GOS: Wow! Thanks for the nice reviews everyone. It makes me feel loved (sniffle). Well I hope you like the second chapter! Sorry it took so long. I had this killer writer's block.

Dez384: In Saiyuki, they used the term 'Kappa' a lot to describe one of their friends. The foot note said that it meant pervert. And for the story plot, I'm going to have kinda the same plot as The Ocarina of Time but it's going to be funnier and I'm going to add a few new things to spice things up –Mmmmm…. spicy-.

kitkatfox: -glomps- kitkat! Yeah, I'm going to work on an anime one as soon as I'm done with this one –sigh- but writing was harder than I thought. Stupid writer's block –stabs the writers block demon-.

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Chapter 2: Holey Exposure!

"Are you coming or what?" Link called up to Zelda who was still standing on the top of the tree house leader.

Zelda drew a shaky breath and glared down at the blond haired youth. "Just give me a minute! This dress is hard to maneuver in!" She reached out a pair of shaking hands to the railing of the old wooden leader. "O-okay, I'm coming down now. And you better on look up of my dress you dirty kappa!"

Link rolled his eyes as he turned his back to her. "Don't flatter yourself. I wouldn't want to see your undergarments even if you were the last woman on earth."

Zelda's face flushed, partly out of anger, as she slowly made a wobbly decent. "Good! I wouldn't want a dirty kappa to look at me anyway!"

"Oh! I forgot to tell you that the seventh rung is un-" there was a loud cracking sound followed by shrill scream cut of abruptly with a wet thump. "stable….." Slowly Link turned afraid of what his eyes would fall upon. "Are you ok-AY!"

There she was. Sitting in the middle of a mud puddle with her legs sprawled far apart. Her pink skirt had fallen inelegantly into a pile around her waist. Instinctively Link's wide blue eyes tailed down her long silky legs.

"Nice catch jerk! Why are you standing there…." She noticed Link's blank expression and traced his line of sight to the point of where he stared. "AAH! Dirty Kappa!"

Link's view of her legs was cut off by Zelda's pink skirt and his eyes snapped away. "S-sorry! It was a reflex! Plus, it's not like your legs were great or anything. Er! I mean! Oh crap…"

Link was frozen to his spot in terror as the fuming princess stood with a clinch fist. "First you take your sweet time oogling my legs and then you have the nerve to say that to me! Man, you're the lowest of the low!"

The forest shook by the force of Zelda's slap. A pair of black birds flew out of the canopy calling mournfully as they glided over head. Navi flitted over to the crater of a hand print on Link's cheek.

"Man, in all my years I've never seen someone slap so had to leave a dent." Navi jingled in awe. Link rubbed his sore cheek with tears of pain hidden in his eyes.

"Don't sound so amused about it, Navi! I swear this chick has gotta be a monster to hit me so hard to leave a mark like this!"

"So now I'm a monster? Well, you haven't seen nothing yet, Kappa." Zelda hissed between clinched teeth.

Link stared at the princess like a deer in headlights as she warmed up her hand for another impact. With an echoing yelp Link had a matching hand crater on his other cheek. The little fairy sighed, shaking her head.

"Well you ever learn to keep your mouth shut?" she asked, not expecting an answer.

Crater boy gave Navi an icy glared before turning for the meadow here Epona was still grazing. "Well, if you're done hitting me then lets move out." His blues eyes rolled to the back of his head as he muttered, "The sooner I can get this done the sooner I get ride of Miss Slaps-a-lot."

Zelda's eyes locked on to the single horse as Link grabbed onto the horn of the saddle. "Oh no! I'm not sharing a horse with you."

Link groaned as he mounted Epona. "Then what are you doing to do?

"You defiantly know that I have legs. I can walk." She said folding her arms across her chest.

"Riding on horse back is faster than walking by foot!" Link protested.

"Okay then, let me rephrase that last statement. I'm walking." It was clear that Zelda wasn't going to change her mind. Link caved into the princess's wishes like a wet tissue.

"Fine. Then I'm riding." He coaxed Epona toward the Lost Woods. "You sure are hard headed."

Zelda marched after Link, shoulders hunched, and eyes of demon-fire. 'Stupid Kappa, with his stupid horse…I bet he doesn't even know where he's going! I bet he's going to get us lost in these stupid woods, with their godforsaken trees and their pointless giant logs, and their talking bushes! I hope he trips and kills himself on his own sword. I hope his horse bites his arm off! I hope that bat monsters from the three goddesses fly down from the sky and rip off his-'

At this point, Zelda began to take yet another trudging, mud-filled step forward, only to discover that she couldn't. Not because her leg was broken, but because the ground was no longer there. With a Keese-like squeal, she plunged into the blackness of a perfectly round hole that had been hidden by the long grass.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-" thud. Zelda landed with a painful thud in a dark cavern, surrounded by a pitch blackness so deep that it seemed to be a wall rather than a simple lack of light. She lay for a moment, dizzy and disoriented before sitting up, and looking up into the light streaming from the hole's entrance.

"Kappa! Get me out of here! NOW!" she barked, as imperious as any drill sergeant. Above her, and dim blot of blackness bent down and resolved itself into Link, crouching at the mouth of the hole.

"That's really odd. How did a perfectly round hole get out here?" Link wondered.

"I don't care! This isn't the time to be wondering about holes in the ground, Kappa! I'm stuck down here, so; Get. Me. Out." The outraged princess ground out. 'First thing after I get out of here: he dies.'

Link frowned down at her from his lofty vantage point. "Don't think I really feel like helping somebody who's always calling me a 'Kappa.' I have a name. It's Link."

Zelda was about to shout something hurtful and biting back at him when it hit her; 'Link.' His name was 'Link.' 'Oh, that poor oppressed boy. Wait…that's not a put-upon youth, that's a dirty Kappa! And a liar to boot! Nobody would be stupid or cruel enough to name their kid such a stupid thing as Link.''

"You're lying! Nobody's named link! That's just stupid! Now tell me your real name, or I'll call you Kappa forever, Kappa!" She screamed up at him, red in the face.

In response, Link went red himself. "Fine! I'll have you know, Link is my real name, and until you promise never to call me Kappa again, you can just stay down there, you stuck-up brat!" Link stepped back angrily, removing himself from her sight as effectively as if her had never been there.

Down in the pit, Zelda's face crumpled. "Oh great! This is it, the absolute bottom! I'm stuck in a hole, being held hostage by a country-bumpkin-maniac-Kappa, who's supposed to be the savior of us all. I can't see how it can get any worse. As a matter of fact, it can't get any worse than this." Zelda shifted her weight to one foot a huff of annoyance, only to fall to the ground with a resounding 'CRACK-thud!'

"Oh…oh, no…" the fallen princess felt for her feet, to the elegantly heeled shoes that her mother had left her. The right one seemed whole, but the left…The heel portion of the graceful pink shoe came away in her hand. Zelda began to cry. "No…my shoes…"

Back in the land of light, Link looked up from the apple he had been inches away from biting into. Anticipating a long wait before the princess would admit defeat, he had tied Epona to a nearby sapling and had found some apples to munch on. "Oh, great…Now she's crying." He stood, and stepped over to look down into the hole again.

"Look, there's no use in crying, it won't get you out any sooner."

"Shut up! I'm not crying about you. I broke my shoe!" she held up the offending piece of footwear for his inspection.

"Uh…yeah. Your trapped in a hole by a…what was it? Oh, yeah, 'country- bumpkin-maniac-Kappa,' and your worried about your shoes?"

Zelda answered his statement by sending her shoe whizzing upwards to hit him with a startlingly loud 'crack' right on the forehead.

"Ow! Listen you annoying little snot-nose castle brat-"

Zelda answered that with a incandescent ball of mage-fire. It whooshed past him to impact a tree branch overhead, dieing there with a fizzle. But not before leaving behind…

"AHHHHH! My hair! My Perfectly Blonde Hair!" Link wailed, batting at his still-smoldering bangs.

Down in the pit, Zelda smirked triumphantly. "Ha! Who's worrying about trivialities now!"

"You didn't tell me you were a mage!" Link snapped, angrily.

"You didn't ask." Navi put in from Link's hat, all laughter carefully not showing in her voice.

"You can shut up!" Link smacked at his hat distractedly, completely missing Navi.

"I am not!" Zelda screamed from the hole.

Link, now that he was sure the fire was out, leaned over the hole. "Not what?"

"A mage, idiot! I'm a Sorceress! Well…in training, anyway."

"Right. Your still not getting out until you promise to use my name when you talk to me."

"You still haven't told me your name, Kappa!"

Link just stared at her, as if he were trying to comprehend a monument to stupidity. Very slowly, making sure to pronounce each syllable clearly and loudly, he repeated his earlier statement. "My. Name. Is. Link. Do. You. Understand. Me. Now?"

Zelda stared back in the same puzzled-annoyed fashion as he has stared at her. Eventually, Link made a sound of disgust and went back to his apple. Just as he was about to bite into it, he heard the princesses voice come up from below.

"Seriously?"

"What? Wasn't I going slow enough for you? Myyyyyyyy. Naaaaa-"

"No! I heard you!" Zelda cut him off quickly. "I mean is that seriously your name?"

"Yes." Link deadpanned dully. 'Godesses, this girl is slow. She's like a wet match on a rainy day.'

"Your parents must have hated you a lot, to give you such a stupid name." Zelda pondered, honestly.

"Fine then! What's your name, that it's so much better than mine!"

"It's Zelda." She said primly, crossing her arms regally. "Princess Zelda of Hyrule, if you must know."

"Never heard of it." He said disdainfully.

Zelda flushed, and stared up at him wide-eyed. "That's because you live in a confusing hole-filled forest on the back end of nowhere!"

Link glared down at her for a moment before he changed his mind and smiled. Evilly. "You know, you're digging that hole quite a bit deeper there, if you catch my drift."

Zelda slumped, defeated. After a moment of defiant silent, Link rolled over and reached for his apple. And, of course, just as he was about to touch it, Zelda's voice rang up from the pit, low and defeated.

"Fine. I promise. I won't call you Kappa." Her voice was soft and ashamed, like she didn't want to be heard.

Link grinned, and leaned over the hole. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

Zelda ground her teeth together. 'He just can't make anything easy on me, can he?' "I said that I promise not to call you Kappa any more."

Link leaned forward, just a bit, and his grin widened. "…and?"

Zelda looked up confusedly. "…and what?"

"What's my name?"

Zelda flushed furiously. 'asshole' "…Link."

Link leaned his head on one hand. "Link what?"

Zelda clenched her teeth, and smiled as best as one could while ripping out one's own toenails. "I promise to never call you Kappa ever again…Link." She said the last word as if it had been dragged from her with rusty pliers held by rabid Wolfoes.

Link smiled happily. "Now, was that so hard?"

Zelda grimaced at him, but did not answer. 'But as soon as I'm out of here…oh, just wait!'

Link put a hand on the lip of the hole, and gracefully vaulted down to land, crouched in the perfectly round puddle of light next to the remnants of her broken shoe.

Zelda gaped at him in shock. "What the…what are you?"

Link cut her off with a gentle hand on her back. "Just trust me, this is the only way out."

Zelda flushed with sudden warmth at his touch, and blushed, but didn't let herself even start to think that way. Remember, girl. He's a Kappa, he preys on beautiful girls like you, then…but he is kind of picturesque that way…with the light all…NO! Kappa, Kappa, Kappa!' With that thought, she struggled free of him, and leapt back fully into the light. "I knew it! You're just trying to get me alone in the dark so that you can have your way with me!"

Link slapped his palm to his head in frustration, then winced as he impacted the bruise left by Zelda's shoe. "Look, just get your mind out of the gutter for five minutes here." He grabbed her arm, and whirled her out into the darkness forcefully. Hearing the tell-tale shimmer of the portal activating, he completed the motion, using Zelda's weight to pull both of the gracelessly back into the pool of light. The light shone brightly, solidifying around them both until it was hard to see, and Link closed his eyes.

…Only to open them moments later, back where he had been for the past few hours, only now he had a rather bedraggled princess on his lap. She stared up at him, shell shocked.

"You…You mean that all I had to do was step off, then back on? That's it!"

Link looked up, to the side, anywhere but at Zelda. He might not look like it, but he was smart enough to know what would happen as soon as the maiden reclaimed her wits. "Yep…that's….pretty much it."

"You…that's brilliant…who told you that?"

"I figured it out. All by myself. I live here, remember?"

"What's that supposed to mean; 'All by…" Zelda suddenly realized exactly where she was in relation to Link. "…yourself?' Oh. My. I'm going to kill you!"

Link jumped up, dumping Zelda unceremoniously onto the ground. He looked down at her, just as he had been doing for the past hours. "Stop that, already!. I'm not going through all that again. Look, it's getting dark, and because I had to go down there and get you, I have no idea which way we were facing before. Everything looks the same here, that's why they call it the 'Lost Woods'."

Zelda stood, shakily, and brushed assorted muck from her skirts. "Okay, you're right. Fine. What next, Ka- …uh… Link?" she hastily amended as he shot her a warning glare.

"There are lots of holes around here, and you don't know where they are." Link reminded her.

Zelda stuck out her tounge at him. "Yeah? But now I know how to get out of them."

Link snorted, and replied automatically. "Don't stick out your tounge unless you planning on using it." Then he blushed, realizing what he had said. "Uh…never mind….forget I said that. Please."

The night had fallen, and the stars were appearing one by one. The moon rose, full and round, shining white against the satin blue-black of the night sky. Somewhere in the distance a pack of Wolfoes howled mournfully, welcoming night to the land. Time passed, and as the moon passed overhead, it looked down onto a small emcampment.

Link had made a tiny campfire, barely enough to keep out the night chill. It was his turn to guard, but the one he was 'guarding' wasn't yet asleep. Instead, Zelda sat comfortably, saddle-blanket over her knees, staring off into the shadows of the forest around her. The wavering light of the smoky campfire played across her face, causing twisting shadows, and playing the light in her hair like fairies in the spring.

She was beautiful that way, with the light nigh breeze giving her hair a life of it's on, her face serene, not angry or annoyed. Not…quite…happy, but satisfied, as if she were remembering happy things. Link knew in that moment that he had never known another girl like her.

Navi saw him staring and sighed, whispering into his ear. "So…like what you see, Kappa-boy?"

Link jerked, startled, but managed to answer the annoying ball of light with relative ease; "I could almost start to like her, sometimes, but then she has to open her big mouth"

Zelda looked up from her trance-like contemplation. "Say something, Link?"

"Gah! I…No. Uh…" Link swatted at Navi absently, and shifted his weight nervously. "So…Where are we going?"

Zelda stared at him solemnly, without answering, then turned back to gaze at the forest, thoughtfully. Time passed, and just when Link decided that she wasn't going to say anything, she spoke.

"The Forest Temple."

---------To Be Continued--------

GOS: I would like to give a special thanks to my friend 'Evil Ranting Beta Shrimpy' for helping me get over my massive writer's block. I couldn't have done this without you! –huggies-

A/N: I would like to dedicate this chapter title to one of the funniest Vintage Batman quotes EVER. It goes like this:

Robin: Holey exposure, Batman! I seem to have ripped my leotard!