Part 3 – Hearts and Minds
Raven was pacing her hut nervously when she caught her reflection in the mirror. She stared at the tribal markings on her face, smudged by a days' wear. With a piece of cloth, she rubbed the shades of red and black off her face. She stared at her reflection again, now without the makeup. She was stunned by how odd she looked. When she'd first started painting on the markings, the red lipstick, the dark eyeliner, her face had looked foreign to her – and now without it all, it was the other way around. She reached out and pulled her wild black hair away from her face. She almost looked like she had back then, before the fall of the world. She looked like that fresh faced fourteen year old coming home from school one day to the solemn faces of her parents.
They had bad news. That day they told her about the Virus. They told her that her aunt and uncle had it, their neighbours too and some of their friends. Soon her mom and dad had it. Soon they had died. Soon she had been utterly alone in the world.
She let her hair go and all of a sudden, that little girl disappeared and Raven came back again. She was glad. She was fifteen now, she would be sixteen soon. She wasn't someone's daughter anymore. She wasn't a school girl anymore. She didn't have to worry about tests and dances and curfews. She had other problems she never would have had instead – but it was a new world now, wasn't it?
The biggest problem she had right now was that Archer had just proposed to her. She loved Archer, she did. He made her breathless with his recklessness and passion. His flashing eyes and his hard muscles made her heart race. Ever since she'd joined the tribe, they'd been inseparable. He had taken her fishing and hunting, he had taught her about the flowers and the trees and the animals. He'd truly shown her how to attune herself to the earth, to the natural world. Her bond with him startled her sometimes with its strength. But did she want to marry him?
Her cousin, Amber, had already taken that step and she was only a few years older than her. But Raven wasn't Amber. Her cousin had always been older than her years, always more mature than her peers. Her marrying at such a young age hadn't surprised Raven.
Raven flopped down on her bed, which was skilfully woven from ash branches. As soon as her body had touched the bed, she was up again, pacing the worn wool rug. On impulse, she stormed out of her hut and across the camp. Her feet stomped on fallen twigs and crunched through the leaves. The cover of darkness protected her from any questioning stares being directed her way. She prayed that Archer hadn't told anyone about his proposal to her – she didn't want to be pestered about it.
Raven smiled as she saw the hut she was headed for appear before her through the blanket of night. The glow of firelight flickered in the windows and smoke rose from the chimney. Amber would know what to do. Almost everyone in the tribe went to Eagle for advice. But Raven knew her as Amber. Always as Amber.
Raven jogged up the beech steps of the tree house, her hand touching the vine covered rail as she did. She stopped just short of the door as she heard raised voices from within. She halted with uncertainty. She had never heard Amber and Pride argue before. She bit her lip. She really needed to talk to Amber, but it didn't sound like she should interrupt them. Suddenly, the voices became louder and light seeped outside from the other side of the hut.
Raven peeked round the corner of the building and saw that the shutters were open. She heard Amber's upset voice, and Pride's loud, insistent one. Amber rarely cried, and Pride rarely shouted… just what was going on? Guiltily, Raven let her child-like curiosity get the best of her and she lowered herself to her hands and knees. Crawling along the balcony which surrounded the hut, she came to sit uncomfortably under the window.
She vaguely began to pull leaves and twigs from her clothes, but gave up, realising that she spent most of her life these days covered in undergrowth anyway – she did live in a forest.
She closed her eyes and let her ears guide her, just like Archer had taught her to when they went hunting. With the loss of her vision, her other senses had to become heightened. Her skin tingled as the wind cut into her. She could hear the trees that surrounded her entire world rustling comfortingly, but she focused on listening to the conversation inside the hut.
-O-
The two lovers were surrounded by an uncomfortable silence, punctuated by the crackling of the fire. The hut was dim, with only the flickering firelight and a few candles bringing an uneven glow. Amber sat on the bed, feeling older than she had in a long time. Since the Virus she had taken on the role of adult to all the people around her, but now she just felt like curling up in a ball and being taken care of for once. She'd felt like that a lot since leaving the Mallrats ten months ago. The loss of the security of the Mall, of her friends… of Bray and Dal, it had all felt like too much for her to handle now and then.
And it was that past with the Mallrats that was the subject of her argument with Pride.
Above her stood the towering and powerful form of her husband, his long black dreadlocks tumbling down his back. Pride stared at her with his intense eyes and she fought the urge to wither under his gaze. They had always been equals in everything, but what Pride was talking about, it brought back deep hurts that made all sense of power flow from Amber.
"Why are you telling me this?" Amber asked.
"I thought you should know," Pride said simply, sitting beside her.
"Why Pride? Why would I want to know anything about what's going on in the City, least of all what's going on with the Mallrats?" Amber demanded, staring at him angrily.
She took in Pride's familiar face framed by his dreadlocks - the leaf green colour that surrounded his right eye and rose to his temple, his thin, set lips, his dark and penetrating eyes… Why couldn't she take comfort in the sight of him like she usually did? Now she just wanted for him to go away, to stop telling her what she didn't want to hear. That wasn't Pride's way though, he said what needed to be said.
"Because they were your first tribe, the tribe you founded. I know that means something to you," Pride said in a soothing tone, touching her shoulder.
"Not anymore," Amber replied stonily.
She shook off his hand, got up, and went to the window. She reached out and opened the moss covered shutter, letting cool night air rush in. She crossed her arms and stared out into the darkness, trying to make out the distant treetops - anything to keep her mind off the matter at hand. She heard a shuffling outside, but pushed it from her mind. She knew a lot of her fellow Gaians were night owls, especially the aptly named Owl, a twelve year old mute with the largest eyes most of them had ever seen.
"Amber…"
"Stop calling me that," she snapped.
"It's your name," Pride said softly, coming up behind her. He looked at her, her blonde hair, free from its' knots, her straight back, her long neck. He felt guilty for bringing all this up, but he also felt the need, as her husband, to tell her what he thought was right.
"Eagle! My name is Eagle! Amber is dead! Dead and buried! I never should have told you my real name. Why can't I be allowed to leave my past in the past Pride? Why won't you let me do it?" Amber cried, turning to face him.
"You're Eagle to the tribe… but not to your family - not to me or Raven," Pride said softly, touching her face. "And as for your past… Amber our past shapes who we are. Without our past, we're just ghosts, wandering aimlessly."
"I am a ghost! The Mallrats think they buried me on Eagle Mountain and as far as I'm concerned, they did! I'm dead to them and I'd like to keep it that way, so stop bringing me news of them, news of the City. A clean break is a clean break Pride," Amber said, her brow furrowed pleadingly.
It was long time since Pride had seen Amber so upset, not since she had first arrived at the Eco camp, sick and delirious with fever after her traumatic experience. He spoke haltingly. "I'm sorry. I just— this Bray… he's doing good work in the City. I think maybe it's time for you to reconcile with him - not that I want you to go back to him—"
"I wouldn't," she said a little too quickly.
"I know you wouldn't…" Pride sighed. "I just think that maybe you should contact them. They've achieved a lot since you left them Amber. You know they found the antidote, distributed it… but they're doing more now, so much more. They're building a better life! You could be involved in all of that. I know you worked so hard for peace and cooperation in the past and you never saw it. You can now," he said in an encouraging tone, touching her face.
Amber remained silent.
"Amber—" Pride began.
He was interrupted then by a shrill noise. Amber turned immediately and stepped around Pride. She went to the small crib by their bed and picked up her crying daughter, Robin. She had been born just three weeks ago, arriving prematurely during a thunderstorm of all things. Amber's body was still sore and stiff from the long and arduous birth, and besides that, she was still adjusting to simply having a baby. Her! With her own baby! The thought still made her giddy with disbelief.
More than that… Amber had recently become uncertain about Robin's paternity. Amber had believed that she'd had been born prematurely because never had it entered her mind that the baby wasn't Pride's. But in the last three weeks since the birth, the thought had plagued her that the baby hadn't arrived prematurely – but rather right on time. That would mean that Bray was the father, and not Pride. All Amber had to go on was Robin's appearance, which was still decidedly baby-like, no real features becoming obvious just yet.
Amber hadn't mentioned her fears to anyone, least of all Pride, and the secret along with the secret of her past was a heavy burden to bear. Pride reminding her about the Mallrats now was the last thing she needed.
While making soothing sounds in the back of her throat, Amber rocked the baby against her chest gently, trying to calm her. As she did this, Pride watched silently, his arms hanging by his sides. He felt helpless. He didn't want Amber to always be troubled by what had happened with the Mallrats. Although he was loathe to encourage her to see Bray, he thought it might help her. She seemed so sullen sometimes, going off into depressed stupors. Pride knew that Amber loved him and their Robin, and her life here with the Ecos, but he also felt deep within him that she had unfinished business, and that it would only keep coming back to haunt her if she didn't settle it.
Pride went to Amber and placed his hands on her shoulders. She shifted slightly, squaring her jaw and refusing to look at him. She stared unwaveringly at Robin, who had settled down sleepily.
"Amber," Pride began once again.
Her head snapped up and she set her familiar and powerful glare on him. "No Pride! I don't want to see him! He betrayed me! I don't care what good he's doing, because in the end, he didn't do me any good! I never knew the whole story Pride, no matter how much it seemed that he had opened up to me, he never told me the truth! But finally, someone did," she said bitterly.
"Maybe he did lie to you, but what about the others? You had friends there."
"I miss Dal, yes, but it's too late to go back now. He'd never understand, none of them would!" Amber insisted. "They'd never believe it either. Ebony had done nothing but hurt us. They'd never believe that what she was saying about Bray and Trudy was true… Bray lied to me, to the tribe, to Zoot - his own brother! Ebony may have been vindictive, but she was the only one there to see it all happen."
Amber gazed into Pride's eyes. His face remained unchanged, unaffected as she said all of these names. It was still strange to her that he didn't understand the importance of what she saying. But he didn't know Ebony, Bray, Trudy… any of them. They were just names to him. To her, they conjured up a barrage of memories, feelings and thoughts; all endless in triggering her pain.
Did Pride truly know how it had felt for to find out what Bray had never had the courtesy to tell her? The night that his brother, Zoot, had died at the hands of Lex in the Mall, he had come to see Trudy and his new born daughter, Brady. His daughter? No, Brady wasn't Zoot's daughter, Ebony had informed her amidst the smoke and flames of the Eagle Mountain explosion. Brady was Bray's, as the Mallrats had all thought in the beginning.
Ebony had told her that Bray had convinced them that she was Zoot's and even convinced Zoot of that to try and persuade him to leave the Locos. Bray had thought that fatherhood would change Zoot. Trudy, besotted with Bray and trying her best to please him, had gone along with it apparently.
Ebony had said that she hated Trudy so much because she had slept with the man she loved – Bray – which was why she had told Amber, but mostly for revenge. Ebony had told her that Bray had always planned on admitting that Brady was his, but wanted the City to be at peace first – and guess who he was going to use to get it? Amber, the one person in the tribe with determination strong enough to try and bring calm to the raging metropolis.
Though what Bray wanted to do was admirable, the end didn't justify the means. Ebony had encouraged Amber to leave him before he could hurt her further, and to leave the tribe while she was at it. How could you bear to see him with Trudy after this, Ebony had asked Amber.
And so she had fled the explosion, injured and distraught. All that was important was that Bray had lied about so much to her and there was no forgiveness in her for that dishonesty – none. Now it was even more painful to think of Bray being Brady's real father – because she knew Robin could be his daughter. She not only still had a piece of the man who'd hurt her so much with her – but she was also lying to Pride like Bray had lied to her. She wasn't sure how long she could bear it. She knew it wasn't her fault, she hadn't cheated on Pride after all, but she knew he'd be devastated to learn that there was a possibility that Robin wasn't his.
So she kept her secret, she kept it to protect him. And her other secret that she kept from the Ecos, the secret of her name, her old tribe, she kept that to protect herself. That was how it would stay.
"Pride… I won't say this again, I don't want to have anything to do with Bray or the Mallrats. My life is with you and the Eco," Amber stated clearly. "I never want to talk about this again."
-O-
