Part 18 – The Cold-hearted Boy I Used To Be

Bray surveyed the tribe gathered before them in the café. Solaris had been tired from her long journey and so had slept late into the day. It had given Bray a chance to get Jack and Ellie to fetch Dal, and for him to prepare the tribe for the shock they were about to get. He'd told them at breakfast that a visitor had arrived late the night before and that he wanted them all gathered to meet her in the afternoon.

Trudy sat in a corner with Brady, looking pale and tired. Lex sat not far from her, looking equally as pale and tired. Bray couldn't help but wonder if there was something going on. Trudy was lonely and vulnerable, and Lex merciless. Bray wouldn't be entirely surprised if they were having some sort of affair, and it made his stomach turn. No one deserved Lex.

Just another thing he had to worry about. Besides that, Salene and Ryan were sitting on opposite sides of the café, something Ryan looked unhappy about, while Salene certainly didn't. Spike had also sent a message over that another girl's body had been found in a similar condition to Micah's mother's. Bray was feeling like his world was slowly but surely crumbling, and he didn't like it.

Before he had a chance to think about this, he saw Danni approaching just beyond the café, Solaris behind her. He looked at the tribe, and braced himself. "Guys, like I said this morning, someone arrived here last night. She was looking for me. She wanted to talk about… about Amber."

Everyone seemed to become alert at the mention of Amber's name.

Lex looked at him sharply. "Amber?"

"Who is this person?" Salene asked.

"It's pretty insensitive to come here to talk about a loved one we've lost," Trudy spoke up.

"No, you're got it wrong. This girl didn't know that Amber was dead. It was a huge shock to her," Bray explained.

"Why was I called back from the farm?" Dal asked, frowning.

"Because this person knows you too Dal," Bray said with a smile.

"Me?"

"Yeah…" Just then, Danni and Solaris entered the café. "Guys, this is Amber's older sister Solaris," he announced.

"Solaris!" Dal exclaimed. "You're alive!" he laughed in amazement.

"Yes I am. I'm so glad to see you Dal." Solaris and Dal hugged warmly, as the rest of the tribe looked on in shocked silence.

"Oh my God… you look so much like Amber," Trudy said in a hushed tone.

Solaris looked at Trudy, a quiet smile on her face. "So I've noticed," she agreed, giving Bray a knowing look.

"This is so weird." Salene shook her head.

"I know it is. And I know it's a shock too, believe me. But Solaris has travelled a long time to get here. She's been searching for her family, and it was a shock for her to find out that Amber's… that Amber's dead," Bray said.

Solaris' pleasant expression didn't waver at the mention of Amber being dead. She simply looked at the tribe warmly. "I'm so glad to meet all of Amber's friends. I'm happy she was with good people when I wasn't here."

The café was alive with the buzz of chat as the tribe expressed their surprise over their new visitor. People were soon surrounded Solaris, vying for her attention, and trying to talk with her. For some reason, Lex approached Solaris, but said nothing.

"I saw you last night, didn't I?" Solaris looked at him, smiling.

Lex merely nodded.

"Were you and Amber close?"

"No. No way. We weren't each other's biggest fans. In fact… I hated her," Lex said, in a matter of fact manner.

Danni caught his remark as she walked by, and glared at him. "Lex! Who do you think you are? That was completely out of line!"

Solaris shook her head. "No, no, it's all right. He has a right to be honest Danni."

"It was still rude," Danni maintained.

"Butt out. All you did was step right into her shoes," Lex spat. "I may have hated Amber, but at least I respected her. You? All you do is keep Bray's bed warm."

Danni stared at him, unable to even form a reply she was so angry. "Get out Lex! Get out of my sight. You're a disgrace to this tribe. Solaris doesn't have to deal with you. And neither do I."

Lex sneered at her and simply walked out of the café. Bray came up to them, wondering what trouble Lex had caused now. "What was that all about?"

"Lex was being completely insufferable – again," Danni said darkly.

"I'm sorry Solaris. Lex is… difficult to say the least," Bray explained.

Solaris nodded, but didn't seem to be too miffed by Lex's comments. "It's fine, really! He seems like a good guy. Just, how did you put it? Insufferable? Well, people can be insufferable and still be good."

Bray and Danni exchanged looks, but smiled at Solaris all the same.

"I supposed," Bray agreed. "But that doesn't always apply to Lex. He wasn't particularly nice to Amber, he always went against her Solaris. You won't find a friend in him."

Solaris just nodded again, and was distracted by Salene, who came to talk to her.

Bray and Danni walked off to stand by the kitchen counter. "She sure is a little… strange," Danni commented.

"I know. She's nothing like Amber. Totally different. Apart from the obvious resemblance, I never would have guessed they were sisters," Bray marvelled.

"Just goes to show – you never can tell who a person is just by looking at them."


May followed Lex when he stormed out of the café. She had to rush to keep up with him, and found he'd already gone into his room by time she caught up. She went inside and closed the door. Lex was sitting on the end of his bed, staring blandly at the wall.

"Lex, what is it? What's wrong?"

Lex spoke in a dull, emotionless tone. "Just because her sister's turned up they're acting like Amber was a queen, some kind of pure as the driven snow goddess. Well she wasn't. She was bossy, loud and completely controlling. She was no saint."

May nodded compassionately. "I guess so… but this is her sister Lex. They're just telling her some nice things about Amber to make her feel better."

Lex shook his head. "All they can do is gush about Amber Almighty. Zandra died in that explosion too and no one took any notice."

"Of course they did…"

Lex shook his head viciously, suddenly coming to life. "No they didn't. It was Amber, Amber, Amber. Everyone mourned her, missed her. Everyone was consoling Bray, tip-toeing around him like he might shatter. I was in pain too!"

May watched as he stood and began to pace like a caged animal. "Lex, they know that. It's not about you or Bray though. It's about Solaris losing her sister."

Lex turned on her, his eyes blazing. "She was pregnant and most of the tribe never even knew or cared that I lost two people. He lost one! I lost two! Two!"

"Lex—"

Lex's face was as hard as stone. He wasn't even looking at her. "No, there's nothing you can say. Just go May."

May flinched. "What happened to being there for each other?"

"It doesn't always work," he said stoically.

"You were there for me Lex, let me be there for you."

"No! No, I don't want you to be! Don't! Just don't try to be Zandra!" Lex yelled.

"I'm not! Of course I'm not! I didn't even know the girl, how could I do that? Lex, I'm just trying to help you."

"I don't want it. I want to be alone."

Lex turned his back on her and May stood up, jutting her chin proudly. There were only so many times she could be rejected and still take it.

"Then you will be. Zandra's gone Lex, but everyone else isn't. You might want to remember that when you scream at everyone to leave you alone… because one day you'll find that everyone has."

Lex didn't reply, and so May left the room silently. She paused outside, fuming inside. How dare he treat her like that? They were supposed to be there for each other, support each other when no one else would! Lex sure went back on his word fast.

She stalked across the Mall, hardly looking where she was going. Suddenly, she crashed into a body, and stumbled backwards. She looked up in surprise. It was Spike. He grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

"Whoa! Excuse you!" Spike exclaimed in a light tone.

"You ran into me, creep!" May retorted.

Spike raised his eyebrows. "No need to be unfriendly. It was just an accident. We were both at fault."

"Whatever… now if you don't mind," May snapped, starting to walk away.

Spike stepped into her path and took hold of her arm. "Wait. Are you okay? You look… annoyed."

May let out a huge sigh, and rolled her eyes. "Well I am now. I've got a really unpleasant man grabbing onto my arm."

Spike tilted his head, a mocking smile playing on his lips. "Unpleasant? You hardly know me."

May narrowed her eyes at him. "You're a Loco. That's all I need to know."

Spike was nothing but a snake. He hated the Mallrats, and as far as May could see, he even hated his own leader Ebony. The few times she had heard him speak, he'd only had something biting and sarcastic to say. And he was a Loco. Even without ever speaking to him that warranted derision in her book. She knew what it took to get into the Locos, what kind of person someone had to be. And to get so high up in the caste system of the tribe, a lieutenant… well, what kind of person was Spike to be that powerful in a tribe of cruel malcontents?

"Locos aren't all bad."

May snorted and smiled at him sarcastically. "I'm sorry, but do I have 'idiot' branded on my forehead? Locos are all bad! That's why they're Locos."

"I'm not all bad."

"I don't care," May snapped at him, wondering why he was bothering to defend himself to her.

"I do. And I care that you think I am. I've seen you here in this place. You hardly say a word to anyone. It's like you're not even part of the tribe," Spike said quietly.

"That's because I'm not."

"May…"

"What?" May asked impatiently.

"I may be a Loco, but I wouldn't hurt you."

May looked at him sharply, bewilderment apparent on her face. "What is your game? Do you want something from me? Inside info on the Mallrats? Because you won't get it! I don't know what Loco game you're playing but you should go find some other sucker to play it with."

"I'm not playing a game. You're surrounded by a tribe that you hardly feel like you know. So am I. The Locos aren't want they were May," Spike whispered to her. "Ebony's losing her grip."

May frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing… nothing. I'm just saying, don't be afraid of me," Spike said softly.

With that he walked away and May stared after him, feeling completely confused. Had she missed something? Why was a Loco talking to her and acting like he was almost a civilised human being? And why was he telling her things about the inner workings of his tribe? And why had he been so… nice? Spike was unpleasant, that was why he was Spike!

May shook her head. Things got stranger and stranger around here every day.


"I don't trust them."

"What's your conspiracy theory this time?" Viper asked, rolling his eyes, which Archer found slightly off-putting, even with his own abnormal eyes.

Viper's eyes were black with red slits, the product of contact lenses made to resemble snake's eyes. Long before the virus had hit, Viper had had an affinity for snakes. He'd owned dozens of them at one point; he had loved everything about them and still did. So it seemed obvious that once everyone had begun fashioning new identities for themselves following the Virus that he should become the human embodiment of his favourite animal.

Archer squared his jaw and glared at Viper. "It's no conspiracy theory Viper. The golden couple of the Gaians are hiding something," he spat, angrily tossing a piece of wood onto the fire.

His dark eyes slid over his tribe who were congregated outside around various fires as usual, eating supper. His gaze rested on Pride and Eagle who sat under a large oak tree with Tigra. Robin was crawling on a blanket before them. Sourly, he stared at the two leaders, Eagle especially. He hated seeing her here, safe with the man who loved her while Raven was who knows where.

Viper let out an aggravated sigh. "What Archer? What are they hiding? Eagle is Raven's cousin. If she knew where she was, she would go and get her, but she has no damn idea! Just let it go man, all right? You made the girl run away in the first place!"

Archer's eyes flared. "It isn't all my fault! It's not! And 'let it go'? So the love of my life just disappears into the night… and I should just 'let it go'?"

"No, I didn't mean it like that. What I meant is, let go of this idea that Eagle and Pride are trying to keep Raven from you. I'm sick of hearing it! As your best friend you should be told the truth – and the truth is you're acting demented Archer. Blaming everyone you see for Raven's disappearance, accusing her own family of knowing something, staying up all night carving arrows…" Viper trailed off, shaking his thin green dreadlocks around his pale face.

Archer cast his mismatched eyes down, choosing to ignore Viper's comments. So what if people thought he was acting demented… he knew he was. He couldn't help it. This was Raven! He had been enthralled with her since the first day she had arrived at the camp. She had become one of his best friends and eventually more than that. But he'd never become husband. He'd never gotten to share his life or his bed with her and they had definitely never consummated their relationship.

He missed Raven, but he also missed what could have been had she stayed. He couldn't get his head around the fact that it seemed that she had left of her own accord. Why would she do that, especially since she had family here, she was a leader, she had him…

And though she had turned down his marriage proposal, Archer realised now that she had turned it down for now – but not forever, something he had not been able to see in the fury of the moment. He dearly hoped that his rage had not made her leave. He hoped she hadn't been afraid of him, or hated him for his reaction, and that's why she had gone.

"Afternoon boys," Tigra greeted them, folding her long frame to sit on a log by the fire. She shook her fiery red and crimson locks out of her face, revealing a long scar from some unknown terror she'd experienced before the Virus. A lot of the male tribe members thought it only made her more beautiful.

"Tigra," Viper nodded. "How's Robin?" he asked.

"Oh she's fine. Her parents were just over-reacting, as usual," Tigra replied in her deep, husky voice. She laughed a little and glanced behind her as Pride followed Eagle to their hut with their tiny daughter clutched tightly to his chest.

Archer felt a coldness sink into his stomach as the little family passed by. He saw what could have been. He was in no hurry to have children… but Raven had always fawned over Robin and said how much she wanted children. She was just a little younger than Eagle and he just a few years younger than Pride… It was quite possible that he and Raven could have had what they did.

Archer was a negative person, always had been. He thought the worst immediately and reacted badly. He couldn't help thinking that Raven was gone for good. That he would never see her sweet face again. He wanted to know why. And he was sure that Eagle and Pride knew.

Archer automatically touched the bow by his feet. Yes, Eagle and Pride knew where Raven had gone… and he was going to prove it.


"We need to talk about it Amber. You know we do."

"No. No we don't. I refuse Pride."

"Why are you being so stubborn? I've chosen to go and search for Sienna, and it's up to me where I decide to search for her."

Amber put Robin in her crib and turned to Pride, her arms crossed. She had her lips pursed tightly over her teeth. Her fists were clenched, her knuckles were turning white. He could see that she was getting angrier and angrier by the second, but he really had no patience for it. He loved his wife, but her aversion to the City was bordering on ridiculous.

"And she's my cousin Pride. I know her. She wouldn't have gone to the damn City!" Amber insisted hotly.

"No, maybe she wouldn't have a few weeks ago, when she was thinking straight. But she just got two shocks. Her and Archer ended, and she found that you used to lead a totally different life in the City with someone called Bray, which you walked away from forever. I think she would have headed to the place that was foremost in her mind, and that Amber, is the City."

Amber turned and began to pace the cabin furiously. "Why are you doing this? Are you trying to hurt me?"

"Of course not! I'm trying to help you! I'm trying to get your cousin back! You have a problem with the City Amber and I understand that. But it's not you going there. It's me."

"Fine Pride. Do what you want. I'm going to the lake, I need to be alone."

Amber left the hut and walked across the camp. She walked that familiar path through the trees and found her usual spot by the lakeshore.

Amber stared at her reflection in the gently rippling waters of the lake. She looked less and less like Amber of the Mallrats every day, and more like Eagle of the Gaians. She had adopted a vastly softer and more feminine look. The Zulu knots had been abandoned for a less severe hairstyle. Her hair was completely blond now, and it fell to her shoulders in one golden sheet.

Her tribal markings were simple and her eye makeup dramatic. The blues and greens of her clothing fitted her surroundings and her role. She felt that this was her true self, and that she had finally come into her own. Ironically, it was all under a different name. Eagle.

But try though she might to refute what Pride had often said, she couldn't escape Amber. And she had never really wanted to.

Amber sat down on a rock and let out a strangled cry. She wanted to be Amber again! She recalled the note her cousin had left behind her, saying she had to go and find Sienna again. That was how Amber was feeling. She had to find Amber again. Had Eagle done her any good? Eagle had let her escape the past, and cover it with a new mask. But that wasn't what Amber was about. Amber didn't run and hide. Amber fought.

Amber had to fight again.

She had never wanted to admit it, but she missed the City. She missed the Mall. She missed her tribe. She missed Patsy and Cloe squabbling. She missed Brady crying in the middle of the night. She missed dealing with Trudy's or Salene's dramas. She even missed Lex's arrogant tantrums. And she missed Bray. Bray, who had been a dear friend long before he had been a lover.

What was Bray doing now? Was he all right? Had he found happiness again like she had?

She loved Pride, she did. And when they'd gotten married, it had all been part of her constructing a new identity for herself, a new Amber. But that didn't mean she loved him any less, because he still knew the real Amber, the true Amber.

And Robin, her beloved baby. Every day she wondered how she had become a mother. She had never been the maternal type and had never, ever thought about having children. It simply hadn't entered her mind. But when she'd become pregnant, and seen Pride's ecstatic reaction, she knew it was right. Pride, at just eighteen, had been the perfect father. And just after Robin's birth when she'd contracted a similar fever to the one Trudy had gotten after she'd had Brady, he had been right there, taking care of both her and Robin.

She knew her terrible experience on Eagle Mountain had happened for a reason and this was it. So she would meet Pride and find her soul mate. So she would have her daughter, and know just how deep and all-consuming love was.

But something was missing – her past. And she had to face it sooner or later.

She would go back to Pride and tell him she was sorry. That he should go to the City to find Sienna. And once she was found, Amber would sit down with her family, and talk about confronting her past, and her future.


Coming soon in Part 19 – Can Evil Speak True:

- Ebony gets a surprise visitor who's here to stay
- Just as Luke makes a decision about his future, the Guardian gives him some shocking news
- Ebony is shaken when she meets Solaris and her past sins catch up with her
- Spike gives Bray good news about the hunt for the City murderer… but is it the truth?
- Danni and Bray come up against some opposition from the tribe over a new idea of theirs

And more…