Chapter 10

"Is that everything?" Nick asked putting the cover on the last box.

Catherine flipped through a stack of paperwork while Greg looked on with a mixture of seriousness and hopefulness.

"We just need Tucker James' statement." Catherine concluded.

"Right here," Warrick added from the door way, holding up his note pad. "I just need to type it up."

"What did he have to say?" Greg asked.

Warrick moved into the room, shut the door, and joined his colleagues around the lay out table. "Apparently Kelly called his brother, and Tucker told him he was going to finally end up in jail, where he belonged. An hour later, he showed up at the gym, and demanded to know what Tucker told us. After taking quite a beating he finally told him about the jacket, and Sara showed up and interrupted the interrogation."

Catherine considered the summary, "So Sara was never a target?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Warrick closed his notes, "Well, it appears she wasn't the intended target last night. But the comments he made to Sara indicate that Kelly was planning on attacking her eventually."

"What's Tucker's status?" Catherine asked, realizing she promised to check on him, but they were all concentrating on Sara.

"His surgery was successful, and should regain full use of his hand. They're releasing him in a couple of days." Warrick answered.

Catherine nodded, "Someone should tell Sara. I'll call Grissom's cell, I need to tell him about the court date anyway. Does anyone have anything else they need to pass along?"

Nick nodded, "Yeah, tell Sara we're nailing Kelly James, and we're all thinking about her."

The blonde smiled, "Will do." She stood, and headed toward the privacy of Grissom's office.

---/---

Sara watched from her place at the table as Grissom loaded the dishwasher, "He cooks and he does the dishes?"

Pausing from his task, he cast a glance toward her, "I don't think boiling noodles, and heating up some sauce qualifies as cooking."

Standing stiffly, she smiled, "Well the thought was there. Thank you." Walking back to the couch proved to be a painful task. Aside from her hip pain, she was beginning to realize how brutal Kelly had been.

"Do you need some help?" Grissom called out after her, but before she could reply his phone rang.

Without looking back, Sara waved him off. Truth was, she felt like she needed some space. His sudden change in behavior was too much for her, and she silently cursed him. 'Why hadn't he picked the day before to open up?' she wondered madly, but she knew the answer. She hadn't been attacked the day before. Once again a thought crossed through her head, one she continually dismissed, but now felt like she needed to face it. She knew she took chances sometimes in the field, but she always rationalized them away. Now, she was forced to consider if she subconsciously put herself in danger because she knew that was the only way Grissom would let his carefully constructed shields down. It wasn't a death wish, and she always had a reason for her actions, but her mind was starting to recognize something her subconscious already knew on some level. As afraid as Grissom was, of acting on his feelings for her, he was more afraid of losing her.

"…I'll let her know Cath, thank you." Grissom ended his call, and looked toward Sara. He couldn't interpret her expression, but knew her well enough to know it wasn't a good look. "Sara?"

Shaking her head slightly, "Huh?"

Sitting down next to her, he moved to touch her hand, but finally settled for her shoulder, "Catherine wanted you to know Tucker was recovering and is going to be released from the hospital in a few days."

"Oh, Tucker, I'm a horrible person. I'd forgotten to ask about him. Was he badly hurt?" she asked, feeling responsible for his injuries.

"Warrick spoke with him. It appears Kelly James was trying to find out what his brother had told you and Greg when you interrupted him." he explained. "You weren't his intended victim."

Not wanting to point out the truth they both knew; Sara refrained from adding 'last night' to the end of his statement. Kelly's words were always going to haunt her, "And I realized how much more pleasure I got from raping someone who really deserved it." Suddenly she felt his hands on her, groping her, inside her, and she started to shake.

"Sara?" His concern was palpable, and he clearly had no idea what was happening to the brunette beside him. Placing a hand on her knee to comfort her, he was unprepared for her explosive reaction.

Pushing away, she almost toppled over the arm of the couch, "Don't touch me!"

Pulling his hand back, he quickly stood, trying to give her space, and was helpless to watch her struggle, almost to the point of hyperventilating. "Sara, relax. Breathe, please." He was on the verge of his own panic attack, but his was due to the fact that he was once again in a position where he was unable to help her.

Sara could hear his voice, but it was muffled, like she was underwater. She was starting to feel light headed, and all she could think about was Kelly James. "Sick," she finally wheezed out, and attempted to stand.

Taking a step forward, "Let me help you Sara."

Shaking her head, she nearly ran to the bathroom, and slammed the door behind her.

Grissom stared at the wood, and could hear her throwing up her lunch. Reaching out for the door knob, but he stopped himself. His presence was obviously causing her distress, and he had no idea how to help her. Instead of opening the door, he grabbed his cell phone.

---/---

Sara leaned against the bathroom wall. She could see Grissom's shadow under the door, but didn't feel ready to face him. She was embarrassed at her outburst, and was ashamed that she was unable to control her thoughts and emotions.

"Nick, it's Grissom," his voice drifted through the door. "Are you…can you come back to Sara's? I think she's more comfortable with you here."

The hurt and frustration was evident; Sara felt guilty and relieved at the same time.

"Thanks." He ended the call, and his shadow shifted. "Sara."

"I'm fine, I just need a shower," she called out and leaned over to start the water, making no attempt to get in the tub.

"Nick's on his way over, I need to head back to the lab." His voice sounded hesitant.

His statement seemed simple, but Sara knew better. Leaning her head against the wall, Sara fought between staying in the bathroom until Nick arrived or throwing open the door and launching herself into his arms. Closing her eyes, she decided to stay within the safety of her bathroom.

---/---

Finally hearing two voices in her living room, she opened her eyes. She hadn't moved from her spot curled up against the wall. Rolling her head toward the door, she looked for the familiar shadow that would tell her someone was waiting for her.

When she was a kid she would hide under her bed, and watch for any sign of her dad's shadow. She would line her stuffed animals up in front of her, her first line of defense.

Now she was hiding from Grissom, and she had no logical reason why.

"Sara, it's Nick," the man started with concern.

Reaching up for the towel bar, she pulled her self up, and walked slowly to the door. Opening it, she came face to face with her friend.

Grissom had told Nick she had been in the shower, but taking in the facts that she was fully clothed, her hair was dry, and the water was still running, he knew she hadn't quite made it into the shower, and his concern grew considerably. "Sara, what's wrong, what happened?" Opening his hands he waited for her to make the move into his embrace.

Tears formed in her eyes, as she leaned against him, "I don't know Nick."

Pulling her closely to him, he supported her back gently, and used his other hand to caress the back of her neck.

---/---

Grissom walked into his office, threw his keys in his drawer, and sat heavily in his chair. Flipping through his phone messages, he wasn't even reading them.

"Hello to you too Grissom," Catherine stated from her chair across from him.

"Cath? Were you—"

"—here through that whole routine yes." She finished for him, setting her files on the chair next to her. "What happened?"

Removing his glasses, he considered his friend in front of him. He trusted Catherine, and he needed advice, but didn't want to violate Sara's privacy.

Noting his hesitation, and the speed at which Nick left the lab, she decided to take the direct approach, "What happened at Sara's?"

He slumped in his chair, "I don't know Cath. One minute we were fine, we had just finished eating, and you called. I told her about Tucker, and then she had some sort of panic attack. She wouldn't let me help her; she wouldn't let me touch her. I wanted to help her"

Sighing, she tried to find the right words, "Grissom, it sounds like she's reacting like anyone would in her situation. She was violated, and no one can prepare for an event like that. She's struggling to deal with her emotions, her physical pain, and has no ability to cope with new stressors."

"Are you calling me a stressor?" he asked with a hint of humor despite his feelings.

Offering him a crooked smile, "Gil, you're the definition of a stressor, and in Sara's case a complicated one. Let her find her coping mechanisms, and then approach her as a friend, not a complication."

Taking in her words, he decided he was an idiot. Sara was trying to come to terms with being raped, and he decided that was a good time to talk to her about them, and more specifically about him.

His colleague watched the older man in front of her, waiting for him to gather his thoughts.

"I just want to fix her," he concluded.

Nodding, she understood exactly how he felt. She had thought the same thing as she catalogued the evidence photos, "We can't fix her. She needs time, and some qualified help. We can be her friends." Standing she gathered her notes, and looked back at him one last time, "We're due in court in twelve hours. Go home, take a shower, and stop beating yourself up."

Grissom watched her leave, and looked up at his wall of insects. He realized why he liked them—they were predictable, and he understood how they worked. Scanning the cases, his eyes landed on the collection of butterflies. Even before Debbie Marlin he had always related Sara to the butterfly. She had so much potential to become a beautiful free spirit, but something was holding back her transformation. He couldn't be sure he was her set back, but he knew he played at least a small part.

TBC