((Sorry, I had some trouble with this chapter laoding up. The computer added things and a whole bunch of weird stuff. So I think it's fixed now, but tell me if I missed something. Thanks!))
GOS: -teehee- I'm glad you all liked that last chapter. That was a killer to write. But I think I killed that writer's block demon (for now anyway).talimthewindwaker: -grins evilly- So you want them to fall in love? You'll just have to read and find out now don't we? Mhwahahaha!
Some Say the World will END: Don't worry. After the first few chapters the hate will be turned down. Actual to tell the truth, the hate will be starting to be turned down in this chapter. It's very small though so you might not tell the difference at first. You can't rush art! –jkjk-
Stardove: Thanks Star for stickin' up for me. You're a great friend! –sniffles-
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Chapter 3: A Howling Good Time
A.K.A. "Thingy"
The sun glistened on the luscious green grass of a peaceful courtyard in Castle Hyrule. Impa the nursemaid sighed, and turned the page of her +trashy romance novel. She glanced down at a shout of indignation from the courtyard below, to see Zelda, her young charge looking up towards her with tears in her eyes. Impa folded the page of her book resignedly. There would be no more reading today.
"Impa! They won't let me go!" She cried.
Impa sighed and rolled her eyes, bending down to the princess' level. "Who won't let you go where?"
"The guards," she sniffled. "They won't let me go outside the castle."
"Why? What did you want to leave?"
"I wanted," Zelda said. "To go have an adventure. Like the legendary hero."
Now Impa really sighed. For years she had been telling the princess bedtime stories since she was very young, and recently they had all been about the 'Legendary Hero' told of in some of the older and more obscure records of prophecies in the castle vaults.
Apparently Zelda had gotten it into her head that he was real, and that they could go on 'adventures' together.
"Zelda...I don't think..." Impa began.
Zelda cheerfully interrupted, "Impa, tell me the story again! The one about the monster of darkness who takes away all the light? The one where the hero and the princess beat him up with the master sword!" Zelda waved her hand as if holding a mighty blade and made a 'whooshing' sound to mark the blades 'too-fast-to-see' passage through the air.
"Like that!"
"Like that?" Impa said, hoping Zelda would be satisfied with only a story.
"Yep." Zelda smiled innocently up at her nursemaid.
"Alright. There is but one legend of which the people speak..." Impa began.
Zelda sat attentively on the grass, looking up at Impa with shining eyes.
"...And then, when the people had all but lost hope..." Impa continued in the story line.
Zelda leapt up excitedly, flinging both hands wide. "The hero appeared!"
Impa smiled. "Yes, as if from nowhere, clothed in-"
Zelda swirled her skirt, hands held across her heart. "-In clothes the green of fields."
"If you know this story so well, then why don't you tell it?" Impa said, annoyed.
"Oh, but you tell it better!" Zelda insisted.
"No, you do; besides, you seem to like it a lot more than I do." Impa finished. 'Especially since this is the ten-thousandth time I've told it in the past week.'
Zelda smiled appreciatively, not noticing the sarcasm in Impa's voice. "Yeah... and the Hero... He's so handsome! One day, I'm going to go out and meet him! We'll have a great adventure, and then... I'm gonna marry him!" She cried, enthusiastically.
Impa smiled and patted her on the head. "I'm sure you will..."
Howoooooooooooo!
Zelda startled awake at the howling of the Wolfoe, still clinging to the last cobwebs of her dream. Link was already awake, sword in hand. Epona stamped nervously from where she was tied, just beyond the light of the dieing embers of last night's fire.
'Damn!' Zelda thought then, looking at Link. 'He's no legendary hero...I feel so ripped-off!'.
Her thoughts were interrupted when Link spoke. "That one was really close. We should leave before-"
He was cut off by a sudden increase in howling, and a high-pitched squeal, which abruptly broke off. Zelda stood up, eyes wide with fear.
"What was that?" She said tensely.
"I think it was your horse." Link deadpanned.
"My horse!" Zelda cried, outraged. "That's it! I'm going to show those stupid animals a piece of my mind!"
She gathered the blanket around her, eyes aflame with fury and dashed off into the forest, one hand glowing with the beginnings of a fireball.
"Wait!" Link cried, holding up something pink and soft. "You forgot you...tunic? This isn't a tunic...this is a... Gah!" Link yelped as he dropped the undergarment. 'I wonder how big her- oh God! No Link, No! NO! You're better than that! O.K., maybe you're not, but come one! She's bitchy already! Think what would happen if she found you looking at her...uh...+thingy.'
He took a moment to stare down at the silky thing with a blush on his face, before looking up at the gap between the bushes where Zelda had run.
"Uh...Zelda...you...oh! I know! C'mon Epona," He cried, having finally figured out what he was supposed to do. "Let's go save her before she ends up like her stupid horse."
He reached over Epona's Saddle, and clutched at the saddle horn. Epona took off at a gallop as Link swung his leg over and seated himself firmly in the saddle. They quickly caught up with Zelda when the trees thinned out to become a small clearing. Zelda stood in the center of a snarling pack of Wolfoes, her back to Link as he leapt from Epona's back. One of them leapt at her, from behind.
"Dammit!" He cried. "We've got to-"
Be was interrupted when Zelda suddenly whirled, punching the snarling beast firmly in the snout, sending it flying nose over tail. As if on signal, another of the creatures charged her from the opposite side, but was thrown back by a ball of flaming power from the Princess's open palm. She stood, posed there, glaring over her shoulder, one fist still held out from her punch, the other still trailing brilliant red mage-fire.
"...save her? What the hell? Since when can a girl fight like that?" Link finished, Lamely.
Zelda turned to glare at him instead of the rapidly deteriorating Wolfoe pack. "What was that?"
Link held up his hands. "N-nothing! I didn't say anything!"
Zelda nodded curtly, and turned back to the pack. "Boo!"
They scattered like frightened birds, leaving behind the much-bloodied and bitten corpse of her once-proud +palfrey.
"Oh, my horse..." Zelda knelt beside her fallen steed, reaching out towards it's ruined head. Link still stood at the clearing's edge, face half-terrified, and half-awestruck.
"Uh...Zelda?" He ventured.
"Leave me alone!" She snapped.
"Look... I'm sorry about your horse...I mean, I know how I would feel If Epona got killed, but if you don't...I mean you kinda..." He trailed off, blushing.
Zelda stared at him, dumbfounded. "What are you talking about? That made absolutely no sense what so ever."
"I...uh... you forgot...your...y'know...that one thing." He stammered. "...back at...y'know...camp."
"What kind of baby talk is that! Speak, you idiot!"
"Your...thingy...majig..." He made motions over his chest. "Y'know...the...the thingy... that you wear...c'mon! You have to know!"
Zelda stared at him for a full moment with the oddest look on her face. The look said 'my god, I'm traveling with a madman.' then she noticed that her...feminine attributes...yeah, let's put it that way...weren't being...supported adequately. She looked down at her chest, blushed furiously, and covered them in the classic 'oh my god, my boobs!' style.
"Did you touch it!" Zelda demanded. "Did you look at my-"
"Gah!" Link interrupted. "For the love of the Goddesses, hell no! I might have thought about it, but I didn't! I swear!"
"Thought about it!"
"Oh, crap! Look, lady! I don't know a single man on earth who wouldn't have thought about it, but I'm one of the honorable, though stupid few who would not actually go through a woman's undergarments!" Link cried. "So just quit being such a high-and-mighty castle-brat, and just go put it back on so that we can all move on with our lives!"
Deep inside Link's hat, Navi chuckled. 'there's no way I'm getting in the middle of this one. I'd like to see the end of this with my wings still attached to my body, thank you very much.'
One beet-red trip back to camp and back later, Link and Zelda found themselves staring at the ground directly outside the forest temple.
"So...what's this stupid thing again?"
Zelda gritted her teeth, and with remarkable patience, explained it again. "I told you, This is the Forest Temple, I told you last night, and every ten minutes on our way back here."
"Not that! This thing." Link kicked at the Triforce pedestal in the grass. "It' really weird. Who makes strange symbols in the middle of the forest?"
"Don't kick it!" She cried. "That's the sacred Triforce!"
"So...we found it!" He said, sarcastically cheerful. "Let's go home!"
"You idiot! It's not the real Triforce, it's just a symbol! This is where we'll be transported to after we find the Sage of the Forest!"
Link cocked an eyebrow at Zelda. "What? By...magic?"
Zelda glared at him. "No." She deadpanned.
"Oh!" He said, as if having a huge revelation. "So it's a elevator! Why don't we just bust it in and go in the back way?" He raised his sword as if to hack it open.
"No!" Zelda cried, reaching out a hand to stop him. "You idiot, I was being sarcastic! Yes by magic!"
"Well, geez..." Link told her. "Why didn't you just say so? Stupid thing!" He kicked it, grumpily.
As if in response to his 'attack' on the Triforce, the howls of Wolfoes sprung eerily up out of the forest around them.
"I told you not to kick it!" Zelda shouted, her hands already beginning to glow in preparation for the oncoming fight.
"Shit!" Link agreed, going for his sword.
The Wolfoes seemed to come out of nowhere, circling the pair like shaggy land-bound vultures. They snarled menacingly, snapping at Link's sword, and Zelda's skirts.
Link narrowed his eyes, staring at their weaving pattern in concentration.
"You go right, and I'll go left."
"Since when are you the boss?"
"Look, just trust me. You do the magic stuff, and I'll worry about fighting, okay?"
"I can fight!" she snapped.
"I know that!" He replied. "That doesn't make you a fighter. Just...trust me. Please."
"Fine."
Almost as if they had practiced, the two broke from their stances, and rushed the circling pack. Link swept his sword up in a graceful arc that crippled the first Wolfoe he met, and carried through into a circular side-swipe that took off the heads of two of the others. He kicked off the snapping body of the crippled one, and stabbed downward to sever it's spine. He jerked his shield up just in time to block-
a blast of crimson fire. "Dammit! Watch where you're aiming that stuff!"
"Sorry! I missed!" Zelda screamed at him. "I was aiming for your face!" She whirled, sending a Wolfoe yelping into the bushes with burning fur. 'Damn these stupid Wolfoes! I was only trying to get the one that was sneaking up on his back!' "Hiya!" Another Wolfoe squealed in pain, and flew off in a impressively high arc into the bushed.
Zelda turned, but found that there were no more enemies to fight. Tired, she bent over, resting her hands on her knees as Link finished off the last Wolfoe with his sword.
Link looked up from his bloody kill, wiped his sword on the corpse's fur and grinned at her. "Well...That was fun."
Zelda was about to say something rude, but was interrupted by a deep rumbling boom. "What was that?"
Link's eyes went wide, and he turned to stare at the giant latticed gate they had both entered through. "Oh, hell. It's huge."
And, it was. It, being a Huge Wolfoe, a deep blue-black in color, its eyes glowed a rabid red. It was armored, with chest and shoulder plates that shone like newly spilt blood. It snarled at the, then raised it's fanged muzzle, and howled at the twilight sky above.
"Shit!" Link repeated. "I can't fight anything like that! You got any magic thingies?"
"Thingies? Magic is not a 'thingy!'" Zelda cried, breaking from her near trance-like staring at the giant Wolfoe. "Magic as an ancient art that is to be revered an-"
"Yeah, whatever! Can you fight it or not!"
"My magic's not that good yet!"
"It thought you were a sorceress!" Link demanded.
"IN TRAINING!" Zelda screamed, stressed to the max.
"Fine! I've got a plan!" Link proclaimed decisively.
"Great! What is it?" Zelda demanded.
"On three, we run."
"Oh, that's great. Coward." Zelda deadpanned, sarcastically.
"Fine, you stay here and distract it while I run away!" Link snapped. "Or maybe you can fight it with you magic-in-training!"
Navi decided that enough was enough. "Hey! Listen! Why don't you two stop arguing and run for your lives! I'm still trapped in this hat, you know!"
Link and Zelda glanced at each other, and their eyes met. The giant Wolfoe growled, long and low, and took one thunderingly menacing step towards them.
"On three!" Link cried.
"Okay!"
"One..." Link counted. "...Two..."
"Wait! On three or after it?" Zelda asked. The Wolfoe began to charge.
"On three!" Link shouted, panicking. "One...THREE!"
He turned and fled, with Zelda trailing him screaming. "You cheated, you stupid Kappa!"
Link grinned over his shoulder at her. "Alls fair in love and survival!" Zelda only gritted her teeth and sped up, passing him easily. 'Damn! That girl can run! In a dress! With heels on! ..err...one heel...whatever.'
In the end, they barely made it, slamming the thick doors of the Temple shut with a slam that was only rivaled by the boom of the impact of the Wolfoe on them. Link turned, throwing his shoulder against the door, pushing with all his strength. To his surprise, Zelda hit the second door, and slowly they pushed them shut against the relentless pressure of the Giant Wolfoe's snapping jaws.
"Of course, they open inwards..." Link ground out through teeth gritted with effort. Zelda nodded, eyes closed with effort as she pushed. The snout of the beast thrust through the opening, and Zelda kicked out, catching it with her remaining heel right on it's lip. With a 'yipe' of pain, the gargantuan muzzle jumped back, and the door was shut. They both slid down the door with a simultaneous sigh of relief.
"Damn..." Link panted. "You're not what I expected. You're pretty strong, for a castle-br- uh...I mean...a princess."
Zelda grimaced at the almost-insult, but said nothing. "You're not what I expected either...I thought you'd be either a mythic warrior, or an idiot bumpkin, but that was really clever...tricking me like that."
"Yeah?" Link panted. "You aren't mad?"
"Nah. I still got here got here first."
Time stretched on in silence, as the stared at each other, each thinking the same thing as the other.
'...He's not so bad after all.'
'...She's not so bad after all.'
Suddenly, they both yelped, startled by the massive earth-shaking, dust-raising impact of the Wolfoe, and it rammed the door at top speed. The door at their backs vibrated, and opened just a fraction, straining against its claps. Link leapt up, Zelda beside them, and without a word they began to run. Soon they had gone out of earshot from the relentless pounding of the stubborn creature. They paused for breath, each leaning on opposite sides of the hallway. For a moment, they only stared at each other, then Link broke into laughter.
"That was so freaky! Haha! We were all 'whew!' and then it was all 'Bam! hehehe! and then we were all 'oh shit!' And we ran! oh my Goddesses, I thought we were gonna die!" Link laughed.
Zelda stared at him as if he were insane, then began to giggle nervously, which, much to her surprise, developed into earned belly-shaking 'oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-that-just-happened' laughter. "Yeah, that was pretty freaky!"
Link continued, "And then it's was all 'rawraw!' and then you were all 'hiya!' and it was all 'yee!' and...heheh! And you!" Link said abruptly losing his laughter. "You were really brave."
Zelda blinked. "Yeah...you were brave too." She said, blushing, if only a little.
They both trailed off, looking at each other in comfortable silence.
Of course, Navi chose this moment to remind us of her presence.
"Uh...Guys? I don't want to ruin your happy moment, but you might want to look up now."
"Huh?" Link said, distracted by Zelda's eyes. "What's that?"
"LOOK UP!" Navi jingled, desperately.
Both Zelda and link slowly tilted their heads up, and both of them gulped at the same time, for dangling above them, fangs dripping with venom, was a huge, ugly Skulltula.
"Oooh..." Zelda began.
"...Shit." Link agreed.
-------To Be Continued------
GOS: I would like to introduce my Co-Writer, 'Evil Ranting Beta Shrimpy'. Since I'm really bad at putting my thoughts to words, we teamed up and to write this chapter. I know she's a little crazy, but bear with me. She fixes all my spelling errors. If I didn't have her to help everything would be shpelld liek thsi. Not pretty.
Shrimpy: I a m going to completely ignore the fact that I am the 'literary chauffer' for this back-seat writer friend of mine. The ideas are all hers, but I make the flowery descriptions. And damn good flowery descriptions they are. I also do the rants. You know, all the funny bits where Link and Zelda fight and then Sugar-chan beats on me for taking all the credit for them? Yeah...I think you get the point! Anyway, I'd like to apologise for the funky titles to these chapters. We started out with the utter resolve to make deep, meaningful titles that were sweeping and descriptive. And the somebody had the idea that making funny sounding titles would confuse people. For example: What's the first thing you think about when we include references to wolves, and the word 'thingy'? Get your dirty minds out of the gutter! The chapter has nothing to do with that!
GOS: Okay, that's enough. I'm cutting you off there. I told you she's crazy... Well, stay tuned for the fourth chapter.
A/N:
Impa's trashy romantic book- Even highly-trained Mercenaries/Nurse-maids (and when we get down to it, what's the difference?) Need a little lovin' from time to time.
thingy- for those who don't know me, I love using the word 'thingy' to describe things I don't know what they are.
palfrey- for those who aren't educated in the ways of english (like me -sigh-) this is a highly-bred horse intended for young ladies in the higher social classes, such as the nobility. Or the very rich. Or farmer girls with too much damn time on their hands.
-stabs Malon-
