Tʜᴇ Jᴇᴀʟᴏᴜs Sʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ

Subaru woke up gasping, clutching his chest and heaving over his blankets, struggling to breathe. Flailing on the bed, he felt as if his very life force siphoned away by something invisible. It was a familiar feeling he thought had gone forever, and had made its return quite the surprise.

Blackness—it was all he saw now. Soon enough, he was in the depths of his own mind. There was no semblance of direction, time, or anything else he could identify. He then realized it was a world deeper inside him than even his own subconscious, locked away from all interference from the rest of existence. In this desolate world, he saw nothing, and even deeper within, he saw shadows within the nothingness. It was vague, but he could trace the outline of something, hiding shyly behind a miasma of envy, love and despair.

Then, a small but unmistakable voice escaped through the chasm of nothingness, reaching his deafened ears:

"My love for you is everlasting."

It was a voice both staggered and faint, but clear enough to understand. Even still, it was strange; the voice itself was familiar, but the words of love were not. Its slithering speech continued, saying, "Why did you separate from me? My love goes unrequited, and I can only suspect you have abandoned me. Why did you hide yourself under pretense, feigning no love for me at all?"

The unacquainted, yet still-familiar voice echoed throughout the black corridors of the surrounding invisible walls. Her voice was soft, a mixture of emotions, both sad and apologetic, but he could feel a tinge of anger… or perhaps distrust emanating from it.

He did not respond.

The figure vibrated and stirred furiously in the darkness. "I love you… I love you… I love you!" Her passionate song's tenor rose with every declaration. "Will you find it within your heart to requite such feelings? 'Tis a loneliness which I shan't banish within myself, until I have your heart full and true."

He floated toward the soft chime which beckoned him like only one other person could. The words, and the voice itself was unmistakable. It was a familiar sound, yet the yearning felt within it was foreign, like a strangers. But it could have been no one else.

Facing the sea of black, he dared to speak. "Is that you, Emilia…?"

No response in return. He then felt something grip his throat. It was that welcoming suffocating feeling he received every time he threatened to break the rules of his Return by Death.

He clawed frantically at his neck as it tightened further, forcing his eyes to roll back into his head. With death knocking, he grasped the invisible arms sucking the life from his body. Changing stratagem, and knowing nothing else to do, he tried uselessly to peel the immeasurably strong fingers from his throat. The vessels in his eyes finally popped from the stress, painting his eyes blood red. He kicked madly, flailing helplessly as he began to lose consciousness, but the firm grip of the shadows still held strong.

"Stop, please…" he begged, as his raspy, strained voice barely escaped his ensnared throat.

As if responding to his plea, the grip loosened, allowing him to suck in a few vital gulps of air. Slowly, the silhouette behind the shadow slowly came into view, revealing herself to him. His bloodshot eyes widened, and he sucked in another breath of air no sooner before gasping it out in shock.

There, a thin woman who appeared no older than he exposed herself.

Her dress—malformed from the blanketing shadows surrounding them—pulsated around her. It reminded him of heartbeats, its rhythm stricken and pained from loss. Silver flowing hair dangled long past her shoulders, and solemn tears dripped steadily from her amethyst eyes. Her glowing pale skin which threatened to blind him, contrasted heavily with the pitch black surrounding them.

Yes—this unique, unquestionable face of beauty belonged to one person dear to him, and one person alone. It was that of the girl whom he depended on so dearly, the one whom he made love to just hours prior. Yet, something was different about her. Her face bore an expression so dismal and filled with sadness it rivalled even his darkest moments. Gone was the cheery face of the one he held so close to his heart, replaced by someone who had clearly been through much despair.

Even so, although she was threatening to strangle his life away just moments ago, her plush cheeks were painted with a rosy red color, signifying she was either shy, anxious or embarrassed… or something else unimaginable, to say the least.

The maiden glowered and looked upon him with tear laden eyes. "Please, call upon my true name," she said as her voice quivered, tinged with heartbreak. "Tis been many a year my name has gone without utterance, and I may have yet forgotten the tune of it. I beg you to allow my ears to hear your voice speak it once more."

Her name, he thought. That name, he always wondered about. His eyes closed, as her pure voice rung throughout his head, pulling him back to a moment long past.

They stood on the balcony overlooking the slums of Lugnica. The half-elf dangled playfully over the railing, her hair flowing gracefully in the steady wind. She effortlessly painted the skyline with her beauty. Without her, this moment would be nothing. With her, any moment was of such great consequence he could remember every detail, down to the cracks in the bricks beneath them. As he stood there silently, all he could think about was her intoxicating potent smell of jasmine, and the sheer impossibility of her loveliness.

He spoke his request, and she turned to him slowly.

"Satella," the half-elf introduced herself, her emotions unrecognizable apart from a mild hesitation in her voice. "I don't have a last name, so you can just call me Satella."

Her spirit cat hovered quietly over her shoulder, watching her movements closely. There was a long pause in speech, as the two parties stared at each other without a word to exchange. The red-sun winds blew heartily in the tepid Lugnican air, capturing the half-elf's hair marvelously in its grasp.

The sprawling city skyline began to warp harshly, and twisted into darkness until it was no more.

His eyes opened once more, and he again stood face to face with the reason of his existence.

Her piercing aquamarine pupils bore deep into his own bloodied eyes. She was only inches from him now. It was then he could smell the heady scent of rich jasmine, something he had become quite accustomed to. She was as alluring and tantalizing as ever, something he could just reach out and touch without a moment of thought.

Instead, she herself reached out with one frail hand to finally touch him. After all this time, one touch was all she ever wanted. He flinched as her fingers brushed gently over his cheek, as they were cold and clammy—probably from something akin to nervousness… or fright.

Was she afraid of him? He didn't want her to feel that way.

Slowly, he reached up and brushed his own hand over her own, squeezing it with both care and comfort. Her soft eyes burst wide open as tears began to brim the corners, threatening to fall without a moment's notice. Abruptly, she pulled back, and with great worry he reached out to her—but he was too late.

He heard a deafening sound, and he was wrenched from the depths of the darkness within his own mind.

With beads of sweat brimming his forehead, Subaru shot up from the bed. Panicked, he looked around the cabin, gasping for breath. He was alone. Shakily, his hand reached up to touch his cheek, where her little hand had just rested seconds ago. It was still warm from the close contact.

The spot next to him where his lover lay was cold and empty. It was unusual for her to leave his side, especially as he slept. It was still dusk outside, probably just before sunrise.

Subaru dressed himself, stood and walked over to the desk where Emilia's belongings lay just the night before. Of course, they were gone, and with no explanation or a letter to write why or where she had fled to.

Suddenly, he could hear the rusted doorknob jiggle behind him. He turned to face it as the door slowly propped itself open, revealing the girl of his worry. She looked at him with surprise, as if she had been caught in the middle of an act. Unusually, she was dressed in her original white garb, along with her magical pointy eared cloak. Her eyes blinked at him inquisitively, wondering if he would speak. Her large amethyst eyes were a deep purple color, and just so, so beautiful.

Never mind that, he thought. Sometimes it was a struggle to think clearly and consistently regarding her. "Emilia, I didn't expect you back so soon," he said, as he walked over to her and held the door for her. "What are you doing out so early in the morning? I was worried for a moment… Are you—"

"I was just out for a walk," she explained, her voice curt as she cut him off. She walked inside with soft footsteps and passed him to stand near the foot of the bed. "Last night, I was feeling uncomfortable for some reason. So, whilst the moon was bright and the air was cool and agreeable, I stepped out to talk with the lesser spirits. Normally, I communicated with them every day… and 'tis been almost four days since my last meeting with them. They had… a lot to share with me."

Subaru nodded but kept quiet. Her voice was soft and unsure, like she had done something wrong. She hadn't, of course. She looked at him plainly now, her doe eyes widened but filled with caution. Slowly, he reached out his hand to touch hers—

A blood-curdling scream filled the air.

Jolted from her haze, Emilia stepped back as she watched Subaru fall to the ground. She knelt beside him, but was unsure of what to do as he flailed wildly on the ground, seemingly assailed by something invisible. She called out his name—once, maybe twice—yet her shriek of a voice was almost deafened as his world turned dark. He was pale as the sheets of snow which blanketed Sanctuary, both heaving and inconsolable.

He yelped again. It felt as if his heart was being squashed between two powerful hands. He gasped once more, and then swallowed the metallic tasting blood bursting out from his throat.

Emilia then said, "Subaru, please, what is it? Please tell me what's wrong!" Panicked, she pressed her hands against him and began a healing incantation.

After a few agonizingly long moments, the pressure released itself, and the world came back into focus. He stood hastily and crawled over to the corner of the room, hiding his pained face from Emilia. "Don't come close to me, Emilia," he said, his mouth filling once more with the taste of blood. "Stay away from me, please. Just get away from me, now!"

She stared at him with confusion, the shock on her face easy for anyone to see.

With haggard breath, he hoisted himself up. He stumbled and tripped over his own feet in a hurry and raced madly out the door without any explanation or recourse for the silver-haired half-elf he left behind. She just watched him leave without any interference.

As the door hung open, other patrons of the inn stood outside, wondering what all the fuss was about. They talked curiously amongst themselves, paying no attention to the small, frail girl left alone in the room.

Splayed out, Emilia rested on her knees, shaking from the unexpectedness of it all. Hot tears streamed steadily down her cheeks, with no sign of ending. "Subaru, please come back," she uttered, her voice a panicked cry. Now her sobs were uncontrollable, and with nobody to comfort her. "Please, don't leave me!"

There was no response, and she was met with only silence and the sounds of her own convulsions. Soon, her cries ceased, and with it, her sadness was replaced with a growing realization.

After a moment, a frightened and desperate voice went unnoticed amongst the crowd:

"Don't leave me…"
"I have no one else."
"…Subaru?"
"You promised you wouldn't leave me, ever."
"…Subaru, you liar."

XXXXXX

He only knew to run. And run he did, for so long he couldn't go on any longer.

Subaru fell on his hands and knees. Gasping for breath, he stared at his barely-visible reflection in the murky puddle beneath him.

He looked like death… or someone close to it. The underside of his eyes sagged with dark bags, aging his face considerably. The sight made him give out and splash down on his back, his chest rising and falling with a staggered lurch, at times interrupted by painful heartbeats powerful enough to burst through his ribcage. A deep breath in, and then out, trying as he might to slow the panicked rise and fall of his chest. It had little effect, and his chest pains continued mercilessly.

The repetitions and additional sentences added too much of a dramatic effect. I slimmed them down so the readers will have an easier time preparing for the next gut punch.

Rolling over onto his side and propping himself up, Subaru looked around him. He had gone as far as he could, straight through the forest where they came from. He had one destination in mind, a place where he had to get to, even if it meant his life. He didn't know why he wanted to go back there, but he just felt like he needed to.

So, on he marched quietly, through crooks and crags, rivers and woods—he just kept walking himself to death. He felt like he wanted to die anyway, so that would only be a plus. He understood his death was inevitable, as this world he had so recently arrived in has given him nothing but death, but denying him the sweetest nothing at the end of it all. Now, he couldn't even be close to the last person who mattered to him in this evil world. All that's left was the fading of people who had met their bloody end before himself.

No, that was wrong. He had died a thousand times before—what difference would one last time make? Their memories weren't fading either. He was lying to himself if he said that. Their faces were burned into his mind unlike anything else—their bloodied corpses and the death rattles they let out in their final moments… he could remember every detail which was burnt so deeply into his mind. Petra… Frederica… Beatrice… and—

He ceased his movements as his eyes widened in sorrow, falling quietly to his knees as moonlight shone through the hazy clouds overhead. In front of him was the courtyard of Roswaal's now empty mansion; a place of his nightmares… and of his sweetest dreams. He could remember every wonderful moment spent here with Emilia… with Rem, Ram, and everyone else. He could also remember every painful death and horrid nightmare he had experienced here.

As he looked around, he noticed the normal lush green color of the courtyard had turned a dull brown, the remains of this area's freezing death. Perhaps it was from the wicked magister's ice storm, perhaps not.

A cold chill overtook his body, as he remembered what catastrophe occurred here. In the left center of the vast courtyard lay two makeshift grave-markers—the final resting place of Petra and Frederica. He had buried them after Elsa and her little accomplice murdered them. That assassin was no doubt still alive, as she had let him live just to prolong this tormented world for him forever.

He slowly crept up to the graves and stared down at them blankly. For some time he stood there, gazing at the remains of his former companions. Time passed without a thought, fleeting like the gentle wind whisking its way through the night sky. He was silent, unmoving—inhumanly so. He dared not make a sound. After quite some time, he tore his eyes from the graves and walked into the main entrance of the mansion, now convinced of what he had to do.

The main doorway was pushed open, revealing a mansion which was now empty, just like the rest of his world. It was eerie how the mansion was so still—so vast as it was—yet so empty and alone. It was the perfect allegory for Subaru's life, its lifelessness and emptiness rivaling even his own.

He withdrew his sword from its sheath, its blade glimmering under the moon's glowing illumination. It was a fine blade indeed, sharp enough to cut through any material—certainly enough to cut through his own flesh like a hot knife through butter. He knelt to one knee and placed the pommel of the blade against the ground, pointing the tip directly at his throat. It inched closer, and closer, until he could feel it hovering close enough to make his forehead sweat.

Once before, he had done something like this… for the sake of someone close to him. Now, it was for entirely different reasons.

He closed his eyes, swallowed his fear, took a deep breath and—

"—Subaru!"

A bell chime of a voice reverberated through the hallways, wresting him from his determination. From that beautiful sound he discerned the call of his own name.

The blade clattered to the ground, rattling and sending a piercing ringing throughout the endless corridors of the mansion. It finally came to a rest, and brought with it a silence unlike any other.

He wouldn't move, not even the slightest. His tongue was caught in his throat, and his mouth dried up so fast he didn't think he could ever speak. He just knelt there, as the pitter-patter of gentle footsteps came closer and closer to him. He couldn't turn around, nor could he face her—not now, right here at the end. He knew his betrayal ran deeper than she could ever understand. After all, he had betrayed himself more than anyone. He wasn't a hero, but a coward—a spineless, weak, pathetic coward, one who ran away from his problems instead of facing them. With his back against a wall, he had finally given up, completely, and utterly.

The soft footsteps ceased.

"Subaru, you broke your promise," she whispered, her voice almost a whimper. "You… You left me…"

He couldn't see her expression, but from the breaking of her voice, he let his imagination fill in the holes.

Another silence. Her voice had seemingly faltered, herself just as unable to speak as he, ironically matching each other perfectly right now. Admittedly, it was in these very inadequacies they found solace in each other. In all their imperfections, they could find perfection.

Subaru swallowed. "You shouldn't have followed me," he finally said, his voice so quiet it was almost inaudible. "Why… Why did you come?"

"You are a liar, Subaru," she accused pointedly. The devastating words came out in quick bursts, like she couldn't control herself. "You said you would never leave me!"

His body jerked violently in reaction to these words. "It's not my fault, I didn't mean to," he whispered darkly, burying his face in his hands. "I swear, it's not my fault." His voice then dropped to a volume which reached no human nor half-elf ears. His mouth moved, saying, "It's the you inside me."

She stood behind him, her glistening amethyst eyes brimming with tears. Even though he couldn't see it, he knew from deep within, an unsightly fear was stricken across her face.

It pained him to the core, the very center of his being, and it tore him apart to hear her speak such things. He didn't want to be here right now—in fact, he wished only to be dead. "I swear, I can't do this anymore," he promised, speaking to nobody but himself. His voice continued to rise with every syllable, until it was almost a shout. "I can't go on, and if I can't be with you, I don't want to breathe anymore!"

His hand reached for the sword on the ground. He heard a panicked shriek behind him, and as he clasped it, another hand slapped his own, pinning it to the ground. Her other arm wrapped possessively around him, pulling him tightly against her soft chest.

"Please, don't!" she screamed in desperation. It was a plea for his life. "Please, no! Please don't leave me! I need you! I don't want to be alone. Don't leave me behind. Stay with me!" Her shouts of distress were almost shrieks. Pleas to keep him alive, to keep him with her.

He grimaced sharply. She had buried her face into his back, sobbing uncontrollably. The tears fell but he couldn't see them, only feel her vice-like grip around him as it tightened. He couldn't do it, couldn't struggle anymore, so he gave up all resistance against her will.

He couldn't fight against her. Anyone but her.

Suddenly, her sobs ceased, her convulsions coming to a still. Then, something in the atmosphere changed, like her demeanor itself had transformed completely. He could feel her hot breath tickling him softly on the back of his neck, and her unique sweet succulent smell was heady. Quickly, he was becoming ever so intoxicated, finding himself under her magical spell yet again.

He was her thrall, after all. Always have been.

"Come here, my love," she whispered into his ear, nuzzling him with her rosy cheek. "My lovely Subaru… touch me like you touched me the night before. I will let you touch me anytime or anywhere—my body is yours."

Subaru let out an unexpected sigh of relief. Something wonderful was calming him, and it felt like magic. Truthfully, he knew what this intoxicating feeling was. It was her magic, the magic he felt every time he looked at her… but something was different this time.

Emilia snaked her arm around his neck, embracing him, and said, "I'm so happy when I'm with you, Subaru. Remember when you came to see me in the tomb? I was sooo tired from attempting the trial, and then you came to see me. I told you the truth then. I am so scared without you. I absolutely must have you. I need you more than anything."

Her voice was so full of emotion. But just like that one fateful night, her words still felt hollow for some reason. It just felt odd, like it wasn't Emilia herself declaring those words of love. So, whose were they?

She shimmied against the tile until she was sitting on her knees in front of him. By this point, she had pressed her entire body against his. She gripped his hand and slowly led it to the top of her hair. Subaru did not fight back, nor did he struggle.

"Don't you love touching my hair, Subaru?" she had asked, letting out a giggle as she had done so. "You can touch me anytime now, I promise. In fact, I reeeally want you to touch me!"

By now, she was stroking her silken hair with his own limp hand. He was lifeless like a ragdoll in her arms; for some reason, he just couldn't move. She kept whispering her sweet nothings into his ear, and he kept listening to her silently.

Even so, nothing she said was really ringing any bells within him. It was then Subaru came to a sudden realization. Maybe, just maybe, Emilia was worse off than he thought. Maybe, she needed more real comfort than even himself. All this time, he had been worried about himself, selfish as he always was. He hadn't changed, and this cruel world he was stuck in didn't make his selfish desires any less apparent.

He had to fix this, somehow, even if it risked his own life interacting with her. "Emilia, you can stop now," he whispered to her, but she didn't notice.

A cute smile graced her pretty face, and she said, "Hey, Subaru, we are all alone now. Nobody else is here. It's just you and me, remember? Puck isn't here anymore… Roswaal isn't here anymore… Rem and Ram, they're gone too. I'm all yours now."

"That's enough, Emilia," Subaru's voice was barely audible and fell on deaf ears once more.

"And the royal selection; you don't have to worry about that too, remember? We can just run away from Lugnica. Away from all the danger. We can have our own adventures together, just you and me. You can take care of me like you always wanted to! You have my full attention now, Subaru."

"I said that's enough." He shut his eyes and tightened his grip on her hand, but she was in her own world.

"Don't you want to take care of me? I want you to save me, like you saved me before time after time. Just don't get hurt, okay? We've been hurt enough. It's time for us to relax and forget about all the hurt."

A sharp pain stretched across his temple, and invited itself into his head. There was a whisper, until he could hear clearly an androgynous voice. "Make her stop, Subaru," it pled. "I beg you, please make her stop!"

Subaru clenched his fists, his body shook, and his shoulders hunched over. "Just stop it, Emilia!" he roared, his voice booming.

His rage had snapped Emilia from whatever self-induced trance she had locked herself in. She shuddered at the cruelty of his voice and cowered away from him, but she couldn't get far. His grip on her was too strong for her to overcome. Every time she tried to pull away, he jerked her in to make sure she wouldn't escape.

"You're hurting me," she whimpered with an unmistakable fear laden in her voice. "Subaru… why are you hurting me like this? Please, let me go."

He blinked his eyes at the small and frail girl who lay before him. Tears were threatening to fall once more from her beautiful amethyst eyes any moment now. She appeared frightened of him. Of all people, she was fearful of him.

Turning his head away, he uttered, "I'm despicable." Dejected as he was, his grip on her loosened. He let go, and stared blankly past her, unable to maintain eye contact any longer.

She had been taken aback by Subaru's words and actions. Even if he didn't see it, Emilia looked questioningly at his lonesome form.

She wasn't entirely in the right state of mind, he realized. Even still, this girl, afraid and alone in this world just as much as he, had given herself completely to him, both physically and emotionally. He had misunderstood it. For sure, it was something he couldn't quite completely fathom. Before, he mistook her obsessiveness over him to be something other than her own normal self: a state of mind orchestrated by that evil magicians' manipulations. He told himself that, to rationalize it. He didn't believe anyone could love him like that. He remembered Rem's declaration of love to himself, a moment etched to his very soul. It was eerily similar—representing a love he could not completely understand, and so it made him afraid, fearful even.

This time, he wouldn't make that same mistake again.

They were both crying now. Oh, how it became so routine for them to cry in some way shape or form. He was tired of crying, as was she. It was a symptom of something far more distressing than just sadness, as its freshness was becoming dull, like a rusted blade left out to rot in the rain and sun.

After a moment, he picked up her weightless body and carried her up the main staircase. She did not struggle, nor did she make a sound other than a few whimpers as she wept in his arms.

The signs of carnage which took place here remained, unchanged by the ravages of time. Subaru did his best to avoid the worst areas such as the dining room. He wouldn't go back there again. Interestingly, it had only been a few days since then. Even under his oath never to return here, he found himself right back in this wretched place once again.

Long would it be, before the sun finally arose, and he knew of one room left untouched to the massacre which took place here.

Holding Emilia deftly in one arm, he maneuvered the jewel adorned doorknob with his free hand. Slowly, the door crept open, revealing a large master bedroom fit for a queen. It was Emilia's old bedroom, locked away from the events which shook everything inhabiting this very mansion.

He set her down carefully onto the well-acquainted bed. Moonlight cascaded through the large windows, filling the room with a hazy glow. Subaru reached under and brought the silk covers up over her in a small gesture of kindness. No doubt this one intricately-designed room cost a small fortune, a sign of the Mathers' infinite wealth. It was no doubt fit for royalty.

Emilia was wordless as he continued his movements. By now, the last of her tears had finally fallen, and the shock of his rejection passed over her like leaves falling lazily from a tree. She blanketed him with a suspicious gaze in return for his efforts.

Not even moments ago, he was about to end his life, she realized, and his aggressive behavior was nothing short of surprising to her. Something was wrong with Subaru, she figured, but she didn't know what. There were many times before, when she could see the suffering written on his face, but even still he could not tell her what was bothering him. Maybe, just maybe, she could finally get some answers now.

As one of Subaru's tears fell somberly to her lap, he felt several gentle fingers wrap around his own.

Emilia tilted her head at Subaru questioningly and said: "Subaru, can you tell me what's wrong?" Her voice was soft, and full of worry.

He stared miserably at the tiny, warm hand wrapped around his own lifeless and unmoving digits. He frowned and shook his head negatively. In return, she nudged her curious face closer to his, silently prodding him to speak up.

"No, I… I just can't," he uttered, burying his face in the palms of his hand. "Emilia, I'm so sorry. I won't ever leave you again, I promise you I won't." There was a brief pause and a moment's thought before he changed his mind. "It's just that…" he started, a quick break stifling his words, followed by a sob. He struggled immensely to choke out the words he so desperately wanted to release.

Emilia gave him another reassuring squeeze, indicating it was okay to go forward with what he was about to say. She was ready for anything he had to tell her.

"That—" he continued, his voice barely a murmur now.

Taking a longer pause this time, Subaru was very close to admitting a painful truth. What he wished to say was more difficult than any other confession. Swallowing his fears, his mouth moved.

"I have been using the power of Return by—"

The final word never formed from his quivering lips. In swift riposte, the room darkened as if the moon was curtained off by an opaque, vast blanket, and the walls of the room instantly collapsed upon him. The air became thicker and more distasteful than it had been before.

Then, a ghastly voice echoed inside his mind:

"I shan't allow you to speak anymore," it whispered. The voice was tender, yet twisted. "You cannot reveal our most guarded secret, my love."

As quick as it came, the eerie sound vanished, and then time itself stood still. As if to savor the moment, five shadowy arms reached out slowly from around him, until they finally rested around the silver-haired half-elf in front of him. Two hands clasped her throat, another her head, and the others held her arms down. Particles of gloom spilled over the soft contours of her body.

Subaru buried his face into the palm of his hands. "No… please," he begged whatever lay behind the darkness. "Please just kill me instead!" The hopelessness and defeat in his voice gave credence to his resignation to the shadowy being residing inside of him. The tryst between him and Emilia was beckoning to an end.

The hands tightened their grasp on her throat, suffocating her. Her mouth opened slightly in response to the applied pressure to her windpipe. Another hand pulled her head upwards slowly, abnormally stretching her neck. The others held her down against the bed. Soon, her head would be pulled right off, and if not, surely, she would surely be throttled.

Rage spread across Subaru's face. Pure, blind rage. His brow furrowed, and his face warped into a snarl fiercer and more bloodthirsty unlike any other. Finally, he roared in agony, his voice cracking from the strain on his voice:

"—Satella!"

His hoarse voice echoed long through the corridors until it eventually passed into memory. As if retreating in the face of his fury, the darkened world brightened once more.

Whatever magic pulling the passages of time back far enough to where water no longer flowed, ceased to be. Time was moving forward again, Subaru was certain of this, because his teardrops were able to fall towards Emilia's sleeping face. They dripped steadily down her cheeks, one after another as they fell solemnly.

Subaru blinked his eyes as he came back to reality. He found himself straddling her sleeping form unknowingly. His hands, which were clasped around her throat, loosened as he realized what he was doing. He had no idea how he arrived in this position, but it didn't matter now. He fell flatly onto her unconscious body, letting the close contact of the half-elf wash away all worry and anxiety from his being. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, and shut his eyes.

He was tired and faced with an immeasurable amount of emotions no one should ever have to be concerned with. There was a time when he thought somehow, he could find peace in this world where none could be found. Maybe that future had long grew distant, to the point of being unreachable.

The latitudes he was faced with when deciding his fate in this world were next to nothing. Ever since he found himself here, his destiny had been shaped by something otherworldly and ungodly, resurrecting him over and over until the pathway he travelled down to was chosen by someone else. If he couldn't be allowed to make his own decisions, then he would rather not exist at all.

He let out a sigh fuller and deeper than any ever before, one echoing a promise he had made to himself. A promise to take control of his life, to shape his destiny, and to write his own story. It was a story in which he yearned for an ending exuberating in happiness. Possibly, just possibly, he could find that ending.

He smiled softly to himself and muttered something about the sleeping girl resting so carelessly underneath him. Her undying declarations of love to him… thrice he had received them. The first time he scoffed at her, tossing away the possibility those words could ever be hers. He feared such love. He feared what he did not understand. By now, he finally understood her love for him.

Suddenly, Subaru shivered, and he cuddled closer to the girl underneath him. He cracked open one eye, wondering why the temperature of the room had dropped so suddenly. Then, he saw something he wouldn't ever have expected.

There, nestled beside the two of them, was a small gray cat he had come to know very well. His folded left ear twitched as he narrowed his sapphire jeweled eyes at Subaru, who otherwise stared at him in shock.

"Pu-Pu-Puck!" Subaru sputtered hopelessly at the intruding spirit.

The little cat raised one of his paws to his mouth, imitating a 'Shhhh…!' to Subaru. One of his eyes closed in a cheeky wink, forcing Subaru's expression to collapse even further. "You shouldn't wake Lia," the spirit advised, pointing his other paw teasingly at the sleeping girl Subaru now so awkwardly laid upon. "She's been through a lot, so you should just let her sleep."

Subaru frowned. "How long have you been with us?" he asked the Great Spirit. "I remember, at the burning village. I saw you—"

"Ah, I remember," he interrupted Subaru before he could finish. "I was much weaker than I am presently. Now, I can retain my physical shape once more, but only for… a little bit." The cat slowed his speech and let out a slow, sleepy yawn which made even Subaru want to take a nap.

"But why? Why did you vanish?"

"Because I didn't have a choice. If I didn't break my contract with Lia, she would have never succeeded in the trial. But it looks like that wasn't necessary, now was it?" The cat unceremoniously floated up and rested on Subaru's shoulder, nudging him with his paw. "Thanks to you, Lia was able to survive what happened, and now, she has something she has never had before."

"What do you mean?" Subaru asked, clearly confused.

"True love," he said, his words chosen carefully. "A love not for a parent, but for a lover. It is something I could never to give Lia, even if she could never understand. It was painful for me to let her go—but I had to, you see. To give her something greater than myself. To give her a real reason to keep on living, and wishes other than those which aren't her own."

Puck was giving him his blessing, and for that, he was innumerably thankful. He would not waste it, he promised silently to himself. Subaru only nodded in understanding. "Thank you…" he replied. It was a short and curt statement. What else could he possibly say?

"Don't thank me, Subaru! I wouldn't have chosen you if I didn't think you weren't the one. When Lia has nightmares, I expect you to be the one to calm her. When Lia is lonely, I fully expect you to be the one to hold her hand. It's up to you now, you know?"

"I know!" Subaru smiled, and flashed Puck an assuring thumbs up.

Puck smiled, bared his teeth at him, and said, "Good… because if you don't…" He drew his paw across his throat in a threatening manner.

His eyes exploded in reminiscence of his past deaths at the hands of this playful cat. He shook his hands in dismissal and waved him off. "No, you don't have to tell me that," he said, and with determined eyes. "I know now what I have to do."

Puck struggled to stifle a yawn, signifying it was probably time for bed for both cats and humans… and elves. His eyes narrowed to slits, and then he uttered something which would haunt him for the foreseeable future:

"Let's get some sleep, now that the witch is gone and everything. Right, Subaru?"

His breath got caught in his throat. Sweat beaded between the creases of his forehead, and the cool air emanating from the floating cat rescinded to a level of heat which burned into his skin. He opened his mouth to speak, his voice a stuttering mess: "What… did you just… say?"

"I said we should sleep. That would be the intelligent thing to do, before we wake Lia." The cat rest itself on the bed, curling up into a small ball of fuzz.

"No… before that," he replied, but it was useless, as the cat was now fast asleep, his conscious fading quicker than he wanted.

He knew.

He knew his secret.

Only one other person was privy to such knowledge… or even suspected—but even that person did not know why or how. And he was dead now.

No, Puck knew it all.

Very soon, Subaru was overtaken by his own thoughts, and before long, he was pulled into the unrelenting grips of sleep.

XXXXXX

His dream was like a vast, endless body of water, as unchanging and formless as the moonless night sky watching over it. Yet, the stars of that night sky twinkled and shimmered ever so fervently, dotting the ocean with orbs of amber and gold.

It was something which existed only within the confines of his mind. In a place where time, physicality and other rationale dared not tread, and because of this, his dream became a nightmare.

He wanted to go back to the world of the awake, to be free from the endlessness and uncertainty of himself. Here, within his own mind, was where he doubted himself the most. It was the place where a constant battle was fought, not against witch cultists, or bandits, or anyone else who may threaten him in the waking world—here, he spent eternity in strife with himself, constantly locked in a losing battle against his will.

He fell into the murky bottomless water, and down he sank. Further and further he dropped, until the light of the stars faded for good and left him shrouded in a darkness no human eye could see. Down here, there was nothing. It was a place bereft of all sound, sight, and feeling. It deafened every sense he had come to know, especially love. In its stead, a sinister and otherworldly vacancy sent shivers down his spine.

He curled up into a ball and resigned himself to his unlucky fate and sorrowful existence. There he remained for what felt like an eternity, before suddenly, he heard a voice.

His eyes opened, straining to identify the noise in his mind. Was this voice his own? It had to be his, who else could it have been? He wanted to scream out loud, but no noise escaped his mouth. In fact, his mouth could not open at all, as if it had been sewn shut. He strained himself further, but was met with only silence.

Am I… asleep? he wondered. Ah, he realized finally. It was just another dream; a dream where he was drowning in despair and rendered devoid of happiness. He had these dreams often, even when the waning moments preceding them were enjoyable and positive.

He blinked his eyes and shook his head to try and wake himself, but to no avail, locked as he was in this world of nothingness. Taking a good look of his surroundings, he could barely tell which direction was up or down. In this world removed from reality, direction was almost impossible to discern, as was any color, shape or form.

Would there be serendipity if he escaped this bottomless prison he had been tossed so carelessly into? He didn't know, but there was only one way to find out.

Subaru pushed hard and kicked his feet with all his might. He was never a good swimmer, but here, in his mind, he could be anything he wanted. Faster, faster, he could feel he was travelling upward. Even though he could not see, he felt something deep inside which told him this was the right direction. The pressure of the depths began to relieve itself, and as he struggled more and more, he found he could finally see the blinking stars breaking through the crest of the ocean. He was going to break through the surface any moment now!

And he awoke with his brow sweating and heart punching against his chest. He heaved air in and out, his lungs hopelessly bellowing and stoking a dwindling fire. His eyes darted from side to side, scanning one end of the decorative room to another. He was back in Emilia's old bedroom—in the Mathers mansion, no less.

The memory of the occurrences from the night before came back to him swiftly: the blade pointing at his neck, Emilia's plea for him to stop, Puck, and finally…

Subaru jerked forward and clutched his chest. Had the witch finally left him alone? Could it really be true? He shook his head skeptically and dismissed the the eager thoughts, then laid back onto the bed and stared blankly at the carved wooded ceiling. Thoughts consumed him, and soon enough, he found himself trapped in a deep introspection.

His mind drifted from one memory to the next, searching for answers and clues to what and why this was happening to him. He could remember all the times he had died and used Return by Death to resurrect himself, given a chance to try again. Without it, he would not have made it five minutes into this newfound world he had so unexpectedly entered. He remembered the numerous times he had tried to tell others about his ability, and the devastating effect it had on either him or his close friends. Each Return by Death had its similarities. First, there was a death, then a black void, and finally, he found himself sent back in time to a certain checkpoint he had acquired.

There was no rhyme or reason to the time selected, and he could find no answer to his questions. Further, as he lay in bed, he ruminated deeply about his past, until he came to a sudden realization. There was a gap in his memory, one which he previously had not given too much thought to it at all.

His mind returned to the night of the Great Hare. In desperation, he had raced back to the Sanctuary, and soon found himself in front of the dark magician himself. Carelessly, the powerful mage dispatched both Ram and Garfiel in the vilest way possible. He then revealed his nefarious intentions and his knowledge of Subaru's Return by Death, before being torn apart by hundreds of white rabbits with razor-sharp teeth.

The mage had simply given up on this world, and this doomed timeline they found themselves in. He did not even partially consider the fact he'd be entirely erased from existence—in fact, it had not entered his consideration at all. His indifference to his own gruesome death couldn't be described as anything other than the most inane, pure quality of madness and absurdity—one which the current Subaru, to his horror, shared.

Subaru stumbled out of the doorway backwards, witnessing the last smile upon the magician's face. It was his dying declaration he truly believed Subaru would once again Return by Death and set things right with his newfound knowledge.

The Lewes clones had utterly abandoned him, fleeing in different directions, and along with their flight gone was his protection from the rabbits surging in omnidirectionally. Futilely, he turned and ran as fast as his mortal body could let him.

Briefly breaking from his trance, Subaru's eyes widened and sweat dripped from the corner of his brow.

He remembered now: it was the moment before he went back to the tomb in order to rescue Emilia. He had fallen unconscious far before he reached his destination. It wasn't from the sight of the stoic magician being ripped into pieces, or the thoughts of Rem being devoured by the beast. No, it wasn't any of those things. Something otherworldly had overtaken him once he neared the entrance of Echidna's final resting place.

It felt like it always did, like his soul was being ripped from him, akin to the sensation of Return by Death. Except, this time, he did not Return by Death—something quite the opposite, in fact.

No matter how crazed he ran, he couldn't outrun the Great Hare. It had caught up to him, nipping at his feet, and soon consumed him piece by piece. One of the Hares had broken through into his stomach and gnawed its way through his internal organs. He forged on anyway, each footstep becoming lighter than the last as the beast shed more weight from his body.

It was pointless to run, but he knew of nothing else to do. It was simple—running away from his problems was something he had grown accustomed to; it's all he'd known. In this time of peril, he knew of nothing else other than to reach the only person left in this world who mattered to him, and to finally collapse in her arms and die another cold, bitter death.

The beasts ripped and tore at his innards, and finally a cavity opened near his abdomen, spilling his organs onto the snow. A trail of entrails followed Subaru as he took his last steps. Rabbits from all directions flung themselves on the forgotten organs, starved for a thousand years.

As Subaru continued, the world around him started to fade. He plummeted to the snowy ground unceremoniously, spewing the hares aside. Not to be abated for long, the rabbits plunged into Subaru once more, ripping him apart through and through. One rabbit ripped his left hand from its joint and scampered off into the night with it. Another rabbit took his eye, and another danced from finger to finger until only bloody nubs remained. In the corner of his remaining eye, he could see a couple of blood-stained rabbits popping their heads in and out of his abdomen, their striking red eyes filled with disappointment at the lack of flesh for them to devour.

Soon, there wasn't much left of Subaru. The faint glimmer in his eye dulled and the light of the world grew fainter, until only a shadow remained. Subaru's one eye rolled over and closed for a final time, and he found himself shrouded in darkness yet again. It was that sweet release from the pain and suffering, and then the odd sensation of Return by Death. It beckoned him once again. There was a momentarily pause of thought, as his life functions thankfully ceased at last. Then blinding light, and a cold, fierce rush of wind jerked him from his trance.

His eyes opened once more. Curiously enough, Subaru lay face down in a snow which previously, had been painted red with blood, viscera and other remnants of his body. Now, it was as fresh and pure as their new brethren currently descending from the night sky.

He turned over onto his back and sat up, his eyes peering from left to right, examining his surroundings carefully. Around him, there was nothing. The magical snow still fell as fast as ever, the wind howled furiously, but there was no sign of the Hare which had just consumed every bit of his body.

It would have appeared the Great Hare made short work of him and left the scene promptly in order to find more prey. He could still hear the shouts and screams of the villagers in the distance, no doubt falling victim to the Hare's razor-sharp fangs.

But the question remained; why had Return by Death sent him to this moment? The lack of signs from the Hare was jarring indeed. Was he in the future? He certainly did not return to the past, like he normally should have. If this was the future, then wouldn't the snow be painted red with his lifeblood? It's almost as if—

Suddenly, Subaru's face contorted into something hideously disturbed. His normally-vibrant eyes turned lifeless, and his expression rapidly degenerated into something horrible.

Slowly, his mouth uttered a horrendous realization:

"Rem—"

There was silence, and then the name came from his lips once more.

Rem, Rem, Rem, Rem, he had repeated. He kept saying her name over and over as if it were the only word he knew, every syllable coming with an ever-growing desperation which was unlike any other. Soon, his voice of disbelief turned to anger, and he let out a sorrowful yell which drowned out even the shrill shriek of the wind. His body twisted and turned, and he rolled around in a childish tantrum on the young snow. His yelling turned to sobbing, and his sobbing turned to low moans of anguish.

He had completely and totally lost his physical and mental control, the latter due to registering a bereavement so powerful it tortured him more than the thousand deaths he had endured so far at once, and thus destroying the former.

Soon, his convulsing ceased, and he froze in place as he stared blankly into the moonless night. There, he lay as still as an ancient long-lost marble statue as the snow fell lazily from the skies.

"Emilia!" he hissed. The name was spoken, but none would know of it. His weakened voice was drowned out in the roaring of the ice storm surrounding the Sanctuary.

More determined than ever, Subaru turned his head toward the entrance of the witches' tomb. He could see the faint glowing aura of the main doorway from where he lay. He clenched his fist and furrowed his brow. His body was battered more than ever before and his energy was spent, but he had just enough in his reserves to do what must be done.

He had lost almost every meaningful thing to him—his parents, his friends, even the girl who loved him more than anyone. But something was different this time—he could tell the cosmic presence inside him, that dark figure which oozed a miasma of evil, was gone. If she was gone without word or explanation, then who would be there to help him cheat death like he had done so many times before? He could not risk death again, and if it happened, he might not return at all.

He had one more chance, and as doomed as this world was, there was still reason for him to draw breath. Quickly, he pushed himself up and took a step forward, disappearing into the torrent of blistering cold.

The world twisted and malformed into darkness yet again, and once more, he was greeted with the familiar wood carved ceiling of a jewel adorned mansion.

As he got up from the bed, he was greeted with the sound of the door cracking open slowly. A small hand crept around the door as its owner pushed it open far enough for her to peek around and peer into the room.

"Su-Subaru?" Emilia stammered with a nervousness evident in her voice. "Are you awake?"

Subaru stood there silently, gazing blankly at his unsure guest. He scratched his head and sighed deeply. "Hey there, Emilia," he said, his voice just as quiet as hers, but gaining more confidence with every syllable. "How are you feeling?"

The young half-elf was caught off-guard by his question, and she found there was a catch in her voice, stifling her response. She shimmied around the door before making eye contact. "Well, I kind of have a headache, but…" Emilia said as she came into full view. Her arm clasped her wrist behind her back—she was nervous. "I'm more concerned about you, Subaru."

The hint of worry in her voice was legitimate. Her voice was very soft, and unusually unassertive. Sure, her tone was typically soft, but never insecure. He must have made her worried sick about him. How long had he been unconscious? What had she been doing all this time? These were questions he would have liked immediate answers to.

She smiled at him and inched closer to where Subaru stood, closing the distance between them to about halfway.

Subaru chose to go with the latter question. "I'm okay, Emilia… I'm fine, I really am," he said as he flashed her a quick—but—assuring faux smile, and then spoke again, "Say, Emilia, what have you been doing around here while I've been sleeping?"

Emilia looked at the floor briefly, before responding, "Erm… Well, you see… with the mansion abandoned, there really isn't a lot to do around here. I mostly spent my time speaking with the lesser spirits, gathering supplies, and…" Her voice trailed off hesitantly and never recovered.

For a long moment, there was silence about the room. Subaru eyed his half-elf partner with careful, steady eyes, but her facial expression was icy and betrayed no emotion to him. Finally, after some time, Emilia's lips trembled slightly and a small cry escaped her mouth, breaking the quiet.

Walking carefully, Subaru took the crestfallen girl by her arm in a consoling manner and led her to the bed. Gently, he lowered her down and took a seat next to her while she sobbed softly next to him.

He had no idea what was bothering her, but he could tell whatever it was had impacted her greatly. It was not often he saw something disturb Emilia so greatly, other than when she was attempting the trials at the witches' tomb. He could remember quite vividly how he found her splayed out on the tomb floor, disconsolate.

After her small and irregular sobs ceased, Subaru found the courage to speak, "Tell me, Emilia." His voice was both nurturing and caring. As he whispered this into her ear, he stroked her head and drew careful circles along the contours of her back.

Emilia closed her eyes in dejection. Next to him, she stayed silent for quite some time, and her response seemingly would never come. She rested her head on Subaru's shoulder and nestled closely against him. It was minutes before she spoke. "I saw their graves," she finally admitted, her voice sullen—and mournful. "Even though they were unmarked, the lesser spirits told me who they belonged to…"

Subaru's face turned downcast, and he couldn't find the will to meet her swirling amethyst eyes with his own gaze.

She had no doubt discovered the makeshift graves of both Petra and Frederica, which he haphazardly erected after they were slaughtered. There should be three—if there were any remains of Beatrice. These deaths were his own fault—he truly felt responsible for what had happened. He had numerous opportunities to keep them alive and find a pathway to life for all his friends, but he had failed. Their deaths rested squarely on his own shoulders, and for that, he would keep their memory with him wherever he traveled, and until the end of his days.

Moments later, a whisper broke their silence.

"It's all my fault," Subaru confessed, before pausing momentarily. His voice was a barely audible to his partner who sat just inches from himself. "If I had done something more to protect them, they would still be here. If I had only made the right choices, instead of the wrong ones, everyone would still be alive. If only I had been faster. If only, if only, if only…" His voice grew bleaker with every repetition, and soon he paused once more, before continuing with a confession, "I had so many chances, Emilia, don't you see? I had every given opportunity to set things right, and save the day, but I fucked it up. I wish you knew how worthless I really was. I wish you knew how many times I've found ways to get myself killed—or worse, everyone around me. If I wasn't so powerless, maybe I could have protected them."

Subaru's voice grew hoarser and hoarser with every word. By now, his mouth was dry, his emotions filling it with a rawness he had long lost control of.

Emilia was confused, but did nothing but sit next to him and absorb his ill-timed confession as if she understood him. Soon, she realized, Subaru was now weeping, his emotions let loose like dam which had finally been broken.

"You just don't know, Emilia… You don't know, nobody does. Nobody can understand me… Why can't anyone understand me? Why?" His question wasn't posed toward Emilia or anyone else, but himself.

The grief filling the room was now palpable. Emilia was ill-accustomed to seeing Subaru in such a broken-down state of mind. This was not normal, she knew that. And those words he spoke… they made little to no sense to her. What 'chances' were he talking about? To her knowledge, he had never failed to do anything, and the only lives lost were those just recently in the past week.

She brushed aside those questioning thoughts and passed it off as Subaru just being so distraught, he knew not what he was saying—that was the only rational explanation she could come up with his confession. What he was saying… it was simply not possible. It shouldn't be possible. How could he live more than once? How could he have died before, and still be sitting next to her—warm, full of life, and filled with emotion?

With great care, she touched his chin with her fingertips and lifted him to meet her at eye level. His swirling hazel orbs were so full of pain; they were red, swollen, and dotted with teardrops which had yet to fall. It was a distressing sight, and with it, she knew her grief paled in comparison to his own. Emilia just continued to stare into his pained hazel eyes. Her other hand snaked up his neck and along his cheek, before it spread itself across the side of his head in a loving caress.

It was there she held his posture until she found the willpower to say something. "I don't understand, Subaru," she said, her voice as tender and caring as she could conjure. "But even though I know not why, I will do everything I can to be there for you and make you smile again. Because, without your smile, I can't smile, and without you, I don't want to be here."

Subaru absorbed her words with as much thought as he could give anything in the world. Just like all those times before, her soothing voice lulled him into a trance like state unlike any other. Soon, his breathing returned to something more normal and his mind appeared to cool to a level where he could now properly think with rationality.

For a long time, Subaru stayed silent as he considered both her words and what he had confessed to her.

What was most concerning to him, was he had unintentionally confessed his power of Return by Death to Emilia, risking both his life and her own. Yet, she sat just next to him, her heart still beating, full of life as it should. There was no sign of Satella, nor was there a crushing pain in his chest, or a dark miasma covering the area in darkness. Most of all, that cold chill running down his spine anytime the witch revealed her presence, was nowhere to be found. To put it quite succinctly, everything was normal.

Subaru swallowed. He really had confessed his most confidential secret to Emilia. His mind was so overcome by emotion and irrational thought he didn't consider a single word which escaped his mouth. Fortunately, he did not even know if she understood anything he had said.

To the regular individual, speaking of second chances and dying numerous times would fall on deaf ears more often than naught. No, it would be even worse. He would be dismissed as insane, and from hence forth anything he said would be taken with the lightest grain of salt. The truth was, he hoped this conversation would be dropped for good, so he wouldn't have to explain himself again. He couldn't risk speaking about his former ability in more detail. Any mention of it would constantly put himself or his only reason for living at great peril. For sure, he would love to share his plight with Emilia, but it was indeed his plight no more. He was no longer burdened with Return by Death, and for that, he could now live a 'normal' life again.

Subaru gave Emilia a slight nod, then pressed his lips against her forehead, nestling himself against her in an act of understanding. Moments passed without much vocal interaction, as the two lovers snuggled up against each other.

His small gestures of love spoke louder and cut deeper than anything he could say to her. Not only was it their personal method of communication, but what words could he say to her anyway? What she said, he already knew, and what he could tell her, she could not possibly understand, nor did he want her to. The risk was simply too great.

Even so, Emilia truly did understand what Subaru was going through, without even fully grasping the surrounding circumstance. Sure, she had questions of her own, but she hoped in time, they would be answered at the pace Subaru was comfortable at. She could tell that something was affecting him so greatly it could not be mended with just a few words or small acts of love.

Emilia would not press him further on the matter, she decided. She would let him come to her, as she always had. Until then, she would give him as much love and comfort as she could, no matter what or how things turned out. She wanted to be there for him, as he had been there for her so many times before. She turned and burrowed her face into his chest.

The past week had been an emotional roller-coaster for both Subaru and her. It felt like no matter what they did or where they went, misfortune would still be waiting for them around every corner. Somehow, she just wanted to get away from it all and put the past behind her, as she had always done before. Someday, her life would be peaceful and happy.

With just the two of them… she knew it could happen.

Her thoughts turned to those of tranquility, and her furrowed brow and strained face was replaced with a calm repose. In her mind, she could see blue skies, and a peaceful river… a log cabin by the river, and a cool, gentle breeze which blew the trees metronomically. Emilia's eyes lidded slightly, and the rise and fall of her chest began to stabilize. Soon, her eyes shut and did not reopen.

Subaru, taking notice of his lover unexpectedly going limp in his arms, gently scooted out from under her grasp. He observed her resting form and sighed to himself. How tired was she if she fell asleep so easily like that?

The silence in the room stretched on while Subaru stood by and thought to himself. Soon, he turned around and exited, finding himself in one of the mansion's long hallways. It was an eerie feeling. Eerie at just how empty and deserted the mansion felt, now that all its inhabitants had been killed off. Just a footstep sent echoes down the long chambers, and one could hear a pin drop from one end of the mansion to the other.

Subaru collected his thoughts as best he could. His mind was still swirling with questions about Satella, Puck, and not to mention the events from the weeks past. Slowly, he walked down the hallway leading to the main entrance of the mansion. His stomach growled painfully, making him realize he was starving.

His first stop would be the kitchen.

Sometime later, Subaru emerged from the hallways and into the grand hall. Thrown over his back was a sack filled full of appas, pepples, cheese, and other vegetables he found stored in the kitchen's storeroom. Luckily enough, it appeared some magic was cast over it to keep it from ever spoiling.

There was a treasure trove-like amount of food in there it could feed them for months if they so pleased. Sure enough, the growling of his stomach had ceased, and he found himself unconditionally full because of how much he had gorged himself on the endless delights of the mansion.

Rays of bright orange bled through the glass windows of the mansion. It was now late in the day and the sun was apparently setting. He didn't quite know how long he had been asleep yet, but it must have been more than twelve hours.

Since then, he had found food and other supplies they could use when they go back to their travels. He had also gathered his belongings and retrieved his forgotten sword left near the front door of the mansion.

Once Emilia awakened, they would leave this place, and hopefully for good. He didn't want to spend any more time here than they needed to, and he felt they were already here far longer than they should be.

Soft footsteps resonated behind him. He turned to meet the familiar face of Emilia, who was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Hey, Emilia," Subaru called, his voice was both reassuring and positive.

While rubbing her sleepy eyes, Emilia responded, "Subaru, I'm sooo sorry. I don't know what came over me… I guess I was more tired than I thought I was."

"Well, I'll say," he quipped in his usual witty way, before continuing, "You followed me all the way here, remember? Here, catch."

Subaru tossed her a fleshy appa he had in his hand. Emilia caught it clumsily and stared at it carefully. It was a bright red color, clearly fresh and ready to eat.

"An appa?" she questioned, taken aback by the strange foreign fruit. She let out a giggle. "You remembered not to give me a pepple this time, didn't you? I reeeally don't like those!"

Laughing quietly, Subaru waved her off in a cool way. "I may make mistakes, but I try not to make the same mistakes twice, you know?"

Emilia took a bite of the appa, and promptly swooned. It tasted delicious, especially because of how hungry she was. Pausing between bites, she whispered, "Thank you, Subaru. You really do think of everything."

By now the orange glow outside had faded to a gloomier blue color. After Emilia had finished her appa, she walked over to Subaru and took him by his hand, catching him off guard. Then she turned her gaze toward the entrance of the mansion. She turned her head back to him and gave him a soft smile. "Come with me," she urged with a gentle voice. "I want to show you something, Subaru."

Her smile was the most angelic, loveliest thing he had ever laid his eyes on. When he was under stress, he found calm in her smile. When things were at their worst, her smile brought him back from the deepest recesses of darkness. Without really knowing it, he found himself following her out the door, and to the graves sitting near the center of the mansion garden.

Overhead, the cloudless sky allowed the moon to bask the entire area in a low-lit moonlight. It was pleasant out, as the sounds of the night contrasted heavily with the dark, depressing mood of the abandoned mansion.

Emilia and Subaru stopped in front of the two graves, and from this distance he realized they're different to when he last left them in their makeshift form. Before, they were just two sticks of wood jutting out of the ground haphazardly. Now, in their place were two headstones made of rock, with the names 'Frederica Baumann' and 'Petra Leyte' carved carefully along its base.

Subaru knelt softly beside Petra's grave and ran his fingers across its name as if he were caressing the young girl herself. He turned to Emilia and gave her a teary-eyed smile. It was both happiness and sadness which encapsulated him.

"You made these?" he asked, his voice faltering ever so slightly. "These are beautiful, Emilia. What I had here before, I put together in only a few minutes; I didn't have enough time to give them a proper burial. I had to get back to the Sanctuary before…" His voice trailed off as he unexpectedly lost his power of speech.

Shyly, Emilia said, "Yes, well sort of. These headstones were already here at the mansion, hidden in the main storeroom. I just carved their names into them with my ice magic. I decided it was proper we mark their final resting place in the most appropriate way. I'm sorry I could not get something better."

"These are already perfect," Subaru praised, pausing a moment before turning his back to her. There was a heavy thickness in his throat as he continued further. "You don't have to be sorry about anything. If anyone needs to be sorry, it's me for letting this happen to them."

Emilia could tell the pain in his voice had returned from earlier. He really did feel he was to blame for their untimely demise. Even without seeing his face right now, she knew he bore a pained expression which made her heart sink below water.

Slowly, Emilia reached over to him and touched him on the shoulder. It was a simple one which served to remind him he wasn't as much of a failure as he thought he was—quite the opposite for her, in fact. He was her hero now, her knight, and her protector. He had to be strong for her, and if he couldn't, she would be strong for him and show him the way.

"I know you feel so much pain for what happened," Emilia said, choosing her words very carefully. "But to me, Subaru, you are everything—remember that, please. If you ever feel hurt, or unsure about yourself, I want you to know, you are my world now."

Subaru turned, and his shocked expression locked with her soft, gentle gaze. For the first time, Subaru looked further into her deep swirling purple eyes than he ever had before. There, he saw not the Witch Satella or the mysterious sorcerer half-elf he met on his first day in Lugnica.

No, this time, he saw the true Emilia.

Seconds passed, and soon Subaru found himself falling in love with her again a thousand times over. He threw his arms around her with such force it threatened to knock her to the floor. It was a desperate, flailing hug as if he were about to be separated from her for the rest of his life. "Emilia, I love you so much!" he exclaimed.

She just nodded and smiled to herself, returning the hug in kind with her own as he burrowed his face into her neck. He absorbed her enchanting smell with a long, drawn out breath against the cream of her skin. He could get used to being this close to her.

It was only now he realized how stupid he had been. He could not leave this world, not in death, or despair, or in any way. He must stay here, for her. He must give her everything he has to offer, even if it didn't amount to much. She had saved his life, and in more ways than one. Physically, she had saved him before, but mentally, she had resuscitated him from near death more than she could ever understand.

Her importance could not go understated, not anymore.

He would make it well known to her she completed him just as much as he completed her.

Moments passed before Subaru found his voice again. "I'm so, so sorry," he apologized, his voice breaking, but he continued anyway, "I'm sorry for everything Emilia." Tears fell, but not tears of sadness. They were tears of unabashed joy.

He kept whispering how sorry he was into her pointed ear, and it tickled her. Emilia let out a giggle and whispered back to him, "You don't have to be sorry, Subaru."

"I'm so sorry for what I did," Subaru said, his voice as low as a whisper passing through a noisy tavern. "I'm sorry for betraying your trust, Emilia. From now on, I promise, until the heart in my chest stops beating, and I'm long dead, that I will never, ever, leave you!"

"I know."

She smiled to him in such a way he knew she understood him. She believed him, she trusted him, and she loved him. All these things were true, because this smile was something she gave to him only.

His audible vow was made, yes; but the solemn vow he made in his heart, would be known only to himself. He wasn't Natsuki Subaru, the shut-in, any longer; from now on, he was Natsuki Subaru, lover and partner of the half-elf, Emilia.

Henceforth, he wasn't alone, and his decisions could not be determined just by himself.

No, his decisions from now on would be in the interests of her and her alone.