Disclaimer: Characters and everything RENT belongs to Jonathan Larson
Warnings: Rated R for sexual situations and references
Author's Note: The absence of certain Bohemians (Collins, Joanne, and Mimi) will be explained in future chapters. And the chapter titles are all (hopefully) going to be lines from the musical.
1992
Roger sat on the fire escape, his guitar in his lap. He didn't play it, just held onto it. Maureen came out and sat beside him.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey."
"You okay?"
"Yeah…when did you get here?"
"Just now. Mark's at work?"
Roger nodded.
"You take your AZT?"
He nodded again.
Maureen shivered and Roger set his guitar down, peeling off his jacket. He put it around her shoulders, not saying anything.
"Thanks," she said. "You sure you're okay, Rog?"
"Today's one year."
Maureen leaned her head on his shoulder. "I know…I'm so sorry, babe."
"Thanks…I just…"
"What?"
Roger shook his head. "Nothing."
"Roger, you can tell me. What?"
"I just miss her so much. I thought…I thought it would be easier with time. Like when April died…but it seems like every day….every day hurts just as much as before. Do you know what I mean?"
She nodded. "I still miss Joanne."
"Yeah but at least…nevermind…"
"At least what?"
"At least you can be with other people."
"Roger, I know how seriously you take marriage, but Mimi would be okay with you seeing other people."
"I know, I know. We talked about it before…before she got sick. That's not it."
"Then what is it?"
"Mo, come on. I can't expose someone else to this."
"So use a condom."
"Thought about that…still have to tell the woman though. And not one woman I've met since Mimi has been willing to so much as kiss me after she knows it."
Maureen tilted her head up and saw the tears glittering in his eyes. She reached a hand up and pulled his face down towards her, gently kissing him. Roger stared at her in disbelief when she pulled away.
"Maureen…"
"I know. I just…"
Before she could finish the sentence, Roger kissed her, one hand on her face and one on her waist. He pulled away, uncertain of what he'd just done.
"Roger—"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"
"Yes, you should have. And I'm not sorry."
"You're not?"
"Nope."
"Why'd you kiss me?"
"Why'd you kiss me?"
"I asked first," Roger said with a smile.
Maureen blushed. "Because…when I looked at you, you looked as lonely as I feel. And I wondered what it would be like to kiss you. Now why'd you kiss me?"
"Because when you kissed me, it was the first time since Mimi died that I didn't feel alone."
Maureen stood up and reached a hand down to him.
"What?" he asked.
"You got any condoms?"
"Maureen, wait…" he said, following her into the loft.
"Do you or don't you?"
"Well, yeah, but Mo—"
She turned and faced him. "No, Rog. No buts. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of being alone."
"So we should have sex because we're lonely?"
"Maybe. Or maybe because we're two consenting adults who care about each other. Or maybe just because we want to."
"Maureen, I can't—"
"Can't or don't want to?"
"Can't. You know I can't."
"If we use a condom, chances are I'll be safe."
"You really want to expose yourself to this on a 'chances are'?"
Even as he said it, he stepped forward towards her.
"Yes," she said softly.
Roger's arms slipped his jacket off her shoulders and circled her waist as he leaned down to kiss her. Maureen's hands sprawled over his chest, her fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt. She backed up towards the bedroom. Roger stopped in the doorway.
"What now?" she asked.
"Gotta get the condoms from the bathroom," he said.
Maureen sat on his bed, surprised at her own actions. She wanted this. Part of her always wanted Roger. He returned a minute later, condom in hand. Maureen watched him walk towards her, butterflies in her stomach. He dropped the condom beside her as he kissed her again. In all the years they'd known each other, even before she was with Mark, they'd never crossed this line.
Reaching up, Maureen slid his shirt to the ground, kissing his neck and collarbone as she did so. She pulled back long enough for Roger to tug her sweater up over her head. Her hands glided over his chest. She hadn't realized how strong he was, how muscular. He leaned down, pushing her gently to lie on her back. Maureen could feel him hard against her leg and moaned as he kissed her again, reaching one hand behind her to take off her bra.
Maureen's hand slid between them, then into Roger's jeans. He groaned, sounding almost as if he was in pain. She stroked him a few times as his hands tangled in her hair, his mouth covering hers. Roger pulled away from her head and made a trail of kisses down to her jeans. He eased them off, letting them fall to the floor. Maureen reached for his zipper. His hand covered her, stopping her. They were both panting and sweating.
"Mo, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, even with the condom—"
Maureen reached beside her and felt for the condom. Holding it up, she gave a small smile. "No day but today, right?"
Roger had to laugh. "Maureen…"
"Forget regret. Isn't that what you always say? I don't want to have to look back and wonder."
She reached again for his zipper. This time, he didn't stop her.
Roger was different than any lover she'd had before, not that there had been many. A couple guys in college who didn't know the first thing about sex. Then Mark…Mark who'd been slow and gentle, but somehow held back. Joanne was like that, too, never fully giving herself over to the moment. None of her lovers had been big on kissing during sex. Roger, though, Roger kissed her as though the world would end if he didn't, with more passion and desire than she'd thought possible.
When they were through, Roger pulled himself out of her and stood up long enough to discard the used condom. In their haze, they didn't notice the tiny leak in the end of the condom.
Roger stumbled back to the bed. Maureen bit her lip, concerned.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Just, uh, wore me out there," he laughed, lying beside her.
Roger curled an arm around her shoulders. Maureen's head fell to his chest, her arm draped across his stomach. They lay silent for a few minutes before Roger spoke.
"Maureen?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you," he said, stroking her black curls.
"Think I should be thanking you, Davis," she said with a laugh.
