Chapter Ten: Trauma Loves Company


Todoroki hadn't spoken to her in the few days it had been since she confronted him, disclosed she knew his mother was in psychiatric care, and gave him the letter she had written. Minami didn't know why she was there, just that she's been there a long time as she could now faintly recall seeing her in passing when visiting her own mother. Her mother that had been admitted three, almost four, years ago. She disclosed this hoping that it would put them on even footing. She wanted to avoid blind sighting him, but announcing it so suddenly probably had a similar effect anyway.

She couldn't read Todoroki at the time. Had he been angry? Calm? Perhaps he had been disassociated. She couldn't tell. All she knew is that the air seemed tense. There had been a few pointed comments and questions, but otherwise there were a lot of long silences. Though, silences always seemed tense whenever she was with someone. Seconds always felt like minutes and it felt like the void of sound should be filled with something.

As she had told the girls: it could have gone better; it could have gone worse.

Minami didn't know how to take the silence. Was it going back to how it had been before? Did he resent her? She had felt a pang of kindship when she discovered. That was likely because it was hard to know what others went through, so when she did know she wanted to bond. Trauma loved company, after all. She shouldn't put expectations on him though so she's left him be. If he wanted to move on from that conversation he had the right to do so.

That's why is was a surprise when Todoroki asked to speak with her. She had scheduled training, but Minami decided that listening to what he had to say was more important than being late. Shinso didn't come to the training facility on Friday anyway. He might have been busy but it also didn't give her much faith that he would be coming today.

Todoroki and Minami stayed until everyone else left. He continued to sit in his seat so she followed suit and did the same. The same eerie silence fell throughout the room. Was she supposed to say something? Todoroki was the one who wanted to speak, so she was waiting for him to start the conversation. She was tempted to ask if he had spoken to his mother, but refrained from doing so. Was she allowed to bring it up?

"You know about quirk marriages, right?" She did. She didn't like the practice and had her criticisms. Even if both parties had full consent over the marriage, the idea of partnering up in an attempt to genetically influence your child was horrid. People could claim it was for their child all they wanted, but more often than not she thought it was solely for the parents. She used to think all quirk marriages were awful, but there were some who advocated considering your quirk alongside your marriage partner as to not unintentionally harm your child - if they wanted children. Still, the whole thing unsettled her.

Minami didn't know what this had to do with Todoroki speaking to her though.

"My old man will do anything to advance his position." His dad? She didn't make it a habit about asking about other's parents or people's jobs. It was one thing if people took pride in what they did or were close and wanted to talk about their family, but asking about it seemed odd. Why would that matter? "He made a name for himself during his hero career firing on all cylinders." A hero? That made some sense. Todoroki seemed like he had a lot of training with his fluidity in battle simulations.

"It was never enough to outpace a legend like All Might who was an unremovable mite in his eyes, and because he knew he could never hack it by his own power he devised a plan. As a man of means and merit, he easily integrated himself to his mother's family and took possession of her quirk." Minami didn't like where this story seemed to be going? Considering Rei's status in a psychiatric hospital this story wasn't going to have a happy end. She allowed Todoroki to continue speaking uninterrupted.

"He wanted to raise a hero to rise above All Might. Fuck him." Her eyes widened. Todoroki was direct and pointed but she had never heard him swear. "I'll never be that piece of shit's tool. In my memories, my mom is always crying. She told me that my left side is ugly and she dumped boiling water on me." Now that caused Minami's head to whip to look at Todoroki. What the hell was wrong with his family? "She broke and went away."

It seemed like Todoroki spewed what he wanted to say. "That sucks." What else was she supposed to say to that? She had happy childhood memories even if things weren't always easy. Did Todoroki even get a childhood? Did he have happy memories? This changed her perspective of Todoroki wanting to be alone to did he even know how to interact with others status. "Whose your dad anyway? How the hell did he become a hero?" She knew how. Hero the profession, she reminded herself. Anything people saw was mostly branding. It may or may not overlap with their true personality, but one should never assume branding was the person.

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"My dad."

"…why would I know that?"

For the first time since she met Todoroki, he looked amused. It was only for a moment but his lips definitely twitched upward. "Serves him right." It seemed Todoroki wasn't going to elaborate. While she was now slightly curious she didn't ask further. If he wanted her to know he would tell her.

"What about you?"

"Me?"

Todoroki nodded.

Minami didn't want to feel like she was bragging, but like whenever she talked about the issue she needed to highlight there were happy moments too. As chaotic as it was she didn't want others to only know her parents by her story. "Things weren't always easy but we were happy. Or I thought we were happy. My mom tried to kill herself a few times. In and out of the hospital." Todoroki reciprocated listening in silence.

"I don't really know why for sure. At first it was in and out of the hospital before she was admitted for long-term. I was scared when I first learnt. Not just for my mom but my dad too. He always talked about how he would die first so when the first attempt – or the first attempt I know of – happened I was scared for both of them. My mom who wanted to end her life and my dad who was now also mentally unstable for everything going on."

"They started fighting. It seemed like they couldn't have a conversation without it derailing. I didn't know all the details but I felt like I needed to give her some normalcy, so I tried not to bring it up with her. Tried to get what smiles and laughter I could out of her. She spent all her energy on other people that whenever I did see her, she was out of it. I tried to listen to my dad because he clearly needed an outlet. I heard things I shouldn't have and with time I felt like a punching bag. Someone to talk at and pass off his anger, but no longer a person or his daughter. Yet I was so scared what would happen if I didn't keep listening." Minami felt her short fingernails dig into her skin.

"You know, my mom even tried to kill herself next to me once. Had a bowl with pills littered through her food. She consumed it right next to me." She felt as her breath quickened. Her mom's slurred speech. Her attempt to keep her awake. Her dad's tiredness as she had to be the one to ask for him to call emergency when she couldn't life the deadweight of her mom. She had been twelve. She also wouldn't forget that he had almost walked out multiple times because of the stress.

"I was so happy when she seemed to get better. Even if sometimes some actions felt a little manic, for the most part it felt like my mom was back – yet I couldn't see. She seemed happy and yet she finally got her wish." Minami remembered feeling off when she learnt her mom had gone out. She could have called the police. Maybe they could have stopped it, even if it only let her have a few more days. She should have seen the signs. Manic shopping had been a thing, but since her shopping habits changed to food and household items Minami didn't realize at the time her mom had been stocking up for them. It pissed her off. Even more, her mom's last message was a heart. A single red heart emoji. One sent to her, Kaede, and dad. Minami was the only one to respond right away. She even got a reply, but even then she chose to kill herself.

It was so confusing. Happy she no longer suffered. Angry that she killed herself. Relieved that it was over. Hoped that somehow she would still walk through the door. Confused and sad and angry that despite knowing that her mom loved her, one of the few things she cared for, it wasn't enough. Angry at those who wanted to speak ill of her or the way she died. Protective of her memory. Grief that she could only remember what she looked like in photos, or the mirror, or the occasional dream – nightmare. Upset that she had to be the one in charge of the funeral and paperwork while everyone else got to mourn.

"My sister and I became my dad's caretakers. Making sure he ate. Listened when he needed to talk. His boss tried to get him to come back to work early when he was clearly loosing his mind. Then one day he changed like a flick of a switch. Happy. Giddy. His values and outlooks started to changed. He found entirely new hobbies. Everything suddenly started to become about him." He would stay out longer and more often until he only came home to sleep. Then the days he slept home decreased until he became a visitor in that home. "A lot of days it's like I don't know him, and we fight all the time now. Our personalities would sometime clash from our similarities before, but now it's hard to be in the same room without starting a new argument or backtrack on past grievances."

It was better that they lived apart. Some part of her still wanted that closeness with her dad. Was it because the changes were so sudden? Was she clinging to past memories? Was she the one that didn't want change? Was it because there were so few people she was closed to and now her world felt so small? She didn't know. All she knew that there was a lingering hope that things could work out between them. She knew he felt the same too. To what degree she couldn't be sure, but it was hard to reminisce with someone who had trauma-induced memory loss.

"To top things off I have to wonder if I'm going to end up just like them. It's in my DNA. I've gotten both traits I love and hate from them, and I'm scared the bad traits will overtake me and I'll become someone I dislike." Or dead. "All I can do is try to be who I want to be. Whether that's accepting those traits and predispositions or foregoing them to make something else of myself." One couldn't escape genetics, but just because one is capable of something doesn't make them obligated to follow though. Everyone was capable of murder, but we don't allow people to kill each other just because they can. It might be harder, and against her instincts, but she was trying to do more with her life.

Todoroki remembered words spoken to him long ago: "You're not bound by his blood. Decide who you want to become, and be all you can be." When was the last time he had spoken to her? His life was a blur of academics and training. So much time spent in his room and training area. Almost a decade of his life passed and while he had become strong – strong enough to shove it to his dad at the upcoming Sports Festival and beyond…what else did he have to show for it? Most of his memories contained the person his fury was directed at. How was that a win?

…..

"You're late."

Minami was emotionally drained, but she still wanted to make use of the facilities. It would be a cathartic experience. She hadn't expected Shinso to show up.

"You came."

"Don't sound so surprised." He leaned against the exterior of the building with his arms crossed. "You offered."

Minami scanned her student card and with a flash of green the door unlocked to let them in.

"Do you need me to do anything or do you want to train on your own?"

"…Alone."

Minami nodded. She respected his decision, so she began training on her own. She imagined a star and a black one appeared. Thin as paper and the perimeter uneven as if it came from a child's drawing. She thought of the edge soft before lightly rubbing it against the skin of her hand. So smooth. Like the air it was easier to imagine sensations. She was embarrassed about how the star looked but it got the job done. She imagined the edges sharp and with a slight touch it broke skin lightly like a papercut. She altered the edges to rough and it felt brittle against her skin though the edge itself still looked as smooth as she first created it.

She peeked over to Shinso. He was going to break his thumb that way! And that punch – it wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Are you sure you don't want help?"

Shinso grimaced. His shoulders hunched slightly forward. "…that bad?" The words sounded strained as if he was in pain saying that. He knew it wasn't good.

Minami walked up to Shinso. She curled her fingers into a fist. "Don't tuck in your thumb unless you want to break it. Tuck it under your curled fingers like this." Minami showed her own fist so he could copy. "Also, you don't have a lot of momentum. You can use your elbow to help add extra force, but if you can use your hips to use your body weight that would be even better. It will also help you follow through. Have you ever tried archery?"

"No. What's archery have to do with anything?"

"Nothing really. I was going to try and make a comparison. When people pull the arrow back a lot of beginners release too early because they feel the bowstring's tension, but you actually need to pull it further back despite the tension. When attacking, you don't want to stop when you make contact with a person. Here." Minami put her left arm out at a ninety-degree angle. "If this is where you hit them you want to keep punching as if you're really aiming here." She clenched her right hand into a fist and put it further away than her left arm. "You won't really end up hitting there but it sends enough force to actually impact the person you're hitting."

Shinso copied and it was much better. If people could get the form down then the rest was experience, practice, and strength. She preferred kicks for this reason. She had stronger leg muscles.

"And bend your knee if you want to kick." Minami brought a knee up to her chest before kicking her calf up to her head. "It's easier to gain height, but more importantly the force is a lot stronger. Which also means you're less likely to hurt your foot when it makes impact. Same with side and back kicks."

"I'm just going to use this to beat you. I still plan on winning."

Minami grinned. "You can try. Though, you'll want to practice a lot more so you get used to the movement. Last thing you need is to think about is your form as you use it in a real scenario." She remembered tripping over her steps and forms when first starting out, but was happy to have the other students be patient with her.

Minami offered her hands as targets to practice on. Honestly, it benefitted her too. It gave a sense of where people would be aiming and getting reacquainted at being in close quarters during a fight even if they weren't fighting.

"So, what's your quirk anyway? The other day you had that black thing and today you did something else. You already know my quirk. It's only fair." He kicked up, missing her hand by a few centimeters.

"Imagine."

"Just tell me."

"No, I mean my quirk. It's called imagine." Shinso looked at her with a 'what is this bullshit' face. "For about the length of three buses, I can enforce my will only the world and 'imagine' things into it. I can't effect people directly or the existing world. So, I can't transfigure objects or do anything to living creatures. It's all temporary too so nothing lasts, it has to stay within my distance. I have to be able to imagine it though, which I'm pretty bad at. Pretty bad pair up for someone with aphantasia."

"What's aphantasia?" Shinso punched her hand and it stung.

"Like that. That was a good hit. Aphantasia is the inability to form mental images. Like, you know our senses. Things like touch and smell. We have the capacity to have sensual memories. I can't do that with images usually. I can give you a list of descriptive characteristics of an object but I can't actually picture it."

Shinso once again thought life wasn't fair. What a stupidly powerful quirk.

But as much as he wanted to label Hanajima arrogant there was something holding him back. It seemed she needed her own practice but here she was helping him.

Though, she still fell under the category of glorified idiot.