I apologize again for taking so long to update. My laptop shut itself down for good two weeks ago. It means I have to use a computer at work, (which erases all of my files from my disks). I had all of my fics and drawing projects saved to the CD that is now stranded in my laptop.(Maybe I should ask Tidus and Wakka for help?) Sad Nashiil


Title: Random Bits 5 – Chapter 3

Sanubia Desert – Unknown location - Its hot and every one is tired and hungry. Tidus is bored guarding the new nation of Crash Site.

Tidus finished picking through their supplies for edible food and sighed. It had been nearly two hours since Auron and Kimahri had gone hunting and Tidus was about to go insane with heat, thirst, and boredom. He had been ordered to stay behind and 'protect the women'. Judging by the lump on his shin, they could protect themselves just fine. (That's the last time he would offer them sunscreen!) As far as he was concerned a fiend coming upon the camp would need protection from them.

Throughout history women have been left behind to take care of the home or colony. This is not because females are unsuitable for war, but a brilliant tactical move designed to utterly destroy one's enemy. Bandits or opposing armies seeing a village or community left unprotected by the men, mistakenly see an opportunity to increase their borders, supplies, or money. They plan on sweeping in, scaring the women into submission and plundering to their hearts content. What happens is the poor buggers are faced with an entire village of angry women, with terrified children hiding behind their skirts, ready to fight to the death with kitchen and garden implements. Any survivors are left permanently maimed, to crawl away with a newfound respect for women.

Tidus watched Lulu, Yuna, and Wakka wading through the scorching sand, reminding him of large cats with weak bladders, as they buried more water collection containers. Rikku was currently squatting beside one of the containers, watching the condensation form one drop at a time. The incredible sophisticated system consisted of a tin can, plastic wrap, and a pebble.

Watching the fist few drops of water slowly form and tremble at the bottom of pebble before dropping into the bottom of the tin had quickly grown old. At the rate things were going they would probably have enough water for one of them to drink by nightfall. Tidus was thirsty now. Slipping around behind the Celcius, the blond set out to find his own water.

Auron dropped the Sandwolf and plunked down in the shade of a sand dune to rest. He glared down at Kimahri's kill with a snort of derision. It was almost too scrawny to eat, but it was a lot better than the decaying Sandworm they had used as bait. Not even the Alcyone had seemed interested in it, giving it a wide berth as soon as they came in range of the corpse gases. The only scavenger desperate enough to brave the smell had been the Sandwolf.

Auron eyed Kimahri, who seemed interested in the horizon, and remembered the hunt. Auron had planned on hitting the Sandwolf with a Sleep spell, but the Ronso had had other ideas. It wasn't so much an idea as instinct as the leonine humanoid crouched and wriggled as he prepared to launch his attack. He settled into position, tail twitching as the fiend closed on the rotting worm-fiend.

The starving Sandwolf slunk up to the rotting corpse and began gorging itself on the putrid flesh. The fetid stench kicked Auron in the nose and danced away laughing. The worm was crawling with flies, yet the fiend was gulping it down as if it were prime rib. Who knows, maybe after days of eating small rodents and possibly its own feces, it probably did taste good.

Braving the stench, Kimahri leapt out like a leopard on a National Geographic documentary and took the fiend down. Auron sighed as Kimahri shook the fiend by the neck to make sure it was dead, and then dragged it away by the head. And thus dinner was acquired.

The Legendary Guardian was jarred out of the recent past by an elbow to the ribs that nearly flung him over top their dinner. Sitting up, he looked down the length of Kimahri's hairy arm to a cluster of small dots in the distance. By squinting he could make out his companions trailing Tidus (who was shirtless and walking backwards) through the sand. With Kimahri setting out to join Yuna, Auron had no choice but to follow.

"He figured out how to find water!" Rikku squealed in excitement as Auron and Kimahri joined the group.

"He's using a cactuar as a reverse dousing rod." She continued. The Unsent warrior looked at the young blond who was walking backwards with a struggling cactuar tied to a stick. Apparently the theory was that all cacti hated water and since Cactuar are similar to the common cactus, they would always point in the opposite direction from any water source. It became obvious that the heat and possible sunstroke (if the 3rd degree sunburn was any indication) had affected the boy's brain, inducing an unusual state of intelligence.

The one-eyed Guardian moved closer to the boy, wondering what he was muttering about. Auron was taken aback, realizing that Tidus was holding an ongoing, mumbled monologue.

"I think it's the physics of gravity." Yuna offered helpfully, a little unnerved by her friend's odd behavior. Unsure as to where they were, were they were going, and if they were ever going to get back to the ship, there was no other choice but to follow Tidus.

It was an hour later when the expedition stumbled into and oasis, Tidus' dousing rod desperately struggling to run in the opposite direction. Still muttering to himself Tidus stuck his dousing rod into a handy dune and crouched to scribble the chemical composition of Dual Horn spit into the sand. His friends thought they saw smoke coming out of his ears.

Fearing for the future health of the boy's frail brain cells (and Yuna's happiness), Auron picked him up, ignoring the screams of agony (sunburns hurt you know), and tossed him into the water. He swore the water boiled before the blitzball player surfaced with a sputter.

"That's for your little water fiend prank at the Spring." The older Guardian said as Tidus frog-stroked to the bank. It had been the farthest thought from his mind, but it was a lot better than letting the little Sin Spawn know he had been worried.

"What is that stench?" Lulu inquired, nose wrinkling in disgust. The others gagged as they got a good whiff of the Sandwolf.

"Holy Yevon! Something stinks." Wakka gagged.

"That would be our dinner." Auron strode to where he had dropped the fiend, and raised it by the tail. He paused and brushed some of the sand off of the stiff carcass. A few flies buzzed around the fiend in uncertainty.

"Please tell me you didn't just find it." Rikku whined. Kimahri lashed his tail at the insult to his hunting skills, ears cocked at an irritated angle.

"Kimahri kill!" He snarled, tapping his chest with a fist, then crossing his arms in a Ronso pout.

"Of course!" Yuna replied quickly "Everyone knows Kimahri is an excellent hunter."

There was a chorus of agreement from everyone within pouncing distance. Pride salved, Kimahri went about the grisly task of skinning the fiend.

Tidus' brain having cooled down enough to come out of its state of intelligence, decided it was time to let the cactuar go. Besides, He wanted to impress the girls with his creature handling skills. It was a skill that was mostly in his head. Its similar to people who claim to be 'great with kids'. Such statements are usually punctuated by biting, kicking, and yelps of pain.

Tidus strolled over to the captive cactuar and squatted down in front of it. Grasping the little creature gingerly by one if its little brown 'hairs', he cut the ropes and gently set it down. Yuna looked up from watching Tidus adoringly as she heard a strange hissing sound.

"What's that noise?" She asked, moving closer to Tidus as her companions bunched around her like startled cockroaches when the bathroom light comes on.

"Is there such a thing as a sand-avalanche?" Wakka chuckled nervously.

Yuna looked back at Kimahri, since his ears were keener, but he has no longer looming behind her. He was at the moment, safely hidden in the palm tree Yuna was standing under. (He's the large hairy blue thing between the leaves and the coconut on the left.) Most animals possess the ability to sense impending disasters, danger, and visits from the in-laws (who fall under the category of evil). It comes in handy when you spend your days trying to scrounge a meal while trying to avoid becoming one.

With a rushing hiss, the entire cactuar nation spilled into the oasis. Auron looked up from his prestigious task of burying dog guts to find himself, and their temporary camp, surrounded by hundreds of prickly fiends. He had never liked the little buggers. They spent their days dancing and giggling, and in Auron's opinion, there was something wrong with that.

The Nation stood stone still, most of them balancing on one foot, as they took in the scene. Tidus blew a few grains of sand off the cactuar he had set free.

"There you go little guy...or, um...girl." He said cheerfully "No harm done."

Not being the brightest desert specie, the cactuars looked at the cut rope, the stick, and the free cactuar, and then came to the conclusion that Tidus had rescued it.

The air was filled with a clamor of giggles as cactuars popped into the air, back flipping in joy. Chittering in excitement, they dispersed throughout the camp to investigate Yuna and her Guardians.

"They're so cute!" Yuna and Rikku said in unison as the little creatures danced around them. Lulu smiled in agreement as one of the little fiends presented her with a flower.

"Thank you. How sweet." Wrapping her hand in her sleeve, Lulu patted the cactuar on the head. It chittered and scooted around in a circle, then skittered away to find more flowers.

Lulu soon found herself mobbed by little green cacti, all fighting to be the first to give her their flowers. Looking for help, she saw none in Wakka, who was trying to shake hands with a cactuar. Auron was having trouble escaping his Legendary status, and Kimahri was hissing at the little fiends from his tree.

Tidus was attempting to converse with his new friend. The succulent regarded him with what could have been any number of emotions, then tentatively scooted closer and kicked the boy in the shin. Pride was whacked over the head, by a pressing need for sympathy and shoved into a closet between the box of Embarrassing Memories and the proverbial Skeleton. He was on his way to show Yuna his 'owie' when he saw Lulu in trouble.

"I'll save you Lulu!" Tidus proclaimed valiantly, wading through the mob of cactuars. He had just the rescue plan in mind. His Heroic Entrance was a bit spoiled as he hopped and flailed through the crowd of prickly bodies, his progress punctuated by yelps.

Reaching the Black Mage, Tidus scooped her up and here his plan went horribly wrong. Lulu proved heavier than Rikku, Tidus putting it down to her knockers. He also forgot about his sunburn. The Son of Jecht screamed and staggered under the girl's weight, not wanting to hold her, but not wanting to drop her either. Every nerve in his burnt skin flared as if he were hit by Fira. Lulu complicated matters by clinging to him, fearful of the sea of prickly cactuars scurrying beneath her.

Things got comically worse from here, Tidus' companions snickering as several cactuars got stuck to the hem of Lulu's dress. Tidus whirled around amidst the fleeing cacti, screaming and yelping. Tripping on a cactuar that was too slow to get out of the way, Tidus and Lulu fell into the scorching sand. The grains of sand dug into his back, and with a strength born of pain, he shoved Lulu off. The boy tore through the cactuar nation in a spray of sand chanting, "Burnslikeheckburnslikeheckburnslikeheck..."as he plunged into the water.


Nashiil is now accepting reviews in place of a much needed hug. (Glares at laptop.)