly, our allies should survive that.

"Ehh? Shino," Mito perked up, wanting to pinch his hidden cheeks when she realized he was giving up shielding his family. "Look at you, pranking your big brother!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Got it," Mito chirped: "'plausible deniability.' Let's always keep that in mind, kitties: that's always important."

"Bark Bark!"

"You're right, Akamaru," Kiba pouted. "Please stop calling us that, sensei."

"Hai, hai! So here's the plan: we'll meet at 2100 at Training Ground 43."

"Not there again!"

"Oh yes," Mito replied darkly, chuckling like a quiet psychopath, "or I suppose we could meet next door to it: in Training Ground 44?"

"NO!"

"43 is f- fi- acceptable, sensei!"

"Very good! We will move from Training Ground 43 at 2100 hours and work our way back to Training Ground 1. This is an all-night assignment, Team 8! Can you handle it?!" Mito unintentionally pouted seconds later when she received no responses. Three pre-teens simply stared at her, looking worried. "Let's try this again: You WILL handle it! 30 more seals and… How about 30 laps around the training fields when we're done?"

The children whimpered and began trying to bargain a better deal with their sensei.


.


Team 8 was stone-faced when they reported for their mission "The Day After." By then, most lower-level shinobis (and the Jonin-senseis) had been pranked terribly. Minato frowned at his daughter, who had orange paint covering much of her Genins - and her vest.

He'd thought it was her team (more accurately, just Mito) who may have pulled this rather well-done stunt but it looked like she was simply another victim. Or that's what she wants us to think.

He hummed and stared at them - trying to make them sweat - but none of the kids looked guilty: they only looked tired.

Considering the orange and the fact that a wide-scale prank was pulled at all, maybe it was Naruto. Although I don't think he'd have the nerve to explode dog poo on his sensei after bombing his training ground in flour and fish flakes.

Kakashi-kun had been angry.

Naruto had been Kiba's target: he'd only put "a little shit" in that empty seal.
Oops!

"Team 8 reporting for a D-rank, Hokage-sama." It took a lot for Mito to keep a straight, fakely-aggravated expression considering the feathers, glitter, paint, splatted-on flower petals, and popcorn - and either the stank (or interesting perfumes) coming from many of her fellow shinobis. Poor Kiba and Akamaru had to leave the Tower when yet another team came in and Mito had to hold her nose. All the scents mixing together were overwhelming and left her eyes watering.

Was the orange paint she splattered them with enough to throw everyone off their tails, though? So far, so good! And no one seemed to bat an eye over where all those marbles came from downstairs.

- Mito figured the marbles were Shino's doing.

What she didn't know was that Hinata used her empty seal to present a covered bowl of ramen to someone special.

"Very well," Minato said as he pretended to flip through his files. "I've just the thing. A VIP has gone missing but is thought to be in the village." The Hyuuga heiress sucked in a little breath. Shino-kun's bugs buzzed with interest.

"Is this a C-rank or higher, sensei?" Kiba asked in a whisper from outside the window. Mito-sensei looked over at him and shrugged her shoulders. She opened the file and cursed.

"Damn you, old man!"

"Sensei," Hinata hissed in horror. Whether he was her father or not, Namikaze-sama was Hokage!

Minato gave his daughter a stern look. "Something you'd like to say, Jonin?"

Mito continued scowling at the file. "So much. So, SO much I want to say to you right now! All of it rude and damning, too, I can tell you right now."

Minato hid his grin behind an insincere glare. He always made his way to the missions room when one of these specific assignments was involved. "Dismissed."

Once out of the assignment division, the Genins cornered her. "What is it? Who's the VIP?"

Mito turned the file around in a flourish, displaying a large picture of a cat with a bow on its ear. "Its name is Tora. You think my cat partners are bad? Tora - THIS Tora - is the devil!"

No offense, Tora, (sort of.) Gotta tell my Genins what I gotta tell my Genins.

45 minutes later, Mito was curled up in a tree, snoozing with her old "friend" from the capital, Tora, on her lap. She'd been up all night with her Genins and deserved to nap.

One of Mito's clones had henged as the fuzzy little nightmare to lead Team 8 on a wild ninneko chase while another followed the kids around - taking her place - and hoping to help them perfect new formations as they hunted their prey. They needed to continue practicing tracking and since little Tora was available and willing, why not?

Three hours after that, both her clones had popped and a furious squad of Genins finally cornered her. She jumped when Shino's insects attacked - even going into her mouth! Why did I tell him this was a good idea?! Mito ran for her life - and Tora was OUT OF THERE.

"Bleh! Yuck! Yyyyuck!"

10 minutes later -

"Aw, man! See, this is a lesson in why you need to keep your cool, kitties. And never attack your poor sensei! —Look what happened! Now we really have to find that cat." Mito winced when she realized all three of her Genins were holding weapons and leaking KI. It looked like she might have a revolt on her hands.

"We've put our lives on the line and been up all night, sensei," Hinata gritted out without stuttering.

In a strange reversal of roles, Mito squeaked out an "EEP" and took off running.


.


One morning after Naruto left for training, (reportedly to go wait a few hours for his sensei to show up, as was supposedly the Team 7 norm… Mito would've threatened the Jonin making her brother crazier had the man not done his best to embarrass and tease her every single time they interacted,) Mito asked her father why he'd arranged the teams the way he had.

Minato sighed and stared into his coffee. "You like your team, don't you?"

"I do! And I'm glad to have them but I'm curious," Mito explained. Her father grinned at her but it seemed tight - like something bothered him about it. Much about their team assignments seemed weird or off to her, too. "And won't you pleeeeease let Anko take Tenten-chan as an apprentice?"

Mito had been ordering bulk lots of kunais, senbons, and other small weapons from the girl's family since meeting her. And a steel battering ram, just because. That weapons shop was cool.

"If I do sign off on something like that, I'd rather it wait until after the Chunin Exams."

"But Tenten's been a Genin for a whole year; how does that make sense?" Her father only shrugged his shoulders and stared at her as he sipped his coffee.

Chunin Exams were supposedly a big secret.

"By the way, when and where are the Chunin Exams being held this year, anyway?" Mito asked with increasingly sparkly eyes framed by long, batting eyelashes. Her father snorted and gestured that he was zipping his lips, ticking her off and ruining her mood.

"ANYWAY on the topic of teams, I had originally planned for someone else to teach Sasuke-kun," Minato admitted as he began going through the kids in his mind. "That didn't work out" - dammit Shisui - "and Naruto was always going to be under Kakashi. I'm sorry, Mito, but I don't like to put family members together - even my own - if I can help it. The council would've never shut up or possibly even allowed the two 'fox holders' to be on the same squad, so that factored into my decision, as well. I needed to get Kakashi completely out of ANBU and since he has the Sharingan…"

"Which can supposedly control the fox if Naruto loses control or whatever," Mito finished for him with an air of disgust. "Plus, Sasuke-kun needed someone to train his 'accursed eyes' who doesn't have his chakra sealed away."

–She may have channeled Kurama's thoughts with that little statement.

Mito kept her assessment short. "I don't know if Kakashi can actually lord over the fox with only one Sharingan - not that I'm volunteering to let him experiment with me or Naru-kun. I'll punch him in the face if he tries it," she commented as if that was a normal thing to say.

"Please refrain from punching Kakashi-kun unless you're sparring or he really deserves it, Mito-chan." Mito made a sound and back-and-forth hand sweep that indicated she planned to ignore that order. He tried not to laugh. Kakashi certainly deserved to have his ass handed to him every now and again so he could live with it. Mito sometimes needed that, too. "Kakashi's excellent with genjutsu and fairly decent with seals so I'm sure he'll manage." Minato scratched his head. "Sakura-san… I HAD wanted to put her with Kurenai-san."

"I hear Haruno-san is interested in medical ninjutsu. Not that I wanted her on my team. At all."

Minato bit back a grin. Mito didn't care for Sakura because she felt the pinkette was mean to her brother - who, for some reason, had been crushing on Sakura for years. "She's a genjutsu type. I have to trust that Kakashi will train her well."

Mito felt uncomfortable with that whole thing. For whatever reason, her father (and Jiraiya and even her grandfather figure, Lord Third, when she further considered it) thought that the "Team 7 rivalry dynamic" - the often three-way romantic affection splitting, Mito thought - made for a good team. Hadn't that proven not to work by now?

Two generations of Team 7s had produced rogue shinobis.

Dammit, Orochi-oji!
And fuck you, Obito!

"As you know, Sarutobis are traditionally in charge of the Ino-Shika-Cho and this year's group is particularly well-suited for Asuma-kun. Kurenai-san… Well, she's a new Jonin. I had reports of what a great job you did with the young monks at the Capital, so I put the younger kids with you. And, if I'm being honest, you've mentioned that your nose is quite good. –Tracking, you see."

Minato sighed deeply before he admitted the crux of it, though. "Plus, Torune-kun found your chakra to negatively impact his insects."

"That's… interesting," Mito said, feeling bad about the last thing. No wonder the other Aburame kid had shied away from her so much during their Friday group trainings. Torune and Shino seemed so close: that was a real shame. "Has anyone else said anything like that?"

"No. It was something that Shibi had been concerned for his boys over when I announced who this year's new Jonin-senseis would be. Torune and Sai-kun are also a year older than the other kids. They were both rescued from ROOT when Danzo was removed so they've previously received much harsher and more advanced training. Sora-kun is also close to their age and will be good for them from everything I've seen. He was obviously well-trained when he came to us."

"Are you planning to roll Kurenai's team into ANBU?" Mito asked. She wasn't sure whether or not that would be a good fit for Sora-kun.

And Sora-kun was into seals and iryo-ninjutsu. Seriously! What the hell? He would've done great under her care.

Sai supposedly knew some sealing, too, and had been training at the hospital.

Not that I don't want my kids!

"We'll have to see," Minato sighed. "There's muscle or potential muscle along with someone training in iryo-ninjutsu on each team - but I have to go. Sorry, Mito. –You're doing a great job with your kids, by the way."

"Oh! Thank you. –And you're fine. Don't work too hard!"

Mito winced as he flashed away. Her father looked miserable at being reminded of whatever was going on in his office.


.


Time moved quickly and Mito (and her clones) kept busy at the hospital, attended boring council meetings and tea parties - plus listened to Koharu and Homura's private conversations that her seals recorded afterward - and of course, trained and ran missions with her Genins. Occasionally, she gave fuuinjutsu lectures which her kawaii Genins began attending.

When home, she tried to spend time downstairs with her family more often - and also tried to pick up cooking tips from her great aunt Momo. Mito was really terrible at everything involving cooking indoors but her outdoor cooking was getting better and better thanks to Momo's great tips. Stoves and appliances were just… weird: THAT'S what the problem was, she told herself.

Somehow Mito had gotten roped into playing shogi weekly with Nara Ensui who was increasingly snarky and laid-back when not being terrifying, bossing the ANBU around. She also went over to Hideki's every now and then. His wife was part-Uchiha under yellow watch but she had no love for the Uchiha clan, according to Hideki.

Mikoto-oba, on the other hand, was staying away from most of society, but every now and then, Mito would give something to the extremely emo Sasuke (who wouldn't give up any information on his mother other than that she was "fine") to pass on to her.

And Yugao: what a weird new friend she was. Yugao kept trying to set her up with one guy after another. But seriously, Mito did not have time for such things. And all the guys that Yugao sent her way were way too weird or even a little gross! It was almost like Yugao was trying to get Mito to swear off men from the get-go. (When she voiced that opinion, Yugao said she was "adorable" and that she'd just have to keep trying.)

THAT Mito believed: Yugao would keep trying.

Oddly enough, she felt like Yugao was either having way too much fun with this or was possibly flat-out lying when she thought one guy or another would be perfect for her. Mito didn't feel like the slightly younger woman was doing it out of meanness in any way - and usually, she could detect bad intent.

Kurama says he can, too.

No, it was more like Yugao had an end-game that Mito was kind of dreading yet also kind of excited about?

Oh well, Mito knew that she could take care of herself. And she didn't really need a man.

.

Naturally, she also hung out with Anko and she still desperately wanted to get that seal off of her. Mito knew that nothing good ever came from such a design and had a strong hunch that, somehow, things around that seal would only get worse. So far, she was right.

"I… still want to get that seal off you, Anko-chan. I've been searching and searching for an answer but everything I've learned leads to the same thing: I can seal it down more but it could hurt you if we attempt to take it off. –It's not completely stable and..."

"It's fine! You need to stop worrying about it. It doesn't even bother me, Mi-chan."

Mito knew that wasn't true - even if, for now - it mainly bothered how Anko saw herself in the mirror if nowhere else.

"I'll get that damn thing off you, Anko. Soooo– if you're using it as a way to pick up women, you best tell me now cuz one of these days I may just stick my chains in your neck and rip that shit out!" Mito socked her fist into her other hand. "YOSH! Right when you least expect it!"

"Ehhhh?!" Anko grabbed the juncture where the damn thing was, feeling skittish now. "Damn, Mito: you ARE scary! Keep your BDSM chains away from me! I don't know where those things have been!"

"Hey!"

It was terrible, though. Mito now knew that Orochimaru had literally cursed her best friend with a control seal and he MUST have meant for her to have it for life. No matter how much she'd cared for the man once upon a time, Mito didn't think she could ever forgive him, the more she researched that fucked up seal.

She spent increasing time with some of the other Jonin-senseis of young teams, too, as her clones beat on/ran her kids ragged and then healed them at the end of each training session.

Beginning at the end of November, she and Kurenai began swapping Genins one morning a week. Kurenai helped Mito's kids with genjutsus and Mito worked on ninjutsu with Team 11. As long as Torune-kun kept a good bit of distance between the two of them (and kept his insects at bay) he and Mito were able to work together just fine.

Asuma was Asuma, Kurenai was wonderful (and kept Asuma in line, something Mito found hilarious AND necessary,) Gai was a trip, and Kakashi was a quiet loner but seemed rather kind under his often silly exterior. More importantly, Mito found that although they drove each other crazy, Kakashi cared deeply for Naruto. That was the most important thing. And Naruto looked up to Kakashi.

Sadly, Naruto was hardly ever home anymore when Mito was there.
So, Mito's clones spied on him.
–She knew she was weird, dammit! She only wanted to ensure her little brother was really okay!

Kakashi and Asuma ended up getting along far better than Asuma thought possible, once Asuma was more convinced of what a facade the silver-haired nin put up. Not to mention, they seemed to live to tick off their Genins or give Gai crap together - something Gai, in return, loved for God only knows what reason.

There were also a number of other Jonin-senseis that Mito met but didn't see much as they didn't train together - or seemed to EVER want to.

Regarding her team, Shino and Kiba were earth-natured and working on some D-ranked ninjutsus in addition to everything else Mito was doing with them

- Track track track
-
Faster, faster, faster!
-
Blow shit up
- Build muscle, build endurance, build their reserves
- Keep them occupied - Keep me occupied
- Keep them alive so these kids can make the best, well-thought-out choices to ensure their futures are bright
- Force everything I know and more down their little throats so that they're never slit - and so they can heal each other if times do ever get tough

Shino had a secondary fire affinity but Mito decided that she needed to learn more about how his kikaichu could be potentially impacted by fire jutsus before teaching him any. He had also been using the Academy taijutsu which didn't fit his frame at all. That had to be corrected.

Hinata had a strong water affinity which was right up Mito's alley. If only she were more confident.

With her dojutsu and large reserves (for a Genin,) Hyuuga Hinata could eventually be a real force if she could push through her issues. If the girl didn't think anyone was around, Hinata could often be found ripping through training dummies with her "non-gentle fist," as Mito called it, and occasionally adding ninjutsu to it. Her traditionalist father wasn't happy about her using non-clan techniques, but Mito finally told him to stuff it when he literally pulled Mito aside after a council meeting. She told the clan head that she'd teach her student whatever the hell she wanted to so that she could keep his daughter alive and well, thank you very much.

"I protect what's mine. If you don't like it? You can go fuck yourself, Hiashi. Take it up with Hokage-sama. And keep your hands to yourself if you'd like to keep them."

Hiashi DID shut up and back the fuck off after that, and although Hinata never said anything (or probably even knew about their little "talk,") she began coming to morning training sessions with far more energy and far less suspicious bruising or injuries.

All in all, life in Konoha was better than Mito once thought possible. Especially beginning after something silly happened one night in an uncharacteristically warm December….


After a heartfelt and teary talk with her aunt, Kato Shizune stood on top of the hospital, reaching her senses out as an incredibly enormous, yet controlled chakra signature she knew well came venturing closer and closer to her position. She jumped down, (putting a little too much chakra into her feet and blanching when the ground buckled underneath her a bit: she was nervous) and grabbed her sister, running for the hills. Once she felt safe from the shinobis who were undoubtedly trying to figure out what had happened, who to hold responsible, and how to repair the street, she smiled and winked at an astounded (and very, very delighted-looking) Mito. "Let's go dancing, Mi-chan."

"I'm sorry?" Mito asked breathlessly. Since that time she camped out in their office for a while, Shizune had been a lot more "normal" but Mito hadn't expected her to seek her out, outside of work unless she was with Tsunade. "Um… I don't um… Dance."

Mito definitely did not dance. –Much. Okay, she danced but outside of some traditional dances, she probably sucked.

"Sure ya do," Shizune said with a sadistic curl of her lips that made Mito instinctively want to run.

Mito winced, really torn. "But I'm tired!" She really was - but she also wanted to spend time with Shizune and get their relationship back on track. Mito loved Shizune.

Casual dancing, though? In front of people? –No thanks.

"C'moooooon!" Mito shook her head stubbornly so Shizune grabbed her and sunshinned them into the loudest, emptiest, crappiest club in town. She'd been casing the shitty place for a while. "Robot challenge!"

"You can't be serious. Nnn- no! Please, no."

Shizune scoffed. "Nobody knows us here! –No one's... even here! And what are ya, Mito-chan? Chicken?"

Mito wasn't that kid who would do anything and everything in order to prove herself to her older siblings anymore, though. "Yes! I am chicken! BAK BAK BAK!" She waved her elbow wings and bent over to scratch for invisible millet just to prove it. "BAK!"

"Tough!"

Mito choked when Shizune, UNHENGED, began doing the robot dance she taught Mito when she was a little girl as she made her way onto the dance floor. The music was all wrong but the moves were all right!

No, they weren't!
Not to anyone else, they weren't!

Less than an hour (and through a few more hours) later, a larger and larger group of shinobis watched from mostly the shadows, wide-eyed and dumbstruck by the horrible but fairly synchronized moves that the two otherwise (formerly) desirable women were making on the dance floor.

"Asuma-kun," Kurenai purred, "I bet you know that dance." She thought the way her boyfriend dropped his cigarette from his lips as he winced was both extremely funny and telling about how well he did know his "sisters'" quite juvenile but cute dances. "You'd make me sooo happy if you danced with Mito and Shizune."

Asuma narrowed his eyes on his beautiful girlfriend. "No way. Or wait… HOW happy would it make you?" he asked hesitantly.

Kurenai whispered something quite private (and damn dirty) in his ear which led Asuma to sway out on the dance floor to take the lead in the "World's Most Awesome Groove" (or so he named it when he was in the Academy.)

"Oh, my eye," Kakashi wailed when he saw what was happening. "It's so awful!"

Naturally, he whipped out his camera.

"I don't know, senpai," Tenzo commented as he considered whether or not to join them (if I can make sure that senpai won't take pictures of me, I'll do it.) "I think it's… cute?"

"Let's dance," Genma whispered in a strangely dark, compelling voice.

Above them and underneath his monkey mask, Hideki quietly wept over his family and village's latest shame.

.

But after that, things got really interesting...