This is chapter 3 in my story. I hope you like it. I know I'm probably gonna piss people off with my story but thats the beauty of humor.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, places, products, etc. in my story, except for the story line.
Solid Snake: How he came to the brawl.
Chapter3: Final Fantasy Unite!
Snake was now ready to enter the next room. When he opened the door and took his first step he started to fall into a bottom less pit.
''AHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" he screamed at the top of his lunges. Just then he took out a redbull " Ah, redbull it gives you wings. Now to figure out what just happed." He then noticed at the top of the door it said' bottom less pit' and next to it was another door that said 'Round 2'. "... Figures."
When Snake got into the room he saw his next opponent... a clavat from Final Fantasy Crystal Cronicles.
"Bring it on!" said the clavat.
"oh its been brought bitch!" said snake.
" yo mama is so ugly when she went to rob a bank, all the camras looked away!"
"Oh yeah? Yo mama is so fat that when god said let there be light she had to get out of the way first"
"Well well your momma so fat that when she sat in a rainbow skittles came out!"
Well YO MA... wait! were not having a dising contest! Were having a fight!"
"Oh!... well uhhh... ATTACK!" the clavat said while rushing to snake. Snake tried to shoot him but he was too fast "hold still damn it! I just wanna shoot ya!" Snake then noticed that the clavat would only move in the area of a bubble." But whats making that bubble? wait... I know!" Snake then took out his gun and shot the moogle that was following the clavat.
"NOOO! MOG! WHY?...WHY?" Said the clavat over the dead moogles body.
"I noticed that where ever the creature went, that bubble would follow. So I figured out that the creature was making the bubble."
"What? No you douchebag! It was the chalice he was holding. The chalice!"
"Oh... well it worked either way." He said while tossing a bomb in the bubble.
"AHHHHH!" said the clavat, wondering weather to stay in the bubble and get blown up or slowly die outside of it. At the last second he jumped out and the bomb exploded. He slowly crawled back but Snake put a small hurdle in front of him.
"O.K. all you have to do is get over the hurdle, swing across the crab pit, ride the tricycle through the ring of fire and maybe, just maybe you'll get to your bubble." snake said with a evil grin.
Instead of doing the obstacle course, the clavat just went around it and gave Snake the finger.
"WHAT? WAIT! NO! Ehh... uhhh... oh to hell with this!" He took out his gun and shot the clavat, killing it.
"This games winner is... Snake!" Said the announcer from super smash bros.
"Thanks, see you in the next round!" Snake replied.
"Doubt it!" the announcer.
"Why?"
"You'll see..." Snake walks into the room lust to hear a eerie music start to play. "that music... I've heard it before... but where? where?" Snake said. Then he started to hear the choir play and he remembered where it was from...
Noli manere, manere in memoria. (x2)
(x2)
Sephiroth, Sephiroth.
Saevam iram, iram et dolorem. (x2)
Ferum terrible, ferum fatum.
Noli manere, manere in memoria. (x2)
(x2)
Sephiroth, Sephiroth.
Veni, mi fili. Veni, mi fili.
Hic veni, da mihi mortem iterum.
Veni, mi fili. Veni, mi fili.
Hic veni, da mihi...( muisic continues )
"Oh... HELL... no!" Snake said in disbelief.
He then saw Sephiroth slowly floating down from the ceiling when a fire effect burns his wing."Ahhhhhhh! Two magic! Two magic!" He then went crashing down to the floor. "Phill!" A man walks in. "yes sir?"
"I got burned thanks to you!"
"I-I'm sorry but I told you to stay to the left-"
"You talking back to me?" He bitch slaps Phill.
"please sir! Don't kill me!" He said on his knees.
"You better not mess up again, or else!"
"O.Kayaaaaaaa."
"Are you whining to me?"
"NO! I! UHH... AHHHHHH!" Phill went running. Sephiroth made a dark ball of energy and shot it at Phill. Snake could see a giant explosion and Phills head in the air.
"Now... to deal with you Snake." Sephiroth said, looking at Snake.
"Frist of, all where is that music coming from?" Snake asked.
"From that boom box." Sephiroth pointed at a boom box.
"Thanks." He took out his gun and shot the boom box, stopping the music and starting another song...
"I love you, you love me, lets get together and-" He shoots it again, stopping the music all together.
Sephiroth had a shocked look on his face." You could have just asked me to turn it off!"
"Second of all, Final Fantasy VII came out on Playstation. You can't be here."
"I know. But I'm so bad ass that no one dares challenges me. Now, draw your weapon. Lets fight." Sephiroth draws his sword, but Snakes face turns to serious, to nearly bursting out in laughter.
"Wh-whats so funny" Sephiroth says.
"Your sword... it's just... so... big..."
"SO!"
"You trying to make up for some thing you don't have?"
"NO!...(yes)... Argh!" He charged at Snake, and the fight begins.
Sephiroth keeped using attacks like hitting him 7 times in a row, making dark balls of energy apear around him, making meteors come from the sky, and flying up and dropping Soras... I mean Snakes health to 1 and no M.P. Snake used all his hi-potions, but he still could not beat him Just when Sephiroth was about to make the final blow he said," Face it, only one person can beat me, and he's not here right now!"
"Guess again!" Cloud jumps through a window.
"Cloud!" Sephiroth gasps.
"It's time we end this!" Cloud said.
"All right, lets go!" He charges at him, They fight, and go through the wall, leaving the room.
"Uhhhhh... I won?" Snake said.
"This games default winner is... Solid Snake." The announcer said with a little confusion.
When Snake was about to go to the next room, his cell phone began to ring. Caller I.D. said it was Michihiro Ishizuka. He didn't want to answer it, but in the end he did.
"... Hello?" Snake said.
"OH THANK GOD YOU ANSWERED! My house is burning down and I need your help!" Michihiro Ishizuka said.
"What the hell! How did it get on fire? "
"Well I was ironing my colthing when I remembered I needed to get my laundry so I went to call you but I left the iron on and one thing went to another and now my house is on fire!"
"Why didn't you call 911?"
"I don't know the number! I only know yours!"
"Are you high or something?"
"YES!" Snake started to hear crackling of the fire and then Michihiro said "Snake I just want you to know that I sleept with your mother."
"WHAT? MY MOTHER?" Snake hears Michihiro scream, a loud explotion, and then the line gets disconnected. He hangs up his phone and sighs. "... I should have never gave him my number."
Chapter3: Clear.
(A.V.) This chapter was so far the longest. I hope it's not disappointing. Chapter4: Resident Dushebag, is on it's way.
