GOS: I'm glad you liked that Zelda can like... totally wale on people. I was getting tired of people making Zelda such a 'girly girl'. I've always had this image of her being a secret tomboy. Plus, that one Seeing Stone said she was so Meh!
Shrimpy: I think that anyone who portrays Zelda as anything other than the rampant tomboy she is obviously missed the entire last half of the game. I mean, seriously people, Sheik wasn't in there for no reason. That goes double for Tetra.
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Chapter 4: A Ghost Of A Chance
"Hyah!" Link sliced through yet another Skulltula. "Damn! How many of these stupid things are there?"
Zelda stopped to pick up a bright blue rupee. "I don't know, but they collect an awful lot of rupees. If we kill enough of these things, we won't have to worry about buying food for a while."
Link sheathed his sword and nodded. They'd been in the forest temple for hours. Hell, there wasn't a window in the place, so for all he knew, it could be days. As Zelda pocketed the rupee, his thoughts turned to the events of the past...
When they had first entered the Temple, it hadn't been so bad. Somehow Link had gotten it into his head that this temple thing would be easy. Get in, kill things, and get out. Easy, right? Not so much. After their first encounter with Skulltula, there had been Skulltulas, more Skulltulas, and yes; you guessed it, some more Skulltulas. Apparently the first one had been the Queen or something. Link wasn't sure, but Zelda had gone on and on about it in a know-it-all fashion, so he decided to agree with her, just to shut her up. Fortunately, they seemed to like shiny things, so this wasn't a complete waste of time.
"How much further?" Link grumbled.
"Just a little farther." Zelda replied.
"You said that an hour ago."
"No, I said it five minutes ago."
"Whatever."
They abruptly stopped talking as they left the convoluted passageway to enter upon...The same courtyard they had just left.
"...The hell?" Link said, confused.
"Uh..." Zelda stuttered. "I must have...I mean, just kidding! Let's go back this way!" 'Oh, Goddesses, please let this be the right way!'
As she led them back along the passageway they had just traversed, and back along a different exit, Link had the bright idea to ask a stupid question.
"You do know where we're going, right?"
"Uh...sure! I'm the Magic expert, right?" She reassured him. "This place is definitely magic, so I'll show you the...Oops." They had come out of the passage right to the high-domed hall that they had seen upon first entering.
"So...Magic expert...great...guiding. Brilliant." Link drawled sarcastically. "What now?"
The room was wide, and vaguely circular, though the walls were not curved. Four doors exited from it, not counting the one at which Link and Zelda now stood. That one had a low balcony, surrounded by a railing, and steps that ran down to the floor. At the center was a slightly raised diadem, rectangular with a round steppe center, and four pedestals at each corner that were currently burning strange colors.
"That wasn't burning when we were here before...was it?" Link began.
Zelda mutely shook her head. Suddenly, the flames all jumped. This was not in of itself strange, except that they all did it in unison, and all in the exact same fashion. It was as if the tiny fires were alive. Both Link and Zelda stared at them in mute fascination, and once again, Link was the first to speak.
"Do...do those things look like they have...eyes?" He said, haltingly.
"Of course not!" Zelda said, her sensibilities threatened. "They're just flames, and we've just been down here for way too long and, dear Goddesses, they do have eyes!"
The Poes, for they were Poes, slowly emerged from their flame-forms, each staring with wide leering eyes at the two intruders, each swinging a brilliantly lit lantern of the same odd color as their ghostly skin. Link shuddered under their otherworldly gaze. He felt intimidated, and he didn't like it. Taking one long step forward, he let out a ferocious battle cry. In unison, the Poes leapt back, then fled, each going to a separate corner of the room, each disappearing behind a different doorway, a different sector of the Forest Temple. Link smirked, satisfied that he'd 'shown them' for a full second before he was attacked from behind.
WHAM!
"Fuck!" Link cursed, turning angrily to Zelda. "What the hell was that for!"
"You idiot! You scared them away! They were our ticket to the deeper Temple!"
"Yeah, right!" Link retorted. "I bet you're just saying that so that you won't look like an idiot for getting us lost!"
WHAM!
For the second time in half as many minutes, Link found out just exactly how strong a certain castle-brat was. Zelda stepped into his view; hand still clenched into a fist.
"You ass! If you ever say anything like that to me again, I'll make sure you won't wake up for a week!" She growled.
Link nodded, eyes wide, and lifted himself to his feet groggily. 'Damn that girl can hit! I'll get her for that one, though.'
When he had brushed himself off, they both made their way down to the northernmost doorway.
"I think the blue one when in here." Zelda said.
Link remained silent, putting his hand on the knob of the door. When it didn't turn immediately, he added greater force, grunting with the effort. "Ungh! Damn thing's locked!"
"Move." Zelda said, reaching into her bosoms, and pulled out a small packet of wire-like tools.
"Gah!" Link exclaimed. "What the heck are you keeping stuff like that in your-" Zelda gave him a dark glare, and the two lumps on his head throbbed warningly. "...Uh...Thingy. That's what I meant to say, yep. Definitely." The glare subsided as Zelda bent to work, kneeling at the doorknob like she'd been rooted there.
After a few silent moments, there was a loud 'click', and Zelda stood up. She turned the doorknob and smiled. "Good. I haven't done that in a while, so I almost didn't remember how."
Link just stared at her. "You're a pretty weird princess; you know that, right?"
The glare was back with a vengeance, and Link just sighed and followed her through the now unlocked entrance. The hallway beyond was long and twisted, it seemed to curve until the ceiling and floor were interchanged. Link swallowed, and followed the determined princess down the strange passage, trying to hold down his lunch.
"Uh...Zelda?" He ventured. Zelda said nothing. "You know...this place is really strange and...What I mean to say is...this whole Legend thing is really crazy."
He stopped speaking then, because Zelda had stopped walking. She stood, back to him, hands clenched at her sides, trembling with either annoyance, or outright rage.
"Look, you idiot, I didn't ask for this either, but we're both here, so let's just make the best of it. I know that if we just keep going, then we'll complete the Legend, and get rid of the Dark One." She ground out, teeth clenched.
"Yeah, but I don't think-" Link began.
"Shut up!" Zelda cried, finally losing her temper. "This is the Legend, and you're the Hero, and you're going to save the land from Evil! Got it!" She whirled to glare menacingly at him.
Link, for his part, flinched, and nodded meekly. "Yes, m'am."
They continued in uneasy silence, until they came to an ornate blue door. Link poked his head hesitantly through the door. Nothing, only a small landing at the top of a long, dark stairwell.
"...Looks safe." He said.
"Then get in there!" Zelda cried, kicking him from behind viciously. Link stumbled into the room, falling directly onto his face.
"Yep. I'm trapped in a creepy ghost-infested place with violent royalty. I'm going to die here, aren't I?" He mumbled from his place in the dust.
"Get off!" Navi cried. "You fell on me you fat idiot!"
Link pushed himself up from the floor, and Navi flew up in an annoyingly sparkly fashion. He sighed, and trudged after Zelda, who was already halfway down the stairs.
"H-hey! Wait for me!" Link fell into step behind her. "This place is really creepy, y'know."
"Quit being such a baby!" Said Zelda. "You're supposed to be the hero! Act brave, or at least fake it."
"No, I'm serious! I think that painting just moved!" Link eyed a painting of a blue Poe warily. It looked liked it was sizing them up for it's next soul-sucking meal.
Zelda rolled her eyes and turned towards the painting. "Look, there's nothing there. There's no painting, and there's nothing creepy. It's just a stairway in a temple, and you're a baby."
It was true, the frame was nothing but a black expanse of canvas.
"That's weird..." Link said. "I thought there was-THERE IT IS!" He pointed dramatically at the lower landing, which had just come into view as they descended the stairway. The Poe painting hung there, grinning evilly from below. It almost looked alive.
"You're right, that thing is really creepy." Zelda said thoughtfully, drawing nearer. "It's...Gah!" She leapt back as the Picture suddenly disappeared, leaving behind only a blank, black canvas.
Link and Zelda exchanged shaken looks.
"Ten rupees says the painting I saw earlier is back." He said calmly.
"Fine.," Zelda muttered. "Lets go back up and see."
Link lead the way, carefully creeping up the stairwell, as if trying to catch the painting off guard. "Quit poking me!"
"Then speed it up! I'm sick of being down here."
"Shut up! I'm trying to sneak!"
"Why! It's a stupid painting! It doesn't have ears, you..." Zelda trailed off as the painting finally came into view. It was a blue Poe, looking frighteningly hungry. "Damn. there is a painting."
"Ten more rupees say that it's a stupid magic painting, and that you suck as the magic expert."
WHAM!
Link rubbed the new shoe-shaped dent in his chin. "Ow..."
"You want to rephrase that, hero-boy?" Zelda snarled menecingly.
"Uh...Please guide me in the mysterious ways of Magic?" Link asked.
"That's what I thought you said." Zelda stated. "Now, the Poe seems to disappear whenever you get too close."
"You think?" Link muttered, sarcastically.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Zelda snapped. "...As I was saying, it seems to disappear whenever we get close. We, meaning you, should probably hit it from far away. You do have a distance weapon, right?"
"Yeah, right here," Link reached back and pulled out his longbow. "...What?"
Zelda shook her head. Some things were just unexplainable. "Can you hit it from here?"
Link pulled out an arrow, knocked his bow and shot, all within the space of seconds. "Sure no, Holy Shit!" the picture burst into blue flames, and the blackness in the frame beside Zelda became filled with blue, undead evil.
"What?" Zelda said, as Link gaped at her, or more accurately behind her. "Do I have something on my face?" Zelda turned, to look behind her, and jumped back as if stung. "Holy Crap! Get your stupid kappa butt down here! It's coming out of the painting!"
Link leapt over the railing in a gallant 'Robin Hood' style, landing neatly between the hastily retreating Zelda and the advancing Poe. "Get away from her!" He snarled, shaking his sword at it menacingly. The bow was nowhere in sight.
The Poe chittered malevolently at them, and advanced, swing its lantern like a weapon. Link caught the blow on his shield with a fierce clang.
"Ow!" He cried. "Damn thing's like a freakin' mace!" He dodged the next swing, striking blindly at the Poe, not really expecting his weapon to harm the see-through flesh of the ghost. Much to his surprise, it squealed, and Link felt his blade slice through the very real feeling body of the Poe. It backed away, frightened, and he lowered his shield in shock. Sensing his weakness, the Poe lunged forward, trying to bring it's heavy lantern down on our Hero's head.
"Hyah!" Link cried, and dodged gracefully away, sinking his sword into the Poe twice, now that he was ready for it. The thing screamed, then whimpered, dissolving into blue flames. Slowly it faded away, and they heard a distant clanking, as if some far away door had become unlocked. Link sheathed his sword and turned to Zelda.
"The next time I say something is creepy, will you listen to me? I might be an idiot, but I know what creepy stuff is."
"Creepy stuff?" Zelda rolled her eyes. "You should know about creepy things. You're pretty creepy yourself." She walked, no strolled past him, and put her hand on the doorknob.
"Thank you for saving my life, Link!" Link muttered in a soft falsetto under his breath. "...again!"
"What was that?" Zelda shot back, half-turning to look at him.
"...Nothing," Link said, smiling innocently "Nothing, whatsoever."
"Uh-huh," Zelda drawled, as she opened the door at the bottom the stair. "Like I believe...Oh, darn it!" She had just opened the door right into the hall they had been through ten times before. The blue flame burned meekly in its torch.
"It's okay to cuss sometimes, you know," Link said, coming out behind her. "It's not like...Oh, Damn it!" He had just caught sight of the room over Zelda's shoulder. "Fucking, Bloody HELL!"
Zelda stared at him, aghast. "...What did you say?"
Link wasn't listening, he was too busy cussing up a blue streak. "...Goddesses damn this fucking stupid place, and it's whole pointless, shitty maze of hallways and..."
Zelda grimaced, and tried not to listen to the rest. She distracted herself from Link by pacing nervously around the room. "...There has to be some other way out...I heard some kind of machinery go off when he beat that blue thing back there...has to be..." She began trying doors.
"...And the stupid shit-head Skulltulas too!" Link finished, spitting on the ground for extra emphasis.
"Link!" Zelda cried "Come over here and look at this!"
Link calmly stalked over, and examined the amazing thing Zelda had discovered. "It's a door."
"It's Unlocked." She patiently explained.
"Yeah, so?"
"It wasn't before!"
"Great." He said, sarcastically. "So?"
"So, this is the way we're supposed to go! Twenty rupees says that there's another ghost-thing"
"Poe." Link interrupted.
"What?"
"They're called Poes. Don't ask me why."
"Fine!" Zelda said, starting to get annoyed. "Twenty rupees says there's another Poe down there that we...er...you have to fight."
"Great!" Link said, pretending to be excited. "Let's go then!"
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Three Hours Later...
Link shoved his tired way through the third door, and sat down, trying to ignore the aches and pains that fighting the violent and remorseless Poes had given him. "Are we done yet?" He panted.
"Nope!" Zelda chirped cheerily. "There should be one left!"
"Great..." Link sighed.
"Quit whining!" She replied. "You're going to have to work a lot harder than that to defeat the Evil One."
"Shut up! It's not like you did any fighting! I'm the one doing all the work!"
"You should be doing all the work! You're the Hero!" Zelda placed one hand delicately on her own chest. "I'm the Sorceress, remember?"
"In training!" He snapped.
"And don't you forget it!"
Suddenly, they were interrupted by a loud sob. Link and Zelda immediately fell silent, staring in shock at the sight of a brilliantly glowing, purple Poe hovering near the center of the room. It sobbed again, uncontrollably.
"Great, just great." Link muttered.
"Oh, shut up!" Zelda snapped. "At least we don't have to go chasing it down now!"
"Easy for you to say! You don't have to fight it." Link grumbled, but he stood and pulled his sword from it's scabbard with a steely sliding noise.
The Poe suddenly stopped crying, and turned to face Link slowly. It stared at him, as if trying to figure out what he was. Link walked up to it, but it just stared at him. Keeping his shield up, just in case, he edged slowly closer until he practically close enough to touch it. The Poe suddenly leapt back, voicing the same attack-chatter that the others had used, and pulled, from nowhere, a gleaming purple lantern.
"Gah!" Link flinched back, surprised, and brought his sword up to strike at the ghost, only to find a ring of chittering, identical purple Poes surrounded him. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"They're fakes!" Zelda cried from the sidelines, pointing frantically. "That's the real one!"
"Which one!" Link ducked and rolled, as the Poes attacked, converging on his spot angrily.
"The...Uh..." Zelda stuttered as the Poe reformed it's deadly circle around Link. "That one! Behind you!"
Link whirled, blade flashing, and struck the violet spirit squarely across its translucent shoulders. It squealed in pain, fading from sight. Link lowered his sword with a sigh, thinking the fight was over.
"Damn!" He cried. "I hate those things!"
"Link! Behind you!"
"...What?" Link turned, to look behind himself, where the Poe had reappeared. It swung its lantern in a swift arc, and Link, too startled to dodge, was caught across the shoulders by the heavy lantern. "Aaagh!"
"Link!" Zelda cried, and the Poe turned to chatter at her angrily. Link, who had fallen to the floor under the Poe's strike, moaned, as the Poe floated towards her. Growling, he pushed himself forwards and up, swing his sword viciously sideways and up, striking the Poe twice from behind before it could react. It screamed ethereally and swirled into a cloud of purple flames. the flame condensed onto the final, now-burning pedestal, and with a clank, a section of the floor dropped away. Link stepped up to the square hole, and looked down into it. It was dark.
"We goin' down there?" He asked Zelda.
"Yes," She said, stepping up to stand beside him.
"Evil Guy down there?"
"Yes."
"Right, bring it on," Link said, and stepped into the darkness.
Silently Zelda followed him, skirts billowing, and the two Heroes vanished into the shadows.
-----To Be Continued-----
GOS: Sorry we skipped a whole bunch, but it would get very boring very fast.
Shrimpy: If you want to know all the pointless details, then go play the game. -Uses hypnosis- You want to play the game! You like to play the game!
