Part 17 – Just One Truth
Bray felt like his heart was going to seize up and collapse upon itself. If it was even still beating, he hadn't noticed, because time itself seemed to halt in its steps. An airless void surrounded him, choking him, crushing him with the weight of over a year's pain and loss.
He knew he was in the Mall, standing with Danni, looking at this girl, but all he saw was smoke and fire, all he heard were shouts and crashes. Then silence. And he felt a raging anger and a bitter denial. He saw a grave and he returned a ring to its owner. And after that, distraction. Work. Problems that he chose to solve because he didn't want to solve his own. People he tried to help because he didn't want to help himself. Anything but thinking about her. Amber.
What little sanity he'd managed to keep these last few days seemed to slip from him, like water over a rock. He stared, because all he could do was stare. He didn't speak, because he had no words. No words at all. What did words even mean? What did they mean when every truth he knew had just come raining down around him? No, that was wrong… not every truth. Just one truth – that Amber was dead. But how could it be the truth, he asked himself frantically, because here she stood.
"Bray, I came here to talk to you about her. About Amber."
Bray blinked, barely breathing. "About… about A—Amber?"
"Yes, Amber. I'm a relative of hers," the girl said to him.
Bray shook his head, not even comprehending. She had Amber's face. She had her expressions. She even had her voice. What was happening? How much more shock could he take? "A relative? I don't… I thought—"
"I'm her sister. My name is Solaris."
Bray gaped. "Wha--- But how… How? I mean— her sister?" And then it all came together for him. Her sister. Not her. He nodded quickly, covering up the pain. The confusion. The hope. "Yes, her sister. Of course. I'm sorry. "
All of a sudden, Bray could feel Danni's gaze burning into him like hot metal. She stood at his elbow, Micah cradled to her, watching him. He glanced at her and saw an expression he knew well, but one she rarely used with him. She was now. A calculating look shone in her eyes as she looked at him. She was trying to figure him out, trying to see what had caused such a shaken reaction.
Bray didn't like it any more than she did. He didn't like that he had actually thought that this was Amber in front of him. Bray forgave himself quickly for his moment of madness. This girl, on first glance, was Amber's mirror image. Now as he studied Solaris more closely, he saw she was older than Amber had been by two or three years. Older even than himself.
Her hair was a deep, dark chestnut, and it tumbled down her shoulder in shining waves. Amber had rarely worn her hair down, it had been far too inconvenient for her. Besides this, Amber's clothes had been practical and dark. Solaris, under the black cloak, had on a long white skirt that trailed behind her. The intricate grey and blue beading on it was mirrored in the greys and blues of the whalebone corset, which she wore over a pale grey blouse.
"This is Danni… and Micah," Bray said to Solaris. He was trying to fool himself into some semblance of normality by making introductions. Convincing himself that this was just another person. But that couldn't be further from the truth.
"Hi," Danni said, her gaze now returning to Solaris. She seemed to be trying to figure her out now too.
"Hello," Solaris smiled.
Thankfully, Bray was continuing to notice differences between Amber and Solaris, but it didn't diminish the initial shock of seeing her. It didn't diminish the shock of meeting Amber's sister either. This was someone directly related to Amber, someone who knew her as well as Bray had. And someone who most likely did not know she was dead, since she was here looking for her.
"Would you like to come upstairs to the café? We could talk there," Danni suggested.
"Yes, great. Thank you," Solaris replied.
Bray really had no idea what to say or do. As he led the way upstairs, he willed his heartbeat to return to its normal pace. Before he had hardly been able to feel it, but now he felt every miniscule contraction of his heart, hear every beat pounding so loudly in his ear that he thought they must be able to hear it too. The shock of just seeing someone who looked so much like Amber had thrown him into complete disarray. And the fact that this girl was her sister was even worse. How was he supposed to tell her the truth?
They all settled around a table in the café, and Solaris took off her cloak.
"I'm sorry for turning up here so late," she said apologetically, pushing her long dark hair off of her shoulder. "I've been travelling for a long time."
Bray shook his head. "It's fine, really. So, you're Amber's older sister? I have to say, she never mentioned you."
Solaris smiled sadly. "Just before the Virus… I got caught up in a—a cult, I guess. I was… a fragile person, you could say. I was never like Amber, never in control of my emotions or of situations like her. I couldn't talk to people, or make friends as easily as she did. I had a lot of problems. The cult seemed like the only solution. They were so helpful, reassuring… and so I left home, I left her. She never would have known what happened to me… so I guess she never wanted to talk about me. I think I hurt the whole family when I ran away."
Bray sat quietly, listening, amazed at this other side to Amber's life that she had never told him about.
"And you left the cult, obviously," Danni said.
"Yes. The cult was mostly adults. They all died of the Virus. We kids were left alone and abandoned. We had no idea what to do when the leaders were gone and we drifted apart. I've been wandering around for so long, confused, alone. But I've met some good people along the way and made good friends. They've helped me become a stronger person, and made me ready to come back to the City and look for what's left of my family. My parents – I know they're dead. My aunt and uncle too. I looked for their daughter, my cousin, but it looks like she's long gone. So I've been searching for Amber, my last hope."
"And someone pointed you this way?" Danni asked.
"I knew a girl here from before the Virus. She's a member of the Mosquitoes now. She told me that Amber was leader of a tribe that lived in the big mall in the city centre. She said that she hasn't seen Amber in a long time though, and that I should speak to her boyfriend Bray about her. So here I am."
Bray closed his eyes sorrowfully.
"Bray, it's a miracle that I've even gotten this far. Please tell me that I've found this right place."
Bray nodded. "Oh you've found the right place… but you're just too late Solaris," he said softly.
"Too late?" Solaris' eyes widened, and she stared at Bray.
Bray looked at Solaris honestly, gathering himself up. "Solaris… your sister did so many great things. She brought this tribe together, and she kept it together. All of us, we're all so different. We rarely get along… but she managed to unite us like no one else has."
Solaris simply looked at him. Then she looked away. Bray watched her as she stared at the graffiti-covered wall of the café. She had a light in her eyes that he had never seen in Amber's. It was strange, and off-putting, and for a moment, he wondered if she was even going to blink. He was waiting to finish speaking, but he was so taken with her odd expression, that he almost forgot himself.
"Bray, my sister's gone, isn't she?"
Bray's lips parted in shock. He looked at Danni who seemed as bewildered as he was. "Yes, Solaris. Yes she is," he said softly. "How… how did you know?"
"I just knew. I knew it when I looked into your eyes. I sometimes know things… Amber – how long has she been gone? More than a year, right?"
Bray raised his eyebrows. "Yes, yes that's right."
"Yes…"
"It was awful when she died. The whole tribe was devastated. It was such a tragedy. Such a needless death," Bray said gently.
"Death?" Solaris looked into his eyes, and he felt like she was digging into his mind.
Bray mentally berated himself. Digging into his mind? Ridiculous. "Yes… there was an explosion. It's a long story."
Bray looked at Solaris compassionately. He knew how she was feeling. The moment he'd found out about Amber's death from Lex had been one of the worst of his life. And he'd had many, many bad moments since the Virus.
"Solaris, I loved Amber too. She was one of the best people I've ever known."
"Yes…" Solaris whispered, her voice sounding dazed.
Bray looked at Danni and she had the same concerned look on her face that he had on his.
Danni leaned forward, shifting Micah, who had miraculously fallen asleep by now. "If you need a place to stay, you're welcome to stay here. We have plenty of room."
"Of course we do. Please stay Solaris. I'm sure the rest of the tribe would love to meet Amber's sister too," Bray said.
"I'll stay. Thank you. I'm not sure for how long though. My cousin must still be out there somewhere. I have to find her."
"Of course. But stay however long you want. I'll make sure you get peace and quiet when you need it. I know this has been a shock," Bray told her.
"Yes, a shock…" Solaris nodded.
Danni handed Micah to Bray, and stood up. "Come on. I'll bring you to a room for the night. Bray can you think of a free room that has a bed already made up in it?"
Bray frowned. "Dal's still at the farm! His room's free."
Solaris looked at him sharply. "Dal?"
"Dal was your and Amber's next door neighbour before the Virus, wasn't he?" Bray asked.
"Yes he was! He's lives here?"
"Yeah… he and Amber travelled around together before the Mallrats were formed."
Solaris smiled. "She was always close to him. It'll be nice to see him again."
"He's at the farm. I'll send for him straight away in the morning," Bray told her.
"Thank you Bray," Solaris said to him warmly.
Bray frowned as Danni led her to Dal's room, thinking of the shock that was in store for the rest of the tribe the next morning.
"I heard you talking to Trudy today."
"What's that kid?" Lex asked distractedly.
He was searching through a box of batteries, alcohol and other things useful to him that he'd just gotten from some guy at the gambling den. He'd traded for some fresh vegetables that he'd taken from the storeroom. No one would miss them anyway. He might as well use them for something.
KC stood over him twiddling a red chip he'd pocketed in the gambling den. "I said I heard you talking to Trudy today. I heard what she said Lex."
"Your point being?" Lex found the bottle of vintage wine that he intended to go and tempt May with. He stood up and hefted the box into his arms, the wine on top. He started walking up the steps from the basement, KC following slowly.
"I thought you loved Zandra."
Lex wheeled around. "What are you talking about? Of course I loved Zandra."
KC stuck out his lip stoically. "Then why did you get Trudy pregnant? Are you trying to replace Zandra and the baby?"
Lex half-choked, half-laughed. "What? KC, trust me, I haven't gotten Trudy pregnant. The girl hates me, and personally I think she's a complete loon. There'll be no procreating between us – ever."
"I heard you Lex!" KC insisted. "Bray came along and saw you two in her room, and then he yelled at you out in the mall. I saw it all!"
Lex stopped and chuckled. KC had obviously taken Trudy's little drama the wrong way, as had Bray. "KC, Trudy and I were talking about something else. It definitely was not about any baby we're having. Okay? Now shut up about it ya little punk."
"I know what I heard Lex! How is Tai-San going to take this? And Alice? And May? Look at all the women you're all caught up with! I'm a kid, and even I can see you've really screwed up here," KC said cynically.
"Thanks for your pearls of wisdom. Now get to bed before Saint Bray sees you. It's nearly three in the morning and he's sure to be patrolling every half hour on the dot. If you get me caught with this box of stuff from the gambling den I will kill you. I don't need any more hassle from him."
Lex pushed KC off in the direction of his room, and the boy stumbled off, muttering under his breath. Lex shook his head and laughed to himself. He walked off in the opposite direction, heading to May's room.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure walking across the mall on the opposite side of the gulf that dropped down into the lower level. In the darkness the figure stood out, a long white skirt illuminating her. A girl. Lex paused, wondering who it was that was up at this time of night. She was tall and slim, with long dark hair. No girl in the mall fit that description. Tai-San was dark-haired but short, as was Danni. Ellie was tall, but blond, Salene tall as well but had much shorter hair. So who was this?
The girl seemed to sweep across the mall, her long skirts floating around her legs. She slowly turned her head, and looked at Lex. As a shaft of moonlight from a high window lit up her face, he felt a jolt of shock go through him, and almost dropped the box in sheer disbelief.
"Amber?" he choked out, his voice thin and no louder than a whisper.
The girl didn't seem to hear him, but she smiled anyway, gentle and serene, and kept on walking.
"No…" Lex murmured.
She disappeared from sight, the darkness swallowing her up, and he just stared at where she had been. Dazed, he stumbled to May's room, which was nearby, and barged in. He dropped the box and flattened his back against the closed door, his breathing shallow. May groaned and turned over in her bed, squinting at him.
"What the heck? Is that you Lex? It's the middle of the night!"
Lex didn't reply, he just stared at the floor. What had just happened? He hadn't drunk a thing for days, so it definitely hadn't been an alcohol-fuelled hallucination. Had his imagination been playing tricks on him? Or – he couldn't believe he was even considering this – but had he just seen a ghost?
May was staring at him, looking worried now. "Lex what is it? Has something happened?"
"I just saw something I can't explain."
"What?" All colour was quickly draining from May's face.
"I saw someone… someone who's dead."
"Lex that's ridiculous!" May said, looking a little relieved. She got up out of her bed, and walked over to him. She led him back to the bed, where she sat him down. "Now what are you talking about? Who do you think you saw?"
"Amber… I saw Amber."
"Amber? Isn't that the girl who died along with your old girlfriend?"
"Wife… she was my wife," Lex whispered, staring at the floor. "And yeah, she died. But I just saw her two minutes ago in this mall May. She looked right at me. I saw her."
May was looking at him carefully. She reached out and touched his face, then drew her hand back quickly. "You're freezing cold! What did you just see Lex?" she breathed, amazed at how icy his skin had been.
"Don't ask me. I don't know what I saw! And I don't know what's more disturbing – that I may have seen a ghost, or that I may be hallucinating," Lex said in a dazed voice.
"It was neither," May said decisively.
"Then what's the alternative May?" Lex demanded, suddenly energetic and alert. "That that was really Amber out there? Because Amber is dead! I saw her grave. I saw Zandra's. They're both dead! Why would Amber be in this mall if she's dead?"
May flinched at his aggressive tone. "I don't know Lex. I don't know. Maybe you just need to go to sleep. It's late, and you're tired. You're just tired. Sleep it off, okay? And we'll talk in the morning."
"Yeah… I need sleep," Lex nodded.
"Come on," May said softly, pulling his shirt over his head. She tossed it on a chair, and pulled back the covers so he could get into her bed.
Lex lay down and stared at the ceiling, as May went around to the other side and got in. She told him to go to sleep and forget about it, but he couldn't. He didn't think he'd ever forget it. He wanted an explanation and now, because he really did not want see Zandra's ghost the next time. That would certainly send him over the edge.
Ghosts… he couldn't believe he was even thinking of such a ridiculous notion. No, it was something else, something rooted in reality. It had to be.
Amber was dead, and everyone knew it.
"Bray… we need to talk."
Bray looked up as he smoothed out the sheets on the bed. "Talk?"
Danni sighed and crossed her arms. "Yes Bray, talk! Your dead girlfriend's sister just turned up on our doorstep last night, and I know it's affected you. The worst thing is, you're not even showing it! Why aren't you showing it Bray? Don't you trust me to handle it?"
Bray frowned and dropped the sheets. They floated slowly back down to the bed, rumpled and white in the dawn sun. He looked at her with that honest and concerned expression that was so familiar. She hated it at this moment. He hadn't been honest last night. He'd hidden his shock and hurt down deep and had barely even acknowledged that anything was wrong.
"Danni—"
"No Bray, listen. This is painful for you. I thought you were okay. I thought your grief had gone away. But it hasn't. And you never thought to tell me," Danni told him. "And it hurt."
"It's not like that," Bray said pleadingly. He went to her where she sat on a chair by Micah's crib. He knelt before her and took her hands in his, looking at her imploringly.
"Of course it is Bray," Danni said softly. "It's exactly like that. This girl walked in and your world stopped. I saw it happen right in front of me. You looked like you were devastated and ecstatic all at the same time."
Bray sighed. "Danni you have to understand…. Solaris looks a lot like Amber did. I was shocked. That's all. Anything else you're thinking—"
"What, like that you're still not over Amber? Well you're not Bray. You're not. And I don't expect you to be. She died. It was awful for you, and you can't forget her. I understand. I do…"
"Danni, Solaris is Amber's sister. I know that. However much she may look like Amber, she is not her. And I'm not fooling myself into thinking she is so I can have Amber back or something. Amber was one of a kind. And so are you. And I love you. Yes, I loved Amber too, but she's gone Danni, and I've accepted that. Please believe me," Bray explained.
"I do… it's just—"
"Just what?"
"Nothing. Nothing… I was just shocked too is all. That's it." Danni relented, seeing that he was going to back down. Bray felt like he had to keep up the pretence of strength for the sake of everyone else, she had long since learned that.
Bray smiled. "All right. Are you okay now?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry." Danni gave him a thin smile.
"Don't be. Now I have to get someone to go and fetch Dal at the farm. I'll be back soon." Bray rose and kissed her forehead fondly.
Danni nodded and watched him leave the room.
Why had she said she was okay? Danni wasn't okay. Far from it. She stood and went to sit down on their unmade bed. She stared at the floor. She had never seen any pictures of Amber. She didn't know if Bray or any of the tribe even had any, but she had never seen one nevertheless. It was just as shocking for her as it had been for Bray to be confronted with the mirror image of her.
"So this is what you look like," Danni murmured to herself.
Yes, Solaris had shown her the Amber that had been following her around ever since she had joined the tribe.
The Amber that sat in the back of Bray's eyes sometimes, when he got sad and thoughtful. The Amber that Salene and Trudy talked of wistfully. The Amber whose spirit she knew Tai-San often prayed for. The Amber whose chore rota Danni still stuck to and used to arrange the daily running of the tribe. The Amber who had started the very idea of peace and cooperation that she and Bray fought to continue. The Amber whose shoes Lex continually accused her of stepping into.
Danni had felt the palpable presence of her ghost from day one. She just never thought she'd be faced with it. She wondered if she and Amber were anything like each other… she guessed she would never know now.
"I found one."
"Excuse me?"
"I said I found one."
Ebony looked up to see Spike staring back at her. His face was stark white. She blinked, confused. What could have possibly rattled the almighty Spike? "Sweetheart, you're going to have to be a little clearer. I'm not psychic."
Spike slowly walked across Ebony's office and sat on the plush sofa. Ebony had claimed the old manager's office in the hotel for her own when they'd moved in. She loved the space and the rich furnishings, plus the expansive view of the pool below and the city beyond from her window. She felt like she was truly in command when in this office.
As she leaned against her desk and watched Spike fidget on the sofa, she felt suddenly that something had slipped out of her control. That was not in command of it. What was it that Spike had to say?
"I found a body Ebony. One just like the girl Bray found."
Ebony shrugged, not seeing the point. So what? He'd found another body. She didn't share Bray's view of this quest to save one and all. And she most definitely did not care if there was one less useless kid in the city. She had many, many more important things to think about than pleasing Bray's whims.
Ram and his manipulations were still fresh in her mind and she simply couldn't escape what she'd seen in VR. She hadn't seen or spoken to Ram since, and had no idea what to do. He'd made several propositions to her once she'd agreed to talk, but every one needed thought, and with all these things that needed her attention, she had no time to ponder that egotistical creeps flights of fancy.
"Spike, I'm not Bray. I don't care. If you want someone to cry and be compassionate you came to the wrong person."
Spike looked at her fiercely. "You don't have one ounce of compassion in your body Ebony, so don't worry, that's really not the reason I came to you. I came to you because…"
"Yes?" Ebony demanded impatiently.
"Because I think I— I just…"
"Oh for the love of— just spit it out! Since when did you mince words?"
"Forget it. You're right. I came to the wrong person. I'll handle this myself. Don't you worry your pretty little head," Spike sneered, before shooting out of the room.
Ebony rolled her eyes and snorted. Spike was losing it. She had been worried he would cause some problems what with his aversion to the way she ran the Locos, but apparently not. He was just as spineless as she'd always thought he was.
Spike went into his room and closed the door soundly behind him. He began pacing immediately. Ebony had been useless, as usual. It was time for him to act like a leader, and to do something himself about this. But… what if his actions to try and seize control of the Locos had started this problem? With the leader and her lieutenant at each other's throats in front of the entire tribe every day, a united front wasn't exactly presented.
There was tension in the ranks of the Locos. The tribe was restless. They weren't meant to be treated like tame little pets and locked inside when they were used to viciously tearing into the City like wild animals. They had been taught tricks now. How to obey. How to take orders. How to patrol, guard, watch. But their old habits, the maiming, the fighting, the torturing… it was all inside, ready to be let loose.
And already these old habits were making a come back.
Spike saw it daily now. Locos slacked off of guard duty at the Hotel. They avoided going to the mall for market day. They fought among themselves. He'd seen more than one broken limb and black eye in the last few weeks. They were getting cabin fever, turning against each other. Locos were supposed to be as one. One entity. One force. One terror.
But this… this cage Ebony had forced them into was stifling them. Spike should have been happy. This was it. This was his opportunity. His chance to take what was his. To reign. And he still yearned to do all of that… But right now, all he could do was wonder what the price of his success would be.
Micah's mother. The girl he'd found today. He knew why they were dead. And he knew now who had done it. It was obvious.
One of his own.
He just needed to discover who. And when he did, how he dealt with it would be his beginning… or his end. Because now was the time. Now was the time to succeed or fail. And failing wasn't an option. Ebony was through. Who would she turn to now that her little pal Bray didn't want her malicious presence around? No one. Once Spike had overthrown her, Ebony would have no one to turn to.
But before he could imagine what a glorious sight that would be, Spike had to eek out the Loco murderer. It would be difficult turning in one of his own. Was he willing to do it? To sacrifice one of them in order to gain power? That was something Spike still had to wrestle with. But until then, he had a killer to find.
Coming soon in Part 18 – The Cold-Hearted Boy I Used To Be:
- The stunned tribe meet Solaris
- May is victim to another of Lex's bad moods
- Spike forms an attachment to an unlikely person
- Archer confronts his anger over Pride and Amber not searching for Sienna
- Pride and Amber have a vicious argument causing Amber to question her very identity
And more…
