A/N: Waassssssuuuppp? Yes, the update has been long, sorry. But it's the winter holidays now, so expect at least one more update within the next two weeks! YAAAAAAY! Updates!

Disclaimer: Nup, not mine. If it was, you'd know by now.


Dear Diary,

Bella's getting ready for her case. She's even bought some dress robes and everything. I'm surprised – she usually doesn't take things like this so seriously. Maybe she'll win. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Everyone's avoiding Bellatrix at the moment. She's very scary… not that I'm scared of course. Heh heh. But pretty much all the other Death Eater's are. Needless to say her case didn't go to well. In fact, I don't think it would be right to classify it as a case. She went to the place that makes Bertie Bott's and demanded to see him. It was about then when she found out that Bertie Bott wasn't a real person, and the company had only made a random, cool sounding name up. So now she's thundering around the hide out, randomly blasting smoking holes into the walls.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Bellatrix feels a bit better now. We made her a cake and had a little party. Even Florean Fortescue joined in, although he couldn't eat any cake through his gag. Then the Death Eaters got drunk (although I couldn't, because my ability to get drunk was in the part of my soul that got destroyed in 1981) and we celebrated life by killing some randoms. Hey, I said celebrating LIFE, not THEIR lives. Tee hee.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I had a chat with Greyback today. It's so cool to have werewolves on our side. The best part is, because he's addicted to kids, I can now torture old fogies (like Frank Bryce), middle aged citizens (like Madam Bones) teenagers (like Potter… eventually…) and little kids! Hee hee, it's just like the good old days…

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I'm bored.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Bella and Narcissa are currently having a massive fight about 'whose husband is hotter'. I believe seven fingernails, one tooth, some hair extensions and a high heel have so far been broken in the process. Why does it matter if Rudolphus Lucius is hotter? They're both going to come out of Azkaban looking ugly.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

They're still at it. They've asked my opinion. I've come in here to 'think about it'. I recon Lucius is hotter… But Rudolphus has that awesome beard… Oh, I don't know! They're both hot! No, I am not gay. I don't have the ability to love anyone, remember? But if I did… well, I might be gay.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

It was finally settled that they were both as hot as the other. Well jeez, I could have told them that! Although, without the continuous shrieks of the girls, it was actually quite boring around the hide-out. So I amused myself by using a Disillusionment Charm, walking across the street and burning some leaves in the park. A few girls, who were trapped in the middle of a large circle of burning leaves, were like; "AAAAAAH!"

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I brainstormed for catchy phrases for the eventual Final Battle today. Yeah, that sounds weird, but I need some cliché, awesome catchphrase as Potter dies a slow and painful death. (Unless, of course, the Final Battle turns out like all our other battles and Potter wins. But that can't happen!) I couldn't think of much. I had the idea of; "I told you once before, Harry, that there is no good or evil. There is only power. You should have heeded that warning." But it sounded too cliché. So I came up with; "You're going to see your dear mudblood mother again, Harry." But apparently that was what my memory/horcrux said when Potter almost died in the Chamber of Secrets. And then I thought of the perfect one. "I told you, did I not, that I could show you your parents again? All you needed to do was this one thing for me. After all, in the words of Dumbledore-" Cue evil laugh "-to the well organised mind, death is but the next greatest adventure. Why are you not excited, Harry?" Cue second evil laugh.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

Damnit! I just realised, after skimming through yesterday's diary entry! Dumbledore thinks that death is the next adventure! AWW! That means it won't be as satisfying when the Malfoy kid finally kills him! Dumbledore has to take all the fun out of everything, doesn't he?

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I've been thinking all day, and have decided that even if Dumbledore isn't upset about his own death, Potter will be! Mua ha ha!

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I need some hostage to take of Harry's. Weasley or Granger? I was thinking more of a girlfriend. He's sixteen; he's GOT to like someone! Maybe he's too scared to ask them out. Or, more likely, he's not asking them out in case I hurt them. Which is my exact plan! Stupid Potter and his stupid morals.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

The Halloween party's coming up reeeeaaally soon. I don't know how to decorate the hide-out! Jack-o-lanterns? I need someone gay. I need… RUDOLPHUS! Too bad he's in Azkaban.

From,

Voldy.


Dear Diary,

I got bored today, so I learnt how to knit. Hey, even a Dark Lord has a feminine side! And I am an old dude… seventy! Or something like that. To tell the truth, I lost count.


A/N: A tappa tappa tappa tappa that's the shooooow! Don't ask about the burning leaves thing - it's a private joke and I'm high. Review! Woot!