Sorry for the delay. It bites not having a computer! Oh well, enjoy!


Title: Random Bits 5 – Chapter 4

Sanubia Desert – Unknown Oasis - Our heroes have spent the night in the safety of the Oasis. It was relatively uneventful aside from an opera of gastric noises, groans, and the distinctive sounds of digestive rebellion.

After spending the night fighting off return visits from their Sandwolf dinner, no one really wanted to think about food, but finding future food sources was necessary for continued survival. Wakka and Tidus devised a clever method of trapping fresh food. Waiting for something edible to wash up in a chest hadn't worked very well. (The cheeseburgers had been too soggy to eat and fish had nibbled on them anyway.)

The method involved one of them lying motionless on the ground for hours while Alcyone gathered overhead, then grabbing the first one to land close enough and beating it on the ground until it stopped moving. The tactic had worked great, that is until a Zu showed up. For larger prey, the men went out a ways from their haven and made a lot of distressed animal noises to attract hungry predators. They then led it back (i.e. running like the devil) to the oasis where Kimahri could leap out and kill it.

This plan too worked great for a while, but fiends aren't at the high end of the food chain because they are stupid and most of them began avoiding the oasis altogether. The next few days were filled with the tedium of subsisting on leftovers and listening to Wakka cry about starvation. Rikku spent most of those days trying to salvage the small mobile radio she found in the ship's storage room, but things weren't going well. Her curses of "Oh, Poopie!" could occasionally be heard from the sleeping area.

There were also the cactuars who kept showing up to leave flowers and small dead fiends for Lulu. Yuna, being brighter than most girls in the game/anime genre, decided to try the message in a bottle trick, but with a twist. She scribbled a polite message begging for help and rolled it into a tight tube. Valefor was Summoned and Yuna tied the note securely to the Aeon's leg. Valefor sulked as her Summoner fastened the note, not at all enthusiastic about being treated like a messenger pigeon. With a few final instructions from Yuna the Aeon launched into the air, circled a few times to get her bearings, and headed off towards civilization.

Yuna returned to the sheltering leaves of the palm trees and found Tidus squatting in the middle of a small covey of cactuars. She caught the mischievous glint in the boy's eyes and knew someone was in for it. That someone was probably Auron. Most definitely Auron. (Annoying Auron was almost as funny as annoying Kimahri, but a lot less dangerous.)

"Brace yourself." Lulu warned from her place beside the cook fire. The Black Mage had prudently set the cook fire as far away from the sleeping area as possible for two reasons. One, they didn't need to add to any more heat to the inferno during the day. And two, men like to barbeque and do so under the philosophy that the bigger the fire, the better the food. It was also the only time the four guys ever worked together without annoying each other.

Auron was currently stirring a fiercely boiling pot of Whatever Stew. (Whatever, as in whatever was left over from yesterday and whatever was found today.) Several unidentifiable and slowly re-hydrating lumps rose to the top of the sticky greenish broth just long enough to terrify the imagination (and gastrointestinal tract) before sinking back into the depths of the pot. Who knows what other horrors waited in the bottom of the pot. Wakka came up beside the pot and showed Auron a palm leaf full of strange green plants with long dangly roots. There was still a grub attached to one of the roots. "Drop it in, and find some more of those grubs." The older man said as the plants were slowly sucked under the surface of the stew.

Hearing Lulu's warning, Auron looked up and groaned inwardly, his brain screaming at him to run. He could run into the desert, or just jump into the sea and walk home. He was dead after all, his mind reasoned, and you couldn't die twice. He was just beginning to agree with himself when a group of cactuars swept up and formed two rings around him, then began the Cactuar Dance.

"Dance my little friends!" Tidus crowed, joining in the cactuars' ridiculous dance as they orbited the Legendary Guardian.

Auron prayed to Yevon that the ground would open up and swallow him, or better yet, Tidus. Yevon was out at the moment, possibly answering the prayers of those who actually believed in him, because Auron's prayer went unanswered. Lulu, however, was in and taking requests. A bolt of lightning sent the cactuars scooting for home. Yuna and Rikku gasped in horror as the cloud of sand cleared to reveal a scorch mark, glass, and a pair of smoking sneakers.

Wakka bobbed over, nervous quail style, and cautiously prodded one of the shoes with a stick. Yuna didn't know what it was with men and poking things with sticks. They killed something and they poked it with a stick. Found a strange animal? Oh, just poke it with a stick. Someone chasing you? Hey, give him a poke with that stick. (It was, incidentally one of the two ways that early man unintentionally used to exterminate the unintelligent of his species. The second was fire. The third was the Mother-in-Law, but we won't go there.)

Auron glanced around. There was no sign of Tidus. Self? He asked cautiously

Yeah?

I think he's really gone this time!

Yeeesss! Oh, no...wait. Darn...there his is.

Aruon's mental conversation ended with a salty word that would have soured ice cream, for the crybaby was trying to climb down the palm tree without his hands (seeing as they were full of coconuts).

Auron's hand closed around his sword, knowing that there would be the inevitable knockers joke. (He was Legendary for his skill, not his patience.)

"Hey! Gimme your sword." Tidus exclaimed breathlessly, snatching Masamune from Auron's hands, leaving the Unsent Guardian dumbstruck.

"I found food!"

"Wakka do something before Auron kills him and we have to listen to Jecht whine from the Farplane." Lulu said, using the stick Wakka had been using to prod him towards the boy. The older Guardian didn't look the least bit happy about the treatment of his sword.

"Hey brudda," The Auroch's captain said, strolling over to the stone the younger Guardian was using as a chopping block.

"You can't open those things with a sword. They're too hard, ya?"

"You're right. Its not hard enough." The youth said contemplating the statement for a few seconds, then cracking his friend over the head with the coconut. Wakka fell like a drunk shoopuff, landing with a Spira-quaking thud. The coconut thunked down a second after and split into two neat halves.

Coconut drinks, complete with decorative umbrellas, were served all around.

"Here Rikku." Tidus said, coming to stand under the palm tree the Al Bhed girl was crouched under. She was still fussing with the radio and giggled as she looked up at Tidus. The blond was wearing two coconut halves tied around his chest. He also had several palm leaves tied around his waist. ( He had been planning on getting everyone together for a dance, but Kimahri and Auron had refused to dress up in the grass skirts.)

"What's that?" She asked, squinting as the setting sun glinted off the shiny objects Tidus held out to her.

"Its a gum wrapper." He replied as Rikku gazed at the metallic strip in confusion. "You can use it to cap off the wires."

Rikku regarded the boy with something close to idolization, which had Wakka been conscious, he would have objected to. Idolization was against Yevon.


If you leave a review, Tidus will dance in his coconuts for you!